[Closed] The Public

In fairness I found buses a mystery until quite late in life. I used to just walk anywhere I could so never bothered with them. when I first used one it was farcical...

Driver wasn't happy that I didn't know exactly which stop I wanted (I had an address and knew the area I was going to), moaned I didn't have the right change and then looked at me like I was an idiot (probably fair) when I asked how I will know when to get off.

They'll never catch on.

Not knowing what a stop is called if you've not been before is something everyone does. Bus drivers should be used to it.

It's possible I've just a had a string of silly queiries and would rather be out on my bike. Won't be too long till someone complains there are cows in fields and nettles on footpaths which aren't sign posted every ten yards.

"Do you have an OS map?"

"I shouldn't need an OS map." 🙄

catch bus in Sheffield, then try nottingham. completely different system.

try taking what you've learned in those two then get on a bus in London.

But if you were looking for a body of water on a hill, would you look at the top of the bottom?

I needed assistance in buying a euromillions lottery ticket last week.....

I've been refused access to a bus because I didn't have a pre-paid ticket. Can you help me?
I want to get up to the reservoir. 😉

unklehomered yesterday

😆

It's probably nearer Basil Fawlty... "YES?"

I wish so much I was allowed to speak my mind in my job...

"There are cows in the field that footpath goes through"

"What were you expecting, Velociraptors? Moonmins? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically..."

"What were you expecting, Velociraptors?

*pours coffee out of keyboard*

I got sacked from a garden center for directing a women to ask the store manager for wild tortoise pellets. That was my diagnosis from the shriveled up leaf she presented me with.

I don't work with the public much now.

But if you were looking for a body of water on a hill, would you look at the top of the bottom?

You think that would be pretty obvious but unfortunately it isn't to some people.

i work with the public. on my last day at work i will tell the truth to all my patients and staff that i deal with.

yesterdays gem... "I've broken my leg last night, and this morning it hurts" Did you take any pain killers? "nah, they don't work"

Brilliant.

We have a customer who always needs a lot of help choosing gifts.
Fair enough ,its our job. She will always come back a week later and change it for something else and so it starts all over again. She is just so indecisive.
Last week she was really doing my head in,so sarcastically I asked her what colour elastic band she wanted around her wrapping paper.
She replied that it was nice to have a choice and then spent god knows how long seeing which band worked best with the paper.
At that point Mrs Zip had to take over.

"What were you expecting, Velociraptors?
*pours coffee out of keyboard*

the public....what a bunch of ****ts

Try working in a bike shop 🙂

I managed to knock over another customer's bike when visiting my LBS this afternoon.

There's nothing quite like that shameful feeling of having *the entire* shop turn and stare at you.

i think i'm quite clever, but i'm baffled by buses.

"Working" on the railway the public never cease to amaze me. Take the other day, I'm dressed in full orange, hard hat, boots, gloves carrying many kilo's of radio test equipment and as I walk from the track up the platform ramp I'm asked what station is this (pointed at the sign and told him the station name). Same bloke then asks me when the next train to Streatham is, how should I know I've just walked off the bloody track do I look like a flippin timetable!

I've also been asked why somebody's train was late the week before (arrgh I cover the whole of the SE of Blighty, how should I know!)

I have also been a naughty boy and when asked when the last train home was by a very drunk member of the public I told him in about 20 minutes so he went off quite happy, actually he'd missed last train by about 5 minutes, the next one was 5 hrs later.

I had a woman demand that I put her ex-boyfriend on the sex offenders register. I asked whether he had any convictions in that regard, she told me that he didn't. I briefly explained to her how the system worked, that I lacked the authority to do what she wanted me to and that at any rate he was entirely innocent in the eyes of the law regardless of what neighbourhood tittle tattle she had heard.

Then I asked where she was calling from....Belfast.
Me: Hmmm...you do realise that you're calling Dorset Probation?
Her: So what?

I made my excuses and ended the call.

Once in the line of duty i was required to visit a member of the public, i was very obviously wearing a T-shirt that said "London Fire Brigade" on it and there was a fire engine parked outside her house, when she answered the door she said "Are you the man from the gas board to read the meter?" She couldn't even use senility as an excuse she was only in her early forties.

Had someone walk past the shop window (full of bikes), in the door (bike poster on it), up to the counter (past lots more bikes), and ask me in the workshop (fixing a bike):

"Where are the sunbeds?"

We have a split door, that is its about the size of a normal door but split in the middle and hinges on each side (two doors). usually we just have one door open and the other is bolted. The wonderful thing about that is when massively fat people come in, the have to go sideways to get in, and the really big ones come close to getting stuck.

Over the last 2 years I have a perfected a passively bemused yet inquisitive look with which to meet their pleading eyes as they begin to panic because they can't get free...

It sort of says "Who are you, and what are you doing to my door?"

Ha, yes, doors 🙂

Our shop door opens outwards. Which is, I accept, a bit unusual. But even the big handle and two big "PULL" signs aren't enough of a clue for some people.

I was working on a medical ward before I retired as a charge nurse,a big rough looking bloke walked up to the nurses station and growled "Mary Smith".Before I could stop myself I said "Hello Mrs Smith,I'm Charge Nurse Scarfe,can I help you?".You could hear the wheels whirring,so after about 30 seconds of silence I said"If you're looking for Mrs Smith,she's in that room,second bed on the right" He still looked confused at the end of visiting.

I've been busy toady helping my brother with his outdoor catering business. Booked to do a local cricket club gala day.

About half an hour into serving I could see the confrontation written all over this woman's face as she waited to be served. Anyway she gets to the front

Her: what vegetarian options do you have?
Me: errr........ this is a hog roast kitchen, we do roasted pig
Her: Is none of your food vegetarian
Me: I suppose the apple sauce and the salad is
Her: do you not have any vegetarian meat?
Me: no, just pig meat or the salad
Her: is that your final offer?
Me: I'm afraid so
Her: you have a legal duty to supply vegetarian food
Me: Do we? I suppose that's the salad then

she left

Had someone walk past the shop window (full of bikes), in the door (bike poster on it), up to the counter (past lots more bikes), and ask me in the workshop (fixing a bike):

"Where are the sunbeds?"

.
Where are they ?

In a past life I was a telephone engineer (actually a cable jointer) back when the vans were bright yellow. One day I was sat in the van having my lunch when a woman came up and started to berate me because her gas was off. I patiently explained that I was a telephone engineer and nothing to do with the gas board, as it was then, but she told me that wasn't good enough and that she would complain to my superiors! Put me right off my cheese sandwich that did, daft old bat.

vegetarian meat?

should have said "Well I'm pretty sure the pig [i]was [/i]vegetarian, bit late to ask it now though..."

vegetarian meat?

To be fair to the silly bint, she said something like meat substitute

.
Where are they ?

I suppose I could have a go at simulating a sunbed using the oxyacetylene torch 🙂

But if you were looking for a body of water on a hill, would you look at the top of the bottom?

You think that would be pretty obvious but unfortunately it isn't to some people.

Ahem. Kind sir. Could you direct me towards Dunsapie Loch please? I can find St Margaret's Loch and Duddingston Loch, so it must be around here somewhere.

I used to work in a Threshers and we had a semi regular customer who only appeared when the stella bottles were on offer.
"it says here 6 for the price of 4 put there's only 5 on the shelf, do you have any in the back?"
"no that's all we have, its been a popular deal. But the cans are on offer too if you want them"
"I only want the bottles, I've come all the way from Walkley for this! You're supposed to be providing a service, if i buy 5, i'm down a bottle!"
"yeah but it's while stocks last and the stock hasnt lasted" etc etc etc every friggin time these were on offer. As though we had a magic stella bottle cave at the back of the shop that kept spewing them out.

But she was less insane than the doctor that made me get a supervisor to take over my checkout at Sainsburys when I put my hand in front of my mouth when I yawned. "and what are you going to do now? hmmm?!"
"erm, what do you mean"
"you have germs all over your hands and now you're touching my food"
I then start laughing thinking it's a wind up then his face says otherwise. So i had to go wash my hands.

To be honest even if I hadn't yawned, he should have been washing his food anyway. I was a 16yr old male who did what normal 16 yr old males do...

I wear a polo shirt to work. This makes shopping a hazard.

I've been asked where things are in ASDA, B&Q, etc etc. Usually a "sorry, I don't work here" suffices, but occasionally I'll get someone who just doesn't believe me. I've been threatened to be reported to my supervisors on more than one occasion. Good luck with that.

. I was a 16yr old male who did what normal 16 yr old males do...

Masturbating to Olympic standard?

In a past life I was a telephone engineer (actually a cable jointer) back when the vans were bright yellow.

I used to have a similarly bright yellow ex-council van. Once I was parked on a meter, engine off, sitting in the passenger seat with my feet up on the dash when theres a *wham* on the side of the van. Moments later a furious pedestrian starts hammering on the window yelling "why don't you watch where you're f***ing going!"

Could you direct me towards Dunsapie Loch please?

It's at the bottom of Dunsapie Crag. HTH

not the top?