It always staggers me the amount of single people I meet in cycling that the only thing they have in their lives is cycling, and have deemed that they need any potential suitor to be as into cycling as they are… Yet at the same time I am not staggered by their lack of success finding potential suitors!
You could probably say that of any hobby TBH. It's good to have common interests, but having one interest to the exclusion of everything else isn't healthy regardless of dating.
I had a job interview last week, I was asked what my hobby was and in a mild panic I blurted out "I collect hobbies."
You could probably say that of any hobby TBH
Absolutely!
I had a job interview last week, I was asked what my hobby was and in a mild panic I blurted out “I collect hobbies.”
I've used words to that effect before too... Got too many hobbies that I don't have enough time or money to enjoy them all is usually my response.
Makes you far more likely to be able to have a conversation over a drink with someone you've just met than if you only have the one thing in your life in my experience!
@Vicky very similar to me, long relationship ended had about a year of counseling to sort both self worth and some other issues.
A few dates some went further than others but a few years down the road and I've kind of resided being single.
Yes a relationship would be great but I also like my own space and freedom at the min.
Plus I don't actually do anything that would involve meeting a potential partner, rule#.. no dating work colleagues etc ...
Do you really want to live in each others pockets, not have any free time from one another? Are you that dull that cycling is the only thing you have in your life that you couldn’t possibly be interesting to someone else otherwise?!?!
The thing for me is that adventures by bike are how I intend to spend much of the next few years. Little room for a non cyclist in that
The thing for me is that adventures by bike are how I intend to spend much of the next few years. Little room for a non cyclist in that
And that’s fair enough in itself, at least you know what you want, even if it’s statistically improbable…
Have you tried batting for the other side yet? Might find this approach more rewarding if you’re comfortable with the approach… 🤷🏻♂️😉
Well we did have morecashthandash catfishing earlier........................................
Well folks I hate to be the bearer of more good news but its going from strength to strength and despite trying to take things slowly.
Rule Not Rule 4 from esmz is right 🙂
Well we did have morecashthandash catfishing earlier………………………………….
You still got that tandem sweetie?
I was never particularly paranoid about my height until I tried online dating and foudn there's a lot of people really weirdly obsessed with it. I've got a friend whos in broadly similar circumstances to me (early 40s, bit too into bikes, IT bod, generally nerdy) execpt that he actually enjoyed the whole process. I think your ability to get something out of those apps is fairly directly tied to your ability to not take it too seriously, play it as the numbers game that it is and so forth. If you, for whatever reason, can't do that and find that it triggers all sorts of social anxiety and stress then it's genuinely emotionally draining and horrible. But I'm not sure what else you're actually meant to do instead nowadays?
Rules? I dunno what actually constitues something that isn't just a preference or red flag to you personally. I don't love tattos or people who don't at least try and look after themselves a bit (which given my past is certainly somewhat ironic) but I reckon anyone of wildly difference religious/moral background would always be a challenge and if they can't understand how the app works (hi all the woemn on bumble who want you to message first) or lack some form of basic literacy then you're gonna struggle. Honestly, once you've actually met in person I reckon it's all a bit more striaghforward.
In my 20s I used to go to a beginner's Salsa dance class every monday. My logic was how many single women go and how many single guys go.
I never succeeded in learning to dance but I was fought over as a partner each week.
20 years later I may not be fought over quite as much.
Feels a bit underhand to fake an interest in dancing to meet women? Creep I used to work with did this.
Not sure that's entirely underhand. I did similar in my 20s with Spanish lessons, though the mix was more 50/50. It was just a way.to meet folk and not be half cut at a bar, plus I learned something along the way.
I've not met anyone through Duolingo in my 40s mind.
dunno what actually constitues something that isn’t just a preference or red flag to you personally. I don’t love tattos
I think I'd find the presence or absence of tattoos far less of a turn-off than someone being judgemental about them.
Feels a bit underhand to fake an interest in dancing to meet women?
If you want to meet women (or men) you need to go to places where they might be. No?
Hell, how many people went to nightclubs in their teens / 20s (/30s)? Were we all going there for the dancing?
Crikey so many rules, LOL!
If it is meant to happen it will.
What’s creepy is scrolling through a load of photographs of women on the internet and deciding which we would and wouldn’t…
but thats the accepted method these days eh.
I would have liked to have been able to dance, alas I'm more of a raver than a ballroom dancer.
I did take a date there and luckily she could see past my inability to dance as we are 15 years in with 2 boys now.
We're my actions any worse than the typical dolphin trainer chat up line?
But all that isn't really advice for the OP.
So you met by accident rather than on porpoise?
Met on a porpoise. Another trainer hooked us up at cetacean trainer school
Sounds fishy. [Cetacean needed]
What’s creepy is scrolling through a load of photographs of women on the internet and deciding which we would and wouldn’t…
That's all anyone was doing in a bar/nightclub anyway for decades before internet dating came about... Except that with online dating, if you like the pics, you are then likely to read their "about me" bit and want to find out a bit more about them...
Not sure the same could be said for most guys I know who were going to nightclubs to get drunk and get laid for the last 25yrs or so I've been allowed into them!
Attraction has to have a physical element to it, no point denying it. And given that physical attraction is usually a very binary yes/no thing for most people, it seems the most logical way of eliminating potential suitors in the first round...
To quote/paraphrase Oscar Wilde... "Only the shallow truly know themselves"
That’s all anyone was doing in a bar/nightclub anyway for decades before internet dating came about…
They really weren’t. Unless you took dating agency albums on your nights out.
(I do know what you’re trying to say, but its **** all like it)
If you want to meet women (or men) you need to go to places where they might be. No?
Hell, how many people went to nightclubs in their teens / 20s (/30s)? Were we all going there for the dancing?
Yes, I get that. Difference with nightclubs is that meeting men/women is the main motive for going - it's not an ulterior motive.
Newly widowed at 57, I’m not ready for a new relationship - unless it “just happens” - but where the hell do you start?
I was with my late wife for almost 35 years, last time I was single you just went pubbing/clubbing/gigging & just saw what happened
Mind you, I was young & good looking then 😉
Bikesandboots, I think you've gone to town on my motives. There were drinks afterwards. The dance lessons were merely an introduction and an hour of clumsily trying to dance.
As for clubbing. It seems I'm one of the outliers who went out with the sole intention to dance.
Johndrummer, sorry to hear that.
Welcome to the club you never wanted to join Johndrummer. There are a few of us on here and I'm in a similar place
I'm ready to start contemplating dating but not ready to actually do anything about it. Personally I see no option but to internet dating sites. there are few single women in my friendship group, I rarely meet new folk so internet it will have to be.
I'm encouraged by mr Overshoots story tho
johndrummer
Newly widowed at 57, I’m not ready for a new relationship – unless it “just happens” – but where the hell do you start?
I was with my late wife for almost 35 years, last time I was single you just went pubbing/clubbing/gigging & just saw what happened
Mind you, I was young & good looking then 😉
Firstly John I'm so very sorry for your loss, I know your wife had cancer but thought it was passed in most respects 🙁
You & I are the same age now, I lost Carolyn when I was 54 her 52. We had been together 38 years with the odd break.
Firstly make sure when you think your ready to date have a bloody good think about what you are looking for! I started out not knowing what I was after so put "not sure" in that box? But it was over 3 years since Carolyn died & after 10 dates I sort of worked out I was looking for a real relationship.
Look at my original post and use that for a framework (feel free to PM me any time as there is stuff I'm not going to type here!)
I would say once you get going online (As long as you are careful) you will be surprised at how many really nice women are interested as long as you don't look like a serial killer or some narcissist in the gym. IIRC you are NW based like me so there are some large population centres that will give you a lot of hits & good news for TJ there seems to be a lot of women from the central belt of Scotland who are looking for love? So much so I had to check that there wasn't a town with the same name as mine in Scotland?
Anyway just be prepared to be pleasantly surprised once you are ready that is.
Like I said PM me anytime
Thanks MrOvershoot, we thought she’d beaten it but it came back, but not in its original site - she was getting mammograms once a year to try eliminate that.
Up until late summer she seemed fine, then in September she started refusing food. Late October “I don’t feel well”. Bonfire night she got up early morning to go to the bathroom & didn’t have the strength to stand up. So I called an ambulance & we took her to hospital. After a couple of days they did a CT scan, large mass in her pelvis & multiple tumours in her liver. Three weeks later she died.
I’m Leeds/Bradford so plenty of population centres - maybe too many!
So who amongst us is going to crack first and ask vickymegalith where she lives 🙂
Thanks for the painful update John. It's early days yet my friend but don't forget to give yourself space and if offered take whatever counselling you can get.
Like I said PM me about anything there are a fair few who have gone through losing our "life" partner at this stage in our life and just use us as a way of regaining your life without her. Much as you will desperately miss her it does get better but slowly.
tjagain
So who amongst us is going to crack first and ask vickymegalith where she lives 🙂
I guess a few were wondering if she was like like Professor Alice Roberts given her username!
I've already told my new partner she's dumped if Alice gives me a call 😉
I freed myself from a cripplingly restrictive relationship early last year and have been single since at the age of 53. Never been as happy.
I'm free to ride my bike whenever I please, and go away practically every weekend.
Cant see myself ever looking for another relationship. It does help when you are very comfortable with your own company though.
Good luck to you all who are looking though and I really hope you find what you are looking for. I last did internet dating 8 years ago and it was a minefield then.
So who amongst us is going to crack first and ask vickymegalith where she lives 🙂
Thought we'd banned stealth ads? 🤣
Having been a bit "oh **** why did I post that?!" in this thread, and not been able to bring myself to look back again since Xmas until the STW newsletter (talking about the forum) today reminded me, it does actually give me lots of hope (not about dating specifically, but the world more generally) seeing there are loads of good people, being supportive to each other through loads of different circumstances that we all experience in life, on here.
I did start a tinder thread a long while back. Locked now obviously.
I'm still with the person I met on there, it'll be 5 years this month. I'm 54 she's 55.
She's pretty incredible.
Called her to tell her I had leukaemia when the prognosis was initially bad to give her an out of she wanted to.
Her: "I'm going nowhere."
Called her a few days later to say that I'd broken my cock due to the priapism but it could be sorted with an penile implant.
Her: "I'm still going nowhere but get it sorted asap Frankencock."
That's my girl. That's my girl.😁👍
Typical isn't it.
A girl says hello and a boy goes "yeah, about my penis..."
😁
there are loads of good people, being supportive to each other through loads of different circumstances that we all experience in life, on here.
There are loads of curmudgeonly old gits on here. But. It is generally all well-meaning, the argumentative arseholes (like me) enjoy sparring with other argumentative arseholes and it's understood that This Is The Way.*
But it's like a 90s metal club, if someone falls to the floor in the middle of a raucous mosh pit then everyone immediately slams on the brakes until they get picked up and ensured that they're OK. We take care of our own.
(* - I hope)
Cougar
Full Member
Typical isn’t it.A girl says hello and a boy goes “yeah, about my penis…”
😁
Ok, that did major me laugh a little too much as you do have a point there.👍😁
You do you… I have more self esteem than to let someone else’s failed relationship continue to destroy my potential future ones. If people remain under the same roof for “financial reasons” once a relationship has ended, then the relationship hasn’t really ended and they’re not really ready to move on. If, like with my GF her ex was dossing under her roof and pleading poverty, scrounging off her good nature and pulling at their kids’ heart strings not to throw him out, well I had total sympathy for her but at the same time had too much self respect to put myself through it, so gave her an ultimatum… Thankfully she responded well to it, and the following morning applied for social housing on his behalf (the guy has been a burden of the state for nearly a decade now, can barely leave the house let alone work, chronic alcoholic to the point I am genuinely surprised he is still alive and he’s not yet 50, chronic emphacaema through chain smoking his entire life, you get the pic but he was ruining her life still even after she’d left him!) and he was gone within the week… Judging by the number of times he’s turned up blind drunk at our house demanding to see his daughter (who is free to go and see him at any time), usually when he’s upset her too, I was 100% justified in my actions.
So what you're saying is the ex was a disaster area and is still causing issues despite them not living together?
Half your age plus seven.
If it floats, flies or...
Half your age plus seven.
I'm 54 this year....so 34?
I could legally be her dad. 🤯
Sasha Grey is 34...
Jus' sayin'.
Sasha Grey is 34…
Jus’ sayin’.
I didn't know who she was, and foolishly googled her. Luckily, I've been on the forum long enough to take the precaution of going Incognito first
“No-one from work”
I’ve worked with quite a few people who’ve been in relationships with work colleagues, one couple now own quite a successful clothing store in town, having just moved into a larger space. I met someone at work and we hit it off really well, it was really only her deciding to take up nursing which entailed her moving some way away that resulted in the relationship ending; thirty years on, we’re still very good friends, we can strike up a conversation after not having spoken for months, and it’s like we only spoke a couple of days before.
Regarding tattoos, as I currently have seventeen, with more planned, it stands to reason that I would have no problem with a prospective partner either having tattoos or being interested in getting some.
Piercings, on the other hand, I have some issues with, some just make me feel a bit queasy and I make no apologies for that.
I went on a date with a lady and we agreed to meet at a pub.
It was her local, she had her own stool at the bar and her own tankard.
Maybe I'm a sexist pig but I found this a huge turn off and there was not a second date.