Me ... just realised recently I don't have a house of my own. Then I panicked for few days as I also realised my pension is probably worth few peanuts.
Most expensive items in my possession is a £5k 2005 Corolla (worth little now), then my bikes (worth very little now) then my old computer (worth nothing now).
Somewhat comforting knowing that people are struggling with this mid life thing.
I had a chat with someone the other day who couldn't believe I never ever look beyond today. I can never think about the future, or think about planning goals, or whatever. All that positive type behaviour has been suppressed for so many years it just doesn't exist any more. All I see is a decline in health ahead of me, particularly when it comes to physical activity. And when all you could lean on were those things in early life, well, that leaves absolutely **** all squared left.
Maybe I need to buy myself something nice. Not a Porker.
don’t have a house of my own
Well I only got a mortgage for the first time last year, when I was 40.
I had a bit of a crisis when I turned 40, it was more to do with my son turning five and me thinking about how my father had acted when I was the same age.
I'm not perfect but I do want to be a better man so I cut all ties with my immediate family and concentrated on my kids and wife. I'm much happier now, and am not reminded of my distant past by siblings who don't seem to be able to move on even after all these years.
Well I only got a mortgage for the first time last year, when I was 40.
I wish I was 40 again but I doubt I could get a mortgage at that age as I was earning just to survive.
Time just passes by and feels like I just got out from a nightmare, and the nightmare is real. It has been going on for such a long time I don't really know when it will end. It has turned into a muscle memory.
Now, I just keep working and rest whenever I can as the best of my life is probably over. Future plan? Well, dunno. Just want to keep my mind clear and rest. I need rest and plenty of that. I have not rest for many decades now.
Well, I shall let the Universe decides ...
p/s: just recently my GP told me my blood pressure was very high and dangerous. Instead of feeling sad, I was elated and laughing (seriously I was happy). She was very concerned and kept insisting I lower the blood pressure with prescription. After a while, I thought it was impolite to reject her advice so told her to prescribe me the smallest dose she could give me. The pressure went down after taking the prescription and my GP told me the danger is "over", but I have to keep taking the prescription. I then thought what a good idea to switch off my own light one day by myself.
The older I get the less I care about anything flashy or aspirational.
Posh cars, restaurants, hotels and all that have no interest to me
I'm much happier when I spend time slightly scruffily with my family, particularly in the outdoors, go for cheap but good meals out, and of course piss about riding pushbikes.
Same as it ever was really. Nothing else I've found is as good.
Definitely getting a little bit slower on the bike nowadays. Some of that is being a bit heavier than I'd like to be, but some is just inevitable decline.
I realised chasing yesterday's numbers on Strava is a mugs game so decided to try to improve on other different bike skills (jumping and stunts and that) so bought a jump bike. I'm still shit but improving rather than declining!
Also bought some cheap learner dj decks (pioneer ddj400) last year. Always loved electronic music and wanted to learn but never had the cash or time. That's a great fun winter activity (brilliant feeling of flow when you get it right, not dissimilar to flowing down a trail) and not spendy at all really.
I hope that's about as far as my crisis goes!
I’m much happier when I spend time slightly scruffily with my family, particularly in the outdoors, go for cheap but good meals out, and of course piss about riding pushbikes.
That's the best thing in life to spend time with your family and love ones.
The older I get the less I care about anything flashy or aspirational.
That's what happened to me - probably because I did all that between 25 and 35 and realise it didn't make any difference to my life. Sitting in traffic in a flashy car is pretty much the same as sitting in traffic in my Aygo.
Although as pointed out by others here I think the buying of things is a result of the crisis and the crisis itself is much more than that - questioning your life so far, regrets, trying to catch up and so on
Just turning 50, knackered hips and low testosterone (wife convinced I’m going through the men/manopause) so no current ambitions to have a mid life crisis at the minute.
I did nearly buy a Porsche 2-3 yrs ago (wish I had it would be worth more now) and I do want an ebike and a Caterham if I ever get my hips sorted
For now though no mid life crisis, my son aged 13 is doing rather well as a footballer so I live my dreams out vicariously through him 😀
When you come to the realisation that no-one gives a shit about what you do or what you have, life becomes so much easier. Just let go...
Yeah, it was/is bad. Four years since hospitalisation but on meds for life (most likely) and a continuing sense of lack of direction.
Turning 50 next year, but did the sportscar thing (ok, Audi TT v6) several years ago to get it out of my system. Honestly, it was not _that_ impractical, you can fit two dogs in the back with the back seats down and an XL Stumpy FSR (with the wheels off), but not at the same time.
Anyway, crisis... I started skydiving at 45 and that is pretty much my main sport. Like Crossfit (something that kept me sane during my divorce), trying to keep up with the youngsters in competition when it takes longer to recover makes it much more difficult than it would do for a younger person. I also _constantly_ battle internally about my mental age vs. physical age and how I _should_ be acting or thinking. I don't know whether that counts as a crisis, but it cause a lot of mental overhead sometimes and really limits how much bandwidth I have to deal with other things in life.
How am I supposed to act though? Is it time for me to start playing bowls? Should I be hanging up the FS suit and doing Accuracy instead? Do I still deserve to wear t-shirts? Should I start working on a beer gut this winter or _continue_ trying to kill myslef with cycling and running?
Like many I suspect, mine was a crisis of perfect normality repeated no doubt up and down the country every single day of the week. My then partner and I realised that after a relationship lasting 20 years we were both pretty unhappy with our lot, and separated (we're both happier now) So I didn't have a crisis in the sense of Porsches and hot girls in bikinis, but more the starting from scratch rebuilding my life again sort.
I've learned a lot about myself in the process. Perhaps we're all just clichés
Mine was getting rid of stuff and clearing off the mortgage and retiring at 58. My focus, energy and money go on my wife, my grown up kids and travel. Car theft in my area is such that if you had a shiny status symbol you'd die of neurosis checking that it was still there. This year I've been in Romania, SW France, Canaries and have Bologna and Paris coming up shortly. Ilove my 16yo Toyota which costs me sfa. Never been so happy.
I’m much happier when I spend time slightly scruffily with my family, particularly in the outdoors, go for cheap but good meals out, and of course piss about riding pushbikes.
This x 100, I would far rather get food from the local farm shop and sit on a hilltop somewhere, admiring the view and scoffing said food than go to an expensive, stuffy restaurant. Even if I wasn't paying, it just does nothing for me.
My take on the mid life crises is that its more of a mid life reevaluation.
This is my personal take, YMMV and others may have different outcomes than many others did, however i know others who have experienced the same as I.
As you leave school you hit the milestones 16, 18, 21 etc and set up your career, relationships, place to stay, have kids, and these are all consuming and take your focus until you reach your 40s and 50s.
Then all of a sudden, your career is sorted, and your at a level where you function effectively, but youre not that 30 year old hungry for promotion (or indeed the first person management think to promote). The kids arent young anymore and they are now mostly independant, if not already left home to st up their own lives. The mortgage may be paid or near completion, so you may not be such a slave to work or not for much longer.
All of a sudden, those all consuming things arent there anymore. Kids independant/gone, mortgage (nearly) paid. Pension plan humming along. Career done (plateau'd).
Now you have all this time, in between the days from now to retirement, to redevote your time and energies into. Some look back and relive lost/mispent/missed out youth.
My son is 30, left home and and got his career and fiancee and openly talking about having children now. So we await the grandchildren to come along.
No Mid Life Crisis has happened here, but we have reevaluated what we want and openly acknowledged this phase of life is different from the last. We arent over the hill, but we are certainly at the top and the only way now is down.
So Mrs SSS and I are doing the things we enjoy in our spare time, but looking forward to help nurture the next generation, and helping our neices and nephews get a foothold on life.
And so the cycle continues......
I'm the original poster...
Exactly that SSS.
I just typed something similar but it took a while and it crashed on hitting submit.
I'm 40. Have lived the text book model life, been with my wife for over 20 years, treadmill of uni, training, holidays, new house, career, promotion, holidays, new house, racing cycling achievements & holidays, pregnancy, baby, another new house, another pregnancy, holidays, another promotion, new bikes, the cycle of fast changing children, comfort through COVID. Now the pace has dropped, no further career or financial aspirations, kids are much more independent, realised my cycling performance is going to go one way as will my health.
I've got two healthy children, a wife that loves me, a comfortable well paid job, my (realistic) dream house, good friends and a real love of cycling. Electric garage doors. Money in the bank.
Then I had an affair out of no where with a lady who was better matched, lots in common, lots of fun, more athletic and felt like my dream partner. We got caught. We left our partners to be together under a haze of pressure. A week later I asked my wife for forgiveness. A week later my wife isnt sure whether she can forgive and I am struggling to decide what I actually want from life and have asked for some time to appraise.
I knew I wasnt entirely happy, but having let this happen I've experienced masses of excitement that its hard to imagine never having again, and it forces you to reflect and appraise...
How do you work this stuff out? My needs verses the family's? What I know verses absolutely no idea who I'll meet or where things will go?
Oh bollix, that's messy. PS three of our friend group (of three) have all divorced - two of the blokes had affairs, the third grew apart and are happier.
How old do I have to be to have one?
Precisely half as old as you will be when you die.
My midlife crisis has been rather forced upon me. I have so far:
Grown my hair long
Bought two expensive bikes
Changed the way I dress a bit
Re orgnanised my flat and redecorated a chunk of it.
However my pals have told me if I get a red soft top sports car they are disowning me. Apparantly " Well helllloooo, want to come for a ride in my Jaaaaaaaag young lady" is not a suitable MO these days 🙂
Apparantly ” Well helllloooo, want to come for a ride in my Jaaaaaaaag young lady” is not a suitable MO these days
It never,ever was 😉
BTW..I would love Electric garage doors,they may be the final ingredient in my recipe for life.
How do you work this stuff out?
you can stop wanting “more” and realise what you have is a good percentage more than the average global population. You’re much more fortunate than you think.
edit to add to this; I was quite materialistic until a few years ago, and with some advice from here I managed to tone it down luckily in time for a demise of a substantial salary.
These days a pizza and a beer in front of the telly with the kids is much more valuable to me than the newest shiniest thing. I’m still in a very good place financially but able to make decisions with longevity and consideration rather than to get one up on someone else. Being able to “do” and stay humble takes practise but is fulfilling.
Missus and I are both having one now. After kicking the can down the road for the last 4yrs we put the house up for sale and only went and sold it, for more than we thought and to a cash buyer. Busy clearing out 21yrs of ours, kids and grandkids stuff. 3 bloody attics, too many cupboards and 3 30' containers in the paddock full of shite. Apart from buggering off somewhere warm over winter we've nothing lined up. Precious stuff will be going into storage, everything else; charity shops and maybe a car boot sale. Maybe find something we like that's empty, maybe find something to rent for a while until we do, who knows. We certainly don't. And you know what? We don't care.
It never,ever was 😉
Terry Thomas would disagree. He is my role model
I knew I wasnt entirely happy, but having let this happen I’ve experienced masses of excitement that its hard to imagine never having again,
I get why it's exciting but how will you sustain it? Repeated affairs?
Apparently it's not just humans.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001r2wr?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile
I've not been there yet
I had a nervous breakdown at 43 if that counts? The fact I've made to a just-turned 50 surprises me at times. Thank fudge for an amazing wife, bicycles and an understanding boss. Oh, and anxiety can get in the fudging sea, the hangover of the breakdown I'd love to be done with.
Dunno about crisis, but I'm 53 and this year and lately I've found myself thinking more about the things I put my time and effort into and what I'm getting out of them. I don't just mean financially but finding things rewarding in a more general sense, and it seems like the good bits are a bit too few and far between at the moment. I'm not going to be getting a Porsche any time soon but could do with some sort of change.
EDIT to say I'm aware I don't have a lot to complain about really and things being a bit too 'meh' for my liking is not the worst thing in the world.
Dunno about crisis, but I’m 53 and this year and lately I’ve found myself thinking more about the things I put my time and effort into and what I’m getting out of them. I don’t just mean financially but finding things rewarding in a more general sense, and it seems like the good bits are a bit too few and far between at the moment. I’m not going to be getting a Porsche any time soon but could do with some sort of change.
+1. I've offered wondered if others in their 50's think this. I have an image in my head of what I want retirement / no more work to be but the - it feels like a long time - bit between now and then is a frustratingly unhappy mystery.
+1. I’ve offered wondered if others in their 50’s think this. I have an image in my head of what I want retirement / no more work to be but the – it feels like a long time – bit between now and then is a frustratingly unhappy mystery.
that’s exactly how I feel at the moment!
Dunno about crisis, but I’m 53 and this year and lately I’ve found myself thinking more about the things I put my time and effort into and what I’m getting out of them. I don’t just mean financially but finding things rewarding in a more general sense, and it seems like the good bits are a bit too few and far between at the moment.<br /><br />
56 here so too late for midlife but that general ennui has been ticking a bit. Work has gone from being operational to being a manager and I kinda don’t give a toss at times as it’s easy but the results are more nebulous at the same time all my old roles are, realistically, a young man’s game. This year I’ve hardly cycled, mainly down to being to depressed to care about it but at the same time I’ve started hitting the gym a lot more.<br />Home life is good but the last few years have just been problems (and deaths) with parents and in laws. The 50s have been really hard but an anchored home life and some things I still love, and have re explored such as proper motorcycling, have really helped (that and seeing a psychologist to deal with the shite).
Maybe I had the midlife crisis without the Porsche - bollocks!
Sports cars are fun. IMV mountain bikes are funnerer and generally cheaper (as long as they’re not sat gathering dust in a garage), and are also better for my health.
My thoughts exactly, I just don't think you can beat the health benefits of riding and I think as you get older the easier it is to do nothing, which ends up putting your health in a terrible place.
I’ve offered wondered if others in their 50’s think this. I have an image in my head of what I want retirement / no more work to be but the – it feels like a long time – bit between now and then is a frustratingly unhappy mystery.
"And now his watch is ended" 🙂
TBH mines going to be sooner than later and involve riding and beaches, lots of beaches and sun.
I think Spain is probably a nicer place to retire in thou and I've been getting the retirement practice in on weekends.
Hopefully I make it thru the night and this isn't my last post, from my experience people with great dreams and plans of retirement never make it, life sort of deals you the cards it wants not the ones you want.
I've never really planned for retirement, I'm not really into long term plans.
No crisis but having recently decided that we really have retired and with remains of our parents likely to shuffle off their mortal coils in a few years I do wonder what we will be doing over the next several decades. Almost 10y in the same house now which feels like maybe time to move on, but very hard to find anywhere as good let alone better.
Almost 10y in the same house now which feels like maybe time to move on
Why do you feel that?
Confession time.
I’ve recently been heard saying that I might consider giving a FS bike another go in the next couple of years. Just so I can keep up with my kids.
If my wife rejects my application for distribution of funds there could well be a mid life crisis of negligible proportions.
Why do you feel that?
Never spent more than 13y in the same place and that was really dragging by the end (stuck for work reasons).
Don’t *have* to move but we’ve not really been the types to stay put for life like both our sets of parents did.
general ennui has been ticking a bit
Ennui is the word I was searching for I think. There have been a few periods this year where I've found it difficult to get enthusiastic about anything really, or motivated to do anything interesting. Better after a bit of a break and a change to my WFH working to try and do more during the day other than just work, which luckily I usually have the flexibility to do, even if that's just doing a little job in the garden or something.
You need to do this properly chaps - this is what you need to aspire to <br /><br />
Never spent more than 13y in the same place and that was really dragging by the end (stuck for work reasons).
Don’t *have* to move but we’ve not really been the types to stay put for life like both our sets of parents did.
Fair. I suppose I spent so long on the student/shared house/rental merry go round I must have had it thrashed out of me! I just totted it up - after I left home I lived in 14 houses in 17 years (excluding the times I just crashed somewhere for 6 weeks). So spending 8 years in this place without needing to move feels like a luxury 🙂
Someone I knew, accused of having an MLC had the line, "I liked sex, drugs and rock n'roll when I was young. I still do. What crisis?"
Me, looking back 15-16 years or so to when my mother died (her late 60s), was round when I properly got into surfing. Possibly coincidence. I met in various ways a group of younger guys who'd take off in vans to wherever there was a decent swell, spending far too much time in costal carparks wearing neoprene and too little time with my kids with family life feeling a bit of an imposition. Work didn't get a look in. So I bought a house on the coast to do up, so the kids could come too. Looked round and they were teenagers with better things to do.
So not a car, but that might count?
(Been working in the now done up house today, managing a lunchtime surf on a nearby reef on one of those days that sees people driving the length of the country to get here. All a bit challenging though, the surf, work, the combination, so not representing this as a happy ending.)
