Old couple on their 70th anniversary

For a treat, the wife makes breafast in bed & they sit naked next to each other with trays

SHe says, "honey, I love you. My nipples are as hot for you now as they were on our wedding night"

He says "They're in your porridge, dear"

How do you get Pikachu onto a bus…
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Just Poke-him-on

What goes haa, haa, haa, SPLAT!! ?
A man laughing his head off.

What's green and flies through walls ?
Casper the freindly cooking apple,

What's red and runs round in circles ?
Kid with its foot nailed to the floor.

An inflatable boy, who went to an inflatable school, with inflatable teachers, in an inflatable building….one day got into trouble for taking a pin to school… the headmaster says" you've let me down, yourself down and the entire school down

whats pink stiff and makes women squeal in the morning?

-cot death

what steams & comes out of cows* backwards ?
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The Isle of Wight ferry

* I know

How do you crucify a spastic?

On a swastika……..

What's red and invisible?
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No tomatoes.

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What's got 2 legs and bleeds a lot?
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Half a dog

Two cows in a field, one cow says to the other, "Mooooooooo!"
The other cow says, "Aw, I was going to say that!".

Two Scottish cows in a field. Which one's on holiday?

_

The one with the wee calf.

Did you hear about the prawn who went to a disco….

…he pulled a mussel.

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Blind man walks past a fish shop……"Morning ladies"

What's brown and sticky?
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A stick.

A jelly baby goes to the doctor's. He's covered in hundreds and thousands, dessicated coconut and black smudges. Doctor says "What have you been up to?". Jelly baby says "F**kin allsorts!"

ok i didnt read them all but whats Green and invisible?

This cabbage (holding out my hand)