Dating, I vaguely remember that, it was before the world wide web and the Minitel rose was the nearest thing to a dating app. Rules: an explicit "yes" if an offer/request hadn't already been made by them, a question about contraception and above all, liking them as people.
So did you see Mrs Browns Boys last week…
The Christmas Special was very disappointing.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..or so I read 😀
I'm amazed there's an audience for it tbh
, a question about contraception
This is not enough, if you don't want any more kids have the snip.
All of these are valid options. You’re not going to be starting a new family at 60, I’d recommend a hamster.
I know a couple of guys who thought that.....
from those of later years, I’d add:
Thanks. "later years" indeed!
I want someone to share adventures with! A shag would not go amiss either 😉 I ain't ready yet tho and I'm scared of meeting Louise
This is not enough, if you don’t want any more kids have the snip.
Or be old enough your dates are post menaupausal
emsz
Free MemberI love it when STW goes dating. My rules
I suspect you're not fully serious (?), but that was a pretty sound list anyway IMO.
My view is rules are made to be broken, so think of them more as guidelines and just follow your instincts.
Be prepared to learn from mistakes, and steel yourself because it's gonna be emotionally brutal - however stable and well balanced you feel now.
If you're using dating apps, also be prepared to have to put in the hours of chatting and expect a high attrition rate.
Five matches might = one date.
Five first dates might = one second date.
etc. etc.
Don't always judge people on textual chemistry either, if it's great then it's unlikely to be replicated IRL. If it's crap, there can still be a spark when you meet.
Good luck.
-No living under the same roof as their ex.
I had to give her an ultimatum to state where I stood for my own sanity… Fortunately I am glad to say, she kicked him out for good within the week, and 5 and a bit years later I am sat next to her on the sofa typing this right now… But had I not made that ultimatum for my own sanity (and about the only time I would ever do so), I worry that things might have been quite different!
TBH, i don't know if you've realised, but in the last 5 and a half years the cost of living has risen, significantly.
Lot's more people on zero hours contracts. House prices (and rentals) have gone insane in some parts of the country.
There are a good chunk of perfectly dateable and honest women (and, obviously, men) still living with partners that they simply cannot afford to move away from. Us 40-50-60 year old individuals with professional careers and LTV of less than 50% with a mortgage that we took out 15 years ago are lucky, even though it might not seem like it.
Cost me a lot of cash (nearly 6 figures) to buy my ex out of the house. The financial hit hurt me, but i still have a good enough LTV to get a good mortgage rate and an affordable mortgage. And a house big enough to have space for me and the kids.
I've been out with several women who still share a roof with an ex since then, it's *never* been that has been the deal breaker.
Never date a cat owner, they are all batshit mental.
This is not enough, if you don’t want any more kids have the snip.
That won't stop you catching Galloping Knobrot.
If you're going to be paddling in strange water, wear your wellies.
Never date a cat owner, they are all batshit mental.
You got that dead right. My BIL is with one, she’s Harpic. (Clean round the bend)
Nuts. Weird. & turns out she’s not nice either.
“later years” indeed!
I want someone to share adventures with! A shag would not go amiss either 😉
At your age I thought you'd want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.
At your age I thought you’d want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.
Bring a younger man and a set of jump leads....
That won’t stop you catching Galloping Knobrot
At least you have the choice to get rid of that with a quick visit to the doctor. You may not get much of a choice about the other "condition".
At least you have the choice to get rid of that with a quick visit to the doctor.
They're not all curable!
I’ve been out with several women who still share a roof with an ex since then, it’s *never* been that has been the deal breaker.
My last girlfriend still shared a house with her husband and all I seemed to hear about was how he didn't pull his weight around the house. It felt like I was dating him as well as her and it dragged me down to a point I had to walk away. There were options, they could have lived more separate lives, but looking back I don't think either of them were really over their relationship. I won't do that again.
1) must not smell (is it asking too much?)
2) must not talk with a funny voice (unless Jo Guest)
3) must be mentally sane. (bipolar okay, but trying to run me over, not!)
, but looking back I don’t think either of them were really over their relationship.
Yes, that's the problem in that scenario, not the sharing a roof.
) must be mentally sane. (bipolar okay, but trying to run me over, not!)
There's detail I want to hear behind this!
I’m not ashamed to say her grasp of the English language was a massive turn on.
Ah yep nothing beats conjugating verbs for foreplay 🙂
At your age I thought you’d want to have a lie down whilst someone else had one.
TBH with the ambulance situation may be worth having a nice hot cup of tea instead, unless your dating a medical person.
Piece of cake. Dating can be brutal for the weak and emotionally fragile, but with the right attitude it can also be a right laugh!
Keep it fun - it's dating
Meet loads of different people - you'll be surprised as to where things can go
Keep your mind open
Don't spend any money on them - you're dating - not in a relationship
Make them pay their own way
Play the field even after a few dates with the same person
If it goes t1ts up, forget about it, there will always be others
Never be too keen, assertive and confident - yes - but never chase!
Enjoy the ride!
Don't have any. The idea of dating someone doesn't sound fun at all. I'm also married so of no help at all.
This is definitely worth keeping going.
my rules....
no tattoos
no weird piercings
no day of the week hair colour changes
no "bunny ears" snapchat photos
no-one of the aforementioned L name
no-one still married or living with their ex
no-one with sole hobbies of pubs/festvals/going out
still single mind so it's served me well!!!!
no tattoos
Rather limits your options these days!
Try rejecting all those who list "Travel" as one of their interests.. you'd be left with ... 0 ! 😀
If you find someone who breaks all three of your first criteria, chuck 'em this way would you?
If I followed the "no tattoos" rule I'd have missed out on some exceptional sexytime.
Do you screen them at the chat stage? I didn't even find out about most women's tatts until things had become heated TBH.
I should maybe expand on "no tattoos" in that I don't find a full sleeve particularly attractive...
Fair enough, I'm ambivalent about tattoos as a hobby/identity, but I'm also intrigued by the association with sexual adventurousness, so...
My criteria
1. A pulse
2. Understands and obeys rule no 1.
My criteria
1. A pulse
2. Understands and obeys rule no 1.
Well, hello handsome!
And if a bird shits on your car.....
IGMC
Oh and a friend of my mrs (honest guv) who does this sort of thing meets them for the first time for a lunchtime coffee, it gives you a reasonable excuse to leg it.
And if a bird shits on your car…..
I had a woman make a disparaging comment about my van, does that count?
Well, hello handsome!
Get your coat, you've pulled.
😎😘
This has been really useful / enlightening to read, as a female who has kind of given up again after decades of bad luck / bad choices / not great self belief.
The honesty thing is so true, and just basic decency & mutual respect.
After an 8 year relationship ended catastrophically in 2017 (due to a spectacular example of gobsmacking dishonesty but there were other issues in the background and it was better off ending..) I had a couple of terrible years of bad mental health, but got into bikes & back into going to gigs (which basically saved me).
Got counselling a couple of times which really helped, and am probably now in about as good a place as I've ever been, feeling a lot stronger, really very self sufficient & cope okay mostly with being single. But... it'd be nice to meet someone.
In the last 4 years I have only met (through friends) 2 nice guys who were both very keen & positive, proper bike guys, honest & really funny, supportive, got on amazingly well.
But both are a big distance away so it was mostly virtual chatting or phone calls.
I definitely think I was being too cautious (having been hurt really badly before). And basically missed the boat - one of them got back with an ex who lived locally during lockdown. He's still someone I have a lot of love for, think of him as a really good friend. He's always great if I need help with the bikes & has picked me up a few times when I was down.
The other is very much confusing at the moment......we've been talking regularly for a year, talked really openly about everything in life & there was talk of it basically being a relationship or having the potential to be one. But after summer his ex was having quite serious problems and he asked if we could cool it down for a bit as she'd get really devastated if he was dating..
We met up for a platonic drink a few weeks ago in early December and he seemed really keen again after that for about a week or so, said he was sorting out the situation with the ex - then he backed off and went very quiet.. he's got fairly complicated family responsibilities and I understand that, it's Xmas and a difficult time for them.
But it's a bit confusing..I suppose if I was honest and just asked him what is what that might be better?! But don't want to pile on pressure over Xmas when he's already got quite a bit going on with family & the ex.
Didn't mean to ramble this much, only being this confessional because nobody on here knows me!! (I hope!!!).
BUT - I agree with whoever said don't be too cool or cautious, if you get on really well & both like each other go for it, don't let the moment pass by. You'll regret it if they move on (or backward).
I'm really not keen on trying online dating after doing the whole thing about 20 years ago, after I was divorced, felt like it was a waste of time and depressing - but if any sites are better than others these days, let me know!
I hate resolutions and taking stock and all that expectation bollocks at this time of year - but maybe 2023 is the year to really give it a go. I'm not getting any younger & there's adventures in life still to be had, I very much hope!
And good luck to all of you still looking too 🙂
If you've been honest as to what you want, and the person you are interested in knows this, step away if they are unwilling to step up to meet your expectations.
I've leant the hard way that anything else just isn't worth your mental health.
You sound like you know what you want, dating sites just let you see more people, possibly in our cases to the point where you realise how rare it is what you are looking for! Best of luck
@vicky gigs wouldnt be a bad place to start.
As for apps I'd go Hinge or Bumble, Bumble gives women more control, it is a numbers game though so half the time you'll see the same people on Tinder as it seems to be the most popular.
Never underestimate the potential for some to look different from their photo, even if the photo was taken last week
Anyone over 40 with Snapchat, get a grip!
Snapchat
Get a grip
I thought that was what it was for!
A friend on another group posted a link to a FB group called "Singles MTB Dating UK" - I have no idea what it's like, she seemed keen to try it in the new year
A friend on another group posted a link to a FB group called “Singles MTB Dating UK” – I have no idea what it’s like, she seemed keen to try it in the new year
389 members. I genuinely wish them (all) luck, but I fear it'll be 95% men and half of them will have "MTB" as their surname.
I thought that was what it was for!
😂
Far too many straight laced people on here who don't know how to have fun, that's for sure... Glad I'm not dating most of them, and feel for those that get to!
my rules….
no tattoos
no weird piercings
I thought half the fun of dating was finding out where the tattoos and piercings were, and how much they added to the "experience"...? 🤔
My last girlfriend still shared a house with her husband and all I seemed to hear about was how he didn’t pull his weight around the house. It felt like I was dating him as well as her and it dragged me down to a point I had to walk away. There were options, they could have lived more separate lives, but looking back I don’t think either of them were really over their relationship. I won’t do that again.
Thing is Mister-P, as you've experienced, this is the inevitability and in my experience a best case scenario... All other potential scenarios are much worse...
There are a good chunk of perfectly dateable and honest women (and, obviously, men) still living with partners that they simply cannot afford to move away from. Us 40-50-60 year old individuals with professional careers and LTV of less than 50% with a mortgage that we took out 15 years ago are lucky, even though it might not seem like it.
You do you... I have more self esteem than to let someone else's failed relationship continue to destroy my potential future ones. If people remain under the same roof for "financial reasons" once a relationship has ended, then the relationship hasn't really ended and they're not really ready to move on. If, like with my GF her ex was dossing under her roof and pleading poverty, scrounging off her good nature and pulling at their kids' heart strings not to throw him out, well I had total sympathy for her but at the same time had too much self respect to put myself through it, so gave her an ultimatum... Thankfully she responded well to it, and the following morning applied for social housing on his behalf (the guy has been a burden of the state for nearly a decade now, can barely leave the house let alone work, chronic alcoholic to the point I am genuinely surprised he is still alive and he's not yet 50, chronic emphacaema through chain smoking his entire life, you get the pic but he was ruining her life still even after she'd left him!) and he was gone within the week... Judging by the number of times he's turned up blind drunk at our house demanding to see his daughter (who is free to go and see him at any time), usually when he's upset her too, I was 100% justified in my actions.
Life is short... Don't waste it being being someone else's secondary concern!
I’m really not keen on trying online dating after doing the whole thing about 20 years ago
It's far more normal now and a lot less taboo. Most people meet their partners this way now, to rule it out is like ruling out going to the pub 20yrs ago! Obviously there's sites that people use primarily for "pickups" rather than serious dating, and I'd try and avoid these, but dip your toe in the water and give it a fresh chance, I think you'll be surprised how much better it is these days than it was 2 decades ago, albeit the same old rules still apply about not getting drawn in by serial pickup artists or charity cases etc...
A friend on another group posted a link to a FB group called “Singles MTB Dating UK” – I have no idea what it’s like, she seemed keen to try it in the new year
It always staggers me the amount of single people I meet in cycling that the only thing they have in their lives is cycling, and have deemed that they need any potential suitor to be as into cycling as they are... Yet at the same time I am not staggered by their lack of success finding potential suitors!
Do you really want to live in each others pockets, not have any free time from one another? Are you that dull that cycling is the only thing you have in your life that you couldn't possibly be interesting to someone else otherwise?!?!
Those who know me personally will think I am being somewhat ironic given my current GF's love of cycling and that she rides more than I do, and my ex GF being madly passionate about it to the point it has taken over her life! The thing was, before meeting either of them, neither were cyclists, and I did nothing to actively encourage their participation either... They both just got into it of their own accord, and I have helped and encouraged where I could, but also been keen to help them find their own passions away from mine too (both heavily into road cycling, where I'm more of an MTBer)...
The only way I'd say that having my GF a keen cyclist helps is her understanding that you need time out from each other at times, time to enjoy your own thing on your own or with friends away from the relationship, ironically it's often on 2 wheels for both of us but individually rather than together.
389 members. I genuinely wish them (all) luck, but I fear it’ll be 95% men and half of them will have “MTB” as their surname.
Many years spent online dating, 3+ decades MTBing and cycling in general, nearly 2 decades working in the cycle trade, have owned my own shop, been a pivotal figure in cycling clubs etc etc... I'd be gobsmacked if the ratio was as favourable as 95% male to 5% female... 99 to 1 would probably be more like it!
Setting yourself up for a fall if you're looking for someone specifically who's into cycling IMO... It's such a rare occurrence that it almost never happens, but not only that, it can cause significant rifts in friendship groups as and when a breakup occurs (been there, done that) and there is an expectation for people to choose sides (thankfully me and my ex got to an amicable point fairly quickly, and remain so now).
Put it this way... If they make you smile, you like looking at them, you're happy to wake up next to them in the same bed and you're pretty sure they'd genuinely look after you if anything serious ever happened to you that required it, then does it bloody matter if they don't like cycling?!?! 🤷🏻♂️ As long as they're not proactively stopping you from doing it that is...