[Closed] Worst excuse you’ve heard for phoning in sick?

I have a very important internet debate to win on a bike forum.

Back on Monday .

I've got a sore side.

my friends horse has died

I thought 'My horse has died' was bad when it hit the third day after it had happened, but my friend's horse takes that and doubles it

My mate phoned his boss and told him that he had masturbated so excessively over the weekend that he had become trapped inside a sticky cocoon  of his own making..

He had struggled fiercely to free himself, and had made a mad dash to the bus stop, but he slipped on the slimy goo that covered him from head to toe and landed on his backside, badly bruising his coccyx. Unfortunately the injury was so painful that he didn't believe that he would be in a fit state to sit in the seat of his dumper truck, so he had trudged morosely homeward to drown his sorrows with a couple of early morning ciders.

Obviously he was now under the influence of alcohol and therefor legally obliged to stay off-site for the rest of the day.

Can't come in today, I've got scurvy

Ken Dodds dad's dog's dead...so I am in mourning

‘I have a very important internet debate to win on a bike forum.

Back on Monday .’

What do you think I come to work for?

No idea but the best response to a call back to a sick worker was 'He's in Bournemouth'.

A woman in our dept took three days after her rabbit died. Was gobsmacked when I (gently...at first....) explained that it didn't qualify for paid compassionate leave.

Mind you, at least with a dead rabbit she didn't become entrapped or cocooned.........

At a small outer station we used to field sick-calls for colleagues, then send the sick report form into the admin dept. A mate asked me to think of something exotic rather than the usual food poisoning or 'flu, so we hit the medical dictionary and told admin he was off with dysmenorrhea (forging the Sergeant's signature as we did so).. .....

A woman in our dept took three days after her rabbit died

Oooohhh, her pet rabbit 😉

I was once called to be told by an employee that he couldn't come in as he's trodden in some dog shit and accidentally walked it around the house so had to stay home to clear it up. There were many other excuses during his time with us but that's the one that particularly stood out.

"Just not feeling it"

I'm rarely feeling it, especially today, but you know, mortgages and all that

One of my minions took a day off because they were "waiting for a parcel."

A woman in our dept took three days after her rabbit died. Was gobsmacked when I (gently…at first….) explained that it didn’t qualify for paid compassionate leave.

A pet that's been a companion for potentially over a decade, I can understand why someone might be a bit upset.

New teacher at my wife's school phoned up on her first morning at work to say that she wouldn't be coming in as she had a hangover.  she didn't last long.................... 🤢

A pet that’s been a companion for potentially over a decade, I can understand why someone might be a bit upset.

Oh I get why she was upset, but to expect compassionate leave for any form of companion animal was pushing it a bit.

Oh I get why she was upset, but to expect compassionate leave for any form of companion animal was pushing it a bit.

Guide dog?

I was a shift manager in a factory and had a call one summer evening to be told emp. had waxed their crack and then got sunburned on Eastney Beach and couldn't walk.

Another call was from an emp's mother saying emp'd had a baby. She really had, and nobody saw it coming.

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Oh I get why she was upset, but to expect compassionate leave for any form of companion animal was pushing it a bit"

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Unless it was Edd the Duck or something

I've squeezed too much toothpaste out and I'm struggling to get it back in the tube, might be in a bit late.

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I was a shift manager in a factory and had a call one summer evening to be told emp. had waxed their crack and then got sunburned on Eastney Beach and couldn’t walk.

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What's the relevance of the waxing to the sunburn?  Was the sunburn in the butt crack?

Young Lad:

"I've broken my arm"

Two days later arrives back all in one piece and bright red from Sun Burn. "Yeah, it felt better so I cut the cast off".

Young Lady:

"Lady Trouble" comes back the next morning with a completely new hairstyle / colour.

And there was the Standard Issue Sickies:

Monday Flu AKA Hangover

Friday Flu AKA building up to a Hangover - best to give them a call about 6pm, just to ask how they're getting on... ha ha

Mid-Week Flu: The new Fifa / COD / GTA game is out.

Sometimes working with young people is as frustrating as it is funny. I'm not sure anyone under about 25 ever actually gets sick.

Had a young apprentice surveyor call in to inform us that she was in hospital with kidney failure.

That made it all the more surprising when one of the partners in the firm was walking down Byres Road in Glasgow that very afternoon and spotted her car.

He was even more astonished when he looked in the window and discovered young Emma noshing off some bloke in the passenger seat.

Not really a bad excuse but i did call in sick once becuase i was stuck somewhere on the Belarusian side of the Polish border and had the flu. The flu had no relation to being stuck in the middle of nowhere, that was due to problems with trains.

"I tried to make it in, but the highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive".

“I tried to make it in, but the highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive”.

Ha ha - I heard that in the Sopranos.

TBH I am always gobsmacked with some of the things people say. It may be that you are genuinely too upset to come into work because the dog has died. (I probably would be if it happened on that day.) Especially if you are doing work that really relies on focus and concentration. But can you not just say you have got a stomach bug or something. Nobody is going to know.

I once phoned in sick saying I had an awful hangover. I didn't drink at the time but the manager was a very heavy drinker so I knew he'd look upon that excuse sympathetically. From that day onwards he seemed to think we were brothers in arms, it was actually the best career move I made at that place.

I also phoned in sick from the services once after deciding to continue past my turn off and go to South Wales for the day instead of work. Can't remember what excuse I made but they must of heard the background noise on the phone.

I did used to work at a place where it was fine to phone in and just say you didn't fancy it that day and they'd count it as a sick day. It was rare that anyone did it more than once a year and it was a refreshing not to have to make up some nonsense that no one believed anyway.

Someone who had told everyone they were going for a weekend long bender rang the boss at 7.30am after clearly not being to bed to say they couldn't make it in because they had the shits... Except they were a bit too early as it was Sunday morning

“I tried to make it in, but the highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive”.

Surely you can only use that excuse if you're the Boss?

I’ve got loads of shit to do

To be fair that's a fairly valid reason for staying off work

been a companion for potentially over a decade

I think that is the other kind of rabbit

Someone once phoned in saying their big dog had eaten their little dog, never found out if it was true but by all accounts he was running short on new excuses not to turn up.

Only time I ever phoned in a sickie I just said I was feeling ill.  I had already handed in my notice and hated the job (well, the boss more than the actual job)

The receptionist sussed me because in the background she could hear revving motorbikes, they were doing the noise-testing for a track-day at Castle Combe and I was in the queue waiting.  She just said she would "pass my message on" 🙂

We had an apprentice who had been too at least six funerals one year for his grandma!   When challenged that people usually only have two he said “yeah it’s hit us really hard.”

A woman in our dept took three days after her rabbit died.

Did she try replacing the batteries?

A friend rang in sick once claiming he had consumption; no one questioned it.

I once had a guy who turned up about 2 hours late, claimed he knocked himself out hitting his head on the bathroom cabinet.

The new forum isn’t compatible on my work computer.

Oh I get why she was upset, but to expect compassionate leave for any form of companion animal was pushing it a bit.

Guide dog?

Emotional support peacock?

I used to work with a guy who could ‘feel the flu coming on’

this was always exactly 3 work days before he fell ill, ie he ‘could feel ‘ on a Tuesday that hed be too ill by Friday.

It always coincided with a big celtic game, amazing how often that happens eh.

didn’t make any difference, he did **** all when he was there anyway.

"And there was the Standard Issue Sickies:

Monday Flu AKA Hangover

Friday Flu AKA building up to a Hangover – best to give them a call about 6pm, just to ask how they’re getting on… ha ha

Mid-Week Flu: The new Fifa / COD / GTA game is out."

You do realise that's the entire week?

Not a sickie but I did have to call in to work once and ask for emergency leave as I was locked in the house