I was tired and ready for bed before I started reading this thread. Crying with laughter seems to have woken me up.
2 x 24inches of carefully coiled low grade paper material followed with 3 (or perhaps four, for a really sparkly job)high grade wet wipes*
good lord man, either I am lucky or you are unlucky.
Once droppage has completed then reach around and thread the toilet roll down and through the legs. Then pull the paper forwards only stopping when the brown line fades away.
WHAT
Wipe your bum with your left hand and eat food with your right hand and you avoid cross contamination problems 🙂
a no wiper
Drawing an ace - I think - is the Profanisaurus definition.
What's all this talk of folding? Scrunching for the win, surely.
Does nobody else wrap paper round their hand then go have a dig?
sounds very wasteful SBZ, unless you go for both the forehand and backhand
Houns - Member
Anyone else getting Glade and toilet cleaning adverts >>>
No but i have got one for Muddybum Bike Shop !
Think they might want to have a word about that with someone at STW towers 😕
These Austrian toilets truly are the devils work. Was in Hungary (they share the same style of crapper) and whilst I had the opportunity to marvel at my creation, I saw two drawbacks. One - bloody hell it stinks and Two, if you feel the need for a courtesy flush, do so at your own risk. If the water pressure is high the poo can be propelled forward at a velocity high enough that it can defeat the gravitational pull of the loo, thus ending up complete, but maybe a little soggy, on your pants which are still round your ankles. Makes skid marks look like a minor inconvenience.
Oh, back to front, but willing to try something new.
One downside of back to front is the old griff nuts.
😆 takes me back to school time and banter.
Does nobody else wrap paper round their hand then go have a dig?
I had an ex who did that. Wiping with a wad of tissue half an inch thick every time you've had a pee fair gets though rolls at an alarming rate.
True, still amazed at just how much roll the fairer sex go through
These Austrian toilets truly are the devils work.
The more I think about it, the more I think that a better approach might be to straddle the throne facing the back wall. Then you've got a nice Western style splashdown for your Cadbury's Mini Rolls to land in, and somewhere to put your phone while you play Angry Birds.
I always have a little wee at the end of a poo. At this point I know its time to finish the page i am reading as there will be no more poo. Then wipe under arm back to front like normal people. All the rest of you are weirdos.
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Cut out the middle man, maybe a splash of Muc-off if you're feeling posh 😉
Doesn't the military method employ vaseline for a stealth poo?
Basically grease the sides to avoid the need to wipe.
Also last time a I had a ration pack meal on a bothy trip, a proper David hasselhoff was not required for about 3 days. I believe the food is designed not to encourage evacuation of the bowel.
... but your user name is Speckledbob so it can't be that good.Then wipe under arm back to front like normal people. All the rest of you are weirdos.
As a confirmed F2B I tried, in the interest of experimentation, the B2F underarm method this morning. It felt like somebody else was doing it.
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I predict this thread picks up pace today as folks try out new methods and post their results.
i'm going to try the ' pull the roll through until the brown stripe disappears' method!
Is that f2b or b2f?
I was told the army rat pack system had 4 meals. 3 bind you up, the fourth 'doesn't'. So you can control who shites when by controlling who gets the brown biscuits and curry meal on any particular day, and thus have 3/4 of your platoon guaranteed not squatting in the woods when the nasty men come calling.
That said, was also the same genius that provided my cadet force with artic rations for a 2 day exercise on sandhurst in late May during a heatwave. Artic rations being designed to be rehydrated with melted snow, which was in pretty short supply, oddly. You could spot the brave few who'd tried to rehydrate their rations with as little water from their drinking bottles as possible, because they were the ones who dessicated their insides instead and ended up in hospital on saline drips.
F2B here, and continue wiping till the paper is clean. Nothing worse than disrobing for passion to find an errant skiddie.
i'm going to try the ' pull the roll through until the brown stripe disappears' method!
we have individual sheets at work so I can't experiment with that till I get home 😀
This is the best thread I have ever read on any forum ever! And I'm a girl 🙂 I've never thought about it, but I didn't think males would go B2F, seems like it could lead to bad smells being trapped around delicate areas that partners may venture into.... Unless wet wipes are used
After a few beers with the lads last night, and mentioning this thread one of them revealed he was indeed a B2F practitioner but approached this from the rear. Is this physically possible? Trap at work is to small to attempt such a manoevre, and probably need a fair few swipes after the real ale last night.
i think i'm going to have to invest in some wet-wipes - they sound fun...
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Better than MRI scanners!
he was indeed a B2F practitioner but approached this from the rear
Eh?? So he pushed instead of pulling?? Doesn't that lead to uncomfortable bunching and a dangerous bow wave of brown?
he was indeed a B2F practitioner but approached this from the rear
Jesus - his nuts must be fixed in a brown cast 😯
Is this physically possible?
It's possible I expect, but you'd end up with Bovril snowdrifts on your barse, surely?
It is definately NOT possible, think i have now dislocated my shoulder. 😐
While living in Greece I just used to shower the debris out in the wet room.
No wiping and no pansying about with the poobin.
The people who wonder how you get your hand into place for a 'front to backer', you tilt slightly to one side, raising one cheek and access from the side. This also facilitates crack spreadage to ensure a thorough cleansing job is performed.
Still can't get my 9 yr old to grasp the concept that you have to keep wiping til the paper comes away clean.
Also, the reason women use far more toilet paper is because we have to use paper for number 1s and number 2s. Imagine you've rinsed off a lettuce and a courgette, which would need more kitchen roll to swab?...
Surely that depends upon the size fo your curcubit?
jojo - a lettuce and a cornichon would be a more realistic comparison 😆
and are we talking Cos? Butterhead? Lollo rosso?
fractured right shoulder means using the left hand... thats alien enough, not sure i want to be experimenting with new techniques whilst (excuse the pun) cack-handed!
the reason women use far more toilet paper is because we have to use paper for number 1s and number 2s
That explains why you use it more often, not why you use a third of a roll on each visit.
I could dry myself down from a shower using the amount of tissue my ex would utilise after a thrutch.
Cougar - MemberThat explains why you use it more often, not why you use a third of a roll on each visit.
To combat this, I think there should be a big Izal re-marketing campaign. Excessive use of Izal will reasult in lettuce shreddage. Razor sharp that stuff.
An old, now departed, Aunt of mine used to stock this stuff - I found it would spread any residue around rather than removing it - slicing the starfish to bits in the process. Nasty stuff.
Well I'm prepared to put my hand up.....errm as it were.
As far as the chap who has to shower after having a poo goes, I don't *have* to have a shower after a poo but I always feel dirty until I have had a shower. I'll try and schedule poo's to shower time and if I go for a poo and then have time for a quick shower, I'll fit it in.
Unless I'm in someone elses house in which case I'll just use the sink.
If you need to shower at the gym where the head is fixed to the wall are you required to do a hand stand?
drinking fountain
😯
I think we go to the same gym.
I think there should be a big Izal re-marketing campaign
Izal's weird. It doesn't absorb or remove, just redistributes.
if I go for a poo and then have time for a quick shower, I'll fit it in.
Pervert.
Izal's weird. It doesn't absorb or remove, just redistributes.
Like a snow plough for the arse.
Most interesting.
Long time F2Ber to start, moving to nearly standing both ways buffing.
Just come back from a few weeks snow camping in Greenland. Snow latrine + squatting. I could get used to that. Very quick evacuation, due to the aligned bowel position. Interestingly, the squat position meant that the B2F was a more natural wipe.
Due to the lack of showers (and changes of pants), a wet one finish was utilised, after thorough use round adjacent dangly parts.
Very refreshing, everything drying off in the wind. Nice view, too!
Funny thread this.. LOL.
F2B then once B2F then return F2B for the remaining "flow process until it squeeks"
I'm amazed too at just how much/many rolls a Woman gets through in 1 week. If she's away on Business (herumph) I get through 1 a week, when shes back it's at the very least 4..
I think shes stocking it up ready for some sort of Nuclear attack where she'll make a temporary tent with it to shield us both, I might on that occasion just cr*p myself at that particular moment.. and cower outside laughing.
