Call the gym reception next time she says shes there.
ashmonkey - Member
Yetanotherone. Feel free to pm me, i work with this sort of situation as part of my job. All will be well in good time.
In case you missed the first 3
Men and women who start affairs hit sex almost immediately upon affirmation of interest. Its like a drug.
coming from someone who knows 😉
is there a remote possibility that not everyone does the same thing ?
This exact same situation happened to me in 2006
She also claimed it was over and she was not interested in him... changed phone number blablabla
I didn't trust her from then on and rightly so as I checked her phone a few weeks later (1st time) and found she had been in constant contact with her new fella, she is now married to him and living in my old home.
I'm also happily re-married with a new 1yr old baby daughter and planning for another, i have 2 teenage kids from first marriage.
My advise is move on as quick as possible and get on with your life...
i.e. get on internet and date as many women as physically possible... oh and ride your bike more often too
She seems sincere
Don't trust her as far as you can throw her. Horrible thing to say, but the trust has gone.
And yes, keep a journal. Of EVERYTHING that happens. It can help in all aspects of your breakup.
I also don't think she is being honest
Her story sounds like classic "damage limitation" to me. "what is the minimum I can admit to so I can get away with this". She has had all night to think her story through
I would prepare yourself for the possibility that the affair started around the time your relationship notably cooled, and involved plenty of physical contact
I could be wrong of course, I think you probably know how honest she is being if you are honest with yoursrlf
Double post
Trust can be recovered with forgiveness.
Never write anything off imo.
Don't let anger and resentment get in the way of progress. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.
Oh wait.. sorry.. what were we talking about again?
Rudebwoy I know a few girls who consistently cheat. I only know one bloke and hes no longer a mate. Girls can be bloody good at it. Blokes get a big head/egotistical.
Its an awful trap, affairs. Chews decent people up. 🙁
Lots of advice on here, most of it pretty good. All I'll say is that if my next partner lies to me like my ex wife did I'd be gone. My ex changed the name of her "other bloke" in her phone so I wouldn't recognize the name. This was after months of Relate, "working at it" etc etc. Unfortunately for her she didn't delete her sent messages so I knew she was still in contact with him even after swearing she had ended it. We were together 23 years. Protect yourself, build a "fighting fund" in a secret account if you can, try as hard as you feel is right to save the relationship and keep your eyes open. Good luck.
Having just read all your posts OP, one thing does intrigue, the not wishing to be seen naked. If you do have a make up shag keep an eye open for bite, rope and whip marks.
Ok we had a long conversation today. She has been in tears all day. She swears on our daughter's life that nothing physical happened, not even a kiss. She was looking for a distraction and an ego massage, when attention presented itself she accepted it and it made her feel alive. She is deeply sorry and knows how hurt and angry I am, and hates herself for this betrayal.
I have spoken to the bloke's wife and told her my suspicions, and that she should ask him some questions (the joys of lax privacy on facebook!) and she tells me he also claims that nothing physical happened, but that they have had a massive bust up and she is thinking of divorcing him. Schadenfreude? You bet.
Do I believe all of this? I'm not sure, but I know I can't move on positively if I choose not to.
Here's where we are:
1: She is moving out in the next few weeks, probably after Christmas.
2: We will start our relationship afresh; no baggage, no old resentment. Go on dates, get to know each other again. See where it goes.
We have a lot to work through and I don't know whether I can ever trust her again, so it may never work and we will just end up being acquaintances. Maybe we will find that we aren't really compatible after all and better off alone. We agreed that we owe it to each other and to our daughter to at least give it the best effort we can, and if it can work again, great.
I will keep this thread updated as to our progress but I thank all of you, ( yes even you Edukator 🙂 )for your input, it has really helped me.
It sounds like that's a good way to go, you both try to start over. Hopefully, she'll get the attention that she was missing and you'll be able to both decide whether to remain married or not.
As far as her cheating, just keep in mind that there is no way to prove a negative. Even if they never did anything physical, there is no way that she can prove this to you or anyone else. So you need to stop looking for such proof if you are.
And unless you somehow find proof that they did cheat, there will always be some doubt in your mind. Only you can make the decision if you can accept this or not. Some people can forgive and continue on; others cannot.
2: We will start our relationship afresh; no baggage, no old resentment. Go on dates, get to know each other again. See where it goes.
FFS sake close this book and don't open it again, you're dragging your suffering out.
s far as her cheating, just keep in mind that there is no way to prove a negative. Even if they never did anything physical, there is no way that she can prove this to you or anyone else. So you need to stop looking for such proof if you are.
She cheated emotionally on him, I'd be far more bothered by that than say if my missus decided she wanted a sneaky bit of cock for one night. I'd be bothered but there's levels of botheredness.
It seems like everyone here thinks the ultimate sin is sex though....that or I'm a closet swinger.
Having just read all your posts OP, one thing does intrigue, the not wishing to be seen naked. If you do have a make up shag keep an eye open for bite, rope and whip marks.
Hah 
, I like your way of thinking.
Also, if you do ignore my advice..... don't bother with the dates etc, that's not going to bring a spark back. Just get right down to angry kinky sex - basically just have your way with her (with consent). It'll be less awkward for both of you and for some reason it makes certain women feel less guilty (they've been punished and feel wanted....or something like that...I don't get them at times).
I've been following this thread. My ex had an affair. He told me a lot of lies, each one more implausible. One day he was saying something to me and I thought "You know what? I have no idea whether you are telling the truth or not. No idea". I ended our relationship. Hurt like hell but it had to be done. For me the sex part was ok- well, not ok, but far far worse were the lies, lots of deliberate lies, pre-meditated, structured lies. Trust gone.
I hesitate to advise but can I say that kids pick up on bad vibes and IMO it's better to live amicably apart than daily sniping at each other under the same roof.
I live with 2 dogs and 6 bikes now - bliss 🙂
Good luck
a sneaky bit of cock for one night.
[i]A sneaky bit of cock[/i]?
If you do have a make up shag keep an eye open for bite, rope and whip marks.
Or a tattoo or obvious signs of pregnancy.
Just get right down to angry kinky sex
Take her to the Susanalbumparty
Bwaarp-- i agree, women do seem to have a different logic system 😉
and yes, its funny that the trust is deemed more expendable than sexual acts- you can negotiate the latter,not the former.
But only the OP knows his situation,'erm 'warts n all' ¬!
Sneaky Cock- thats a good user name !
Sad when this happens. The reasons for her change of feelings will come out eventually whether you stress or not so….. I think like one of the above posts says, spend time with you little one and enjoy time with your mates. Don’t give your wife any attention at all, as much as you may want to. Just stay very neutral and matter of fact. She knows you love her and as soon as you stop the attention she’ll think you’ve changed your heart, that may be the jolt she needs to know how she may really feel about you. Just a girly point of view… we are complicated creatures ?… good luck and hope it works out how you want.
OP you're a bigger man than me, I'm not sure I would be so calm and understanding if I were in your shoes. I agree that the lying is worse than anything physical, as physical interactions can be just that (come on we have all had *that* kind of sex, right), but the time and preparation that goes with deceit is another level entirely. Hat off to you for trying for the sake of your daughter.
I wouldn't listen to some of the "advice" from certain posters, they are either 14 years old, not very bright or deliberately trolling you, which on a thread like this is poor form.
Chin up mate and stay strong.
Christmas is a very difficult time to be apart of you have children, by letting your wife stay until after Christmas you are making it very easy for her. A real shell shock ( or "near death experience") would be for her to leave before - she can come round for Christmas lunch (after your daughter has opened her presents) and leave after.
Also in your action plan you don't mention Relate or similar, IMO that's essential
You may or may not want to do some reading - try "adultery the forgivable sin" (very American but if you can get past that some good stuff)
From 33% to 98%, very impressive if the claim is true. Perhaps just reading the book shows a willingness to make up and shag again. I'm sometimes dismayed by American prudish and vengeful attitudes that seem drawn from the Old testament but as Britain seems to be adopting American values reading it does seem a good idea.
Good luck OP. I was starting to get angry for you 😆
It could be meeting your SO allover again/a romance 🙂
One thing- DONT dwell on what has happened. Any resentment will turn you bitter. Life is ups and downs. People don't stay married for 40yrs+ into old age without dramas and fights along the way.
I find it hard to hold a grudge or remember an argument. I'd like to think if mrsHora did anything, I could rebuild and carry on what was a great partnership.
Hey all, thought I would update you on the situation.
After what seems like forever she moved out recently into the flat; there are still plenty of her things at our house but she is slowly moving them all out.
The transition has hit me hard but I am getting there. I went through a deep rut but I am out the other side. I have got the smoking and drinking under control and have joined the gym (not been yet, baby steps!)
Our daughter seems really happy with her new situation; she seems to see it as having two houses now, which is more fun than having just one. Sometimes I wish I could see life through her eyes 🙂
Ironically my wife and I are getting on really well - I thought I would be angry and bitter but not at all, I almost feel like a weight has been lifted.
Good - now get the the gym and on a bike lad...
Hi all, thought I would give an update!
So, the (now ex) moved out after Christmas. I won't lie chaps it nearly broke me. Hit the booze and some drugs for a while. Bad times. Hit bottom and kept going. Decided I needed to have a word with myself.
Then.
Then I started smashing the gym really hard. It was an epiphany. I've lost nearly all my fat and now have actual real man muscles. Lifts! Presses! Squats! Squats are great 🙂 Boosted my confidence no end!
We're now friends; I've forgiven her for whatever it was she did, it's water under the bridge. A reaction to symptoms of how bad our relationship had got? I don't know, it doesn't matter now.
I'm actually very happy now, I see my daughter 4 or 5 times a week, and I do all the mundane stuff when she's not here so our time together is always quality time. She's picked up on the fact that her mum and dad are both much happier than they were before, and has really blossomed in her confidence and general jollity.
My newfound verve and swagger helped me get a promotion in work and, well, I've met someone - totally out of the blue - it's early days but I feel like a giddy teenager.
TL;DR? Everything turns out for the best, to anyone in a similar situation to me; it DOES get better 🙂
Yeah! Sounds like you're pretty grounded / on the level. Keep it up!
Great news and compared to your first post your outlook is so much more positive. I hope it works out better and better!
High-five 😀
Don't. Dwell on those who don't want you,plenty more fish in the sea,an seems like you got a catch.
went through similar my self 5 years ago, it's only now i realise how unhappy i was then and how happy i am now
great stuff OP
Sorry but there really is somebody else involved here.
Theres no way back from this move on find someone else she will be gutted eventually but thats her issue.
Good work fella! Keep it up! Life's pretty damn good innit? 🙂
Sorry but there really is somebody else involved here.
Theres no way back from this move on find someone else she will be gutted eventually but thats her issue.
Did you read the OP and then skip straight to the end?! 😕
Well done OP, glad to hear it!
Congrats and well done on discovering Squats, you just need to try the Clean and Jerk and Snatch next.....
Ha ha ha - you said "snatch" 😆
I'll get my coat.
And jerk fnar fnar.
Glad you're happier now op
Top stuff, I love a happy ending.
Sounds like he's getting Happy Endings now too.
Great to hear, you've shown strength to step back from the edge ... Get some 80's pop on ... "The only way is up baby for you and me now"
Thanks for the update and I'm pleased you are on the up. Who needs relate when there's STW?
First time I've seen this. Have you doubters apologised to hora?
Later hora predicts the lottery results...
