We have a friend whose life is a mess at the moment.
Do you have suggestions as to what she should do?
Let's call her girl G. She is 30+, pretty, intelligent, employed in a job that pays peanuts but if she worked abroad she could earn lots more. She says she doesn't want children. She lives in a small city where shares a flat with her long-term man, and is in debt because of him.
Man A is he boyfriend of a dozen years. He is a lawyer, but unemployed. He is a compulsive gambler and has lost loads of cash, saddling the two of them with much debt. She doesn't care for him much now, and they argue lots but he can't afford to move out and she can't afford to buy his share of the flat. He had an affair a couple of years ago, G forgave him but it's not been the same since. He wants to stay together and is desperate to keep her.
Bloke B is someone she met on an extended business trip and had an intensive affair with. She is now infatuated / in love with the man, and he says that he loves her, too. However he lives abroad, is married, older than her, and says he doesn't want to leave his wife. He would like her to move to his country where she could earn OK money IF she could find a job. Moneywise he could probably afford to leave his wife but his job is not secure.
Chap C is a good platonic friend; G likes him but doesn't fancy him at all. However he has just confessed that he is in love with her (infatuated / besotted) and would like her to move in with him. They've not slept together, she says. Apart from the fling with B she is fairly chaste. Chap C is well-off in a secure job and could fix her financial problems. But he's shy, naive and a virgin at 32. She told him about Bloke B, and his advice was to dump the guy and move in with himself.
She doesn't have huge numbers of friends in her city, as she works too hard and was very much a couple with A for many years.
O collective wisdom of STW, what should she do ?
😕
Which bloke are you?
Ditch A, forget B and C, and stop worrying about it. Simple. 8)
twohats - Member
Which bloke are you?
You beat me to it! Curse my aging fingers...
Is she fit?
what should she do
write a screenplay
I vote for her moving in with Woman A. And pics, lots of pics.....
Whilst reading the OP, I couldnt help thinking of Simon Bates and 'our tune'.
Logic says get rid of all 3.
But it's not so easy to apply logic in your personal life, as I can confirm.
Ditch A - gambling loser - he won't change now
Forget B - he will never leave his wife and she is doing the " grass is greener" "I want what I can't have" thing. Affairs with a married man stinks to high heaven - she should be ashamed
Forget C - she ain't into him she won't be happy.
Once single and settled she will find D - a decent single bloke
Option D - Airtight?
Coat on, already gone.
Find D
My money's on Moses being chap C
Gett all 3 guys to give her an 'airlock'.
Another thread requiring a trip to Urban Dictionary 😕 . I'm still stunned after finding out what a blumpkin is.
FWIW I agree with TJ
Go on 'the game'?
[i]CaptainFlashheart - Member
Option D - Airtight?
Coat on, already gone.
[/i]
effiel tower option?
get a flat and a vibrator.
Punch As lights out and leave, move in with B and take all he's got before edjucating C in the ways of the world for one hot steamy weekend before jumping on a plane never to bee seen again.
She needs out and to steer clear of men for a while IMO.
Dont bother with any of them, move out asap and she sounds like she will find D soon enough once she gets rid of the misfit she is with now.
at 32!
I'm a walking disaster when it comes to relationships and women, but even I can get into a girls pants!
ditto the above, flat + ann summers catalogue + wait for bloke D
A clearly wont change
B wants to have his cake and eat ...who on earth would move to another counrtry to be someones bit on the side and expect a happy ending?
C- 32yr old virgin ... it would be cruel to make jokes but how do you get to that age without getting laid?
D = You. Pump her. wipe yourself clean on the curtains ( it wont matter as she'll be moving on from her flat by the sounds of it ) and then walk away leaving her for man E whenever she comes along.
wipe yourself clean on the curtains
it'll be the only screaming you hear during that sojourn...
I'm a walking disaster when it comes to relationships and women, but even I can get into a girls pants!
Stolen pants from your neighbours washing line doesn't count! 😉
Moses - your Chap C
Crime solved, Professor Plum was dogging Miss Scarlet in the Library....
If girl G moves to the same country as bloke B then she is heading for a heap of trouble chasing a guy who wont leave his wife, he will probably feel threated by her doing something as drastic as uping sticks and relocating to be near him, Bloke C is deluding himself and should wake up and ask himself why he is still a virgin at 32, bloke A needs shooting. The delemia is if girl G could find a way out of the flat without being dependant on others than thats the choice she should go for.
Option A: If she doesn’t think the relationship is worth saving (via counselling or whatever) she should ditch him.
Option B: Is married. Unless she wants to be a morally questionable trollop, she should ditch him. End of. Even from a more pragmatic point of view, if he’s cheating on his wife with her, he’s probably got other totty all over the shop. Even if he left his wife for her, he’ll probably cheat on her once he gets bored.
Option C: She doesn’t fancy him, and moving in with him would be unfair on him, and basically prostituting herself. OK, maybe not that unfair on him, if he’s OK knowing that she’s imagining that she’s elsewhere. If she’s cheated on her long-term bloke with a married man, I doubt that starting a relationship with a bloke she doesn’t fancy is likely to be a long and faithful one.
In short, she should WTFU, stop sleeping around behind her bloke’s back, particularly with married men – if she’s unhappy with the relationship, she should end it, for both their sakes. She sounds like she needs some time being single to figure out what she actually wants from life, instead of basing her emotional and financial wellbeing around a bunch of unsuitable men.
Another vote for the Zulu-Alpha option here 😀
Some women are like monkeys. They won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next. They would be better off without any bloke for a long period, but only feel they have worth as a mans accessory.
OP has a strange view, she has no friends because she was part of a couple which makes me feel that moses is Girl G.
It doesn't sound as if any of them are suited for her and her for them. Maybe instead of thinking the solution is another relationship why not be single for a while? Anyone would be a fool to get involved with her at the moment. cynic-al has it correct I think, she's not doing herself or any men any favours at the moment. Being that she's a cheat I would never get involved as her morals have gone and it will be easier the next time to stray.
she sounds like a right goer. C would have the introduction of his life to sex. Go for it moses.
For what it's worth, I'm none of A,B,C or G.
We've known her for years, but didn't see much of her when she was being all coupley (?)with A.
Her morals are fine. B was an aberration from what she's said - totally unexpected.
"he's shy, naive and a virgin at 32"
bloody programmers, all the same.
I'd advise her to take a break and then find 'D'.
Wake up and realise that she is responsible for her own life and happiness, and that no man from A-Z is going to sort that out for her ?
Another vote for the cynical-al view.
Her morals are fine. B was an aberration from what she's said - totally unexpected.
She’s cheated on her partner of over ten years…with a married man. Given that you describe the affair as ‘intensive’ and that she’s considering moving to his country to be his bit on the side on a more fulltime basis (possibly with the view of hoping he’ll leave his wife), it doesn’t sound like it was a one-off or a mistake she regrets. I’d hardly describe her morals as ‘fine’.
Mrs Toast is right, all a bit handy whan she wants it, stay clear is my advice.
Ditch A and be single for a while until she knows what she wants. If that means they have to sell the flat and A gets jumped on by his creditors, too bad, her equity should be secure. Simples.
Girl G. 30+, pretty, intelligent.
Well Hellllooo.
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It would be good to put the solution in some kind of mathematical formula. Any one good at math expresions?
It would be good to put the solution in some kind of mathematical formula. Any one good at math expresions?
Women over 30;
Single, Sane, Attractive
Pick two.
Men over 30:
[s]Fat[/s] Generously proportioned*, Bald, Boring
Pick three.
* sorry ernie/ton, a brief lapse there 🙁
Women over 30;Single, Sane, Attractive
Pick two.
tea/keyboard.
Reading this, Thank God I am in a stable relationship, where my other half works to support me while I try to make it big at online poker.And only takes the odd weekend in France with her Mum. Wish that dork in the anorak would stop coming round, mind.
Women over 30;Single, Sane, Attractive
Pick two.
Ok, I'll have two then 😉
[i]Men over 30:
Fat Generously proportioned*, Bald, Boring
Pick three.[/i]
I've been trying to think of this for a while, I came up with;
"Solvent, attractive, single
pick two."
and I don't know any blokes over 30 who meet all 3 criteria...
Option A: If she doesn’t think the relationship is worth saving (via counselling or whatever) she should ditch him.
Option B: Is married. Unless she wants to be a morally questionable trollop, she should ditch him. End of. Even from a more pragmatic point of view, if he’s cheating on his wife with her, he’s probably got other totty all over the shop. Even if he left his wife for her, he’ll probably cheat on her once he gets bored.
Option C: She doesn’t fancy him, and moving in with him would be unfair on him, and basically prostituting herself. OK, maybe not that unfair on him, if he’s OK knowing that she’s imagining that she’s elsewhere. If she’s cheated on her long-term bloke with a married man, I doubt that starting a relationship with a bloke she doesn’t fancy is likely to be a long and faithful one.
In short, she should WTFU, stop sleeping around behind her bloke’s back, particularly with married men – if she’s unhappy with the relationship, she should end it, for both their sakes. She sounds like she needs some time being single to figure out what she actually wants from life, instead of basing her emotional and financial wellbeing around a bunch of unsuitable men.
Absolutly bang on! got it in one!print this off and give it to her.
although I come out as
"Married, poor, aesthetically challenged
Pick three"
so I've no idea why my sane attractive wife is still with me.
Women over 30;
Single, Sane, Attractive
Pick two.
this is totally bang on as well!!
[i]so I've no idea why my sane attractive wife is still with me. [/i]
Is she hiding her insanity really well?
possibly, I can't afford to find out though, the kids leech me of every last penny.
spend a good week and a half convincing C that she really is in love with him but that she needs the others out of the way first, then fill him with amphetamine and buckfast, hand him a semi automatic weapon and drive him to the apartment, retire to a safe distance and enjoy the fireworks!
Is it just me who thinks candidate C is material ripe for axe murdering stalker?
Funnily enough, I wonder about that one too. Not that I've met the guy, but it may have the potential to all go haywire.
Sounds to me like G is in a bit of a spot.
She's allowing other people's actions s to define her own sense of direction/life/happiness/worth.
She needs to decide what she wants rather than what these men want.
Once the decision is made then do just it!
He is a lawyer, but unemployed.
Which particular barrel would sir like to be bottom of?
barnsleymitch -
Whilst reading the OP, I couldnt help thinking of Simon Bates and 'our tune'.
😆
Buy her a mountain bike for Christmas...
New sport, new outlook on life, new people to meet!!
Oops - double post. Edit.
I think she could play hard to get.
Move out, make no contact and see if any of the three gets in touch. If he doesn't, she's got her answer. If he does, she can set her own terms.