[Closed] Xmas work doo antics.....

Yokaiser to the forum! He was the hero at his work doo two weeks ago....

Once on a works do that was fancy dress on a medievil theme one lad who is a bit of a player turned up as woman. He proceeded to get off with 2 women. One was married with 2 kids and she was seen in front of the whole department riding him like a horse on the dance floor, legs wrapped around his waist waving her arm in the air like at a rodeo. This is girl who up until that point was thought of as very reserved. It was widely gossiped about on the monday that he was seen penetrating her over a car bonnet later on. 😕 then he was boasting on the monday that he had received a bj off another lass. filthy mucker.

"Penetrating her" 😯
We don't have a work do but me, my wife's sister and bro in law gatecrash mrs wrightysons one! It's next Sunday. night Loads of different companies there from the retail sector so once we've left the dinner table we can act as inappropriately as we see fit 😀

medievil theme

Really naughty doctors?

A friend of mine went on a works do on a pleasure boat on the Thames. He was dissilusioned with his job at the time, got drunk, ate sticky ribs from the buffet, wiped his hands on his bosses shirt, and then fell down the metal stairs from the top deck and smashed his face open. They had to dock the boat and call an ambulance. Ruined the night for everyone and he got the flick the following week.

Mine is tonight.

I always end up rubbing my bosses (a Director) head. "It feels like a fluffy tennis ball!" (is my apparent excuse at the time).

Two memorable ones for me.

Free bar induced I think and maybe some narcotics. A guy started getting a bit agitated and confrontational and was given a stern talking to by one of the directors. The ticking off involved some finger pointing by said director. Bad move as the pointing finger ended up between the teeth of the lary one! He was fired the following week.

Another one from 1988. Quite a senior chap from the R&D lab's who wasn't a seasoned drinker got well pissed on the gratis plonk. By 9pm he was buck naked and dancing in the middle of a dining table spinning his nob like a nipple tassel. It was one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.

Off to my ex works unofficial do tonight. I’m hoping to witness a “floor show” and perhaps a punch up.

It won’t happen. I’ll have two bottles of Becks Blue and drive home by 9:30pm
😐

officialtob - Member
I always end up rubbing my bosses (a Director) head.

is this like brown nosing?

another time a drunk who was a bit of idiot had a go at one of the managers who is also homesexual, telling him that if he ever came near any of his kids he would effing kill him. This manager a was great guy and had one partner in all the time I've known him, he did nothing to warrant the outburst. The chap was later micro managed out of the job, good riddance too coz his breath stank like manky teeth.

The chap was later micro managed out of the job

should have been sacked on the spot

I don't go to mine. This is because my (female) boss oscillates wildly between organising games of ****/marry/kill and talking about her sex life and having sexual harassment pogroms directed against her male employees. I cannot confidently navigate this at any time, but a free bar makes it potentially very troublesome.

I called Jack Rowell (Ex England Rugby coach) a "Pink shirted bas***d" at one of our Christmas do's.

I didn't get punched or lose my job.

Ours starts in a couple of hours. Getting a hog roast in and a couple of kegs of beer. Should be good craic and hopefully without any punch ups or sexual harassment charges.

There's the obvious snogging / drunken fumbling with someone you shouldn't but there's 2 events that stick in my mind. The first was a boss of the shop I worked in got so trolleyed we had to restrain him from taking his trousers down to have a dump on the pavement while we were queuing to get into a night club. Funnily enough he didn't get in and wasn't easy to find a taxi to pour him into to take him home. The second was when a mate and I decorated the head of a random passed out drunk bald person. Unfortunately we used my girlfriends tattoo lipstick as we were playing noughts and crosses. We weren't invited the following year.

Ours starts in a couple of hours. Getting a hog roast in and a couple of kegs of beer.

Judging by jekkyl's doo you're supposed to finish with the spit roast, not start with it.

Oooh…Oooh…Oooh!!!

Just had a flashback!

I used to work in a supermarket when I was a student and the Christmas do was always a bit of a lively affair.

A few months later a couple of us battle hardened casual staff were telling the fresh recruits what was what, and the topic of the indiscretions of the previous Christmas cropped up… “And, at the last Christmas do <Deputy Manager’s name> shagged <female member of staff’s name> behind the bins. Tha dorty bastids!”.

Then a little trembly voice piped up “That’s my mum.”

Think of your children and don’t get yourself back scuttled over a bin this Christmas.

[u]harry the spider[/u] wins!

Used to work at a large law firm and the old guy who delivered by-hand mail etc got leathered at the xmas do in a very large, posh hotel.

During the course of the night:

Slapped one of the secretaries

Insulted another so aggressively that she went home crying

got the office junior smashed on red-wine until he inevitably puked everywhere, on himself, and some others- his mum had to come and fetch him

then as a finale went up to the MD of the entire firm and said 'you're a ****er. the biggest ****er of them all'

All relatively entertaining and scandalous but the best part of it was he came to work on the following Monday completely unaware of what he had done. He even started giving it large about how everyone else was 'boring' and nobody else was even drunk, we were all dull etc.

He didn't even believe us at first when we updated him with his antics but soon got the picture when the MD called him into his office to explain himself. Amazingly he didn't get sacked but he did have to spend the entire day apologising to everyone including the office junior's mum.

I nailed 3 e's that night without anybody suspecting, though in fairness the old fella's antics probably eclipsed everyone elses

one of my previous employers held a christmas do at a stately hotel. it was a very grand place and the room we had booked had a massive now ornamental fireplace. one of my managers who'd had too much to drink decided to act upon a another female colleagues comment that it felt a bit nippy in the room. he then went over to the fireplace and proceeded to make a fire. he got a pretty good one going, but before long there was masses of black smoke billowing about in the room....the flue for the fireplace had been sealed years ago it was now there for decorative reasons. cue the building being completely evacuated by the fire services and said manager standing out in the car park looking very sheepish, getting a torrent of abuse from everyone else!!

another time a group of us ended up in a club after the party to carry on when one of the lads decided it he could jump from the top of some steel steps and land at the bottom...there were at least 30 steps. we stood back and watched him take the leap and he nearly did it...he actually landed on the bottom step but it had snowed a bit that day and he slipped falling backwards, splitting his head nearly in 2. another colleague went to visit him in hospital to see how he was. he'd been given a private room and had used it to his advantage as he was busted with a rather attractive nurse straddling him on the bed....

hm. food fight in works canteen. we weren't asked back (we rented office space, it wasn't our office exactly; service was very very slow..) but inexcusable really.

I think possibly the same night - once we'd retired to the Grassmarket -- one lad, who had had a few too many, talking away in The Beehive (I think) - swayed a little bit, pint in hand, then just keeled over backwards as flat as you like, out cold, had to be taken home. Another lad, mate of mine, went home, thought "mm, baked beans", awoke some time later to a flat full of smoke, a melted sauce pan, and an incipient cooker fire. oops.

Ours next Friday. Given that we're off out in Manchester again and a few months ago that ended with my colleague wandering around Piccadilly, hammered, with Burger King mayo smothered all over his face trying to find a bin (and ending up posting it into a ticket machine whilst someone was trying to buy a ticket), I'm hoping for a good one!

another colleague went to visit him in hospital to see how he was. he'd been given a private room and had used it to his advantage as he was busted with a rather attractive nurse straddling him on the bed....

Are you speaking the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?

think we've slipped into **** fantasy land

When I arrived at this company 4 years ago they didn't have a staff do, so I set about organising one. We play stupid games and then head out, sooooo Rock n Roll, anyway as I am the boss I make a point of leaving by 10.30 before anyone mentions that:
-they think I'm a dick
-they love me
-insist I should go to the night club
-or all of the above.
Did get pelters last year as I organised a City centre treasure hunt to find the venue and it started to snow...cue lots of girls with inappropriate shoes, wet feet and bad tempers - left at 10 o'clock that year.

My department (building control) had a joint do with the planners last year, I was in a complicated relationship situation at the time, not entirely level headed, got hammered in wine bar/club, told a junior planner he looked like Paolo Nutini (he's the spit of him). Then proceeded to grind up on most of my female colleagues (which most of them, being 30 - 40 and thoroughly bored with life loved), and to cap it off had a dance off with a senior planner in full view of the whole place, which I won, due to my rather explicit repertoire.

Will be taming it down a notch or 2 this year.......

It probably has some basis in fact but has maybe been embellished. Now, when you say attractive nurse…..

[img] [/img]

PMSL @ Harry_the_Spider

Every Xmas function I've ever been to has been a shit mass catered dinner, a couple of glasses of cheap plonk and the dullest conversation ever with "Clive/ Anita from accts payable" about something fascinating such as the roundabouts of Wales or hamster breeding.

Clearly I'm in the wrong job

I spent the best part of 10 years in law firms. There aren't many things that [i]didn't[/i] happen at the Christmas parties. One lasting recollection is the proposition of "I'll drain you dry" from one secretary and I think that was the same night another secretary revealed some of her less sordid fantasies*, including "I want a squirrel to lick my [fanjo]."

Where I am now is a bit more of a mixed crowd. Generally less raucous. Except for the secretary who already had a bit of a rep before. I believe the evening culminated in her hunting down her last victim into the gents.... She didn't return to work the following Monday.

*Looked like unassuming middle aged lady. Apparently had a "playroom" at home....

Ex drinking mate challenged the MD to a game of pool;
MD had just to pot the black to win and was lining up the shot.
Paul drops his kecks, places his scrotum in the pocket and shouts out 'How's that for a snooker?'

Ours is Friday the 20th and always ends up in some dramas. I'm planning on getting totally silly drunk. 2 years ago 5 of us ended up in a lap dance/strip club at around 2am. Was not spoke about at work at all...

Last year resulted in 1 guy who likes a drink anyway, never mind when it's free, being rushed to hospital and 2 weeks off work for splitting his head open on a curb after falling over.

Funniest moment? Waitress asks a bloke what ice cream he'd like and from across the table our dispatch guy shouted as loud as possible "He likes egg!!". We generally eat in fairly posh nosh places so that made it even more hilarious.

This year should be good...

Normally, it seems the whole of North Wales have their Christmas do's on mad Friday (the last Friday before Christmas).
After 9 pm very town/village becomes a warzone due to the various drunken farmers/office workers/construction workers/whatever.
Unless you're in that mood it's probably best to stay in that night

I remember one year (a long time ago) at a previous employer my love life was somewhat complicated outside of work, and my boss had a tenner on me and a female colleague who I got along well with "getting it on" at the party. Said boss was staying at the hotel that night so after a while I asked to borrow his room key as it looked like he was going to win his bet. My female friend and I trashed his room and then sat around chatting waiting for him to burst through the door and try and catch us in flagrante. He seemed more concerned that he hadn't won the bet rather than the damage we'd done to his room.

In the course of which the lady in question told me that if I could only straighten out my love life and end up single then she really rather fancied me. One of lifes Great Missed Opportunities, though I'm married to one of the other women from that time.

The year after me and the same female friend had been put in charge of the office camera to capture the Xmas party for the company magazine. When we ran out of camera film we popped to the newly opened 24hr Tesco to get some more. I was slightly mortified that when the camera film went down the conveyor belt at the till it was followed by a packet of condoms. "I can't believe that you forgot the camera film [i]and [/i] the condoms" she said as the smirking middle aged lady on the till swiped them through....

The party I really wanted to go to was a mate's IT department do last year. His group of nerds ended up in bar chatting to a group of stunning young ladies who turned out to be a group of dancers from one of the city's "Gentlemans Clubs" on their Xmas night out. It helped that one of my mates team is a part time male model, so only a part time nerd

One year my employer decided that it would be a good idea to have STELLA as the free booze on the tables 😯

As usually happened, the free booze that wasn't consumed at the table was hoarded to the dance floor and jealously guarded, by dancing in groups around the hoard. Of course loads got kicked over and a fair few bottles were broken.

At this point it became obvious that one girl who worked in one of the departments close to mine had an issue with two other girls (they had been bullying her for some time). Anyway the victim of the bullying finally snaps, takes a swing at one of the others, but misses and clocks a very nice lady who happened to be one of their managers. In doing so, she also slips and ends up in a pile of broken glass and spilt Stella. She was last seen being carried by two of her male colleagues (one under each arm). They put her to bed and she woke up with one bitch of a hangover. Made worse by the fact that she got the old 'tin tack' on the Monday morning that followed.

Not an edifying spectacle, but a bit of a 'stand out' incident to me.

Our most memorable was "full page spread in the manchester evening news" kind of bad.
And that's all I've got to say about that.

My works Christmas events have always been lovely meal out, a few drinks, some laughter and conversation.
I think I will keep on with that, rather than the events described by some of you.

Did bregante play for Man Utd at some point.....?

My works Christmas events have always been lovely meal out, a few drinks, some laughter and conversation.
I think I will keep on with that, rather than the events described by some of you.

I think lots if people have experienced this but thought it probably not worth mentioning these occasions, given the title of the thread

I reckon I've regretted every works do I've ever been on.

Not because I've ended up shagging Angie from accounts but because they're always rubbish.

Most of the ones I've been to are the dull, boring kind. A few stand out in the "how not to help your career" mould.

One place I worked, the married production manager was having an affair with a married customer services lass. Partners are all present, posh hotel, all free bar and rooms. Anyway, late-ish in the evening they disappear off to the toilets and start getting it on in one of the cubicals. She's discarded her underwear on the floor, one of the printers, a large lad, has stripped off and put her underwear on and is now dancing on one of the tables. This is in front of everyone and their partners.

Few years later one of the young IT lads, too much to drink, throws up over the the directors table whilst trying to brown nose. Again in front of partners.

Last year, new company, the DJ gets leg less on the free bar, propersitions one of the senior managers wife. Gropes her breasts, asks her if she like a bit of back door action, then gets in a fight with some of the lads trying to escort him to his hotel room. Later he redecorates the hotel room with sick, wrecks the shower screen, and ends up sleeping in reception on one of the sofas stark naked.

One stands out. We went to a cocktail bar in a nearby town, and as well as cocktails, managed best part of a full bottle of Gordon's that a mate had smuggled in and was using to soup up our drinks. So within a couple of hours by the time we'd arrived at the restaurant for the meal, one of our group was distinctly the worse for wear, fell asleep in his meal, excused himself and threw up in the street, returned to the table, ate a few mouthfuls, and then decided to get a train home. Only to fall asleep again, end up as far past the intended station as he'd started, and have to phone his wife to get collected.

When I was a callow youth in my first job we always used to go to a large local hotel for our doo where several companys would be having their own partys consisting of a meal and a comunal disco. This was ok for several years untill one year we were banned for several reasons,
#1. Due to the free bar and possibly one of the lads "hilarious" hobby of random drink spiking our M.D shat himself massively on the dance
floor. #2.The new lad had to have an ambulance for alcohol poisoning. #3. This was possibly the clincher, at some piont in the evening I had , due to alcohol and poor disco lighting on her part managed to chat up a very attractive hairdresser from a local salon and seeking a broardly flat area for our frolics had chosen the hotel mansger's brand new BMW m5 bonnet. all I can say is that if you ever need to backscuttle someone against a car DON'T use the rear spoiler as as a handhold as they are somewhat fragile!

a bloke I know, was caught being given oral relief, by a co workers wife, in a linen storeroom at a works do in a hotel.

Extra points to everyone incorporating "backscuttle" into this thread...

#80's

Well what once a medley of opportunities for "who done it" has turned out to be a mid life affair as every one now seems to have grown up and has wife in toe to calm things down.
A pleasant evening but the 5 pints consumed before we met was about as exciting as it got. I'm now waking home reading these anicedotes thinking I like my job but would certainly swap it for a job in sales for just ine night!

Sucking hate my life.
Whilst reading this thread I've just taken a wrong turn and walked probably a mile in the wrong direction.
I only noticed when I saw this jockeys pair of golden eagles on the end of the drive.
Bell finish

and walked probably a mile in the wrong direction.
I only noticed when I saw this jockeys pair of golden eagles on the end of the drive.
Bell finish

Sure it was just the five pints??? 🙂

Well I did have a coulple of red and a Sambuca with the meal but that's neither here not there.
Was in zombiefied looking at phone mode. Now back on track after an hour in what should have taking me 10 mins 🙁

I used to work on a Coronary Care Unit...my first crimbo do with do I decided it would a fantastic idea to pick up the ward sister, all 6 stone of her and run down to the next pub with her over my shoulder. I got about 20 yards before tripping and landing on her...I'm a 14 1/2 stone former front rower. her leg broke in 2 places and she didn't return for 9 months. I stayed home the next year.

did gravitysucks make it home?
Is he sleeping it off?

I'm more intrigued by Bregante post

I once drank beer out of woman's shoe at a Xmas works do - her husband didn't look to happy. The owner of a local bar used to "gate crash" (I sorted him a ticket) the advantage of this is that we used to get a lock in at his place after the Xmas do had finished

Ours last night - quite civilised but did end up riding Boris Bikes all around London 🙂

The last good Christmas do I had was in London. I was soo pissed that I fell down two landings and was refused entrance to Ronny Scotts as my cock was hanging out so I went to the back of the queue and the bouncer eventually said again 'its still hanging out'.

Since then I've been managing other peoples attempt at stealing from behind bars, calming down strangers trying to hit our party etc etc. Zero fun.

When I worked at McDonalds many years ago the Xmas party involved the owner of the franchise wearing only women's underwear and another manager running around bollock naked. The owner later got done for fraud IIRC - we always wondered why he would pop in and take a load of cash out of the safe.

Mine now are usually quite good fun though.

Christmas Party Disclaimer. Had a presentation one year from in-house legal on HR and business practice issues, as you can imagine normally fairly dull affairs. Anyway the presenter finished up with his version of the company christmas party invite - front side fairly normal back side had a massive small print disclaimer warning anyone who attended the party to expect appalling behaviour from their colleagues including drunkeness, deborchary, blatant sexual harrisment and by accepting the invitation acknowledged that all this was inevitable and acceptable including photos of the same to be posted on notice board, internet etc.

As for first hand experience, had a young graduate who'd been with us 2 or 3 months. Went to christmas party which clients where invited, fancy hotel. Anyway he hooked up with a girl and being too cheap to get a room, decided to sneak into the adjacent kitchens (which where not being used), they where found stark naked hard at it on those big stainless steel work benches. Both fired.

Never ever get drunk with someone present who pays your mortgage.

I used to work backstage on musical theatre shows. One xmas we built Barry Manilo's 'Copa Cobanna' (or as we called it- 'coke-up-ya-mother)first UK show, at Blackpool Opera house. for the xmas party all us stage set builders decided to perform the Rocky Horror show for all the real lovey darling performers and all our set building pals from around the UK's other shows.
We rented a hotel to put all our audience friends in, and the rule was for everyone to wear Rocky horror costumes. The show was raunchier than the origional and the after party is still one of our proudest party successes. the antics left not much to the imagination, and not one fight. Them were the days. 8) 😈

Home safe and sound! Why does something that takes 5 or ten minutes in a car take 2 hours to walk home after you've had a few?

Our Christmas party last night was a very tame affair. 5 pints of lager and in bed alone by midnight. I didn't take a colleague up on her suggestion that I get her pregnant because apparently I make nice babies.

Why does something that takes 5 or ten minutes in a car take 2 hours to walk home after you've had a few?

Cars go faster I reckon.

when your colleague who has been sinking beers to mix with his medication for a number of mental issues decides to say something very racist to the biggest bloke in the pub and you need to bundle him out of there, it took 4 of us to get him into a taxi, one pulling him in the rest of us pushing, needless to say those of us outside the taxi didn't get in. Said colleague was then found running through the hotel corridors banging on peoples doors threatening to kill them.
This was after the year he got so pissed he pissed himself then didn't notice and tried to pick a fight with the 60 year old guy in the team.

To say my old boss couldn't deal with HR issues was a bit of an understatement.

Works xmas parties at my old place were usually fairly mild afairs meal a few beers and the guys that got on well going out for a fairly normal night out as mates afterwards. However my first xmas party at my new place in OZ...

Only 4 staff at our office plus a PA we borrow off a sister company three days a week so the 'party' is a lunch at a nice restaurant and a few bottles of wine with a few of the directors etc. This went well, fun, fairly restrained, slightly alcoholic but relatively sensible.

Afterwards about half of us went on to a bar for a couple. At some point myself and the MD, both of us who had possibly managed to get the lions share of the wine at lunch became separated from the rest and went on a bit of a mission (turns out everyone else was just on the otherside of the bar and saw us stagger out purposefully on a mission to find more alcohol when the bar stopped serving us...) This is late afternoon.

We we subsequently refused service in the bar/restaurant that we had lunch at and ended up at the Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD where they have a selection of fine (if rather strong) trappist beers. Myself and my MD proceed to sample a number of these and tell anyone we spoke to that we worked for a competing company...

The night ended when as a combined effort we fell through a table and we asked to leave. At about 9pm.

The next day I was 3.5hrs late for work, spent an hour with my head on my desk before being sick again and having to go home. The Flight back to the UK that night was less than fun. Thank the universe for diazepam.

This year I intend to be more restrained and not let my MD lead me astray.

We we subsequently refused service in the bar/restaurant that we had lunch at and ended up at the Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD where they have a selection of fine (if rather strong) trappist beers. Myself and my MD proceed to sample a number of these and tell anyone we spoke to that we worked for a competing company...

mmmm I know that one beer with double digit abv....

BBC is a very bad place if you intend to have a few, and use your body or mind the following day. Or your credit card for the next month...

I can think of a few female collegues who wouldn't say a BBC is a bad place to be 😉

one_happy_hippy - Member
...Belgium beer cafe in Perth CBD

Do you still have to hand over a shoe as insurance for the safe return of your glass?

Numpty colleague fell into the Thames while drunk and suited; he was pulled out by a police launch, much to the embarrassment of his lovely mother, who also worked for the company.

Never ever get drunk with someone present who pays your mortgage.

had mine last friday...went ok apart from the fact that we had booked the entire restaurant only to be told on the day that they had booked in some other parties at the same time as ours so we would have to share the venue...the manager of the place was a bit of a knob. it then transpired that one of the girls knew of him and pointed out that he had a linkedin profile which listed him as a director for a porn site....cue everyone researching this on their phones before covertly taking the piss out of him and his stupid ponytail!! another colleague attended while on current mat leave and proceeded to get well and truly shitfaced making very inappropriate comments to everyone...this got worse as we visited a few bars afterwards...i then decided to leave them to it before it got out of hand...still waiting for the full story to surface

oh and the thing with the nurse did happen...they got married a few years later

Just this morning I've been chatting to a lady from the office next door. They had xmas night out last night - turns out she ended up joy riding a golf buggy around the site at 1am. Good effort.

Ok, so working from the other end as I have been the venue of many a Xmas party here goes for a top ten of what me and my various teams down the years have had to deal with...

10 - toilet roll fights
9 - beer fights
8 - food fights
7 - piss fights - just the boys on this one
6 - broken toilets and sinks, generally used as staging posts for sex
5 - in flagrante, blowjobs, sometimes in full view of the function room
4 - in flagrante, full penetration, just out of full view, like under the table
3 - in flagrante, threesomes - not in full view, yet
2 - huge punch ups
1 - and a Stabbing in a pear tree, well not really but in the car park.

I am not a fan of Xmas party nights as such and no longer work at the above venue. Thankfully.

I have lived such a sheltered existence.

I hate them. All of the moany negative staff get shiters and go ooooon and ooooon about how this is crap and how that is crap. If I'm drinking; I don't want to talk about work. Normally some boring activity organised by the unadventurous admin staff which nobody wants to do.
Went to the wifes one year and some arsehole make a remark about MrsW's boobs, so I invited him to continue the conversation outside. Luckily he declined but her invitation no longer says "+1" which I'm very happy about.
I miss the Army Xmas do's; they were epic! One included a normally mild mannered lance jack banging the OC clean out. Another ended in a local "lady" doing rounds of the lines. I wouldn't want to put a number on the amount of times she got backscuttled that night.

7 years ago at the Xmas party some random bird from another department jumped me and we had a bit of a snog. We've been married a year now.

Last year I missed the last train and with nowhere to stay I stayed out, then missed the first train and eventually made it home at 11am the next day. One of my colleagues ended up in hospital but I didn't notice at the time.