[Closed] Tips for driving and etiquette whilst driving a hired Jag XJS

Left or right ?

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Get some AA coverage and pack some warm clothes

Probably safest to stop at every petrol station you see, I would imagine.

As a working class northern bloke

Is there any other sort of Northern Bloke?

String backed driving gloves and a titfer on the parcel shelf?? Always drive it at 50mph despite the huge engine.

Jaegar sweater and some natty slacks

This sounds about right but be sure to wear the sweater over your shoulders and tied at the front in a nice bow. I would also recommend driving gloves and a tweed flat cap. Also be sure to have the top down what ever the weather and have some appropriate music playing as you waft through the small towns and villages.

Pack some stout walking shoes and a waterproof, an AA membership card and a flask of tea.

Hire car? I think it is actually the law that you thrash it within an inch of its mechanical life.

I thought everyone knew that about hire cars?

Let's go mental, it's a rental Shirley?

Do they check the tyre tread?

Any tips on driving a 5.3 litre V12 would be appreciated and also any advice on etiquette would be nice. As a working class northern bloke, do I dress casually or don a Jaegar sweater and some natty slacks?

I'm afraid that your seriously considering a Jag moves you into John Prescott territory - you may think of yourself as "working class", but you'd be wrong. Perhaps a blazer, cravat and a flat cap?

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Fastest car in the world is a rent-a-car!

Facial hair? Oh, I don't think so, old chap. Can't be having that.

Oh ,and tell your wife to get a hat. 🙂
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Facial hair? Oh, I don't think so, old chap. Can't be having that.

Leaving your decidedly middle-class sensibilities aside for a moment, if it's good enough for the Prince, I think it is probably acceptable for derek_starship.

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I believe that was when he was serving in the Royal Navy. About the only time that it's acceptable. 😉

I believe that was when he was serving in the Royal Navy. About the only time that it's acceptable.

A gentleman may sport a beard, to say otherwise makes me suspect that perhaps your own efforts on that behalf have been a little, how shall we say, unsuccessful? Scraggly?

You need to refer to it as the "Jaaaag" and adopt the civilized air of a long con grifter.

Avoid paying for meals by telling the waiter "I'm just going outside to warm up the Jaaaag" and then not coming back.

Wool coat, trilby and big cigar. And a shifty look that says "you aim seen nothin, right?"
And your good lady should dress in Twin set and pearls.

Don't listen to them ^^^^^ - just get nekkid

V12 and Dales winter roads will make it very "interesting" driving
😳

Two things migh shock you. A 5.3 V12 won't feel particularly quick by today's standards. And it'll be phenomenally thirsty!!!

They still look stunning though. Sod the E type, the xjs is jags best looking car IMO.

Prepare to flirt with a waitress

We bought a weekend in one for a mate. Most fun was the gravel car park.

Sheepskin coat, cigar, cap, fake MCC tie, fake tan, fake Rolex.
Refer to your wife as 'my niece' or 'the totty'.
Pass some bad notes, bounce a cheque, steal the towels.
Refer to the barman as 'mine host'.
Make up a fake investment opportunity.
Belch at the table.
Change your name to Barry.
Offer to sell the waiter some Viagra.
Ostentatiously rub your nose when leaving the gents.

Best attire is surely greasy overalls? Make sure you also pack some nitrile gloves, they will come in handy.

His and Hers

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My old man had a 5.3 which was great but later on he got a TWR modified one with the engine upped to 6.25L. That was the mutt's nuts! Still look impressive today in styling terms.

The snag is that they drink fuel like there's no tomorrow!!

The Dales in February. An XJS is going to be fun if it snows.

A proper Jag should have a tiny sticker that says "no non smoking"

Hire car? I think it is actually the law that you thrash it within an inch of its mechanical life.

I thought everyone knew that about hire cars?

Best 4x4 by far, is a hire car.

wring its bloody neck.

A proper Jag should have a tiny sticker that says "no non smoking"

With some small print to say, "Cigars and pipes only".

a fine choice for cads and bounders.

As above, sheepskin, cigar and brut.

Order the most expensive dishes on the menu, go to town on the mini bar then on checking out, proclaim that you've left your wallet at home leaving the lady to pick up the bill.

As above, sheepskin, cigar and brut

Overheard in a local supermarket the other day, a South African chap asking his wife, rather loudly,

"Do they sell Brut aftershave in this country? I (swear filter avoidance) well hope so, I've run out!"

I chuckled!

My cousin had one a few years back, MPG? Ohhh.... around the 12-15 mark...he recokns he might have once got around 20 out of it but there were no witnesses.

If I remember from when my Dad had one, you have to push the throttle [i]a long way[/i] to get it to really move... 🙂

Fugly POS IMO, why hire a barrow boys toy when there are sooo many nicer vehicles on this ere planet?

S'pose if you must, then I'd suggest a handlebar moustache and a Lesley Crowther laugh... 😉

As others have said, RAC membership, a jacket etc.

Also some rose tinted glasses, also do';t forget to set your watch back 40 years.