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I have never before seen the like. This is a tale of proper middle-class outrage.
It's bin day.
This week, we have our black household waste bin, and our two green recycling bins to go out.
I have over the last couple of days noticed in one of our green recycling bins what looked like paper napkins or paper towels - a bit water sodden because of the rain. I assumed they had dropped in there either from our paper recycling or someone else's when they do the 'chuck it all in the big wagon and sod it if there's anything left' routine.
I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and carry them into the kitchen to dump into the black bin (naughty, I know), and fill up the green bin with the accumulated paper, plastic etc at the same time.
I lifted the green bin over the waste bin but the paper towels wouldn't budge, so I gave them a prod with my finger.
BIG mistake.
Because someone had taken a massive shite in my green recycling bin.
Yes.
That is correct.
Someone had taken a dump. In my green waste bin.
It wasn't even the food waste or organic matter bin.
How do I know this?
Well - it wasn't a used nappy (my first thought) as there was no evidence of any absorbent material around the jobbie.
How did I know it wasn't an animal? Well, the bins were piled up usually with the black lids on top. I'd assumed the wind had blown them off, but the bin in question was angled on top of the other, so it'd be a clever beastie to hop up for a squat.
That, plus the fact that the 'towels' had clearly been used to wipe the miscreant's arse and then dumped on top.
So not only did someone take a crap in my recycling box, they came armed with wiping materials.
I would say this rules out someone caught short.
Plus the fact that we are at the end of a private drive of six houses, off a quiet residential street. You'd have to be going some to end up at our house by mistake - more often than not delivery drivers can't find us.
The only thing I can think of charitably is that one of said delivery drivers decided to make more than one deposit, and forgot to clean it up. Even so, it's absolutely revolting.
So, that was my evening - cleaning up someone else's capacious doodie.
What a delight (this is sarcasm, in case it doesn't come across. Ahem).
Shit story bro.
RM.
Was it a magic poo?
Were there sweetcorn windows in the poo submarine?
Best check lawn for evidence of sausage tampering.
You've upset a local.
No front lawn.
Not sure how we could have upset anyone as barely speak to anyone and have our own parking so no parking in front of anyone else’s house!
"Shit in their recycling box" doesn't have the same ring to it as bombers, sausages and dogs.
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Shit just got real
If it was a green jobby surely it's okay?
I was going to say delivery driver too, but I decided not to smear a whole section of the population like that..
Get CCTV then if they do it again and you know where they live, it'll be revenge time.
Some ideas for you:
Push some through their letter box.
Put some on their car door handles.
Post some in a box to them.
Stick bombs in their car air vents.
I think people have been shitting in bins since bins were invented! 🤪💩🗑
That’s pretty low. I once got caught short and had to do a crap in a church yard within sight of my front door. In my defence I was about 7 years old.
There’s a lot of build up in this story, but i’m still thinking it’d be a clever beastie to hop up for a squat. , cos I can only imagine wheelie bins. I don’t want to imagine any more though.
Not sure how we could have upset anyone as barely speak to anyone
This could be the reason. The rest of the neighbours are a sociable bunch and can’t fathom why the people at number two barely speak. Shit on you they thought but agreed that was a step too far so opted for a safer option
Bet it was your boss.
You don't live in Hove do you?
https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/19364798.hove-family-catch-rogue-diarrhoea-pooer-cctv/
And lo a new STW meme is born
When pissing in someone's shoes doesn't cut it.
Someone took a shit on my drive once. Woke up in the morning to find a colossal Mr Whippy right in the middle of the drive, with a few takeaway napkins obvs used to wipe the dirty bast's ass strewn around. The shitter had obviously gone between the two cars that belonged to my old housemates, who'd then just sloped off to work in the morning leaving me to deal with it. Oh man, the smell... I grabbed a shovel and hoyed the whole lot into the street. trying not to vomit.
Bloody students/booze/takeaways
It is a big problem for delivery drivers and truckers. All public facilities have been closed. Nowhere wants anyone using their facilities.
Stopped in a lay-by on an A toad in Gloucestershire recently. It wasn’t nice.
Of course not condoning this behaviour, bloody revolting.
Full Member
And lo a new STW meme is born
You had better hope no-one makes a photo meme of it...
Oops, too late.
Someone had taken a dump. In my green waste bin.
It wasn’t even the food waste or organic matter bin.
It cracked me up that this detail was important. Like, "everyone knows that if you're going to drop a Mississippi Steamer in someone else's bin then you should use the appropriate one. Bunch of savages in this town."
I would say this rules out someone caught short.
Some people are organised enough to carry tissues with them, they make pocket packs and everything. Or could've been the fallout from a sweaty kebab which came with such things.
we are at the end of a private drive of six houses, off a quiet residential street.
Makes it all the more likely to my mind. If you've got the turtle's head then where are you going to go, the main road or some quiet back street?
Incidentally,
Did I ever recount my Bin-gate tale?
You mean, has it bin done before?
Perhaps they couldn't access your chimney?
You mean, has it bin done before?
But has it wheely bin done before?
It’s all very well taking the p*ss out of his predicament, but I think it stinks.
Aye, there's folk begging on the streets, homeless, absolutely lost souls, we're destroying our planet, the rich get richer, even in a pandemic.
But the worst thing, the absolute nadir of humanity is....
A jobbie in a bin.
Next.
Nobeerinthefridge
Aye, there’s folk begging on the streets, homeless, absolutely lost souls, we’re destroying our planet, the rich get richer, even in a pandemic.
And the prize for whataboutist of the year goes to...
gray
Bet it was your boss.
This made me laugh a lot!
You don’t live in Hove do you?
Nope, Bath!
And the prize for whataboutist of the year goes to…
Meh. One man's whataboutery is another man's perspective. 😋
I've been known to order things online, late at night after drinks and then not remember the purchase at all when they're delivered.
Could the OP check his bank statement and report back?
And where exactly would one go to order such a treat?
Asking for a friend.
Aye, there’s folk begging on the streets, homeless, absolutely lost souls, we’re destroying our planet, the rich get richer, even in a pandemic.
But the worst thing, the absolute nadir of humanity is….
A jobbie in a bin.
Next
With the title you’ve given to the thread OP, I’m with nobeer. Couldn’t give a shit.
Edit: no, fair enough. I do sympathise. No good what’s been done to you. But tone down the thread title because…
I once many years ago was working in the far corner of a large housing construction site. I had to build the internal stud walls for a flat.
I loaded out all the timber spread out the drawings on the floor and was ready to go when I realised that I needed nails.
So I walked off to the stores to get the nails, I was probably gone for about 15 minutes. When I got back I found that someone has had a huge shit on the floor and had torn up my drawings to wipe their arse.
I unsurprisingly complained to the site agent but he was completely disinterested and unbelievably claimed that I shouldn't have left the drawings behind.
Mind you he was a right horrible bastard who once put his foot on someone's throat, so it wouldn't have come as a surprise if it was him who had had the shit.
Oh, can i apologise. I genuinely thought that was a toilet.
But tone down the thread title because…
Bloody hell. They say there’s always someone on the internet that doesn’t get the joke. You realise that it’s all a bit tongue in cheek? Did the reference to middle class outrage not give it away?
I’m obviously not happy about a ginormous steaming pile having been left for me to dispose of, but for the avoidance of doubt for the sanctimonious and/or hard of thinking, I do not think it is the absolute worst thing in the world ever.
It’s the second worst.
reeksy
Oh, can i apologise. I genuinely thought that was a toilet.
Now I know how you got your name!
With the title you’ve given to the thread OP, I’m with nobeer. Couldn’t give a shit.
If nothing else then, we can cross you off the suspect list.
Now I know how you got your name!
Hang on a second i'm not a serial bin-pooper, that would be disgusting.
I once discovered a tom-tit on the floor of the large retail store I worked in back in the day. The perp had used a shammy leather to wipe themselves with them covered the turd with it in a bizarre attempt to hide it I suppose?
I learnt an important lesson that day.
Don't go and tell the manager what you've found. If you do you quickly find out who is going to be told to clean it up.
Username checks out 😂
A long time ago the DailyHeil successfully blocked microchipped council waste containers..
Shit-and-Bin technology could easily have identified the offender...but we will never know..