We've had all sorts, recent one was "went to a gig last night and am tired". Best was a long email detailing how they had to look after younger brother who'd pick up a condom then droped the house keys in some mint sauce.
At our place your best off having a few days off because more than 4 sickness instances and you have to have a "chat".
my brother once rang his boss at the airport, and told him he had been kidnapped by aliens, he just said ok.
We had one lad recently that had a different excuse every week. Despite warning him about sickness procedures (having been off myself for many months with a spinal injury) and how it would kick in, he was still off. He got dismissed.
Worked with an apprentice a few years ago who was genuinely shocked he wasn't allowed extra days off to look after his mum's dog while she was on holiday. He'd used up all his holidays for the year.
Same lad once couldn't come in for a couple of days as he'd "written of his car." 2 days later same car "we just needed a new wish bone and one tyre" Genius.
droped the house keys in some mint sauce.
Could someone not have lent them a mint sauce keyring?
Colleague rang up after Liverpool's Champions League win a few years back (you know the one, 3-0 down at half time) and told the boss he wasn't coming in as he was still pissed.
Honesty is always best... The boss just laughed at him! Got away with it too!
I'm self employed, have been for years. The reason that I stick with the company is that my employer is fantastically understanding whenever I need to be absent. But I do struggle with finding reliable staff.
A bone idle & brown nosing prison officer on C wing phoned in one morning in wintertime to say she couldn't get to work cos she lived at the bottom of a hill & couldn't off the estate because of snow. The wing PO was suspicious so rang her local council & asked if there'd been any snow of any proportions that would stop her from getting in. There'd been no snow in the whole area & her street was on the flat.
(on another occasion she was 'sick' but same PO dug deeper & found out she was AWOL in Egypt on holiday)
A prisoner on C wing said he couldn't go to work cos he'd had the bad news his Gran had died, I phoned his mum to enquire & see if any further support was required. Turned out his gran had died alright, eight years before.
I once had a guy who turned up about 2 hours late, claimed he knocked himself out hitting his head on the bathroom cabinet.
Colleague of mine did the same.
He'd moved in a week or so earlier, got up early for the 6 am start at work, turned left out of his bedroom door to go to the bathroom and gone down a flight of steps that weren't there in the rented flat he'd been living in for the last 6 months.
Ended up braining himself on the stone floor downstairs, couple of broken ribs and a concussion.........
‘We had one lad recently that had a different excuse every week. Despite warning him about sickness procedures (having been off myself for many months with a spinal injury) and how it would kick in, he was still off. He got dismissed.’
Similar story to this colleague. Over the last couple of years her absence rate is 20%. Doesn’t sound a lot? It’s a day a week on average... her Bradford score must be 5 figures. she’s actually handed her notice in now and hr won’t give her garden leave, despite there being nothing we want/she can do as it’s cheaper to keep her on, knowing she’ll likely take a few days sick, unpaid. I’m not sure why she doesn’t just walk out unpaid for the remaining 3 weeks rather than phone in sick with bullshit excuses.
she was on a final warning for attendance anyway, the only amazing thing being how long it’s taken to get to this stage.
About 15 years ago I enjoyed the Notting hill carnival a bit too much and passed out in the float my mate was driving instead of getting back home on the train.
Decided when I woke up the next day (yep they said I was not waking for anything) I decided honesty was the best policy and phoned in and said I couldn't come in today as I have woken up in London.
Nothing was said and it was just accepted as one of those things that could happen to me. Not sure if thats good or bad?
Although I currently have no job to phone in sick to... Today I fell whilst roller blading and have hurt my knee and can hardly walk. I feel that this would be seen as a lame excuse if I did ring someone as nobody would believe me...
Overheard in my previous place of work "I've used all my holiday for the year, but I've still got nine days of sick leave to take before the end of May"
have hurt my knee and can hardly walk. I feel that this would be seen as a lame excuse
Pretty much by definition.
Back when I was running a bike shop in That London, we'd had a record month, so money was taken from the till to the Walkabout. It was buy one get one free and every flat surface was soon covered in full bottles. They were all drunk.
One of the young kids, Ian, was wasted beyond wasted.
The next day, I was in early, nursing a heavy head and a heavier coffee when the phone rang.
"Hello, it's Ian's mum..."
"Is it? Is it really?"
"Yes, I'm afraid Ian's come down with a bit of the flu overnight."
"Oh, really?" (Laughing hard!)
Never let him forget it.
'As you know it was payday yesterday so I went for a quick pint at lunchtime, I've just woken up on a beach 70 miles away with no money, no train ticket and no idea how I got here.
not sick but a genuine excuse for work for being late I used about 20 years ago
My alarm clock went off during a very vivid dream that I had been diagnosed with cancer and had not been given long to live. I turned it off and thought to myself "no ****ing way am I going to work when I'll be dead in 6 months" and rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up 3 hours later in a blind panic when I saw the time and had to ring my boss and tell this and then rush in as had an important meeting that day. He took the p*ss out of me for many years afterwards over this.
My mum had an employee calling saying the buses weren't running because of snow so she couldn't make it in, she'd been waiting for almost 2 hours for a bus and has given up.
Mum looked out the window and noticed 2 busses at the bus stop and 3 more running fine on main road outside her workplace.
Asked the emp what bus she takes. Who replies with "number 36". Just that moment the 36 pulls into the bus stop. Mum turns round and asks two other emps to made it in ages ago what bus they get, "number 36, its running fine" they reply.
Que mum telling the emp to pull her finger out and get to work asap!
“I tried to make it in, but the highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive”.
Surely you can only use that excuse if you’re the Boss?
Very subtle... I like it
I’ve used all my holiday for the year, but I’ve still got nine days of sick leave to take before the end of May
standard civil service attitude.
Oh there was also a guy at my previous work, let's call him "Jim". Rung up one day but manager was busy so "Dave" answered the call:
Dave: "Hello?"
Jim: "I'm not coming into to work as doctor gave me an injection and I don't feel great."
Dave: (Sounding confused and shocked) "Errr.. OK ... bye .. "
Manager: "Who was that?"
Dave: "Errmm .... It was Jim. errmmm ... He can't come in because ... errmmm ... the doctor gave him an erection and he doesn't feel well ?!?!?!"
Manager: "WTF ??!!"
Poor Jim, Dave had totally misheard what he said but it was too late whole office heard it! We were still bring that story up 8 years later. 😀
I had some crap jobs in my youth and rang in with a couple of good (and true) excuses.
"I'm trapped in Birmingham"
"My friends have accidentally locked me in my house"
"I went out last night and got hammered. I'm calling from a phone box somewhere in Huddersfield after waking up in somebody's front garden. No, I can't come in an hour late because I have no money and have to walk the 16 miles home"
The most stupid one I have had was when working nightshift someone phoned in sick at 2 am. The problem was I could hear the party in the background so the excuse of a bit of a tummy bug really didn't cut it.
It’s funny how differently ‘sickies’ are perceived by some companies. I got less grief for phoning in saying I popped out for a few beers and woke up in a random house, with a massive hangover than I did for taking half a day sick due to breaking my hand on my bike.
I had a manager that rang in saying he couldn't come to work as he'd been bitten by a mouse. He rang back the next day saying that he couldn't come in as he couldn't sleep as he was scared the mouse would come back.
Another guy at the same place claimed he had genital warts. Pretty sure no one wanted to check that one.
I think that's a (screwed up) society thing. Making yourself ill by taking legal drugs is seen as a completely normal and acceptable thing, whilst an activity which makes you fitter and healthier overall is something only weirdos do.
Young bloke we had working for us failed to show up. His mum calling in with yet another lame excuse. We called the job centre to pop an ad up. Cue his irate mother calling at 11 the same day to ask wtf was going on as her son had just seen his job advertised in the job centre.
Not a sickie per se, but we had a guy phone in saying he couldn't get his car out due to the snow.
'don't you stay like a mile from here?'
'yes, but my car...'
'have you considered walking?'
He showed up about an hour later in a foul mood 😀
standard civil service attitude.
@jam bo Cutting edge of private enterprise and a shining example of British industry and innovation actually.
Overheard in my previous place of work “I’ve used all my holiday for the year, but I’ve still got nine days of sick leave to take before the end of May”
Heard the same from a friend working in the UN - got to take tomorrow off sick to make sure I use up all of my sick days for the year.
8-0
When I took over my current department there was a guy with a Bradford score of well over 8000. 😆 I worked out that he’d had almost 12 months off in the past 3 years! I knew his son socially and got the low down on what his dad was actually up to which was a another job somewhere else where he went sick for long enough to occasionally come into our place! That imo takes dedication and purpose.
Surely you can only use that excuse if you’re the Boss?
Superb.
😀
One time, on the way to the bank, I just didn't take the turnoff and kept riding. Ended up at the beach. Phoned in sick and said "Just can't face it today tbh, I'm going to build a sandcastle." Had about 6 ice creams, won big on the 2p falls, blew it all on Sniper Scope and went back the next day- not even a word said. Only downside was it took ages to get the sand out of the joints in my motorbike boots.
A guy was to upset as his rabbit had died
I once had a guy who turned up about 2 hours late, claimed he knocked himself out hitting his head on the bathroom cabinet.
Colleague of mine did the same.
He’d moved in a week or so earlier, got up early for the 6 am start at work, turned left out of his bedroom door to go to the bathroom and gone down a flight of steps that weren’t there in the rented flat he’d been living in for the last 6 months.
Ended up braining himself on the stone floor downstairs, couple of broken ribs and a concussion………
And turned up 2 hours late?
😀 No, about a month late. Wasn't allowed to work near machinery until he got the all clear from the concussion.
I got a morning off though, the boss said he'd sack him instantly if he drove to the hospital.
A guy we worked with phoned up once claiming that he wouldn't be in due to his wife being mauled by their kitten (his exact words).
He phoned another time claiming that he wouldn't be in as he was "as weak as a kitten"
He obviously had an affinity for miniaturised apex predators.
Or maybe he was the one that mauled his wife?
standard civil service attitude.
Not at our place. However, the number of times I’ve called suppliers to order stuff at 4.30 on a Friday to be told they can’t take the order until Monday is becoming quite frustrating. I guess the private sector isn’t so efficient after all...
My mate owns a smallish company and employs about twenty people, whenever someone new starts and inevitably chucks a Monday morning sicky he just asks them if they want the day as paid or unpaid leave, end of story, they're always astonished that they don't get paid for sick days, very few sickies get chucked after that.
very few sickies get chucked after that.
Quite!
And yet people do get ill.
On the other hand. Used to work in service/bike build at Planet X. One morning i began to feel really odd, numbness in my arms, heart palpitations, dizzyness. A colleague had the presence of mind to run next door which was an ambulance training centre. One of their guys gave me the once over, said he suspected I'd had a stroke and the told them to ring an ambulance to get me to Rotherham gereral asap. I had several tests and was told to not work until the results were known. I returned to work a few days later after being given the all clear to find that my pay had been stopped before I'd even got to the hospital. Nice place to work.
Talking of the civil service..rang one dept to query something that had come through, was told to ring back in the morning as "his eyes dont work very well after 3pm and wont be able to help you. Best time is between 8-12"
cant make this stuff up !
pistonbroke - sounds familiar.,
one of our guys got malaria at work 3 days before going home.
Ended up in the clinic for a week missed his flights etc.
came off his time off.