Just found out my Uncle's Died. Haven't seen him or any of my Cousins for a few years but always got on very well with them all.

My 1st thought was to go to the funeral and stay over to have a few beers and catch up with all the family and introduce them to my two little one's which no one on my Dad's side of the family has ever met.

I lost my Dad about 10 years ago but always wanted to keep in touch with his side to kind of hold on to a little bit more of him.

Anyways I mention this to my SO and ask her to take the Thursday off work and she at first mentions she doesn't really want to take the day off as she only had 1 day of leave left until April; Then when I tell her I don;t mind going on my own with the Kids she flares up as though i've told her i'm taking them "Big Pete's World of Knives". She clearly doesn't want me to take pair(nearly 3yrs and 1 yrs).

Is it me or she being a complete numpty? Insensitive at the best or just selfish? I would drop anything for herbut I do wonder sometimes…!

From my point of view I'm heading over to My Dad's home town to meet his family and maybe visit where we scattered his ashes.

I'm tempted to say F%%k her and just take the kids and leave her at work sulking.

seems unreasonable to me (her not you)

she will probably calm down and get over herself later

my gran died recently and my wife had similiar reaction – she seemd to think that going to a funeral would leave them permananently scarred for life and traumatised by the whole thing. I thought she was being unreasonable and over reacting. I would try gentle persuassion as a first approach – I dont think youa re being unreasonable

i don't think you should take the kids, funeral's are an excess of emotion and they will have to deal with all that soon enough.

but i think its great that you want to see your family and take your kids, wouldn't it be better to make another trip in a month or so when all will be happier?

Give it time and calm down a bit and then ask her opinion why?
Hear her side and then let her your side. If you can't communicate why then you're heading to an arguement.

If she is at work, and you're at the funeral will the kids be at home with babysitter?
Maybe she has a thing abot funerals and doesn't want the kids to be exposed at her own fears?
Maybe she hates your family or is knackered?

Who knows but it is your job to listen, find out and make a choice.

Also who is more important-your family or the wife and kids?
Relationships are like a bank and the balance has to be genrally equal.
Give time for both to relax and talk/listen to each other.

My Dad would get into arguements with me for not visiting his family or funerals etc. I hated going and my only day off to a funeral but if he needed me then I'd bite the bullet just for him or my Mum but it works both ways.

Work together.

Its not the funeral things, They've both been to my two gran's services in the last 18 months. I think its the taking the kids away from her for a night. She always puts the Kids before everything but FFS

Give her more attention so it's not just the kids in her life.

My pal is married and always freaks when her husband takes the kids or one kid away for a trip as he drives like a nutter.

He told me she worries when kids on school trips and the disasters that can occur. I think thats over the top a bit!

Wait a min she's a work so how can she miss the kids?

Ask her at the right time and place.

Sometimes I do what my other half says and sometimes no way. Only you can judge that and yes women can be unreasonable and a pain the backside.
(And also your lover/friend etc)

OK a little more info…
the funeral is about 3 hours away so would be a stayover joband catch up job.

She's not against them going to funerals at all (I'm a funeral director by the way)

She works evening's (1 – 9) so if she won't take the time off then theres no one to look after the kids in the evening (no family around us)

She gets on with my family but has never met anyone from my Dad's side.

The outburst is bad enough but what is grinding on me is that she clearly hasn't thought of me in this at all.

If the tables were turned I would relish the oppurtunity to meet her family, visit her Dad's home town and proudly show off my children to them. I would support her and generally do as she wished knowing how much she missed her Dad and the general crapness around his passing… or am I being naive?

I think you should refuse sex until she changes her mind. That'll learn her.

wife in "being unreasonable" shocka.

but i think its great that you want to see your family and take your kids, wouldn't it be better to make another trip in a month or so when all will be happier?

Good advice. Surely your wife can have a day off work on compassionate grounds even if it is only to look after the kids whilst you attend?

She sounds very unreasonable to me on this matter.

Who's going to watch the kids whilst you have a few beers out of interest? (Not stirring, just asking with out prejudice)

Surely your wife can have a day off work on compassionate grounds even if it is only to look after the kids whilst you attend?

A fair employer might give this but many would not. Compassionate leave is one of those factors not enshrined in law.

She sounds a bit unreasonable, but you'd better get her to post her side of the story to be fair.

Thanks for making me laugh Roper.

Tell her to **** off there your kids as well.

bigyinn – They will be at the wake with us and then we would stay at one of my cousins so they would just be up in bed while we have a drink downstairs. Not planning a big bender. Just a catch up with some family I haven't seen for a few years

MTBfix – She works for the NHS so wouldn't be a problem. Even is they didn't let her have it off for the funeral they would have to let her have it off to look atfter the kids if I wasn't there look after them. So either way she's going to be off unless she point blanks refuses and expects me not to not go and stay and look after the kids

Roper – not sure refusing to choke said chicken would bother her

I can see she might not want to take the leave for all sorts of reasons. However to not go with you is showing a lack of personal support for you. If you are happy with that (I think I would be ok with it myself in these circumstances) then you have been fair and considerate towards her.

Her saying she does not want you/the kids to go is really not decent behaviour on her part, it sounds possessive and controlling. Unless there is some very good reason (she thinks you will get drunk, not keep an eye on the kids, palm them off on others to look after) that you have not mentioned.

If she has some unspoken issue/fear you need to find out what it is and both deal with it.