[Closed] Sod the important stuff, let's have a good old Friday petty irritations thread

Fat kids from the Midlands in "Newquay Lifeguard" hoodies.

the fact that hobnobs don't have a 'you've had enough fatso' alarm/tazer.

Mmmm hobnobs.

the fact that [s]hobnobs[/s]Waitrose (yeah, deal with it) stem ginger all butter cookies don't have a 'you've had enough fatso' alarm/tazer.

Whoever it is that is going to send me a long complicated email requiring immediate attention 1 minute before I finish work for the weekend.

<composes Email to rusty>

Fat kids from the Midlands in "Newquay Lifeguard" hoodies.

oo oo yes, people in fashion label style metal band Tee's like AC/DC or Iron Maiden. Have you ever heard any maiden? Well whats your favourite album eh?

Also, people who mention The Game

YOU LOSE

x.

Iron Maiden snobs

People who think Iron Maiden is anything other than a mediaeval torture device

joking 😉 , I'll get my purse

[i]Biscuits that promise so much, yet deliver so little.[/i]

Such as?

People who think Iron Maiden is anything other than a victorian contrivance

T@s53rs who drive upto and through roundabouts at 50 mph not indicating, while I'm hoping to get my knee down on the bike!

"Look, that's the road where Auntie Megan used to live. She was married to Bill who worked on the railways. He had a stroke and had to go into a home. It was so sad. You should have turned left back there."

The lady at the hospital today who booked our daughter in for vaccinations, when she had an ear infection. I know it wasn't my fault, even though my technical ability is poor, as I had the missus translate as well, as I was sure she said vaccination to me.

Then the utter shock that I didn't know where the pharmacy was when picking up the prescription as it was our first, and last time at the hospital.

I suppose I should feel happy that it only cost 50 quid or so, which the insurance company will pay, but no, the hospital billing department couldn't work out how to deal with our insurer, even when on the phone to them.

and breathe, the doctor was lovely and logical, she agreed that the different branches should have their computer systems linked together so we don't fill out the same form every time and they can see what previous treatment there was.

I could write to complain, but then what would they care they make billions in health tourists every year.

And to top it all off, I couldn't find the ice cream parlour we were looking for.

Sugar headaches from too many hobnobs

[img] [/img]

UKIP looking biscuits for MrWoppit.

really? Rich Tea promise so much?

^ Never had that issue.

I have felt the cheese overdose before from too much mature cheddar

Those bloody 'one life, live it' stickers on the back of Land Rovers (why is it always Land Rovers, can't I have a life in any other vehicle)?

The Wagtail who's either trying to woo or repel his own refection our car and van wing mirrors. Its not the fluttering or the chirping its the prodigious shitting. Each wing mirror now looks like a miniature version of Rockall.

Luggage carousel idiots with trolleys in airports.

Passengers who are not in rows 1-12 who insist on surrounding the check in desk. You are not playing musical chairs , believe it or not there are enough seats for everyone , tiny , tiny seats mind.
People who accerelerate towards red traffic lights.

Idiots in Y reg Zafiras who are concentrating more on their phone than on the road . I can see your eyes are looking down more than forward.

Girls of that age who talk/shout into their mobile phones held 6" in front of their face . You are not on an X factor journey.

Crisp eaters in supermarkets . Unnecessary. Its never anything remotely healthy.....which leads me on to ..

Obese 24st people in grey tracksuits in Tesco with trolleys packed full of crisps , pizzas and 5galls of full fat coca-cola.

People who drive up my road and beep as they drive past one of neighbours houses as a 'hello'

Co-op till staff. All of them. Doesn't matter where you go, so SLOW.

And whilst we're there;

Me: "Oh, I don't need a carrier bag thankyou"
Them: "well... I'll just bag it up for you"
Me: "no really I'll carry..."
Then"you best have a carrier bag really, here you are"
Me "but..."

Superfluous adding of -oid to the end of a word such a factoid. Unchartered instead of uncharted.

Fingerbike - I share your pain.

Suicidal dumb effing pheasants

Being 'blessed' by someone in the office every time I sneeze.

People who want some free promo items from me then whine if I don't ship next day air.

The bloke riding round swinley last weekend with crap music blaring out of his backpack.

People who complain about being done for speeding or parking on a double yellow.

There being no standard way for ending an email. (auto-footers, minefield, etc)

Here's the thing. No-one, categorically no-one, reads any further than the body text of the email. You could email the CEO of the company and tell him to shove his proverbial up his arse, and you'd get away with it so long as you'd put it in the middle of the disclaimer.

Thanks / cheers / regards are all fine depending on whether you're asking for something or telling someone something. "Kindest regards" and variations on that theme are over-egging the pudding. "Please do the needful" will have me working out whether I can get away with DDoSing your site.

The "content to bollocks" ratio of email is depressingly low these days. Your footer does not need to contain:

[list][*]Your name - I know your name, it's in your email address.[/*]
[*]Your job title - frankly, the only person who gives a toss how important you are is you.[/*]
[*]Your qualifications - see the previous comment.
[/*][*]Your phone number - if I wanted to ring you a) I wouldn't be emailing and b) I could just ask for it.[/*]
[*]Your address - what do you think I'm going to do, send you a postcard?[/*]
[*]Some tree-hugging waffle about printing emails - do you think anyone is going to think "I'll just print this and... oh, maybe not? And what do you [i]really[/i] care anyway?[/*]
[*]Sales / marketing info - I've already stopped reading.[/*]
[*]Your Twitter / Facebook / Linkedin link - if I wanted to follow you, I already would be.[/*]
[*]Legalese about how the content of the email is confidential and all sorts of other random nonsense. None of it is legally binding and in any case, pay attention, I've already stopped reading.[/*][/list]

My sign-off is my initial and a full stop. Despite what I've just said, my signature contains my name, phone number and job title because it's just not worth the hassle to keep having arguments with my boss about not having it there. But it's as succinct as I can have it. Oh, and my emails default to plaintext.

i have a lot of hate in me......

a short, but not comprehensive list, of those already on the kill list.
- people who use "of" when they should be using "have".
- e-bikers in the mountains
- people who have their ear phones so loud evreyone else has to suffer (recently threatened a guy with my "zoll-stock" if he didn't turn it off.
- kids generally.
- old people who go shopping during my lunch break
- police: the hypocracy of the police
- people who work for the state
- people who use ski poles/sticks when walking along the road (i.e. not in the hills)
- people who rely on GPS despite having been the same way many times before
- people who brake excessively
- people who skid
- surly shop staff
- people who belong to groups/clubs
- people who don't drink alcohol
- people who drink too much alcohol
- people who have a problem with drugs
- people who count out the change to the exact amount
- people who do not carry cash and always pay by card
- the girl upstairs who can't walk around her flat without seemingly auditioning for "Stomp".
- people who buy flowers
- people who have more money than sense
- people who talk without saying anything
- people who complain about situations they created/can change
- people who think i care about their problems
- people who want to show you pictures of their offspring assuming i give a toss about what their spermy/eggy combo looks like

often i day dream about running amok with a gun.

people who have a problem with drugs

^^ those who cane it and take too much powdery shite and think they are the bees knees.

^^those who have a problem when they smell weed or turn their nose up when someone mentions having a good time whilst being really high despite never having tried anything other than a beer or glass of wine.

People who think the answer to alleged damage caused by small, light and round things in their pockets is to put them all into together into a now singularly heavier, bigger and pointy-cornered thing.

Not entirely sure that ten quids worth of accumulated loose change is smaller and lighter than the small leather drawstring bag I carry my loose change in.
And scrabbling around in the depths of a capacious pocket after change which is mixed in with othe assorted detritus, or struggling to retrieve loose change from a small tight pocket in a well-fitting pair of jeans is surely less practical than pulling one object, (a fairly small, round object) containing said loose change and tipping it into your hand.
And the main reason I use said little leather bag, is because carrying around shitloads of coins the size of £2 and 50p trashed my expensive Oakley wallet
I used to use cloth bags: the money wore holes in them. I also use the bag because other items like keys, etc, wear holes in my pockets that the change will fall through.
Perhaps people complaining about the use of such things have no need to carry money, because they have a lackey to do it for them.
Or they're the Queen.

 

nickc - Member
Skinny verti cappuccino.. over my dead body will I request such a thing.

Munchausen's Irritation by Proxy?

My right foot. It's been itchy right in the middle of the sole for a week. There is nothing there for it to be itchy about, just looks totally normal. Grrr.

People who walk slowly on the narrow pavements of our town, texting, or some other device based activity. Grrr

People who wear sports clothes, who by simple observation of their size and shape and location, are not engaging in a sport. Grrr

Vague people. Grrr

Cougar - Moderator

Here's the thing. No-one, categorically no-one, reads any further than the body text of the email. You could email the CEO of the company and tell him to shove his proverbial up his arse, and you'd get away with it so long as you'd put it in the middle of the disclaimer.

Speaking of which... My colleague does many annoying things but the most consistently irritating, is printing off emails with 50 pages of signature, then instantly turning and throwing all but one page in the bin. I see her do this about 20 times a day.

People who walk slowly on the narrow pavements of our town, texting, or some other device based activity. Grrr

fake enthusiasm.
you make grumpy *s like me seem even more miserable with your oh so amaaaazzzing stories of interminably amaaaaazzzing banality. * off.

Movie trailers that say "Coming March Ten." It's ****ing tenth.

Oh yes, in that manly American accent. Horrible isn't it?

Sportive signs warning the idiots who do them of hazards when the council have signs up already ie ,give way stop etc

Sportive signs warning the idiots who do them of hazards when the council have signs up already ie ,give way stop etc

Signs for any road based event (cycling, marathons etc) warning of the up coming event but not giving the actual date of the event "Road Race this Sunday" which are then left up for weeks and months after the event.

My right foot. It's been itchy right in the middle of the sole for a week. There is nothing there for it to be itchy about, just looks totally normal. Grrr.

It means you owe someone money

Vague people. Grrr

You think you might owe it to me, not sure though.