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Extrapolate - Make bigger, but probably wreck any value in the process.
Going forward - I'm progressive and forward thinking, but mostly filling while I think of something else to say.
Touch base - I am a tit.
Ringfence the unicorn.
Cake.
There seems to be lots of cake in my new office. 😀
Ringfence the unicorn.
Please tell me they were playing an Extreme version of BBB?
Things I hear on a daily basis that I hate.
No brainer
Curve ball
Ringfence the unicorn.
🙂 if only the person who first said it knew what he'd started!
Get all your eggs in one basket
Sharpen your pencil
When is the apprentice back on? Haven't had much luck with bulls**t bingo of late. That usually shows up all the tools at work....
"I want someone too step up"
and take a sh@t load more responsibility for the traveling public's lives and delays BUT there will be no more money in it except more weekend working, oh and a bollocking when it overruns into Monday morning peak time.
"I want volunteers for weekend overtime"
with about a weeks notice because all "The Chosen" have seen this job coming and want nothing of it so it's passed out to "The Unclean" as a juicy morsel.
Warchest (extra parts)
Tie in ( hate that phrase) means tell some useless get what to do!!
Green shoots & blue sky appearing ( bullshit from the md)
ahh FUGGIDYABASTIIIIID..!!
- I've just successfully snapped this long piece of very old skirting into a small enough size to fit in the van...
but..
the smaller end has been catapulted under tension at tremedous velocity into my left eyebrow.. I think I'm gonna be sick
me earlier today 😀
Hmmm, current workplace doesn't have any to be honest.
Previous workplace was working with engineers, not clever ones. These guys are just above tyre fitters.
Posting the words they use would result in a fast and hard permanent ban hammer.
I wanted to be a tyre fitter when I was at school.. 🙁
"Ducks in a row"
"Are you happy with that" - no or you wouldnt be asking and you know it !
We don't use real words at work. If it can't be said in a TLA, it's not worth saying.
We use so many acronyms at work that when a colleague was told that the boss was watching him carefully, he had to ask "what's a B.D.I? "
'Curriculum for Excellence', 'Developing', 'Consolidating, 'Secure'... Scottish teachers are still getting to grips.
'Non-compliance with this is not an option'
Yes, Lord Vader... 🙄
'Curriculum for Excellence', 'Developing', 'Consolidating, 'Secure'... Scottish teachers are still getting to grips.
*reports post*
Do you work in my office?
Experience and Outcomes
"I need to touch base with blah blah" - means I haven't got a clue so ill ask someone who knows what he's doing.
"Rolled throughput yield" - wtf is that?
"We'll have to wing it" - er no mate, I know what I'M doing. Don't drag me into it!
"Make hay while it shines" - means I expect you to work & not have a social life
Any three lettered business acronyms:
TPM
TQS
JIT
Any bullshit methodology / practices which are just common sense:
6 sigma
5S
Kaizan
Do you work in my office?
In terms of the abbreviation 'CfE' I'm sure we've both got several alternatives..! 8)
Work smart.
Fire off an email: cover our ass.
"Leverage"
Aaaargh...
"Cascade"
Oh **** off.
Safety Critical: Listen to what I am saying.
Kryton57 - Member
"Leverage"Aaaargh...
POSTED 6 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST
+1. Heard about 50 times a day in my office. "We need to leverage traction with x team ". You mean we need to get their help you ****.
Do you have the bandwidth for X - Just ask if I have time.
Don't spin to many cycles on X - Dont waste time on X.
Use the word "time" FFS.
Escalation - everything is being escalated so fast that we a team looking after it, unfortunately they don't have a clue about how to deliver the job.
Absolutely everything has a TLA, I spend so much time working out he bullshit its untrue.
Latest is a "service wrapper" ie how do we operate this in our environment, sorry can't help I get it working you operate it.
I wanted to be a tyre fitter when I was at school..
You still can be Yunki, get out there and live the dream
Sandbox
Deep dive.
Bunch of arse.
Any three lettered business acronyms:TPM
TQS
JIT
Unless you're REALLY pissed, have the reading skills of a 8 month old, or speak outer Mongolian, two of those can't be TLA's (no matter what the bunch 'across the pond' think) because they aren't acronyms. They're called initialisms.
The Americanisms:
Power up/down (sorry? Oh, you mean turn on/off!)
Touch base
Rowing in the same direction
Moving forward
Onboard (get onboard, being onboard, etc.)
Telecon
etc. etc.
You want to speak American? Does us all a favour then and eff off over there to do it!
Funny that tomhoward should mentioned Bullshit Bingo, I thought I invented that!
Would have been about 2004. US company, our CEO was British, but used so many Shiite Americanisms it was untrue. We went out for a curry evening meeting, and I supplied some of my management colleagues with bingo cards marked with his favourite overused grinding sayings.
After about the twentieth time of myself and colleagues putting our heads down to cross a phrase of, accompanied by lots of s****ing, the No.2 asked what was going on, and so the beans were spilt. The No.2 turned to the CEO and said, see I told you, it not just me, you do do that! Luckily a few Lal Toofans had been imbibed by then, so we all had a good laugh about it.
Can i have a word---
i'm going to have to let you go..
that was said to me in 1985-- hated the place anyway, but enjoyed watching him wriggle....oh and because he dint give me a weeks notice, which in them days was law, he had to pay me a week for nowt...
I've heard someone say "ok can can we diarize that" when a group if us had found a date we could all attend a meeting.
They meant for us to write it in our diaries. Urgh.
I'm not sure if I have spelt 'diarize' right. But actually I don't care; due to it not being an actual word I guess I can spell it any way I damn we'll like!
"Going forward" actually means "I'm going to ignore everything you've done up til now. Except for any mistakes"
"bogies".
Means there's bits inside the picture frame.
'Have you got a minute?' is guaranteed to send a chill right to your stomach in my place; it usually prefaces a chat about some performance issue... 🙁
"Have you got a minute" used to be bad for me too but now it's usually fun, as it means my boss hasn't finished thinking something through but has seen someone interesting and is going to make things happen regardless of whether they're the right person or whether or not the plan is insane.
'Opportunity' normally prefaced by exciting.
Rarely is it either.
'Fast track'
Shout loudly to see if projects get completed quicker. Followed by inviting more managers to more revoew meetings to see if more work gets done in the lab.
Unless you're REALLY pissed, have the reading skills of a 8 month old, or speak outer Mongolian, two of those can't be TLA's (no matter what the bunch 'across the pond' think) because they aren't acronyms. They're called initialisms.
The Americanisms:
Power up/down (sorry? Oh, you mean turn on/off!)
Touch base
Rowing in the same direction
Moving forward
Onboard (get onboard, being onboard, etc.)
Telecon
etc. etc.
You want to speak American? Does us all a favour then and eff off over there to do
Correct. Never post with ale on board !
Anyways I'm off back to Mongolia to read my Peter & Jane Ladybird books.
"2-pronged attack", which is then followed by either 1 or 3 solutions to a problem, never 2.
"Line of sight", as in 'I need a line of sight on x'. Not sure why they don't say 'Can you show me x'
"Buy-in", as in 'I really need your buy-in'.
Although the word I dislike the most is 'Morning' as it signifies I have just begun another day in their company (and company!). For the same reason, my favourite workplace phrase in 'G'night'. Ahhhhh, nice.
5 days left......
Correct. Never post with ale on board !
WTF!?
Round here, the rule is 'never post without drastically mind altering quantities of ale on board'
Take one for the team = Work Saturday night on your day off, which is my only Saturday off in the 4 week cycle and I've worked the three previous Saturday nights..
A.T. I.T. A member of the great unwashed feigning illness.
MUP - Managing Under Performance
DAP - Development Action Plan
PIP - Personal Improvement Plan
Its a joke, every year there is a new name/process for those deemed to be dragging their heels. Loads more but I can't remember them!
I prefer 'poor performer'. After one of my colleagues was on the receiving end from the manager he changed his voicemail to 'poor performer' and insisted on answering his phone this way whether it was a business, customer or personal caller 🙂
Drill down to find the root cause of the issue.
After weeks of requesting urgent spares we got a email saying we need to send a weekly esasserep. Our reply was along the lines of wtf and just send the shit we asked for.
My favourite is "I don't have visibility on that right now". Sounds so much more impressive than "I don't know".
Oh, incidentally- diarise is a perfectly cromulent word.
Podger is one that gets used a lot. Ideally a King Dick one.
The acronym for this gets used quite a bit. "Fundamental Unusability Consequent to Kinetic Energy Deformation". Ie somebody's dropped it out the roof.
TJF