Sometimes, it’s so bloody frustrating that my Son at 9 didn’t love the same thing I found by accident at 28. I understand this is my fault, and partly his Mums.

He’s always had decent bikes, I’ve never been tempted to drop £1000 on one of those half-sized Commencals, although if he’d asked I might have.

Truthfully, to him riding has become a chore, 2 years ago he seemed to decide one day that he no longer wanted to run about mad as lorries with boundless energy, nope he wanted to sit in front of a screen on Minecraft and others such stuff – I did EXACTLY the same thing at his age, the little kid who loved riding with Dad didn’t want to go anymore, so I’d talk him into it, he’d moan, because he was going against his will and really it doesn’t matter if you take them to Disney World on free ice cream day, if they’re going against their will they will no enjoy it and nothing will change their mind.

A few weeks ago we took a trip down to Brechfa to ride the Green, it was late in the day and he, as usual, didn’t want to go – his Mum who’s always worried about him being active had tried to talk him into it and when that didn’t work blackmailed him into it, frankly I wasn’t keen, but I tried not to let it show – it’s about an hours drive, firstly he was pretty happy, but only because he thought we were going to Brecon to ride this little 600m long kiddie trail he rode when he was 5, then he remembered what Brechfa was actually like – the deal making started “can we ride up to the picnic tabled and come back down, something we did when he was about 8 – no, that’s a 15 min ride after an hours drive, he grumps, “how long is it” “8k” “how long??” “about an hour” grumps again, about 10 mins later the battery went on his phone and he looked ready to jump from the Van onto the M4 and end it all.

We arrived, he took an age to get ready because he really didn’t want to go – he was hoping for a storm to arrive or the earth to shift on is axis a bit and make it dark already, finally we got going, I was glad to notice he still enjoyed the descents, but not like I do, he’s glad to just be moving without having to pedal, he rides like an old lady, because he doesn’t want to ride any faster. He sort of got into it and was glad to see he could make climbs now, he couldn’t a few years ago, but he was glad to finish, well after he grumped that the end of the final descent fished downhill of where we parked and asked aloud to no one in particular why we couldn’t have just rolled down the fireroad instead.

As we got back to the Van I noticed his ‘new’ 24″ bike is getting a bit small for him, the local lads his age have already progressed to 26″ Small frames (and seem to only be interested in pulling massive wheelies in the middle of the road to annoy drivers). The saddest part of that is, it’s not actually that ‘new’ it’ll be 2 years old this Xmas, it looks new because I maintain it (he won’t) and in the last 2 years it’s only been ridden five times, maybe six. I paid extra for that one because it had cable discs, I told him when he wanted a bit more I’d fit my old Deore hydrualics to it – I gave them to a mate a while back, he never wanted them.

My Wife and I both hoped that one day, when he was bigger and stronger he’d join me at the weekends and we’d share a hobby, but it’s not going to happen – he’s just not into it, he’s had cool bikes, he’s rode Afan, Breacfa, BPW with the kids club, even the Alps on the green runs.

We’ve both quit it, his Mum doesn’t really get it yet, but he doesn’t like riding Mountain Bikes at the moment, and having to convince, blackmail and when that fails order him to do the very thing I love to do, and would do more of, if only I had the time is pretty soul destroying – I love the kid to bits, he loves we – why make each other so unhappy to try to make something work that doesn’t.

He’s 11 now, his love affair with computer games ended 3 weeks ago as suddenly as it started, now all he wants to do is go out with his mates, which causes it’s own problems, but I’m glad he does – he even takes his bike from time to time, his mates think it’s very cool – it’s got colour coordinated seat and grips! but he’s using it to ride from here to there, not up this and down that.

Being brutal, kids are lazy and would much prefer to sit on the sofa than exercise,

The sweeping generalisations are strong in this one.

Have you considered the possibility that your kids want to sit on the sofa because you make activities unenjoyable?

I believe in the Carrot and Stick approach.

First hit them with the stick, then hit them with the carrot.I might print this out for the kitchen 🙂

The sweeping generalisations are strong in this one.

Have you considered the possibility that your kids want to sit on the sofa because you make activities unenjoyable?My own kids love exercise and activities, but I’m not going to pretend that given the chance, they won’t vegitate in front of the telly, computer or tablet. It’s the bits you do when you get them out that matter, accepting that you won’t always win against the pull of the sofa. Whether that’s cycling, running, football or anything – kids enjoy being active, but that doesn’t mean they enjoy it all of the time!

“You can get in the car any time you want, but you will always have failed to ride up the Tourmalet” 😈

He rode to the top. Then promptly disappeared on the descent, whilst me and his younger brother (who was in the car with Mrs Tired) descended stylishly with appropriate caution.

I didn’t have a dad.

My own kids love exercise and activities,

So yes, you will sometimes see us riding up a steep hill, 50 miles into a ride, with my son in tears, bellowing obscenities at me, while I tell him to “man up and push harder for the top!

Sometimes, it’s so bloody frustrating that my Son at 9 didn’t love the same thing I found by accident at 28.

I have the opposite problem.

I hate football. I’ve always hated football. I hate the whole culture of football. I’ve been to matches with my mates when I was young to try and fit in and enjoy it because there must be something to it right? It’s so popular and it’s pretty much all some blokes talk about. I just don’t get it.
I have two sons and a daughter . My youngest son who is 9. lives and breathes football. As a consequence I spend at least 6 hours every week on a football pitch coaching his team because it’s more productive than just standing in the rain watching.

I wish he liked something else. I really do.
I’d never tell him that though.

You just have to remember that when you’re riding with your kids it’s about them not you.

If they have an awesome time, you’ll have a an awesome time too.

+1.

I always ride alongside/behind my kids, the only time i’ll go in front is to check a route or deal with traffic/road crossings.

I see time on the bikes as a good opportunity to talk to/spend time with my kids, which I can’t do if I’m 200m up the road.

definatly not this dad , was out with gnusmas and the rest the weekend past with my 12yr old , he really dosent like up hills ,so even though every one else was only bumbling up to the top me and the took it even easier little cycle little pushing , it may have taken a extra hour to get to the top and me pushing both bikes up at points but when you stop on the downs look back and see the ear to ear grin its well worth spending the time pushing up and having a laugh and joke with him , we see kids his age and younger riding past us whilst he is having a rest or pushing up but all kids are different , I know from experience with mine that its a very fine line between encouragement and him getting a touch angry , if your out with the kids its exactly that your spending time with them so go at their pace , also cake and fizzy drinks at the end work a treat (we do look a bit strange though both on the same bikes , it was a case of I want one the same as dads )

God I hope I’m not like that. My son & I cycle to his school twice a week, sometimes more depending on my work. Its great. He chats all the way there and all the way back. I push him up the steep bits and shadow him all the rest of the way. We’ve started to practice skills on the way – little tiny manuals & bunny hops. He thinks its so funny that I can jump straight over horse poo on the track!

It took loads of patience to get him riding. Sometimes he’d get really frustrated & storm off and I just had to accept that. In the end though he got it and now I can’t keep him off his bike. Which is awesome.

We’re off skiing in Feb. I hope he enjoys his first week at ski school, but there’s every possibility that he’ll find it hard & get really pi$$ed off with it all (I did). Which is fine, he’s his own person & will make his own mind up about what he wants to do. I’m just there to open the doors for him.

He’s only 4 after all.

a lot of the dads in our school related social circle are involved in the local rugby club and have asked a few times when I’m going to bring my lad down to join. Now, despite the constant bantz about the internal politics of the U-13 B team, from everything I hear its a really well run club that doesn’t tolerate pushy touchline parenting. But, good god, I’d rather stick a blunt fork in my eye than watch rugby so I politely decline and keep my fingers crossed the lad doesn’t get interested in it.

However if there’s one thing you learn as a parent it’s that your children are not you and they will make up their own minds about what they like and dislike and the one thing you need to do is support them, at least as long as its a healthy interest. I’ve even learned to tolerate musical theatre for my daughters sake so don’t tell me I haven’t made sacrifices.

My own kids love exercise and activities,

So yes, you will sometimes see us riding up a steep hill, 50 miles into a ride, with my son in tears, bellowing obscenities at me, while I tell him to “man up and push harder for the top!

[/quote]Thanks for selectively quoting me there 🙂

It is a tough line knowing how far to go. Kids do complain about stuff (I’ve got a lot of sympathy for the chap who stated that he managed 45s on a run with his son!) and building it up so they can do longer rides doesn’t happen overnight and, inevitably, you hit something where you need to decide whether to push over it or turn back. That’s a hard call to make, and I won’t pretend that it’s one we always get right.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction and while at the specific moment when you’re challenging them to do something tough they may well complain about it, when they succeed in climbing that hill, completing that race (or whatever else it might be) the sense of achievement they feel makes all of the tough bits seem worthwhile.

I have the opposite problem.

I hate football. I’ve always hated football. I hate the whole culture of football. I’ve been to matches with my mates when I was young to try and fit in and enjoy it because there must be something to it right? It’s so popular and it’s pretty much all some blokes talk about. I just don’t get it.
I have two sons and a daughter . My youngest son who is 9. lives and breathes football. As a consequence I spend at least 6 hours every week on a football pitch coaching his team because it’s more productive than just standing in the rain watching.

I wish he liked something else. I really do.
I’d never tell him that though.

I feel your pain – I have a son (16) and a daughter (12). They both bloody love football. 2 x trainings a week, 2 x matches on a weekend (usually one on each day). They do both own bikes, but wear football boots much more often than bike helmets. I don’t really like football.

Think I’m pretty lucky.. got this text from dezbjr yesterday 😀

Not quite that dad, but I do lack patience sometimes. Youngest just randomly decides he isn’t riding or he hates it, sigh. And eldest can be mard about stuff he’s ridden before or stuff I know to be well within his limits. Those times I can sometimes err to the “stop dicking about and get on with it” parenting style. What so many of my teachers said of me still stands “needs to try harder”
<ashamed face>

It is a tough line knowing how far to go.

It’s not that tough. I follow a simple rule of not reducing my children to tears.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction

They get that all week at school. They need some time to do stuff they enjoy, without being yelled at because they’re not trying hard enough.

It is a tough line knowing how far to go.

It’s not that tough. I follow a simple rule of not reducing my children to tears.

The point is that, IME, kids do need a bit of prodding in the right direction

They get that all week at school. They need some time to do stuff they enjoy, without being yelled at because they’re not trying hard enough.[/quote]That’s great and I’m glad it’s working well for you. I’m sure you’ve got your hands quite full enough with your own family to not need to spend too much time criticising how others raise their own. Suffice to say, there’s nothing like a bit of variety in life 🙂

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say “I don’t want to spend too much money repairing it, it’s only for the kid”. I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid.

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say “I don’t want to spend too much money repairing it, it’s only for the kid”. I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid.

I suspect I’m not the only one here who has had his kids’ friends turn up on bikes while working in the garage and after a brief glance, say “just pop it in here and let me see if I can’t make those brakes / gears / chain / handlebars / saddle work a little better for you”

I suspect I’m not the only one here who has had his kids’ friends turn up on bikes while working in the garage and after a brief glance, say “just pop it in here and let me see if I can’t make those brakes / gears / chain / handlebars / saddle work a little better for you”

My kid’s friend turned up for a ride: It was more “Here stick that bike in the garage and use this one” 😆

However if there’s one thing you learn as a parent it’s that your children are not you and they will make up their own minds about what they like and dislike and the one thing you need to do is support them, at least as long as its a healthy interest. I’ve even learned to tolerate musical theatre for my daughters sake so don’t tell me I haven’t made sacrifices.

+1.

Hence why I spend most of my weekends running backwards and forwards to Gymnastics with youngest daughter, and dance/drama/musical theatre stuff with the eldest daughter.
All the time they’re doing good, healthy activities I’m not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics – and it isn’t because they’re pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she’s going to the Olympics one day.

I’m not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics – and it isn’t because they’re pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she’s going to the Olympics one day.

This is the thing – kids will drive themselves really hard with very little encouragement if they are trying to achieve something, or really enjoying it. It doesn’t usually take a whole load of stuff from the parent, teacher or coach to actually make them work their socks off if they actually want to do it. You just need to give them a decent alternative to the tellybox 🙂

My eldest has discovered climbing and absolutely loves it, I think secretly because there’s quite a lot of standing around so she can chat to her friends in between climbs, but it’s been nice to see her enjoy a sport that I know nothing about (in fact, I’m terrified of heights, so couldn’t do it even if I wanted to!)

That’s great and I’m glad it’s working well for you. I’m sure you’ve got your hands quite full enough with your own family to not need to spend too much time criticising how others raise their own. Suffice to say, there’s nothing like a bit of variety in life

If you’re going to explain in some detail (taking valuable time out from your peculiar brand of motivation) how you are choosing to raise your children then don’t be surprised if people comment on it.

When I did normal bike repairs, the number of parents who would say “I don’t want to spend too much money repairing it, it’s only for the kid”. I often ended up doing quite a bit more than was asked (and paid for) because I felt sorry for the kid

I’ve seen the flip-side of that. A friend was quoted £50 by her LBS to service a Frog bike she had just bought second-hand for her daughter. I gave it the once over – it needed new inner brake cables, the gears and brakes adjusting, some oil on the chain and the tyres pumping up. Took me less than 30 minutes – and I reckon a bike shop mechanic would do it in 15.

The OP is overbearingly outrageous.

I prefer to angrily chase mine around a U10 XC track shouting motivational sentences 😉

If you’re going to explain in some detail (taking valuable time out from your peculiar brand of motivation) how you are choosing to raise your children then don’t be surprised if people comment on it.

Just to be completely clear here. If you are mid-way through a ride and one of your own children declares that they’ve “had enough”, would you immediately pull into the side and call for a taxi to recover you back home?

And did I say that I ever actually shout at my children? Or in fact, that I am ever anything but entirely encouraging to their love of this sport? In fact, I would say that 90% of the rides we do are done entirely at their pace, but like any good parent, I want to encourage my own children to better their performance and try things that they wouldn’t have done before – perhaps a longer or more challenging ride, or perhaps an endurance event or race. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail but they will keep trying and I will keep encouraging them. And nothing here is specific to cycling either – I will always encourage my children to challenge themselves and not be willing to accept the status quo.

Perhaps my original post was poorly worded and gave the impression that I am a cruel taskmaster. In fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I want to encourage them to discover their own potential.

Just to be completely clear here. If you are mid-way through a ride and one of your own children declares that they’ve “had enough”, would you immediately pull into the side and call for a taxi to recover you back home?

Every ride I’ve ever done with them is planned so it can be cut short either by taking a train or by getting my wife to pick us up.

Perhaps my original post was poorly worded and gave the impression that I am a cruel taskmaster. In fact, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I want to encourage them to discover their own potential.

I’m sorry, but if you’re reducing your children to tears and tantrums, then “cruel taskmaster” is exactly how you sound.

Every ride I’ve ever done with them is planned so it can be cut short either by taking a train or by getting my wife to pick us up.

Well done, I bow to the awesomeness of your parenting. You are clearly superior and I feel that I can’t compete any more!

Well done, I bow to the awesomeness of your parenting. You are clearly superior and I feel that I can’t compete any more!

Thanks! You may get on better if you stop seeing everything as a competition.

Thanks! You may get on better if you stop seeing everything as a competition.

Thanks for the advice, looks like I needed it!

Yes, don’t be competitive, be judgmental. 😉

I’m sorry, but if you’re reducing your children to tears and tantrums, then “cruel taskmaster” is exactly how you sound

My then 8 year old cried at Brechfa, it was 2 below and hard for him, but we were on a trail in the mountains, what else could we do. There was no bailout option.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!

He cried more later though too.

That’s not bad parenting, as the parenting above you’ve chosen is also not. Kids take encouragement sometimes completely the wrong way and feel it’s an insult.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!

You’ve reminded me of when I rode around one of the Kielder trails in the snow with my youngest, with me riding without any gloves, so he could wear mine and his at the same time to keep his fingers warm. Obviously, this wasn’t planned and I thought my own fingers would fall off by the end, but we do what we have to 🙂

My then 8 year old cried at Brechfa, it was 2 below and hard for him, but we were on a trail in the mountains, what else could we do. There was no bailout option.

I ended up putting his feet in my mouth with his sweaty socks on and warming them with my breath!
So you did your best in a difficult situation, rather than tell your kid to man up.

Yes, don’t be competitive, be judgmental.

Yes, I formed a judgement from the description given.

So you did your best in a difficult situation, rather than tell your kid to man up

Both. I told him to man up plenty as the climb was tough when 8 on the route we did.

Yes, don’t be competitive, be judgmental

yeah, this was quite a good thread until the mumsnet passive aggressive bollocks.

Hence why I spend most of my weekends running backwards and forwards to Gymnastics with youngest daughter, and dance/drama/musical theatre stuff with the eldest daughter.
All the time they’re doing good, healthy activities I’m not complaining, the youngest (aged 7) looks exhausted after Gymnastics – and it isn’t because they’re pushing her, it is because she 100% believes she’s going to the Olympics one day.

My daughter (also 7) is the same with dancing – she’s convinced she’s going to be a ballerina so works her backside off for 4 hours a week – with no prodding from us what so ever.

And on a Saturday after her 2.5 hours dancing she’ll often come home and ask to go out on the bikes.

This was a good thread before the bickering 🙄

Both. I told him to man up plenty as the climb was tough when 8 on the route we did.

I see. I wouldn’t call it bad parenting, but I would see it as a mistake.

My daughter (also 7) is the same with dancing – she’s convinced she’s going to be a ballerina so works her backside off for 4 hours a week – with no prodding from us what so ever.

That’s the point, isn’t it? If they really want to do something, they don’t need us standing over them providing “encouragement”.