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In my experience I would say a resounding yes. I have 4 kids and three of them have all given up on team sports for different reasons. My oldest, now sixteen, was in a super successful football team who for various reasons went from the top league of the area for U 14 to a middling league for U15 and won every game usuAlly 30-0 lost interest. We managed to get him into a semi professionall team at sixteen but he didn’t like the other boys in his team so gave up. IMO trying to be s unbiased as possible he is real footballing talent but the adults in the game just don’t seem to understand how teenagers tick.

Son number two is also a keen footballer but not quite as talented as his older sibling. He had his interest drained from him by the performance related decisions of the coaches. All the kids were interested in weren’t
the results but what the kids took home were the manner of the goals scored. I also saw first hand som argy bargy between fathers who took the game that little bit too seriously!

Lastly child number three, my daughter who is very interested in gymnastics has found herself without a club because she didn’t make the grade to the next level at the age of eleven!!! Adults just don’t seem to realize that children’s interest in sport is not only performance related. I am a little reticent to get my youngest, aged six, involved in team sports if the only result is it puts him off sport for life.

Apologies for the typos but I don’t have my glasses here and my iPad is hard to read at the best of times!!!

My daughter has done Gymnastics, Horse Riding, Trampolining and Tae Know Do (still doing this, now at Black Belt going for 2nd Dan) and with none of them has she felt pressured. Pushed and encouraged yes, but not pressure and mostly fun.

I’d say the problem is more with the clubs than the sports. Sounds like you’ve been unlucky. Although football is notorious for pressure as every parent see ££££ signs!

I couldn’t agree more OP. Daughter is a great swimmer and was identified as having real talent. She wasn’t interested in competition despite speed and stamina but did love the life-saving element and growing her ability with others. Clubs don’t not seem to cater to that in our area.

No kids have much more access to sports than previous generations, better coaching and facilities and can even participate in games where everyone is a winner.

No not at all.

I’ve been helping with kids Cricket coaching this year, the numbers went up dramatically.

Daughter is a great swimmer and was identified as having real talent

This for my son. Luckily he’s born super competitive and the coaches have to reign him in a little. They do this by helping him focus on the quality of his strokes/legs/turns.

He’s 9 in a week so can enter competitive swimming. We’ve been encouraged to enter him into short 50 – 100m max races, no more than one AM and one PM and with varying strokes so he can both enjoy the event without it being a trauma and we / they can also spot where his weakness are. We are not being pressured to do so, its his choice.

I think they have the balance right, maybe we are lucky in that respect.

Yes they have for many. Even reading some of the threads about members kids on here I feel sorry for the kids.

Are we as adults ruining children’s sports?

Some are, no doubt. My sister in law is one of those women you see screaming from the sidelines like a banshee. Now my nephew is a competitive boxer she has become a boxing expert (all combat sports actually) despite never stepping foot in the ring.

The flip side of that is good coaches who encourage but not pressure talented young athletes who may become the next generation of sporting stars. Competition is important in life, and sport is a good way of helping children realise that if they lose they have to work harder, and if they work harder hopefully they’ll achieve their goals.

The article in the OP feels like it’s just holding back from suggesting there should be no winners or losers and competition is a bad thing.

Hmmm, got me thinking about my sailing club this topic…

About ten years ago we’d be over subscribed for kids clubs on Thursday eves, Sat morn.. doesn’t seem to be that way anymore. We have a very structured teaching environment and all staff fully RYA certified, so it’s not us lot.. ok maybe we’re a bit jaded by now so perhaps the kids want younger teachers.. could be the answer.

We saw lots of good U16 cyclists get pushed too hard by club coaches, give up at 17 and never ride a bike again. Friends with children constantly go on about how they push their children into competitive sports – I wonder how many of them will keep them on as soon as they leave school.

No winning and loosing is an integral part of sport but my point Is for children it is not the most important part. Two of my children have been actively discriminated against on criteria solely based on performance which is an adult concept and not how children gauge their performance.

You don’t think its important your kids understand that to win something they have to be better than someone else? And in life, study harder, work harder etc? Or are you teaching them its OK to be mediocre?

Not a criticism or insult RS, I’m interested in you expanding upon your opinion?

Roter Stern – Member

No winning and loosing is an integral part of sport but my point Is for children it is not the most important part.

It is for my daughter. She’s hyper competitive and only wants to win and/or be perfect at almost everything she tries. She’s four. Some children want to win, some don’t. Children are like people, only more ruthless.

Two of my children have been actively discriminated against on criteria solely based on performance

Hmmmmm. I think you’d need to elaborate on that because discrimination based on performance in sport doesn’t really sound like discrimination.

think you’d need to elaborate on that because discrimination based on performance in sport doesn’t really sound like discrimination.

Ok in my daughter’s case she was not allowed to continue as she hadn’t made the grade expected. Basically thrown out of the club. With my middle son he was demoted to a lower team so had to play with kids two years younger than him which he saw as an absolute insult and so didn’t want to participate anymore. Welcome to German sports clubs.

Our 9yo kid’s football team are the one’s getting pasted 10-0 every weekend – he plays in the weakest of his clubs sides were basically none of the kids know how to play football. He’s easy come easy go with it, but I wonder why club’s feel the need to separate abilities like this? I see the argument for one club in the area catering for the genuinely talented kids, but his club is generally very inclusive and welcoming so it seems counter-productive.

It’s ironic because what is the one quality that defines a great player above all else? It is that they make other players better. Paul Scholes was a class midfielder with his movement, his goals etc, but it was making Nicky Butt and Andy Cole look like footballers that was the true measure of the man. A couple of good players in my kid’s team would make a huge impact on the other kids, help them get better and prob enjoy the game more.

think you’d need to elaborate on that because discrimination based on performance in sport doesn’t really sound like discrimination.

Ok in my daughter’s case she was not allowed to continue as she hadn’t made the grade expected. Basically thrown out of the club. With my middle son he was demoted to a lower team so had to play with kids two years younger than him which he saw as an absolute insult and so didn’t want to participate anymore. Welcome to German sports clubs.

Or are you teaching them its OK to be mediocre?

99.999% of us are mediocre.

Doesn’t mean you can’t have fun being mediocre though. Go average, go often.

If we can’t discriminate based on ability then what do we have left? Age, race, sexual orientation, it’s political correctness gone mad, I tell you!

If we can’t discriminate based on ability then what do we have left

This is the crux of the issue I suggest. Does a talented child necessarily make a talented adult sports person?

aP – Member
We saw lots of good U16 cyclists get pushed too hard by club coaches, give up at 17 and never ride a bike again. Friends with children constantly go on about how they push their children into competitive sports – I wonder how many of them will keep them on as soon as they leave school.

Our lad has done a few U10 cross races this season – generally v friendly grassroots events as you know. He got lapped by some U12 riders and told me afterwards Dad – they had wheels like you! ie deep section carbon tubs. Just what you need when you’re twelve on a simple grass loop…

I coach with Glasgow Riderz. We have around 150 kids between ages 8-15, with regular turnouts on sat sessions of 75 plus. We have a long waiting list. We have various race developments sessions throughout the week, so offer both performance and fun options. We also do an annual Cairngorm weekend away for the top 2 groups, who are racing regularly. This is hugely oversubscribed as we are limited in numbers due accommodation and MTB L2 coaches.

Club does well and is growing, so it’s a no to the OP question from what I see.

Just because a kid is good at something don’t assume they want to be doing it. Kids change a lot growing up so at first they might be curious about something or maybe they say yes to it just because of a positive mental attitude. Then they get into it and work to get better, but then sometimes people just get bored or have had enough of something. It’s not necessarily because of something you or any of the other adults have done.

I used to do every sport going when I was young, with some success here and there, then I just decided I’d had enough and quit it all. I could’ve been good at athletics age 16 or so but just decided I didn’t fancy it.

My BiL is a qualified FA coach and ref. His son plays and is reasonably good, above average but certainly wont be the next wonder kid. The competitiveness of other parents and coaches have spoiled every team he’s been involved in.

From every parent abusing and undermining the coaches and other kids to the coaches employing nepotism based on who their circle of friends are as to which kids get picked.

Over subscribed teams only ever playing the same 11 players, despite winning 10 or 20 nil every match. Because it’s all about winning, not involving all of the kids to make the whole better.

I taught Life Saving at my local club for nearly 10 years. My whole aim was to get everyone involved and to learn whilst having fun. The competitive clique within the club eventually won over the running and therefore the focus. It’s now about the handful of competitions every year and getting results. Because results matter, and new members will want to be involved in a successful club. The number of members is now at about 25% of what they were when it was about having fun.

Our lad has done a few U10 cross races this season – generally v friendly grassroots events as you know. He got lapped by some U12 riders and told me afterwards Dad – they had wheels like you! ie deep section carbon tubs. Just what you need when you’re twelve on a simple grass loop…

I was a CX Comm for 10 years until March this year – I’ve seen the Weapons Race in the last few years – there was an U10 last year riding a tiny carbon CX bike with di2!! Who I had to separate from her dad because he was shouting at her.
As a small not very sporting boy I hated team sports…
Cricket – why don’t you stand ‘over there somewhere’
Football – do we have to pick him just because he’s last
Rugby – I wasn’t allowed to play because of my eyesight
I used to like cross country running but used to get nobbled by the bigger lads because I was faster than them – so as a result I basically gave up all team and other sports at school except that I managed to get put into a set that went off and did dry slope skiing, dinghy sailing, kayaking, orienteering, etc. I think it was the “what do we do with these kids” sports set, but I enjoyed it.
Most of the “sports jocks” are now, as far as I can tell from facebook, balding, fat and unfit. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m fit – but I still cycle 8000+ miles a year, have all my hair and 30″ waist jeans… 😉

Competitive sport is fine but a grass roots cyclocross club or football clu or rugby club should cater for all and not worry too much about results. My boys under 7 rugby tournaments see teams split to mixed ability teams rather than put all the best players together. The coaches focus on teamwork and ethos as much as skills. Football teams dont seem to do from what I’ve seen with him.

I know what you mean about the CX arms race, but it is luckily still a minority, maybe made slightly more apparent by having to mix the U10 and U12 races. Our kids are in the U14/16 race and we have deliberately kept them on one (non carbon) bike that also has to double for all road training / racing duties.

What I do thankfully see is most parents supporting, cheering and helping EVERYONE, with riders suffering a mechanical often being thrust somebody else’s spare bike.

There was some touchline parenting recently (first I’ve ever seen) and reassuringly it got very publically called out as unacceptable on the website and hasn’t happened again.

Most of the “sports jocks” are now, as far as I can tell from facebook, balding, fat and unfit. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m fit – but I still cycle 8000+ miles a year, have all my hair and 30″ waist jeans…

There does seem to be a lot of truth in this 🙂

Yes a full head of hair is so important if your going to coach kids

My grandson who is 5 yrs old has a classmate whose parents take him to tennis lessons three times a week.
He goes at 7.30am in the school week and afternoon on a Saturday. It seems extreme to me because he is only
5 yrs old FFS!

Why do coaches have to be fit?

molgrips – Member
Why do coaches have to be fit?

Post match showers?

Up to maybe age 12-13 it shouldn’t be too competitive. It should focus on personal ability, improvement, gains year on year. If the kid at 13-14 feels they want to win, then being pushed is a good thing.

I can still remember my coach telling me in the early years of my athletics not to worry about what the other guys were running. He’d give me various reasons why they were faster and why I shouldn’t worry. I just feel gutted that I threw away the sport when I went to uni 🙁

I did have a big argument with sons’ tennis coach who contradicted my teaching by telling my kids that – “if in doubt call it out.” In the end, I got him to explain why that was wrong in front of the squad.

“If in doubt call it in” is what they play by now

Bigblackshed, is that surf lifesaving? Where in the country?

I did have a big argument with sons’ tennis coach who contradicted my teaching by telling my kids that – “if in doubt call it out.” In the end, I got him to explain why that was wrong in front of the squad.

You mean you were wrong a d are not an awesome teacher of everything….mark this day as a watershed!!!!

Timely thread. I’m an adult ‘helper’ with a local cycling club, not a million miles away from iainc’s-; never quite taken the plunge to get my coaching certs but maybe will one day. I’m the guy who turns up bright and early to get everything set up, and I’m there at the end of the day to get it all torn down again, and during the event I’m variously lap-timing, first-aiding, marshalling, consoling, and shouting encouragement to kids who look like they need it. I’ve a very inclusive attitude to it- if you’ve turned up, you’re ahead of 99.995% of the other kids who’re sitting on their Xboxen. You’re already special. Give yourself a wee cheer 🙂

Definite arms-race out there in kit for sure. As we always tell the kids though- it definitely doesn’t make you a better cyclist. Sad to note that a fair few of the Pinarello-sporting 13 year olds are aware of how much money they get lavished on them, and do look down on the alloy riders. Partly, that seems to come from the parents.

I see a lot of incredibly driven parents, driving the length and breadth of the country all year to take their child to all points-qualifying races. Its a monotonous existence for them and child, and they rarely get to interact with non-cycling kids, which I think is unhealthy. Some are clearly going to make it, most won’t. I worry that cycling is the new football for some parents, in that they see it as a possible break into the ‘big time’. I do see the academic life being sidelined by quite a few of them, even at 13/14/15, with a number of them needing tutors in the basic HS subjects. Its clear which way their intentions lie, even at this tender stage.

There’s no congruence between driven parents and helpers, I’d note- its the same old faces (me and others) doing what we do to keep events moving along, and many who are ostensibly club members just turn up for their race and head away immediately after. I also see a worrying lack of general enthusiasm for riding in general in some parents- not much encouragement being given to the race in general, just ‘our’ club. I don’t like this and ra-ra-ra other random kids to give them a boost. They’re all excellent, first-class young people.

SC and BC seem to have little clue regarding development- some of the regional dev campaigns and bodies, now suborned, had far better ideas. SC/BC have a conspicuous focus on track at the core of what they do- makes sense to them as = medals. But there’s little emphasis on, for example, MTB. Its a drastic error, limiting the idea to many kids of what cycling can actually be, and as others have noted above, many talented riders crash out of their ill-formed high-pressure development schools. More worryingly for me- there’s nothing much to encourage the middle-rankers. Where do they end up going? Do they ever turn a pedal after the age of 16?

One recent thing thats a worry is the social media aspect of it, and I’m meaning the parents. Many of ours are getting to the age that they’re all ‘friends’ on the various platforms. Now, granted that teenage girls can be a bit cutting in all of this, but there has been a recent series of posts where its obvious that one girl in particular is being left out of a lot of non-club social activities. We’re talking: restaurant (yes, really) trips, parties, that kind of thing. The interesting thing is that its one or two parents in particular who are sharing these pics and things, not the children. Its an interesting situation and smacks of either thoughtlessness (I hope) or a deliberate shunning (I hope not).

Cody – Colts or Jets ?

On the media thing, we have club policy that no coaches can be FB friends with any of the riders….

iainc – Member
Cody – Colts or Jets ?

Ah- neither Iain. I’ll message you later today… 🙂 hope you’re well!

On the media thing, we have club policy that no coaches can be FB friends with any of the riders….

We might have to look at that…..a sound policy.

😀