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In preparation for our wedding next my the Mrs has just signed up for some sort of 'balanced milk shake' food plan.
In a nutshell she will be paying through the nose for measured calorie shakes which are enriched with nutrients yada yada.
Buying them directly from a seller's house who then offer guidance etc etc.
I think the idea is to have either 3 meal replacements, or two or 1 depending on how fat and desperate you are.
Trouble is, in the last year i have lost over 5 stone through cutting out fatty foods and drinks, and excercising 3 or 4 times per week.
I used a spreadsheet to monitor my calorie intake and exercise expenditure and its worked a treat for me.
Now heres the rub, armed with my experience and advice, and determination, and the new road bike I bought her, she's decided this is the only thing that will work for her.. and she's a science teacher!
Ive even suggested we make our own nutritious shakes from fruit/veg etc if she wants to go down meal replacement. I understand what the body needs in order to work efficiently, and I was a big chap surviving perfeclty well on circa 1500cal per day (after exercise) and the weight dropped off.
I want to support her and sure enough id like to to be looking her best and feeling great come the wedding, but I hate diet fads and find them all pretty much as evil and money grabbing as each other.
Ive proven the science of sheer determination to her but its not enough!
In her defence we have a young child and she works hard and is selfconscious about certain form of excercise, but im willing to do what I can to help.
Should I be annoyed or should I whole heartedly support her?
just support her man she will love you all the more for it.
wholeheartedly support her, though I understand your dismay
sounds like expensive nonsense that will be hard to stick to. IMO
EDIT - is the supplier of the shakes slim or a bit hefty?
Is it really cheeky to ask her size at the moment and time left to the wedding?
she is wrong but she is right so get used to it and support her.
perhaps the investment of money makes it more real for her or she is just ****** nuts
So - you've found something that works for you and you want to force it on her.
Sure this marriage lark is up your street?
Women don't always want your solution. Just your support.
Not sure it's a good idea to slim down for your own wedding tbh. You'll have a skinny woman looking back at you for ever more reminding you how much fatter you are in later life.
Better to have fat wedding photos then slim down, then you'll just feel all the better about your newer self, no?
Women don't always want your solution. Just your support.
True, and a very important thing to remember. But it's not just women.
She is wrong. If those diets worked the companies that sell them would go bust pretty swiftly.
I see plenty of fat people on a daily basis. They usually have plenty of pseudo-scientific reasons why they have failed to lose weight / put weight on whilst on a "diet". The ones the genuinely do lose proper amounts of weight all say the same thing: ate less, drank less booze, did a bit more exercise. And kept it up over the long term.
Women don't always want your solution. Just your support.
^^^^
THIS
Sometimes you just need to listen, STFU and be there. No matter what.
EDIT: And they also, IMO, like to venture into their own well of despair once in a while. If this is where she goes, think twice before trying to haul her out. She might just need to fall a bit deeper before deciding it's time to get out.
True, and a very important thing to remember. But it's not just women.
I love it when you show us your feminine side Molly. x
I really don't know what it is about women and fad diets, we seem to love them and even I've done it in the past although I really can't be bothered these days as I've taken the 'find exercise I like and stick to it' route. It's probably more to do with the fact that she has someone who isn't you giving her support. Don't mean that to sound nasty as it wont be anything personal but my OH could write me up a diet and get 10lbs off me easily because he knows what he's on about, didn't stop me going to slimming world/weight watchers etc on and off for years. Is more about talking about it with someone willing to listen than about the 'faddy diet' I reckon. If she loses a bit of weight along the way then all the better.
Just a point of order - slimming world and weight watchers are not fad diets...
I have a morbidly obese mate who went on Lighter Life.
Sounds very similar to my wife and I. She gradually put on weight and decided to have slimfast shakes because she saw the adds and believed the hype. Had one for brekkie and dinner and by teatime she would eat anything in sight because she was starving and couldn't understand why she was still putting on weight. Tried to guide her to a more varied and healthier diet but she wouldn't listen. The more I tried to help her the more she dug her heels in so I left her to it. In the end she came round to my offer of help and four months later she has lost three stone.
Those wimmin, it's great when they finally come round to our way of thinking.
Amen brother 😀
No they aren't but they offer that support and common theme stuff that seems to be more help to people, women in particular, than just eating healthily on your own does
Friends wife did that couple of years ago lost the and as soon as stopped and went back to normal the weight crept back on again till 6 months later she was excatly the same size and weight, its simple weight off quick weight back on quick
Women don't always want your solution. Just your support.
My Mrs goes mad with me wanting to fix things when what she really wants is me to sit and just listen to her whine on.
At the stage now where I sit and pretend I'm listening but I'm really checking out STW or random fit birds on twitter!
Its frustrating, I spent 500 on a bike for the mrs as she wanted to get into riding to help lose weight and she actually only gets results from these fad diets. So as long as she still cooks meals once in a while I support her!
I agree with the support argument.
But im a man of science (and so is she!) and I have cold hard evidence of how its done properly (as if there wasnt enough evidence out there). Lifestyle change, learn to love the sacrifice and feel great about yourself.
It was the easiest hard thing I ever did.
She saw me lose 6" from my waist and chest in 9 months.
Alas, i'll revert to 'yes dear' mode and see if I can at least help her to get it work her way.
How much weight does she need to lose slimjim? Not asking to take the piss.
My Mrs goes mad with me wanting to fix things when what she really wants is me to sit and just listen to her whine on.
Men are from mars, women from venus. Sadly, we should all re-read this book. Or to save 7.99 - Women want to blab / whitter, men want to fix.
Happy woman = man listens. Happy man = woman understands fixing need.
Let her get on with it, then challenge once it's not working. Just let her get it out of the way.
Don't do an "I told you so!", but more a different approach once it seems incorrect for her.
Are you familiar with the idea of a "locus of control"? It refers to internal or external and is a way of discussing whether you or your environment are responsible for what happens to you. It reflects whether you feel capable of effecting change for yourself. The diet suggests she has a strong external locus. Finding ways for her to feel effective and capable of achieving under her own steam will shift this toward the internal. Then she will trust herself. Until she feels capable and that she deserves it, it won't happen.
thanks guys. points taken.
Darcy - we've never really talked about her weight, but I imagine she's aiming for at least 3 stone, maybe more.
I think she's hot now, but I like em fixalot stylee. She's dead pretty though and if she loses the weight she'll no doubt be a knock out.
a friend once told me that his (anybodys) partner can fail to hear what her partner says repeatedly and reject the advice completely and then come home one day and explain how somebody at a bus stop said exactly the same thing but it made perfect sense.....
Had the similar example with consultants - it's easier to listen when your paying for it....
Support dont question unless she is about to mortgage the house to play for it
I'd imagine the OP losing 5 stone through, effectively, will power alone has made his partner slightly concerned that she won't have the same fortitude and will thus fail.
She's looking for a magic potion that will help her achieve what she wants. All that can be done is let her get on with it until she either achieves her goal or moves on to something else.
I do wonder if the OP had not lost the weight whether she'd be trying at all?
I keep mine under the stairs, she's dead skinny.
weight loss for blokes and weight loss for girls isn't coming from the same place, and sometimes men need to recognize that, and exercise for some girls is wrapped in all sorts of body image issues that are complex and sometimes not massively rationale, I see loads of flabby blokes wobbling down the road pretending to run, but they "generally" don't care that they look like a sweaty wobbly mess, girls mostly do.
Maybe she wants to loose a few kgs before realizing that she can go outside and run with (less) wobbly bits on show, and the running and eating less bug kicks in.
help her and encourage her, get rid of the snacks/alcohol in the house, and keep reminding her that it's HER and DETERMINATION that will lose the weight in the end.
good post emsz 🙂 though... can i ask you to remember that when you're taking the piss out of fat guys in baggy clothes riding their bikes? 😳 🙁 some of us use riding as part of a weight loss plan and we're aware that we look shite to the female population 🙁
EDIT - i know you said "generally" and aren't saying all blokes are like that, i'm just trying to think of things from the average overweight STWer's point of view.
I see loads of flabby blokes wobbling down the road pretending to run
😥
🙁
Phil,
sorry, I'm as judgemental as the next person, I know 😳 . Lots of girls know that really their blokes would love them just as much, but there's allll sorts of stuff going on here; Fashion, bitchiness from other girls, exersize, being sweaty, our mums, food, low self esteem.
most blokes (from what I can tell) go: *grabs a bit of spare tyre* "blimey need to loose a bit, better run, cut out the beer and curry" most girls go *grab a bit of spare tyre* "God I'm ugly"
see?
Sounds like the cambridge diet. Friend of the wife has done it (twice). The first time she lost a load of weight, about 4 stone. But she put it back on.
She's recently done it again and has now moved over to the iDave diet, after seeing the results on Me and the the Mrs. Although she did complain that she'd put 1lb on in the first week of eating solids again!
Is she wanting to lose weight just for wedding photos or is it a longer-term thing? Sounds like one of those situations where you can offer all the best advice in the world - but it is only when/if that she chooses to commit to that particular route will it be of any benefit.
I am fond of offering advice in situations as I find support takes a lot more effort 😕
So I personally would state what you feel to be good advice and leave it at that. Make sure not to undermine her efforts or try push your own ideas on to her and I'm sure that in time she can make up her own mind about what is the best plan for her.
i do see emsz 😀 and no need to apologise, i just noticed a couple of posts from you about fat middle aged baggy clothes wearing weekend warriors and having a hearty LOL at them... wanted to remind the laydeez out there that some of us are sensitive to such jibes in the way a lady might be.
i've worked with eating disorders quite a bit both in and out of work, grown up with my own body issues that i dont mind admitting on here too. i think women, after years of feeling like they're the only people with pressure to look good (and for years this has been pretty much the case) often dont realise how the modern society puts just as much pressure on guys and how many men have issues just as deep as their female counter parts nowadays.
when it comes down to it if a man is marrying a woman cos he loves her, she could waddle down the aisle with make-up painted on by a 1year old and hair half shaved off... if she's got a glint in her eyes and is smiling he'll be overwhelmed with love and happiness 🙂
a friend once told me that his (anybodys) partner can fail to hear what her partner says repeatedly and reject the advice completely and then come home one day and explain how somebody at a bus stop said exactly the same thing but it made perfect sense.
That's why it's not easy to teach your partner to drive. You tell them they've made a mistake, they take it personally and get hurt. A professional instructor tells them, they aren't emotionally involved with them so they just take it on board.
Emsz speaks well too, however very generically. More men than you think have self esteem issues too when it comes to body image.
when it comes down to it if a man is marrying a woman cos he loves her, she could waddle down the aisle with make-up painted on by a 1year old and hair half shaved off... if she's got a glint in her eyes and is smiling he'll be overwhelmed with love and happiness
Aye.
Random Bloke Syndrome, that's what it is
You can explain something in minute detail, pointing out every single benefit and the complete lack of downsides, and your missus will not only ignore you, she'll actively do the opposite
Some random bloke (not even an instructor, just a bloke) will mention it in passing, and suddenly she's right on board with it
when it comes down to it if a man is marrying a woman cos he loves her, she could waddle down the aisle with make-up painted on by a 1year old and hair half shaved off... if she's got a glint in her eyes and is smiling he'll be overwhelmed with love and happiness
Can I just speak up for the shallow males on here, and say I might have a problem with this.
dont be mysogymathingy!
i is trying to paint us guys in a more positive light here blud
In preparation for our wedding
This is the key to the whole thing. If you weren't getting married then she [b]might[/b]* be prepared to take your advice.
However, at present she is in a spiral of almost unending pressure (real and/or imagined) to arrange the perfect wedding, where everything must be PERFECT, and where she must not have to contemplate wearing a size X dress, and where she must look more beautiful the [INSERT RELEVANT PERSONS HERE].
Having just got married I would advise you to shut the hell up and support her totally. She can do without someone else on her case and she will love you more for it.
After the wedding you can maybe try nudging her into something more sustainable.
*I take no responsibility for you spending a few nights on the sofa having suggested that your wife should lose a bit of weight...
Another reason why the whole wedding circus is pernicious damaging bollx. Amazing that in this day and age women still end up with this 'greatest day of my live' shite like you are in a Jane Austen novel.
sounds like Lipotrim
Dieting is not always easy for people - probably most people - hence the massive industry of 'calorie and nutrition controlled food'
People will blame everything under the sun - apart from themselves - for their fatness.