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I do not think it is the absolute worst thing in the world ever.
But if you had to make a list of worst things in the world, this would definitely be number two?
Check you home security is adequate.
I found 2 turds on my driveway/behind the car over the space of a fortnight and had 2 bikes stolen the week after. Mentioned it when I reported the theft to the police who explained that heroin addicts are known to have involuntary bowel movements when out mooching.
Hmm, that might make sense actually - there’s been a spate of cars being done over up and down our road/in the area. It’s been going on for weeks, both of ours were done over (in fairness, because I forgot to lock them!!🤪) so perhaps we had scallies out on the rob and they got caught short. Still, impressive foresight to bring the paper towels!
Could be that, I believe curling one off is a known thing during burglaries, nerves I'd imagine.
Manky bastards.
We've had similar, sh*t and bog roll in the bushes along the side of the street. I've always assumed local taxi drivers as they tend to park up on the road whilst waiting for a job(bie).
Push some through their letter box.
Put some on their car door handles.
Post some in a box to them.
Stick bombs in their car air vents.
Jeez, it's horrible I know, but that last one seems a bit harsh!
Unless it's 'bombs' as in 'bombs away' when you're, well, doing what someone did to my recycling bin.
I believe curling one off is a known thing during burglaries, nerves I’d imagine.
As above, it's a smack addiction thing.
If you do you quickly find out who is going to be told to clean it up.
You were asking for it with your username, to be fair.
Back to the OP - have you considered going to the local press about it? We'd love to see a picture of you pointing at the bin and holding your nose. You could even let them have the headline off this thread.
🙂
Back to the OP – have you considered going to the local press about it?
Offer them a poop scoop.
OP – have you considered going to the local press about it? We’d love to see a picture of you pointing at the bin and holding your nose.
Nah, our local rag are much more interested in compo faces for perceived slights.
New angle then - compo faeces.
An ex-colleague once went to pick her car up after leaving it in town overnight after post work drinks went on a bit longer than expected, to find that someone had curled one out on the bottom of the windscreen, tbh the position they must’ve got themselves in without doing any damage would have been impressive, were it not so rank.
This was in the post apocalyptic, dystopian wasteland that is downtown Harrogate.
New angle then – compo faeces.
Nah, our local rag are much more interested in compo faces for perceived slights.
Mate, they would bite your arm off. I may have been out of the game for 20 years, but some things will never change.
But we'll understand if you don't fancy, erm, airing your dirty linen in public.
There was a claim on here a few years back that a human turd had been left on the soap shelf in one of the portable showers at Mountain Mayhem. In the Eastnor days it was.
An ex-colleague once went to pick her car up after leaving it in town overnight after post work drinks went on a bit longer than expected, to find that someone had curled one out on the bottom of the windscreen, tbh the position they must’ve got themselves in without doing any damage would have been impressive, were it not so rank.
This was in the post apocalyptic, dystopian wasteland that is downtown Harrogate.
That is absolutely repugnant. It'd be in the air circulation vents. Every time you turned on the blowers you'd get a face full of human shite. Nope. I think I'd literally just abandon that car.
I’ve been known to order things online, late at night after drinks and then not remember the purchase at all when they’re delivered.
Could the OP check his bank statement and report back?
What's it going to show up on a bank statment as?
"£50 - PAID - Services rendered - Honest Ron's vengful Bin shiting service"
Or is ordering a "bin shit hit" online more of a dark web thing?
I do remember years ago going into the bogs of a nice little pub in Gloucestershire to find some Scat-master had smeared their 'product' on pretty much every fitting, fixture and surface, I decided to just just leave it till the next pub. Then I turned round and saw the door handle...
I remember a swimming lesson at school when, as a class, we were told to start swimming laps with a dive at the deep end to the other side of the pool. The first couple of kids set off and did the dive/swim thing only to resurface really quickly and swim like mad for the other side.
Turns out they had seen a turd on the bottom of the pool, wearing toilet roll like a blankie. The Phantom Shitter must have been perched on the diving board to place it where it was.
Pool drained. Pool cleaned, pool filled. Many unhappy people.
Last flat i was in (tenement) about 9pm or so , living on the ground floor I heard the front communal door open, but nobody passed the door, but I was sure someone entered.
Decided to go out. Just caught the end of a private hire taxi driver, who promptly got into his car and drove away fast. He'd used the close as a toilet to relieve himself, and must have been holding it in for a while as the place was awash with urine. That was a big pi55.
Dirty f** Bas*. I wish I'd managed to catch up with him before he'd driven off so I could have kicked in one of his doors.
6 buckets of bleachy(heavy on the bleach) water and a brushing later.
It was late and dark so didnt manage to get the registration, i was to busy wanting to kick c*** out of his car to have the mind to take note.
Stopped in a lay-by on an A toad in Gloucestershire recently. It wasn’t nice.
Poor creature.
A few weeks ago I was in the work kitchen and, out of the window, saw some scruffy looking chap with a guitar case and carrier bag walking up the side of the building towards the main entrance.
Having made my brew I returned to my desk and asked the two other colleagues if they'd answered the door to this guy but they had not. We looked out of the side of the building and saw the guitar case propped up against the wall.
On initial viewing there was no sign of the guy but one of the people with me noticed that a bush was shaking. A few minutes later the guy emerged from behind the bush, grabbed his guitar and scurried away.
One of my colleagues who was bolder than me went out to investigate expecting to find a large deposit but nothing was found. Maybe he just liked hiding behind bushes or maybe he disposed of the evidence but there are certainly some odd people about.
Did a dry dock in Singapore many years ago on an oil tanker. For weeks afterwards every starter box that got opened was found to contain a neatly wrapped package.... Apparently the workers had to clock off to curl one off ; much easier to do one in a square of paper and stache it .
Sounds more like a danger wa*k Cletus!
a tale of proper middle-class outrage
No front lawn
Hmmmmmm. But then cul-de-sac and a high bin count is in your favour I suppose. Even if one of those is full of crack poop.
I once discovered a tom-tit on the floor of the large retail store I worked in back in the day.
I used to work in a museum. One day a guy walked straight in to one of the galleries, dropped his pants and did a shit in the middle of the floor.
He was alone in the room at the time but the whole alarming spectacle was witnessed by our phone receptionist who's desk was by a small window that overlooked the gallery.
An unpleasant enough experience in its own right. But to compound the experience for her:
A) She was a well known wind-up merchant
B) It was April 1st
She tried frantically to call various departments around the building trying to get them to both apprehend the perp, to close the gallery, clean up or at least cover up the offending article - but absolutely nobody would believe her.
On family holiday in Wales with my then 2 Yr old son, we were on a beach, no nappy on him as we're were potty training and he disappeared in the car.
He came out obviously having done a crap
Checked inside, could smell it but not see it, was worried it'd be mashed into the carpet in the back.
Turns out he laid it perfectly into my high topped trainers.
For the next 2 days had to wear my spds as they were only other shoes I had until my trainers were washed & dried
There was a claim on here a few years back that a human turd had been left on the soap shelf in one of the portable showers at Mountain Mayhem. In the Eastnor days it was.
True. I saw it, briefly, before backing out of the cubicle quickly
I worked with a guy who had about 30s notice before he had to drop his guts, often beneath tanks, in dirty drains and sometimes just the turbine hall floor. TBF it was the result of a tank falling on him in the REME but it was still rank, I pity his wife who had to deal with a lot of unscheduled stops in laybys.
Incidentally another of his stories was that he got burgled once, that was bad enough but the bastards shat in the pot of mince on the hob before they left.
One of my colleagues who was bolder than me went out to investigate expecting to find a large deposit but nothing was found.
Probably what the carrier bag was for.
One of my colleagues who was bolder than me went out to investigate expecting to find a large deposit but nothing was found.
That sounds like crack/heroin dealing. Used to go out with a girl who lived in a flat in the city centre above shops, accessed by some grotty steps round the back. The local scrotebag dealers would use this area under the steps as their HQ, and there was often desperate looking people scrabbling around looking for 'drops'.
@kimbers that story still makes me laugh. It made my sides hurt at antur
For the next 2 days had to wear my spds as they were only other shoes I had until my trainers were washed & dried
Yet another reason why flat pedals are superior.
Was playing in the sea once as a young lad, swimming mucking about like you do, along with thousands of other people all having a good time. Then a huge turd floated merrily past my face a few inches away.
There was a claim on here a few years back that a human turd had been left on the soap shelf in one of the portable showers at Mountain Mayhem. In the Eastnor days it was
I saw it too and one year there was one smeared up the panelling of the cubicle.
I have so many gels and carbs when i'm 24 hour racing there is no way mine would have the consistency to stay on a soap tray!!!
There was a claim on here a few years back that a human turd had been left on the soap shelf in one of the portable showers at Mountain Mayhem. In the Eastnor days it was.
I remember this clearly too. Huge queue for teh showers, one completely empty cubicle. Person after person would walk up, think 'ooh, lucks in', open the door to be met eyeball to eyeball by mr whippy. Then step back and join a queue.
Except my mate - boldly walks up, opens door, disappears inside. Showers, exits, as I'm still in the queue.
I was all ready to congratulate him on his outstanding robustness, but he didnt even notice it! I mean it was a perfectly curled example on a eye-level shelf. And it was a warm shower too. Still bemuses me how someone managed to get it there, about 2ft below ceiling level.