I think you should advertise her on classifieds!
FS: mid 30's lady, slim, 30k miles, average IQ, bit desperate due to biological clock, good looking and not too many owners. Has the ability to go red, hot temperature and loud whining noise.
Test drive available but must pay bill at restaurant and not run off or a set of marzocchi bombers will land on your head.
£: 50 cammels and a 20 elephants clap clap.
"I shall call you 'wife Tuesday' aha!"