[Closed] What weapon...

A big pointy stick. With all dog sh*t on the end.

Warning: this thread may be used as evidence against you.

Chainsaw for me

Something with a very high rpm rate and loads of ammo.

I'd use one of these
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Bludgeoning your work colleagues to death with an ant-eater will reserve a little space in a backwater of posterity 🙂

Something with a very high rpm rate and loads of ammo.

Like this:

http://www.dillonaero.com/content/p/9/pid/2/catid/1/Lightweight_M134DT

The still bleeding stumpy end of the right leg of your first victim?

But part of me suffers nagging doubts that real amok-running needs an edged weapon:

is correct I think - somehow much more satisfying. Perhaps the "space axe" of the lensmen.

combination and sublimation of battle-axe, mace, harpoon, and lumberman's picaroon

Bombers? You would own them all!

Railgun?

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its not rocket propelled or anything, its acclerated by electromagnets and its going so fast the bullet is being ripped to pieces!

I'm guessing, and whilst happy to be corrected, I'm wondering if the anteater might have a point of view about being used as a weapon...

Remember, it wont do to use a pygmy anteater, or tamandua.
GIANT ANTEATERS!- when you absolutely, positively have to kill every m*********er in the house...accept no substitute! 😀

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given that all I can see from my seat is heads, it would have to be something that would decapitate like a 360 lazer beam
but they're probably not easy to come by
.
so given that everyone would just duck into their pods to avoid decapitation, it would have to be short-range grenades or mini-mortars

You office monkeys wouldnt know how use fire a machine gun! lol

howabout something more realistic ... a sharpened pencil or parker fountain pen???

😉

scaramanga's solex ray gun... that should own em'

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you'd have much more fun with these,

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on the back of the toilet door i'd place the first one for the sick *****er that never cleans up after himself!

I'm guessing, and whilst happy to be corrected, I'm wondering if the anteater might have a point of view about being used as a weapon...

Maybe not a weapon [i]per se[/i], but they can certainly cause a mean ruckus:

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Guns are simply too [i]impersonal[/i]. I'd much rather get up close with something more stabby and slashy.

Having said that, a spikey ball on a chain has always been a personal favourite of mine.

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I remember many years ago, there was an article on a news programme, about some police weapons amnesty, and they were showing off some of the delightful implements. One particularly nasty one, was a bicycle chain, connected to a toilet flush pull handle. Not that big a deal, I hear you say, until I tell you that some of the link pins had been pushed out and then reconnected, to accommodate safety razor blades. I remember thinking that only a cyclist could have dreamt that one up.

If you're going to do a Michael ryan, then as much disembowelling and bloodshed as possible, I reckon.

Sawn off slide action shotgun, Arnie-style.

I think i'd freak out too quickly if i used a blade.

[i]I'm guessing, and whilst happy to be corrected, I'm wondering if the anteater might have a point of view about being used as a weapon...[/i]

I'd find a really angry one that was willing to go out in style.
Or maybe a frozen one from Iceland.

You office monkeys wouldnt know how use fire a machine gun! lol

Don't be so sure...

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Bigdummy is a tad miffed to discover that all the choccy bourbons are gone.

minigun
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finbar - Member

Arnie-style.

for arnie, has to be the the oozie 9

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Probably the Jarvis JCIIIA dehider

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The #1 skinning tool worldwide.

w Highest possible hide quality - skins perfectly; no cuts, marks or holes.

w High capacity, high performance tool, designed for long life and low maintenance.

w Super efficient motor design.

w Extra-thin head with stainless steel centre plate for exceptional handling and enduring strength.

w Lightweight - only 2.9 lbs (1.3 kg).

Although I think the SPC165G spinal cord remover is tempting with it's utilisation of the latest patented technology for grinding away material, including the spinal cord and the meninges (spinal cord skin).

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Unless you can wait a few years for Metal Storm.

Stress relief required??

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There was always something satisfying about using the pump action shotgun from Quake (the PC game) in the 90s - the way it went 'snick snick' to reload every time. I think I'd go for that, give them a sporting chance to get away while I reload...

Vinnyeh; you're not a very well little boy, are you? 😯

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The above (unmanned robot tank) or the below.

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I work from home and the office is 150 miles away. 😉

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Although I think the SPC165G spinal cord remover is tempting with it's utilisation of the latest patented technology for grinding away material, including the spinal cord and the meninges (spinal cord skin).

At this point, the room fell silent, and all eyes turned to Vinnyeh, who calmly continued eating his tuna and mayo sandwich, as if nothing had happened....

LOL at talkemada.

vinneyh you scary scary man

A Pfeifer Zeliska .600 Nitro Express

On a note of utility...Those "pointy things on the ends of chains" type of weapons, they're going to get, you know, stuck...Aren't they..? I mean, at some point, you're going to have to stop, pull it out of something/one, possibly using a foot as leverage...Gives the have-a-go hero time to bludgeon you with a chair/plant pot...

What about one of these

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vinneyh you scary scary man

Here we all are, happily discussing shooting, bludgeoning, stabbing, slashing and blowing people up, and along comes Vinnyeh! 😯 Proper disturbed!

Not right. Not right at all...

Probably the Jarvis JCIIIA dehider

I think I'd have more fun with one of these!
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Believe it or not, its for cutting Lettuce! I'm sure it could slice through some pretty tough stuff.

😯 It's already sliced your left foot off!

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I am pleased to report that I decided to have tea. But thank you. Especially for the discussion of ant-eaters. 🙂

I think certain cephalopods could be utilised as effective weaponry systems, given the right environment.

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Just do it with whatever comes to hand. Stun them with a well-aimed blow from a moth-eaten set of Halsbury's Statutes, then shove their faces in the shredder. 🙂

phosphorus grenade watch the ****ers burn.

BOMBERS, Cant beleive no one has sugested them, if I could post pictures my post would have been even funnier!

PS. Could someone oblige by posting a picture of said Bombers.

Somebody DID suggest Bombers - keep up!

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something neat and petite for me.

A 14-inch red dildo. You really need to put the effort in with one of those.

Please, I beg you, stop it, stop it now!
Honest to God, this is one of the funniest threads I've read in ages, I've had to go into another room to calm down, I've had tears down my face and everything. This just appeals to my twisted sense of humour, it was all going fine until the anteater, at which point I totally lost it. Thanks, all, you've just made my day.
To come back to the point, while there's a certain visceral joy in laying about oneself with a large edged weapon, and for that it would have to be a Katana, that hand-held rotary cannon just ticks the box called ‘Havoc’
perhaps with a side order of Milspec pump action shotgun.

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bommaz n thaa innit

Forcing everyone to read some of these postings would probably do the trick

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STW has taught you well.

Perfect for the office assasin

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MINIGUN [/url]

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My very favorite..

I like how that one comes with a coathook, nice practical touch.

I can supply several lovely edge weapons if anyone ever wants to have fun!

Whilst the 3 7ft glaives are a bit unwieldy in an office, the 5ft poll-axe will laugh at puny furniture and even open lifts if your colleagues attempt to get away 😆

The Falchion is short enough to swing and heavy enough to split skulls with ease, the war axe isn't as versatile but axes terrify people.

The best though is the rondel dagger - 14" long with a stout triangular section blade designed to thrust through maille armour with ease.

Finally, the misericord dagger is for that cute little receptionist, designed to send an injured fellow soldier easily on to God it will do the job without making too much of a mess of her...

Destroy the whole Building from 30,000ft up.

I'd use one of these:

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Although, I don't know which version.

AC-130H Spectre[30]

* 1× 40 mm (1.58 in) L/60 Bofors cannon
* 1× 105 mm (4.13 in) M102 howitzer

AC-130U Spooky II

* 1× 25 mm (0.984 in) 5-barrel GAU-12/U Equalizer Gatling gun
* 1× 40 mm (1.58 in) L/60 Bofors cannon
* 1× 105 mm (4.13 in) M102 howitzer

I can supply several lovely edge weapons if anyone ever wants to have fun!

Are you an actual dwarf then like in Lord of the Rings?

No, i'm not 6ft+ like that John Rhys-Davies fella! (or whatever he is called).

I do have a nice collection of late medieval weapons and armour though (reproductions for re-enactments)

Couldn't decide between a 12 gauge pump action shotgun and an assault rifle, so....

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...I'll go with this.

😯

guns for show, knives for a pro.

Pole-axes are good in a melé, but not so hot in an office space, I'd go with a bearded axe, long enough to get a good body cleaving swing, but you can grip up under the head for close up work and finishing off. That shotgun up there^ is my favourite floor clearing weapon of choice, good spread in close quarters. For general urban renewal, or just showing head office what you think of their restructuring plans, then the AC130U Spooky II has to be the poodle's danglies. Take out the whole bulding with the Bofors and the Howitzer, then use the rotaries on the screaming office drones as they run for safety. Get it all on film, too. Nice!

An aardvark would pi$$ on your anteater...

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So many ideas:
[url] http://www.arcadegames.nu/games/Whack_Your_Boss-217.html [/url]

Nuke the office from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[b]PICOLAX![/b]

Personally i think gripping the line manager, using one of those flaying tools to remove his/her pelt whole (remember to keep the face & hair on) then stapling the pelt to the MD's door as a subtle reminder of workforce relations would go a long way towards office harmony.

Either that or grip the MD and place in a large copper pot with a bolt-down collar that will leave his head exposed. Fill pot with water and place on large open fire. Take his wife & children and disembowell them, leaving their corpses on the fire so he can see them as he eventually boils to death in his own juices....

Relatively small, but effective.
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Don't want it to be too easy and over too quickly. Pick a weapon that will have a bit of style and grace. I was tempted to suggest a katana but hen I spotted the lightsabre posted earlier. That's way cooler!!!!!!!

Wait until their commuting home and then...

It's much more fun if they've room to run!

Anteater: [url= ]text nsfw, picture OK[/url]

BD's boss regretted 'bring your pet to the office' day.

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muddydwarf - Member

Personally i think gripping the line manager, using one of those flaying tools to remove his/her pelt whole (remember to keep the face & hair on) then stapling the pelt to the MD's door as a subtle reminder of workforce relations would go a long way towards office harmony.

I must see if I can get this added to the union handbook

BD's boss regretted 'bring your pet to the office' day.

Sorry.