[Closed] You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Go on holiday.

Lunch.

Castrate the current generation of ****less scum

semi serious answer - I shall adopt flashys one on no gambling advertising.

citizens income / positive and negative income tax and sharply rising income tax so the poorest are better off, the average the same and the rich worse off. simplifies tax and national insurance and benefits.

vastly increased powers for tax fraud. give companies the option of tax on turnover or profits to stop them exporting all the profits like starbucks.

End all the internal market nonsense in the english NHS

Set up a proper federal system of government.

Base indirect taxation on carbon costs

Legalise all drugs bar cocaine and make it a healthcare issue not a criminal justice one - this would halve crime overnight as junkies don't have to go out robbing and given the experience elsewhere would end heroin addiction over a generation

Introduce strict liability for road users to protect the vulnerable

Introduce mandatory retesting for driving licence every 3 years.

E bike owners will have to charge their batteries on a dynamo!

Tax retired baby boomers for every empty bedroom in their houses. See how they like it.

Outlaw the global arms industry, reform taxation and the public sector to make it a lot more Robin Hood. Put measures in place to reduce the human population.

Govenment expenditure < 20% of GDP

Not sure the libertarian sympathies that lie behind my choice fit well with the premise of the thread or of Cpn's suggestion, but I would say that the tag line "and I bet responsibility" is a great oxymoron and disturbing to hear

You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Everyone must learn the manner to bow to me or face me girl Kimber 6S, unless I exclude you from such manner.

I'd get all you plebs to tidy all your shit up and put the world back to how it was a couple of thousand years ago then dig a bloody massive hole and launch yourselves into it and leave me behind in peace and quiet with only Rachel Riley for company.

So many things I think I need a bigger wall, but first I'd make them read out their 3 best* forum posts on live TV before entering the hunger games - which in this case turns out to be a fenced off essex with no TV cameras (I'd probably leave the indigenous population in there)

When my absolute power ends I think I would want to go out in style
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*best - well you know what I mean

Move everyone to North America and Europe and leave the rest of the earth fallow for 10 years to recover, then rotate the earths population between continents every 10 years so we will get to enjoy the planet and us the resources available without screwing all of it up at the same time.

People who fail to indicate would get a bright yellow LED's installed onto their foreheads which would flash continually for the rest of their natural life.

Ban plastic packaging. Can't be that expensive to wrap stuff in paper/glass/other reusable or recyclable material.

Then I'd commission lots of these, programmed to take out anyone dropping litter out of car windows, or anyone just generally being a nob.
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Ban all money and all national forces then put all those people employed in those industries into providing food and healthcare for every single person on the planet. Get rid of all oppression and everyone only has to work only 3 days a week.

Force teachers to do teacher training days during the ample holidays already allocated
Amputation for people who drop litter
7 days in prison practising with HubbaBubba for people who can't eat with their mouth closed
Exportation for needlessly cheerful people

Christ, I'm going to need a second term...

There would only be one law when I am in charge. Don't take the piss. Your jury of 12 can decide if you are and also decide your punishment.

Delegate power.

Can we add "pulled pork", "artisan", "pop up", "edit" (as in video), "barista" to the list too?

Struggling to disagree with most of all of the above if I'm honest

Commission a large scorpion pit
First caravaners, then mime artists

Appoint a head of cheese

Dissapear on my bike.

I'd just like to remind folk that use mtb forums that as nice as the new Countdown mathematician-ess is, Kylie is still lovely.

- Execute anyone who uses the word "remoaners".
- Remove all subsidies for fossil fuels and apply them to renewables.
- Make a pledge to implement efficient grid energy storage within 3 years.
- publicly flog anyone who fails to indicate and those who indicate right, when going straight on at roundabouts.
- Ban EastEnders and Coronation Street.
- Ban the Daily Mail.
- Ban reality TV shows.
- Cancel Brexit.
- Ban all dog breeds with inbred breathing difficulties (pugs, boxers, bull dogs etc)

Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip

I could do with a nap.

Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip

P-Jay - Member
Rachel Riley, twice.
The iWife twice
Rachel Riley [b]AND[/b] the iWife twice
Then use my power to make my wife forgive me

FTFY P-Jay

- Execute anyone who uses the word "remoaners".
- Remove all subsidies for fossil fuels and apply them to renewables.
- Make a pledge to implement efficient grid energy storage within 3 years.
- publicly flog anyone who fails to indicate and those who indicate right, when going straight on at roundabouts.
- Ban EastEnders and Coronation Street.
- Ban the Daily Mail.
- Ban reality TV shows.
- Cancel Brexit.
- Ban all dog breeds with inbred breathing difficulties (pugs, boxers, bull dogs etc)

+1
And..

Internet bullshit, all who spout nasty bullshit and hateful posts will be electrocuted through thier keyboard/devices.
People who use exsesive speed driving country lanes, for this a helicopter will pick them up with a huge magnet and drop them into a landfill pit full of Brexiters.
People who fail to listen to others in the conversation loop, those who just interrupt and take over, well these folk should have thier tongues pulled whilst being shouted at in each ear by angry children.
Kids TV advertising, banned completely, so too "product placement" infringements will be dealt with by taking the infringer into the stocks and flour and egg thrown at them.

I have more, but I have to go to work..

Enforce a global currency, no more nations being shitty to each other for no good reason using natural resources as proxy

You have come to power. Ultimate power. Your first act is...

Everyone will have Wednesday afternoon off for sports.

Surgically graft snow shoes on to bike and car thieves

People who drop litter will be required to eat what they have dropped. This includes unpicked up dog eggs and the stuff that's been fly-tipped.

All new 'standards' in cycling equipment will have to be signed off by me before they are allowed to be released onto the market*

[I]*They will all be rejected. You're welcome[/I]

The reform of German grammar - scrapping the 95.74% that exists just to annoy people who need to learn the language.

Once the really important stuff is taken care of....

All bicycles to be fitted with lasers that extend 1.5m beyond the bars.

Anyone that thinks nice/tasty/ real beer, has to be artisan or craft, shall be forced to drink nothing but Fosters through a straw.

The population shall be whittled down by dosing every page of the Daily Mail and Daily Express with huge quantities of LSD, so that we can spot those talking constantly about "immigrant pink elephants" and shoot them..

Anyone found watching TOWIE, the only way is Marbs, Big Brother or similar shall be shipped to a "colony of stupid" built by erecting a 40ft high wall round the Isle of Wight and made to fight to the death.

Any female (and the odd male) who thinks they need to use make up to make themselves orange, shall have the colour permanently tattoo'ed and "TANGO" put on their foreheads.

I could go on...

Reachout to everyone who is upset by "slaw", "Artisan" and "Pulled Pork" to just chillax.

Anyone who uses a motor vehicle for non-commercial use, for journeys of less than five miles, are to be hit with a new Road/NHS Tax.

Exceptions include people with disabilities, elderly and businesses where using a motor vehicle are essential to make the business viable.

Pollution reduced
Less congestion on the roads
Roads become safer to cycle on
Population becomes healthier by walking/cycling etc.
Burden on NHS reduced while it receives taxation from those who use motor vehicles

"Change the national anthem to on a ragga tip"

I don't need to have ultimate power; I'd be happy with thestabiliser as Supreme Leader. 😀

We seem to be overlooking the most pressing issues facing society at the moment:
People who sniff constantly to have their noses sealed with superglue
(there will be additional punishment for those who commit this crime on public transport - to be confirmed - I can't think of anything bad enough yet)
People with voices or laughs that I deem to be too loud to have their mouths sealed with superglue.
All manufacturers of superglue to be nationalised and profits used to fund a nationwide network of bike parks.
Immediate ban for those jumpers with just the collars of a shirt sewn into them.

Scotland's right to roam legislation to be immediately and irrevocably adopted in England and Wales.

Please stand for the the National Anthem of the United Kingdom.

Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba day
Ba day ba wadladie day
Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day
Ay um ba da- ay um ba da-da-da-da wadladie day!
GWAN!

surroundedbyhills - Member
Reacharound for everyone who is upset by "slaw", "Artisan" and "Pulled Pork" to just chillax.

You're gonna be busy.....

Take a day off just to think about it.

Then, probably, have all cars fitted with a gadget that sends an electric shock through the driver's seat when a blue flashing light has been visible in the rear view mirror without any reaction from the driver.

I'd have a lie in, maybe take a few days off somewhere nice and relax for a bit.

Then I'd start a review of our laws to see how many could realistically be replaced with a single crime of 'acting like a cock'. Too many people seem to get away with things that are generally cockish and I think that woudl be a useful thing to have on the books.

Then I might have another lie in, possibly with a really nice cup of coffee when I woke up as a treat.

Decree that

a) All men shall tuck their vests into their pants, and

b) All men shall own at least one set of giraffe-print underwear

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Anyone demanding that other people do this or do that for environment will have their children euthanised, both to protect the world from the spread of stupid and to make a practical difference in improving the environment by reducing the population.

They can't argue against it when it is for the good of the environment, can they ?