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But you do the same thing on an aeroplane and everyone joins in.
"But I shall be sober in the morning."
Of Course both of them, what's the point of ****ing one.
That's ok I had to answer the phone anyway.
Thanks, I can get the brakes fixed on the van now.
You can't eat a pig like that all at once.
"Snake"
Fsh
Only for a chocolate bun
It's a knick-knack Paddy Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone.
The A-Team.
[i]Apologies to anyone who knows that particular joke. It shouldn't be funny. It really shouldn't. But it is.[/i]
phunkmaster - Member
"'Rectum', miss? More like killed 'em"
Ooh I think you'll find that one is
"'Rectum', miss? No, blew them to bits".
The Aristocrats
When the schoolgirls dress like prostitutes and the prostitutes dress like schoolgirls.
"I am an Orthopaedic Surgeon. I work with my hands"
I can't, it's eating my popcorn.
He redecorated the whole house through the letterbox.
Get back up there and give him a piece of your mind, and I will hold your monkey.
You shag one sheep!
It's great fun trying to remember the set ups in this thread.
And the Pope says 'and loads of f***ing chips!'
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
But I'm alright nowwwwww!
The hans that do dishes are as soft as Eu Vasse, For lime-green hairy-lipped squid.
I just was about to post that one but I remembered it as
Hans that does dishes can be as soft as Gervais with a mild green, hairy lipped squid.
One of my favourite jokes.
Yes. Death by bunga-malunga.
And the Irishman replied "Goethe wrote Faust and Joyce wrote Ulysses"
"Alright, give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo"
Get thee to a nonery
(I can't actually remember the joke to that one, anyone here know it?)
.
Doctor Who?
.
That's odd, you normally get tulip[s from hamster-jam.
Some great old gems there - Haven't heard the "No tomatoes" joke from anyone apart from my old flatmate (circa 1989).
Can I add...:
You only get four fingers in a KitKat
Can you smell fish?
A carrot
"OK" said the Kiwi, as he turned round and stuck his head through the railings
"Aye, and it'll grue some more if you keep your hand there".
First "rude" joke I was ever told at school. Still remember it 40 years later!
"The swan spat at me so I crushed it's eggs and set fire to it's nest"
plus the only 'funny' joke my Mum's 2nd husband ever told-
"Absess makes the fart go 'Honda'"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the lazy, work-shy, thieving, bin dipping, piss stained shell suit wearin, granny stabbing, crack dealing bastards I'm putting next to them in Merseyside."
So Paddy bent over and put his head in the barbed wire fence
An Irish burglar
Slobadan Manobyabitch
When you get a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once.
David Cameron. George Osborne. Michael Gove.
Best punch line ever, but not to a joke.
'Have you seen my milk float?'
"know it!? i f*cking wrote the c*nt"
My therapist told me to do something sexy to a tractor ( attract her) .
Lemon entry dear Watson
You'd have a go at eating a cricket ball
Abergavenny, wear the fox hat.
No, because if you wear wellies you can't turn them onto their backs and kiss them!
It's amazing what you can do when you bite your own cock
A right ear, a left ear, and a final front-ear.
No eye deer
Still no eye deer
Still no bloody eye deer
Dug