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“sees yous later”
I have just realised they may have been going to grab some female sheep so perhaps my crossness was misplaced.
Bread molesters in supermarkets. I’d like to stab them in the eye with a sharpened baguette.
Fedex tracking, parcel due before 12:40 they missed that window now updated to due before 18.00 what a load of crap.
People calling each other 'chap'.
My BIL does it constantly.
Get away from my sister you melt! 😡
People who get annoyed with wheelchair users or infirm people in supermarkets. Show some compassion.
Does being infirm make you stop dead in a doorway with your trolley at arm's length, blocking the entire thing off?
It's nothing to do with being infirm, it's everything to do with catastrophic common sense failure. Stepping to the side to let others past because you've suddenly realised that you have to fanny about for ten minutes shouldn't be a difficult concept to anyone allowed outside unaccompanied.
need a receipt?/no thanks, I won’t be returning screenwash
Stuff like this triggers my sarcasm gland. Buying a bag of chips, "do you want a receipt?" Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?
Receipts generally make me disproportionately cross. I didn't ask for it, I don't want it, I have 'proof of purchase' by dint of your tracking storecard recording everything I've bought from you in the last twenty years but no, the bastard thing still vomits out a strip of dead tree for me to tear out of its face and throw straight in the bin without looking at it. It's just so pointless and wasteful.
Occasionally I get a helpful store assistant going "you've forgotten your receipt!" No I haven't, I've deliberately ignored it. One time I got "but what if you get stopped by security?" "Well, I suppose first I'll have an argument, then I'll be speaking with your store manager about treating your customers like criminals, and then I'll be writing to Glasgow," is what I wanted to reply.
Buying a bag of chips, “do you want a receipt?” Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?
I buy a lottery ticket
They ask me if I want the receipt
I ask if I can return it if I don't win the jackpot.
They no longer ask me if I want the receipt.
Parcelfarce drivers who give your item to a neighbour, but are too stupid to post a card through the door to tell you which ****ing neighbour!
Ah yes.
Then an email, "item delivered successfully." Not to me it $%^&ing hasn't.
This....£100 of airtags.
"two times as long" oh, you mean twice as long.
Not as bad as "two times less" honestly wtf does that mean.
Well, it means fractionally more than "twice as less". But neither makes very much sense at all in reality
... User is typing...
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... User is typing...
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"Yes."
****'s sake, that was worth waiting half a decade for.
Buying a bag of chips, “do you want a receipt?” Why, do you suppose they might be faulty?
Mr Chippy:
"No, but some of our customers claim a meal allowance from work and have to show receipts. You. Sarky. Oversized. Feline. Get the **** out of my chippy, you're barred"!
Cold plates. You have ravaged mother earth to provide heat and nutrients which need cooking to make them enjoyable.
Why o why o why do people then serve delicious hot food firstly into a set of stone cold pretty china serving dishes , to move it onto a a large cold heat sink of a plate.?
And don't get me started on the hapless idiots who deign it unnecessary to put ye rapidly chilling vegetables onto any else's plate but will happily ladle roasted potatoes in their direction only closely followed by the cauliflower cheese.
When a restaurant does it it's even worser
Eco warriors. The vast majority are massive hypocrites who seem to think that they are exempt from causes of pollution. For example jso using oil based products to say we shouldn’t use oil.
And I'll bet they wear fleeces too! What's wrong with genuine Eider down?
.......stop dead in a doorway with your trolley at arm’s length, blocking the entire thing off?
In a similar vein. Stopping your SUV in the middle of the lane in the parking lot so you can walk across the empty parking spaces to the trashcan. I appreciate you not launching your shit out the window, but why block everyone else while you do it if you could pull into the space right ****ing in front of it?
Aye, that would have me spitting at the inside of my windscreen as well @10.
I had similar at the supermarket years ago late at night. Hundreds of empty spots and this prick waits for his missus and daughter to walk out the front of the shop then proceeds to drive up to it blocking the single lane out of the car park while they load their weekly shop and I get a front row seat. * me, absolute tosspot of the highest order. Think I started a thread on here about it actually. I was * ing bouncing 🤣
Tracking info that should convey a sense that you will get to build if not ride your new bike this weekend but just, well .......
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@onehundredthidiot - almost as painful seeing it just sit in customs! My Raaw was sent on the 11th of April, got to UK customs on the 22nd and i finally got to pay the bill this morning..... seeing a bank holiday weekend come and go was painful. It will be worth the wait tho!
People who rattle the fuel pump around the fuel filler neck aperture on their vehicles when they finish filling up.
What are you expecting to achieve with this? Defy gravity and somehow get the last 0.1ml of fuel out of the pump nozzle? The hose is most likely pointing downwards from the pump handle, so if you want to extract every last drop from it, put your hand on the hose and lift it above the height of the nozzle.
Except the valve is clearly in the trigger mechanism and waving the pipe around does not make a jot of difference.
You just get more skanky fuel on your hands by gripping the pipe below the handle to manhandle it about
You not shake your **** when finished peeing? (Assuming you have one)
People who rattle the fuel pump around the fuel filler neck aperture on their vehicles when they finish filling up.
What are you expecting to achieve with this?
Well... because otherwise half the time the last drips will dribble down the side of the car as you remove the nozzle. It's quicker to give a quick wiggle just in case than hunting round every dispenser in the forecourt trying to find one that has some tissues left in it.
You not shake your **** when finished peeing? (Assuming you have one)
He gets it 😉
"You not shake your **** when finished peeing?"
Came here to say the same. It's just standard urinal/pump practice to prevent unwanted dribbles in places others can see.
EDIT: how do I get quote functionality etc back in the editor? I thought if I posted then edit it came back, but apparently not.
“No, but some of our customers claim a meal allowance from work and have to show receipts. You. Sarky. Oversized. Feline. Get the **** out of my chippy, you’re barred”!
Your chips are crap anyway. I'm only here because you're three doors away and I'm too bone idle to walk 5 minutes into town to go to the good one.
Except the valve is clearly in the trigger mechanism and waving the pipe around does not make a jot of difference.
which bolsters my point further.... doing anything other than leaving it for a second or two, then extracting the nozzle, albeit with a twist of the wrist to stop any drips (if you so wish), rather than playing the pan pipes with your filler neck.
for me, 26 years of driving. never wangled the pump. not sure i ever remember excess fuel coming out. i guess we arent all built the same.
and whilst i do give the old boy a shake after a pee, i dont slam it against the urinal multiple times whilst doing so.
No matter how much you shake the peg,
The last few drops go down your leg.
"and whilst i do give the old boy a shake after a pee, i dont slam it against the urinal multiple times whilst doing so"
Remember the old adage, Mmore than three's a w**k."
Xinxiangphobia:
I received an update from eBay…‘your package has been delivered successfully’.
nothing in my hallway, so I stepped outside to find this:
it could have easily been posted through my letterbox😂😂😣
nothing on the receiving side of the letterbox but a grumpy old twit.
Your chips are crap anyway. I’m only here because you’re three doors away and I’m too bone idle to walk 5 minutes into town to go to the good one.
How very dare you! Still, you could probably do with laying off the chips for a bit anyway.....
I should probably hit them harder, truth be told.
Xinxiangphobia
I learned a new word today, thanks for that.
Is this disproportionate?
The chap who wasn't putting the "west" into country and western just now when he flung his car door open and almost took me out at the bollocks, having parked up on the pavement leaving a passing space of about a foot. On double yellows. Facing into oncoming traffic. About 20 yards from a free car park.
Eco warriors. The vast majority are massive hypocrites who seem to think that they are exempt from causes of pollution. For example jso using oil based products to say we shouldn’t use oil.
youre joking obviously. it would be absured to suggest that someone couldnt try and influence the prevelance of private transport use if they stepped on a road to get there.
or the strip mining of the congo if they own a 10 year old nokia.
"bUt wE LiVe iN A soCieTY"
youre joking obviously.
Nope. I’m not joking. They should set the example and not wear oil based clothes and use oil based products for their protests. If they think that we don’t need oil then they should lead the way and prove it not tell everyone else what they should do but won’t do themselves
People who refuse to see that sometimes, issues aren't just black and white.
Thieving gits.
Why should everything I own and work to own have to be locked up? Then spend more money alarming the stuff I have locked up. Then spend more money on the system to monitor the alarm, which detects if the locked up stuff is being cut through in 30s by a £100 grinder?
Staying with the car theme:
People who don’t realise that the pump can, wait for it, actually reach the other side of the car. You can use the pumps that are on the opposite side to where your access is!
Really petty, people who don’t use pay at pump when they could. Then come back and **** about for five minutes before leaving.
The utterly despicable human beings who indicate right when leaving a round about. Left, you are always exiting to the left. You absolute bastards. I don’t even care if what they are doing is technically correct. It just annoys me for no reason.
Hosepipes. When they kink when you try to wind them back into the reel and you have to untwist the whole length to straighten them out. Fuming. Or when a loop of hose catches the tyre of your car when you are washing it and jams solid. Same holding strength as a rock climbers lock.
Small thing, but infuriating.
The utterly despicable human beings who indicate right when leaving a round about.
By the same token, those who indicate right when they're actually going straight on. F***wits.
That said, lack of any indication at all, especiallt when going left or right, boils my wee even more
I really want to retire to France for a few years but every so often catch a program on TV (diy chateau for example) and every person seems to be a brit and all the people that appear are British and the customers and visitors are British. Puts me right off.
I was told there are ice creams on the freezer. I was looking forward to a nice post-meal cup of tea and a magnum (or similar). I opened the freezer to find Fruit Pastille ice lollies. Unacceptable.
funkmasterp
People who don’t realise that the pump can, wait for it, actually reach the other side of the car. You can use the pumps that are on the opposite side to where your access is!
No don't tell them, It's saved me having to wait for a pump as they can't possibly work it out despite seeing many of us do it?
Staying with the car theme:
People who don’t realise that the pump can, wait for it, actually reach the other side of the car. You can use the pumps that are on the opposite side to where your access is!
Really petty, people who don’t use pay at pump when they could. Then come back and * about for five minutes before leaving.
The utterly despicable human beings who indicate right when leaving a round about. Left, you are always exiting to the left. You absolute bastards. I don’t even care if what they are doing is technically correct. It just annoys me for no reason.
Going to take issue with this one a bit.
1 - not always. Usually yes, and I filled up with great glee the other day when there was a queue of 4 cars waiting for the right hand pumps. I went to the empty left hand pumps, pulled the hose over the car and was out of there before the queue had hardly moved. Idiots. BUT my point is that this doesn't work at every station, some have stupid short hoses and filling on the other side involves parking 1cm from the pump, finding the optimal hose route and then using the nozzle upside down. Grr.
2 - how do you know if they can pay at pump? For example, the card I usually use for filling up isn't accepted at the pumps because the payment hold thingy doesn't work with it, so I have to go to the cashier where it works like a normal card.
3 - Is it ever technically correct to indicate right when leaving a roundabout? That's stupid. Oh, mini ones I guess. Ok.
those who indicate right when they’re actually going straight on. Fwits.
This. Especially at mini roundabouts. Confusing and indescribably annoying.
Really petty, people who don’t use pay at pump when they could. Then come back and **** about for five minutes before leaving.
Similarly, people who think that a petrol station is the ideal place to do a monthly shop, whilst their car's still at the pump.
The utterly despicable human beings who indicate right when leaving a round about. Left, you are always exiting to the left. You absolute bastards. I don’t even care if what they are doing is technically correct. It just annoys me for no reason.
It's not correct. Turning right at a roundabout, you indicate right as you approach / go around, then indicate left as you pass the exit before the one you want.
Hosepipes
I was halfway through pressure-washing the yard yesterday when the hosepipe spontaneously snapped itself in two. I currently have a half-grey half-green yard, I wish I'd left the bastarding thing a uniform colour.
every so often catch a program on TV (diy chateau for example) and every person seems to be a brit
They're always pretentious hateful bastards too. "Margot and Terrance have £950,000 to spend on a holiday retreat," then they'll cut to a pair of middle-class ****s, she's pulling her face because the balcony is the wrong shade of terracotta and he's making an offer and then haggling over the sake of fifteen quid. The only good part of these shows is you get to see all the entitled gammons who are leaving the country.
People who use 'disinterested' when what they mean is 'uninterested'.
Margot and Terrance have £950,000 to spend on a holiday retreat,” then they’ll cut to a pair of middle-class ****, she’s pulling her face because the balcony is the wrong shade of terracotta and he’s making an offer and then haggling over the sake of fifteen quid
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Drivers who think they’re doing others a favour when they try to upend priority on the roads and how there’s so often a massive gap behind them that they’ve now instead filled with their stupid ****ing headlight morse code and simpering petty anarchy.
Glass chopping boards.
Yeah, that caused an argument.
I have a glass chopping board. It's not actually a chopping board, it's a readily wipe-clean-able surface and as such it's quite useful. I can hear the distinctive 'crack' from low Earth orbit when my OH takes my good kitchen knife to it that I spent literally an afternoon honing an edge on just two days ago.
Drivers who think they’re doing others a favour when they try to upend priority on the roads
I've no issue with this IF they give you some notion that they're doing it. It's great that you've slowed to a crawl to generously let me pull out or to walk across the road, but if you're just going to randomly grind to a halt with no other discernible indication as to your intentions then it'd be far better for all parties concerned if you'd just ****ed off out of the way instead.
Tent and sleeping bag manufacturers and their complete inability to make something without zips that snag.
Sainsbury's who deem it necessary to have the hot air wall blowers on. It's 19c , brilliant sunshine with a very light breeze.
No wonder the polar ice caps are melting.
Cars that light up a campsite if you dare unlock/lock it to fetch something you need.
(can you tell I’m away camping at the moment)
I’ve no issue with this IF they give you some notion that they’re doing it. It’s great that you’ve slowed to a crawl to generously let me pull out or to walk across the road, but if you’re just going to randomly grind to a halt with no other discernible indication as to your intentions then it’d be far better for all parties concerned if you’d just ****ed off out of the way instead.
I've found they get disproportionately cross when I decide I'm not going to accept their invitation and pretend to have not seen them - in the hope they'll abandon the notion of letting me pull out on my bike - because I'm not ready, and/or I'd rather not pull out with all those cars behind you thank you. Actually this happened to me when I was driving too, they look so angry because I'd rather wait!
I don't think there's a day when I either drive or ride on the road that something doesn't make me tut loudly and shake my head. I just wrote a long rant about shitty driving. But it's not worth posting.
Men who mince about with small suitcases on wheels like some ghastly version of Paris Hilton, exacerbated by cobbled or roughly paved surfaces. Proper men should be compelled to carry either battered rucsacs or large rectangular suitcases with no wheels and reinforced corners.
I spent literally an afternoon honing an edge on just two days ago.
...you need to get out more
Then I take it back... You shouldn't be allowed out.
I lied.
I was rubbish at bbq's until a friend gave me 3 tips:
1) use one of those chimney thingys to get the briquettes going .. idiot proof √
2) use Flamers to light the coals in the chimney thingy .. idiot proof √
3) only use Weber bbq briquettes and keep them sealed in the bag they come in to keep the briquettes dry X
The self seal on the Weber bag is so finnicky it takes longer to reseal 🤐 than setting up the bbq, cooking and clearing up after.. .. great idea ... rubbish design
Apple Watch, great smart watch shit sports watch, Garmin Great sports watch, shit smart watch. Be amazing if they worked together.
those who indicate right when they’re actually going straight on. F***wits.
This
Putting a small tear my new riding gloves after a small off on their first ride.
Send them back.
Hosepipes. When they kink when you try to wind them back into the reel and you have to untwist the whole length to straighten them out.
If you have a nozzle or spray head then you can wind up the hose while it is pressurised. That way it doesn't kink. Release the pressure once it is wound up.
Gardening. Absolutely hate it.
People who insist in trying to engage you in conversation, just after you've put on your headphones and said I'm going to chill out and listen to some music for a bit!
Families who buy paddle boards / inflatable canoes but don't bother with bouyancy aids.
The passenger in the horsebox who shouted at us to "get out the ****ing way" after we fractionally delayed her on her way to a local gymkhana this morning..
You'd expect more support for other vulnerable road users from a horse box towing horse rider.
Luckily, she was my neighbours 17 year old daughter so I popped round and asked her dad to point this out to her. That attitude is probably why she's failed her driving test twice and he refuses to get in a car with her. I hope she fails again at the end of the month.
Teams chat.
800 folk logged on to a call today for a learning week presentation.
No presenter shows up.
800 people post in the chat how annoyed and disappointed they are.
HR post in the chat to apologise for whatever happened and advise it will be rescheduled.
800 people post to thank them.
FFS.
Neighbours having a party on Saturday hired a massive inflatable obstacle course, delivered at about 9am, party started about 4pm. Generator for inflatable obstacle course left running ALL DAY. Switch it off until 15 mins before the party starts you numbnuts.
Another car one. People who don't let other's filter. Just stare ahead, nose of their car 2 inches away from the bumper of the car in front of them. It's a lane. On a road, not a ****ing birth-right, let me filter in you halfwit.
See also: self-appointed road police who straddle two lanes, ignoring the countless signs saying "MERGE IN TURN".
Like people who drop litter, these imbeciles do not benefit the human race and in the wild would have been eaten by their parents.
Car insurance: max no claims capped at 9 years. Why do I pay for NCB protection each year for many of the years to be ignored? I have over 20 years NCB but apparently that's not useful. As a risk based industry I would think it's a key ******* metric!