[Closed] Them new 'Minis', the fat ones

WRT this,

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I've seen this before...

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BoardinBob - Member
I take it you lot haven't seen the Mini Coupe they're planning on launching

Hope your not suggesting that, that is a looker... <scurry's off to the loo to puke>

The Coupe was an attempt to make the tiny inside Mini even less practical.

My friend has a Cooper S and got a lift from her couple of times. The car is ok space wise at the front however sitting at the back is a joke. We were coming back from uni and my mate who is around 6' was sitting at the back. He was so squashed that he could lick his knee. I sat at the back as well, there is not enough space between the seat and floor to fit my feet.

The Coupe will be perfect for 2 people and a small dog, or a cat or a sick bucket.

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New "mini" styling que..

Really pig ugly, like it's bigger brother.

Best served in Brown.. And owned by STW readers.

The Fiat 500 - very nice.

I like the comment about the Mini being tiny inside. When we were shopping around for a second car we tried to fit a buggy in the boot - no chance unless we started taking wheels off and stuff which is a faff. Ended up with a Polo GTI which was LOADS bigger on the inside and seemed much smaller on the outside.

Don't get me started on the Juke. I walk past a Nissan dealer on my way to work and have to stop myself from wretching every morning and evening. Whats worse is that you see LOADS of them on the roads! Can't understand it... Those fuggin Kia things with the DRLs as well. Loads of ugly cars around at the moment...

Oi! My first car was a Maxi!

Built like a tank, cheap, and massive to chuck loads of fishing tackle in!

Those aren't Minis!

They're New Minis!

Just like 'New' Labour, they've got nowt to do with what went before.

😉

G.R.F. + 1

Ah, one bit, the poor love.

I think G.R.F. is now weeping into his Cath Kidson hankie.

Ha ha.

Now that G.R.F.'s kicked it off, I can also admit to owning a Countryman Cooper S 8)

Had it two weeks and it replaced a turbocharged Cooper S, which had in turn replaced my original supercharged Cooper S.

All brutally quick with go-kart handling.

Enjoy your diesel Skodas chaps...

I'd prefer a Mini.

Erm, given the "average" STW demographic, I don't really think the Mini, Juke or any of those other cars are really aimed at "us".

Jeebus, so what if someone wants to drive a Juke or a Mini or it's beefed up version.

Better than a boring as **** Audi*, Volvo, Skoda, etc

* That'd be me 😳

I also had a Mini (BMW version) and then a Cooper S for a couple of years. "Practicality" wasn't really first and foremost in my mind when I was driving it. Yeah, I guess I probably grew out of it...camping, dogs, a need to carry bikes (to the trail centre of course) more.

Mountain bikers have no business buying coupes though.

what's your problem with them?

I think they might be a bit too exciting 😉

I take it you lot haven't seen the Mini Coupe they're planning on launching

Brilliant. Even [i]less[/i] space inside. I actually doubt I could physically fit in it going on the size of the standard one.

A bug eye beak of ginormuss size
Makes it look like my m’sus thighs,
So ugly are the wings out front,
It looks just like your driving a fat hairy runt

It’s tonka toy wheels are rarely ideal
For driving upon our soft roads,
Yet boing’ing and bouncing is all that you do,
When visiting your mates, who live in the Zoo

So why did they strife to give it some space?
When most of us laugh at it’s pig ugly face,
It’s fat arse is worse, though seemingly it’s retro,
So’s riding along in an old Mini Metro.

The profile it sheds, is bleak and obtuse,
And finds itself living in world full of Moose,
For antlers it needs, and it should feed upon seeds,
And drive backwards to head everyone’s pleads.

It’s fatter than You, so expect limited view,
From within it’s four tiny walls,
But we’ll see you in there, with your big poncy hair,
And laugh as we pass you in tears.

You gullible fool with more money than tools
Who’ll spend shed loads on pointless cars,
For we’ll only view this blatant show of You
And pander to your brain full of scars.

Elfinsafety - Member
I think Andy should chrome-plate his little Staffy. It would look well cool.

I'd look a bit more stupid than usual dragging a chrome staffy round the park though. 🙄

I looked at a new shape mini to buy, the interior is comedy, it's like a patronising array of tack that would fit in an early learning centre kiddy car. They've 'tried' to make it fun and have succeeded in a teletbubbies kind of way. It doesn't matter how good they are to drive, it's like a nice bike (ibis, orange whatever your poison is) with a clown horn on the front and if you complain the owners say 'you just don't get it'.

What Fred said about the 500 is true, they are great.

Why should the owners care whether you "get" it or not?

It does seem to follow the styling precedent set by the X6 ....

Enjoy your diesel Skodas chaps

Diesel Fabia vrs? I reckon I would enjoy that cheers 🙂

EDIT they don't do a fabia vrs diesel 🙁 They do an Octavia tho 🙂

Excitement is rarely a consumer product.

They do an Octavia tho

Taxi driver chic 8)

Dd, they care as the ones I know all see it as a fashion statement. True this can't be said of all mini owners as I don't know them all.

G.R.F., I wouldn't touch one of those style-less abominations with yours, let alone any part of my own body, and I would never, ever, spend money on one, mine or anybody else's. I spotted a new Countryman in a square in Bath one night on the way back from the pub with a friend. We both stood and stared at it, unable to believe just how [i]big[/i] the bloody thing was, and how ugly. It dwarfed a newish Polo in front, and the Micra behind looked like that old Mini by comparison. The styling is typical BMW, they are incapable of making a stylish car with body lines that flow and shut and panel lines that flow coherently. The Fiat 500 is a textbook example of how to design a modern replacement for an iconic little car, make it bigger, but still keep the design cues that make the car instantly recognisable and still look small. Audi's A1 looks smaller than a Mini. And I'll happily keep driving my Skoda Octavia TDi; at least I can get four people in it in comfort if necessary, and an entire bike in the back with the seat down and saddle removed. If G.R.F. wants to look a complete tit driving around in an ugly car then I for one won't stand in his way. Minis allegedly handle very well, but so did my old Puma, and that's a much more stylish car. I read a road test of three hot hatchbacks recently, a blown Mini Cooper, a Citrôen DS3 Racing and a Renault, not sure of the model, possibly a Clio. The Mini was comprehensively thrashed by the DS3, the Mini's handling was criticised for being choppy and harsh. This is the car I would rush out and buy if the money suddenly became available:
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a much more stylish car, with a decent amount of room inside.

If you think THAT's stylish...

In most cars you get an emergency tool kit of some kind...

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But in a BMW Mini the emergency tool kit is slightly different;

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Agree with Elfin

What Fred said about the 500 is true

The Fiat 500 - very nice

The Fiat 500 is a textbook example of how to design a modern replacement for an iconic little car

😯

Is this actually people agreeing with me???

(Falls over in shock)

LHS - Member
60% of Mini customers are male.

I've got to go back to this quote.

From my experience of insuring them, almost every 40+ male [i]owner[/i] who rings up just happens to enquire about putting the 17 year old daughter on the insurance. The conversation then normally goes around in circles until the colour has been established as 'girly blue' and the cover needs to start on the daughter's birthday.

Heres one of the 2 Sciroccos we run

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Jon, from an insurance point of view do they get arsey about people insuring cars in their own name when they're a named driver's main car?

I'd have to have this one. It's too cute! 🙂

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molgrips, not so much 'arsey' as just adding a huge load to the premium to try to discourage the fronting and explaining that the cover will be invalidated if the 'second' driver is found to be the main user.

The insurance operator can only go on what you are telling them, so if you insist it's your car they have to go with that.

Of course, if the young driver then wrecks the car, the insurer will start asking questions and perhaps refuse to pay out.

Elfin, have you seen the Ferrari tribute 500? Only £30,000.

http://www.carmagazine.co.uk/News/Search-Results/First-Official-Pictures/Abarth-695-Tributo-Ferrari/

Ooh that's cute isn't it??

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That looks like a truck where someone has nicked the proper wheels and they've had to use little ones off a normal car.

And you were saying other people have no sense of aesthetics? 😆

But I'm keeping the Countryman and allowing the breadknife the privilege of driving it

Nothing more to be said is there? I rest my case.

Er actually no, it's not at all 'cute'

It is.

Don't start with me sunshine. 😉

Jeez, ain't it funny that people like different cars an dat.

Even Effin's getting a sandy fanny about it now... 🙄

I'm not, I just happen to be right about automobile aesthetics, is all. 🙂

You know I am too though really. Deep down.

There are several well known facts in this world. One of these us that only 2 nations on earth can reliably produce stylish, iconic cars.

The British
The Italians

Sure, everyone else gets a look in now and again (Ford GT40, Citroën DS, Mk 1 Golf)
But nobody else gets even close. Alec Issigonis must be turning in his grave.

No mahoosive generalisations in PP's contribution.

G.R.F., what an asset to the forum you are, what sparkling insights you provide; its such a shame you're married already.

now lay down and say it with me..

Hear me now kiss me teef bogle bogle when I say rice you say 'an pea'...

Come on now an sing it wit me, Rice:

Fiat is for girl people and I'm not a girl, even though secretly I want to be one, I'm not, I'm actually a man person...

We can see that you're a man because you are waiting for the epitome of manliness-on-the-road that is that VW.

When women started using 4x4s for the school run, the manly men had to go and find something even more manly and came up with the double cab pick up.

Useless for anything other than looking manly! You can put bags of cement in the back, but for actually carrying bikes, surfboards, anything worth carrying, you may as well drive Elfin's Fiat.