The most alarming thing about the op was the smell of bacon, followed by a little puff of smoke
I’ve got to say - following this is BLOODY hilarious!!
You've made me wince. Again.
This is one of those recurring threads but as there's some more newbies, i'll share my experience again.
I got done NHS so local only, but where my NHS trust contract out to marie stopes it was at least in a nice clinic at a time of my choosing. Tea and biscuits in the waiting room as a procession of men march in and shuffle back out doesn't add to the sense of anticipation, but finally my name's called and it's my turn. The nurse shows me into an ante-room with a chair and a clothes hook and tells me to get 'em off. Now, I may be the only one on here without carnal knowledge of nurses, but this wasn't how a nurse telling me to drop my undercrackers went in my dreams. Nor was her parting shot, as she goes through the other door, telling me to keep my socks on as the floor's cold.
So, indignity #1 is the 15 foot 'Donald Duck' walk across to the table under the collective gaze of a senior doctor, a trainee (really!) and 2 nursing staff. Should you offer to shake hands? Make conversation?
[Ref: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Donald+Ducking ]
Once on the table it's all very friendly, check a few details, any medical conditions (only micropenis, at this stage - fear + cold is a great combo) and then we're away. Indignity #2 - which means they put a green sheet with a square hole in the centre of it over your loins, and then pull your cock'n'balls through the hole. Conversation becomes somewhat strained.
But wait! There's still the third and final indignity to come. Not content with your 'not usual scale' having become effectively disembodied from the body beneath thanks to now being the only thing on display..... it's the wrong colour! They only work on brown ones! And as yours is the traditional pink with a purple end, there's only one thing for it. The nurse produces some iodine and a brush, and sets to work like a demonic Rolf Harris (the one we used to like, not the horrible paedo one). 'Can you guess what it is yet?' Yep - it's my tiny cock and withered balls redone in a 70's colour scheme!!
After that the op itself is a cinch - minor scratch and a bit of tugging; sizzling and burning smell as the tubes are sealed off, and you're done. Although frankly after having my balls pulled through a sheet and painted brown, they could have done anything at that stage as long as it was a/ fast and b/ didn't involve eye contact.
Soon I was Donald Ducking back to the anteroom, furnished with a jiffy bag and a pot and on my way. Recovery from the pain was good but i got a minor post-op infection in the wound that needed cleaning out (which was painful, i think he used a brillo pad and dettol) and that kept me off the bike for 4 weeks - apparently a warm, damp chammy isn't considered a suitably sterile environment.
All clear after the required 50 shots (I may have exaggerated the number to the wife) and now i stand proudly yet sheepishly in front of you all, as a confirmed Jaffa.
Well, if we're repeating our old stories.....
A mate was using a beard trimmer the night before to prepare the area. Managed to slice his sack open without the aid of either a scalpel or anaesthetic. Shocking hand/eye coordination from a BA pilot!
Mid op, the surgeon announced he was having trouble locating one of my pipes.
He offered to send me home, and I quote, "half cock"...
Having gone to the bother of shaving, lying on a trolley in a night gown and being fondled by the surgeon and nurse for an eternity before they realised the curtains were open (so giving reception a view of the last Turkey in the shop), enduring *the tugging*, I suggested he better reach in and unearth the offending item, and if he did not I would....
Op was fully successful... 8)
My vas were apparently really hard to find, which lead to lots of rummaging, several repeats of the local anaesthetic, and the doc working through his break. I'm pretty sure the air con was directed straight at it too.
But Rachel wins.
We've rendered Harry speechless!
That has to be a first...
My mate told his story before I went for my op. I prepared by shaving the night before. On the day at the pre-op consultation, the male surgeon said that I had made a very nice job of it. Oh dear, not quite the comment that I had expected. Back to the changing room to the hot young Sandra Bullock lookylikey student nurse, who escorted me and a wheelchair to the op theatre.
As I lay back on the bed, I was asked if I wanted a screen up, i thought of course i want a screen up, do you honestly think i want to watch this? Meekly I said yes please.
A nurse sat beside me whilst the op was carried out. Her first sentence was Hi I'm Jill and live in the same town as you and know your wife. Great 😕
Local injection, a bit tugging, and stitched out. All good.
Back to restroom and Sandra Bullock has tea and toast ready.
Dressed and ready to leave, when Sandra says just need to give you a checkover before you go................
Having suffered a bollock related trauma it could be Alice Eve or Lou Ferrigno down there. It doesn't matter.
[url= https://harrythespiderblog.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/getting-on-with-it/ ]Gory details[/url]
anyone come across this??:
[url= https://www.bimek.com/ ]https://www.bimek.com/ [/url]
Sounds interesting!
A few notable bits of my experience....
Every female, from wife to receptionist to every single nurse (and there are a lot of them!) finds the whole thing hilarious. This is after all the sympathy, discretion and understanding we showed through however many pregnancies and childbirths!
Bay of 4 us on the day ward. I was due to be number 3. All of us on local. Guy number 1 comes back unconscious on stretcher. Fark! Turns out he chucked a whitey whilst laying on the table! Unnerving to say the least.
Felt surprisingly un-self-conscious getting my junk out on the table. What did freak me out was when they frikkin' EARTHED me, so that the electric burny thing worked.
Deeply, deeply unpleasant but not really painful.
Highlights of the recovery...slightly infected stitches. Got some antibiotics from GP. Gave the infected bit a squeeze in the bath and the stitch knot flew across the room. Right as rain after that.
Oh, and during the pipe cleaning phase, be prepared for a bit of old blood. Mm, gravy jizz!
Both tests negative for me. All good now. As others have said, the stuff has a big mess "body" now, and doesn't fly as far!
Oooh this again, [url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/snip-snip ]here's my old thread[/url] on the same subject. Nearly my first anniversary! Might get a cake.
I had absolutely no bother afterwards, it all settled down quickly and I even destruction-tested Mr Khan's handywork not long after by smacking my nuts off the saddle really hard whilst going down some steps. Also I've not got any more kids so apparently it's working. Or not working. You know what I mean.
Guy number 1 comes back unconscious on stretcher. Fark! Turns out he chucked a whitey whilst laying on the table! Unnerving to say the least.
I got told off for not arranging someone to drive me home. They looked at me afterwards like they were sure I was going to pass out, I suspect it happens quite a lot.
Yes on the test - all clear second time round.
Weirdest part of the whole "experience" was the tugging sensation somewhere in my neck......
I went very pale part way home. I also know exactly how many speed bumps and cobbles there are in Northallerton.
A mate of mine was really paranoid that they'd pop the twins out as part of the procedure, roll them into a container and send them off to the lab, leaving him with an empty sack. No amount of reassurance would convince him otherwise - even from his GP, who apparently "had a shifty look on his face" when he told him that the clockweights would be left "in situ", as it were. I mean, it's as if Google had never been invented.
A mate failed the follow up test. As they already had 4 children his wife marched him back down there to get it done properly. This time they went in with the heavy duty machinery and he was black and blue for weeks.
Unless you're a flasher, nothing will prepare you for the complete lack of dignity
Trust me on this, it is nothing compared to the testing that accompanies prostate trouble. Extra pain with added urinary and faecal fun.
I personally think I've been very sympathies despite some rather scathing opinion of women! Having said that I never have nor have no intentions of child birth so I can't really compare it to that. I did get rather annoyed when a kidney infection was described as the worst pain imaginable while I was on the sofa with a face in three pieces, smashed out teeth, broken finger and very bruised ribs so maybe I can see where the women are coming from!
A general for the snip...wtf? I talked to the two nurses about commuting by bike while I had mine done. Though did make the mistake of looking up just as they had a tube lying over a metal rod with the scissors raised and ready.
Knocked one out the same day...but you could feel the knot / tubes pulling!
🙄
You'd think you had all been through the greatest trauma of mankind or something. Lol
If you don't get over yourselves, I shall be forced to write every single gory detail of my medical history for you. You won't be able to uncross your legs for weeks...
😯
Rachel
You'd think you had all been through the greatest trauma of mankind or something
Far from it, and I don't think I want to hear details of your experiences either. It's a minor procedure under a local in the back room of a clean clinic - 15 mins, cup of tea and home. Pack of peas, paracetomol, job done.
However - doing the donald duck walk of shame (still with socks on, remember, just to complete the look) to then have your rapidly diminishing chap sepia tinted with a paint brush.
Now that [b]IS[/b] a big deal....... that still wakes me up at night.
I am sure there must be a chemical way of doing this now.....................surely.........No?
The initial op was ok, just the 'can't get comfortable in any position' feeling afterwards that was annoying.
But.... the reversal - now that was something else!! 3hr general, has to be done under a microscope (yeah, yeah - I can hear the s****s from here!), and the recovery takes much longer!
Wearing a jock-strap with a hole in the front for a week for support, and having elephant sized balls the colour of a deep, deep bruise - not fun. And the pain! OMG the pain!
Technically, it worked - but nothing came of it, luckily...
Now means if I want the initial op again, I have to pay *and* there's a greater chance of complications 😮 I'm glad alternative methods of contraception are available.
Why don't chaps just remove the balls? It works for dogs (makes them look better as well)
Plus you'll be able to sit without having to 'Manspread' over six chairs.
Because testosterone is produced in them, mrsfry. It's need for good long term health as well as more obvious reasons.
Those of us in the club should get commemorative ties like the ones that you get from Marin Baker.
Rachel can have some golden ear rings.
[url= http://www.martin-baker.com/clubs/ejection-tie-club ]Martin Baker Ties Club[/url]
Those of us in the club should get commemorative ties like the ones that you get from Marin Baker.
Is this for those who've survived a trip in an Ejaculation Seat?
I had a scrotal hematoma after mine.
You probably don't want to do a google image search for that but I'm sure many will.
Trust me, a google image is nothing compared to seeing your own look like that.
Had it done in November. The thought of it was far worse than the act itself. Done with a local at the GP surgery. Doctor and nurse present. Kex off behind the curtain. Nurse was never involved, and stayed on the other side of the curtain. Doc was a keen cyclist, and had had the same procedure 10 days before. He'd opted to have it done at the hospital, as he didn't want the woman he works with present whilst having his done. Said it was a lot more hassle, took a lot longer, and more people in the room. Uncomfortable for a couple of days, back riding after 2 weeks. Roll on March and a hopefully all clear to paddle without wellies!
Far too much willy waving going on in this thread.
*waves at Willy*
Farrk. Why do I read these threads.
How long from seeing GP (I assume your first point of enquiry is with GP?) to surgery?
Also people that had it done a while ago - any long term complications like reduced libido or more prone to infections / discomfort?
He first went to see his GP mid October time and had it done the 22nd January in the local hospital which is more of an appointment only place than Accident and Emergency
Because testosterone is produced in them, mrsfry. It's need for good long term health as well as more obvious reasons.
Chaps who have the testicles removed still manage. Just makes sense and more praticle to get the whole lot chopped off. Get false ones or attachments you can put in a pocket of your under pants if chaps want to make themselves feel like they still have them.
Just a whole lot of fuss over nothing
How long? Depends on your local NHS trust but in my case, about 3 months. And it was outsourced so my NHS trust don't do it, they send you to a 3rd party provider (Marie Stopes) and leave the minor surgery unit to do stuff that they really need to do.
If I'd gone direct to MS, it would have been as simple as booking an appt with a private physio, dentist, etc., so a few days potentially. In my case the three month wait was to get to the top of the waiting list; MS contact you once you're at the top and then fit you in around the spare slots in their private timetable, so once at the top of the list I could have had it done almost the same week as they contacted me (but opted not to due to travel with work, etc.)
Had mine done in 2004 very quickly.
Did have minor scar tissue on one tube that needed an op in 2013 to remove it.
Sometimes I heal weird - either absolutely zero scar or a bloody nasty keloid.
This decided it was going to start growing 7yrs later attaching itself to nerves.
No different to the original op. GA, check of other stuff at the same time (as they did before) and home later.
2 wks and back to normal.
mrsfry - Removal of one testicle for something like tresticle cancer is fine - the other one will happily just produce more testosterone (the output is controlled by a gland in the brain). Losing two, however, means needing testosterone artificially via weekly depo injections. Not pleasant.
Rachel
had it done in Nov. there must have been about 6 people in the room some just watching others trying to keep me distracted with inane chat (bit like STW really!). Back on the bike 3 weeks later. Found that when just hovering over the saddle the bike hits you a lot which you don't really notice normally! Changed saddle height after that.
One sample before Christmas and they've just asked for another, no letter to say why, and know-one at the desk in the Hospital could tell me either. Found it quite amusing to let my boss know why I was going to be late in that day.. 😀
And once again, Rachel has me feeling rather faint and giddy..... 😐
strangely, that’s one of the things you might feel, MoreCashThanDash!
Better check they’re still there 😉
Weekly? If only it was that few 😯
Far too much willy waving going on in this thread.
And yet the person winning...
Farrk. Why do I read these threads.
How long from seeing GP (I assume your first point of enquiry is with GP?) to surgery?
Also people that had it done a while ago - any long term complications like reduced libido or more prone to infections / discomfort?
About 6 weeks I guess, BUT my GP surgery doesn't do it, the longest wait was the referral from mine to the one down the road.
One thing I found a bit jarring - first appointment I brought my Wife along because they wanted to speak to both of us - which I agreed to, that got me a referral to the other doc, he wanted to speak to me again fair enough, and asked if my Wife was coming, I said no, we've got 2 kids and it's a fair old faf to both be off in the middle of the day and without the kids, plus firstly she's been had the run down already, secondly she's a Nurse and doesn't need it explained, again, in baby talk - he firstly refused, but finally agreed I could come on my own if my Wife signed the forms confirming she was okay with it- WTF! It's my body, and imagine the placards if you had to have your husbands written permission to go on the pill or have an abortion etc.
Anyway, rant over after the consultation with the GP who was actually doing it, it was a case of picking a date in the diary - I could have done it 2 days later but that wasn't long enough for me to get used to the idea so I picked a day about 10 days later.
No long term complications for me so far, (8 weeks post-op) occasionally is aches a bit, and I'm convinced I can feel the knot in my sack ha ha. The wound is tiny, I've got a pic somewhere, doesn't need stiches with the method I had, nor a laser.
One of my mates had it done about 4 years ago, using an older method - they stitched his vas to his sack and he suffered bruising and pain for months before he went back to ask if his purple/black beach ball in his pants was "normal", but they don't use that method so much now.
