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I was summoned early by Mother Nature this morning - a number 2 type visit was required at just gone 08:15. Just one out of the five traps was occupied so I plumped for trap 2. I noted that the lid was down. "Oh yes" I thought "a virgin toilet unsullied since last night's clean." I was chuffed. I was going to be the first customer. I lifted the lid expecting to see a polished seat and the reassuring blue hue of the toilet cleaning fluid thoughtfully dispensed by the appointed cleaner last evening. But it was not to be. I gasped as I was confronted by what looked like a scale model of this:
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A big one, stranded, grounded at the bottom of MY pan. I dropped the lid and turned on my heels in disgust.
So what happened here?
Was this a trap set by a prankster colleague? Or was it an act of contempt executed by a disturbed, mildly mental colleague.
Is it ridiculous to assume that someone launched this leviathan, chuckled and then left it moored for the next unsuspecting punter (me) while they went into another trap to clean down?
I cannot think of another explanation.
How much is it to hire a private investigator these days?........
Your thoughts, as ever, are welcome.
It had to be moored? 😯
get your hand down there, break it up, and flush.....
You could have taken it out, taken it home and burned it in your living room to keep you warm.
Double flusher and they couldn't be bothered waiting for the cistern to fill ??
Is it ridiculous to assume that someone launched this leviathan, chuckled and then left it moored for the next unsuspecting punter (me) while they went into another trap to clean down?
Sadly, no. The phenomenon you describe has occurred in our offices at least three times in the last two weeks...
This is your most convincing explanation, IMO, and a symptom of our broken society. 😀
😆
(Smug and happy that I only ever use my own toilet at home)
There was a (presumably) chap in one of my previous offices who kept leaving monsters but *sticking biros laterally through them* so that they couldn't possibly flush away. WT, and quite literally, F.
*sticking biros laterally through them*
Tea / keyboard coming together - followed by 'Ewwwwwwww'
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?
Dirty phecker.
There was a (presumably) chap in one of my previous offices who kept leaving monsters but *sticking biros laterally through them* so that they couldn't possibly flush away. WT, and quite literally, F.
And I think with that, we may safely close the internet.
that's longitudinally, that. Think kids parties, mini sausages on cocktail sticks. Then change sausage for monster turd, and a single cocktail stick for half a dozen Bics.
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Better?
Pics ?
I've never laid cable in such gargantuan proportions, what on earth does that do to one's choccy starfish 😯
Getting there. The pens/pencils need to protrude from both sides however.
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AndyP - that looks like the rabies virus not a log festooned with ballpens!
Clearly it's not a photo of yer actual ballpoint-riddled effluvia, it's a Bacillus. It's merely more of an indication of the true item than the pencil-holding hedgehog thing above.
I've just re-found my love for STW. Can't beat a bit of toilet humour in the morning.
Some nice pics [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sausage ]here[/url]
I particularly like the first one, entitled "which one are you?"
We had a phantom shi**er at our place a few years ago. Either it didnt go down or the U-bend looked like someone had been dragged down it.
Never really got to the bottom of the culprit.
My favourite is trap 2. Its in the middle always seems fresh first thing in the morning.
could we have a photo of it cradled in your arms like the front page of Angling Times, sub heading 'Ed lands a whopper'..
DezB - Member(Smug and happy that I only ever use my own toilet at home)
Where else would you use your own toilet??
Do you tow a bike trailer with the pan in it?
Some of us have our own toilets at work, don't you know.
5 traps. 169 Geordies, Smoggies and Jocks from the mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging end of the social spectrum. Ok, I'm generalising massively, but you get the picture.
The work bog is not a happy place.
When i was a child i saw one in Crewe train station on top of the toilet lid. Someone had presumably put the seat and lid down, sat on the lid and done thier business and just left it there. It disturbed me. Saw one too in a basin type urinal in one if those Spanish toilets you see behind beach bars. There are some sick people around.
[i](Smug and happy that I only ever use my own toilet at home)
Where else would you use your own toilet??[/i]
As opposed to my wife's toilet, of course..
Annyway, what happened just now makes me wish I only did a no.1 in my own toilet at home too!
There's big mirrors in our bogs opposite the traps.. I walk in and get an eyeful of hairy arse - bloke is stood in trap 2, trousers down, with the bloody door wide open.
I didn't need that when I was feeling all smug about only using my own toilet at home. 😡
I saw a #2 laid out in a urinal in a pub in Barnsley once.
Couldn't believe somebody had reversed in and dropped one out in a effectively a (well lit)public area.
Never really got to the bottom of the culprit.
😆
Thing is though, what disturbs me further is that you never see and loo paper with such proudly left logs. That's even more disgusting I reckon.
Nervous pooer Dez? I had a bit of a problem with it as a yoof, successfully managed 5 years at secondary school (cant remember if I had an issue with it at primary) without ever gracing a school bog seat with my arse.
A more surprising feat was the annual week long camping trip in wales with the cubs/scouts. Chemical [s]toilet[/s] bucket? I don't think so, the midweek trip to the swimming pool* will suffice for me thankyou.
*proper toilets in the changing area obviously, no jokes about mars bars in the pool please.
Had the misfortune to use a public convenience once where someone had left one in a bread roll on the windowsill. Crowning glory was the addition of a lettuce leaf to garnish.
I didn't investigate whether there was any mayonnaise or ketchup.
Three possible answers:
Either the culprit removed said log from the pan, flushed the paper them replaced the evidence.
Removed the paper and disposed of it somewhere else.
OR
Brought the turd in with him from home.
If the last option is correct, don't accept a drink from anyone's flask for a while.
Back in my first year at Uni, someone pooed in a grill pan on one of the other floors in our halls. The kitchen was closed so eerything could be cleaned
those students and their jolly pranks, eh? 🙄
Is this what you call a coil shock?
Bloody 'ell D0NK - I'm glad you clarified things there. I thought you were going to float one out into the pool with gay abandon.
Rusty - I think my OP carries the explanation:
Is it ridiculous to assume that someone launched this leviathan, chuckled and then left it moored for the next unsuspecting punter (me) while they went into another trap to clean down?
Take it home for lunch
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There was a (presumably) chap in one of my previous offices who kept leaving monsters but *sticking biros laterally through them* so that they couldn't possibly flush away. WT, and quite literally, F.
This is possibly one of the funniest things I've read on the internet 😆 Sounds like a man who takes pride in his work.
Rusty - I think my OP carries the explanation:Is it ridiculous to assume that someone launched this leviathan, chuckled and then left it moored for the next unsuspecting punter (me) while they went into another trap to clean down?
Hmm, it's possible.
They could have frozen it at home years before though, then set it free at a time of their choosing.
when I was is poland last time, was staying in a hostel and there was a cubicle that had a huge log lying on the seat. someone must have actually had to stand on the seat and crouched to get it where it was. Also,, in the same toilet (different cubicle) someone had barfed into the toilet but must have also needed to evacuate the other end too as it had a turd of epic proportions dressing the puke. Nice!
My 2p is that it's not a submarine, it's a floater.
These will survive any number of repeated attempts to get rid of them and cheekily pop to the surface again just as you thought they'd gone.
One of the senior managers at a previous company I worked in resorted to trying a bucket of water on one that 'someone' had left behind. He was leaving the cubicle with the bucket, defeated, just as the MD of one of our biggest customers walked into the loo and headed for the same cubicle.
He didn't feel able to offer much of an explanation as to why he was leaving the toilets with a big bucket hand leaving a large turd floating in the pan but managed to blush everytime he met this MD for ever after.
d_s's list of places to visit:
[s]Poland[/s]
Mrs. S. used to work at a college where a security guard was found with a collection of turds in his locker.
He disconnected the "chain" in the ladies loos and then went back later to claim his prize(s). WTF?
My one and only visit to Glastonbury was in the early 90s. Managed to defer any bowel evacuation to the Sunday afternoon by which time the chemical toilet cubicle I chose had an almost perfectly conical mound of cider-driven poo protruding a good 12inches above the rim, to which someone had added the crowning glory of - I kid you not - half a walnut.
[i]Nervous pooer Dez?[/i]
Nope, just regular. Same time every morning 😛
Actually, to continue a fairly vile theme, whilst I worked at the same place as biro-man; we had a meeting in Frankfurt. They had those bog seats which rotate after flushing, passing through a little disinfection thingummy at the back of the unit. Said colleague, in his cups, thought it would be humorous to drop a Richard on the seat, then flush, and watch it get smeared into a fine layer over the entire seat.
Was he biro-man? Or just a bit manky when leathered. Were there two faecal deviants within same blue-chip Pharma department? Distressing thought. Hmmm..