[Closed] Tis the season to be joyful...

sod off

I'd like to help, but I'm not funny. Seriously.

Neither am I sr but I kept telling jokes only my mum laughed at, so I have given up on
the career in stand up 😆

I hear exit signs are on the way out.

a big hole has opened up in the centre of Bradford. a police spokesman said they're looking into it.

humbug

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. ‘Why are you eating grass?’ he asked one man. ‘We don’t have any money for food,’ the poor man replied. ‘Oh, come along with me then,’ the man from the limousine said excitedly. ‘But, sir, I have a wife with two children!’ ‘Bring them along! And you, come with us too!’ he said to the other man. ‘But sir, I have a wife with six children!’ the second man answered. ‘Bring them as well!’ So they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, ‘Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.’ The rich man replied, ‘No, thank you… The grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!’

A dyslexic man walked into a bra...

A woman got on a bus with her baby. The bus driver said "that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen" Shocked the woman went right up to the back of the bus and said to the man sitting in front of her "The driver said my baby is the ugliest baby he's ever seen, I've a good mind to go and hit him. The man says" Quite right you go ahead and I'll hold the monkey "

What do you call an eastern European cleaner who takes ages to clean the carpet?
A Slovak.

I told a girl I liked that I work with x-rays.

She saw right through me.

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

I went to the corner shop and bought some corners, then I headed to the paper shop but by the time I got there it had blown away
🙂