[Closed] Phantom pooer at work

One more thing....
how can you trust security to have reported the suspects accurately?

[img] [/img]

You know those timelapse cameras from that thread the other day......

Could you dust it for prints?

Which of the three suspects heads into the showers carrying a newspaper?

Frozen, maybe?

There's a chap on here who confessed to using a cheese grater to sprinkle frozen poo into his friends carpets in a revenge attack for nicking his girlfriend ( the level of planning was quite genius really).

Now who was that and where does he work?..

You know what those three suspects are?

A shower of shite 😮

This is a shit troll!

Photos and Bristol stool chart rating required. Also iirc if the crime is serious enough the police could get a dna match from a jobby. Finally OP, do you work in IT or somewhere with numbers perchance? I know (professionally) of a couple of high-functioning autistic spectrum young men who have had similiar (one) and identical (the other. in the shower. a few times. always denied it was him.) reactions to being doused in warm or hot water. As i recall the autistic spectrum specialist we asked (not just about the poop bit) said there was some sort of link. Usually it is constpation but much less often this is reversed by bath/shower time. 😯

was the girlfriends name winnie ?

Maybe the 'wrongpooer' thinks it’s one of them Sochi-style communal toilets?

the loo seat was lifted to find a massive turd (as thick as a man's arm, so i am told) sitting at the bottom of a dry, not-plumbed-in toilet.

They always are, aren't they. Whenever you inadvertently discover someone else's deposits, whether it's shits that pass in the night like to OP's tale, or what the Ghostbusters might call a 'full torso free-floating vapour, and a real nasty one too', they always look like they've been left by that goatse bloke. You never hear "I went to the toilet and there was someone else's richard waiting for me, but it was only a small one."

We had a 'phantom' at school. Our playing fields were off-site, so we had to walk about three quarters of a mile for games on a Friday afternoon. Anyway, there were sporadic 'leavings' by what came to be named 'the phantom dog'. We would get changed, play rugby for an hour and a half then go back in to get changed again. Every few weeks you would hear someone go 'uuuuuuurrrggghhhh' when they discovered a log on or under one of the benches.

The teachers started locking the changing rooms as soon as we were all out on the fields and only opening them just before we went back in to change, but the attacks continued, admittedly less frequent.

All I can think is that someone was pre-doing it in a plastic bag at school, transporting it in their kit bag, then depositing it at the very last minute when we went out onto the field.

Some people have issues, there is just no avoiding it.

The phantom, incidentally, was never caught. They are still at large, maybe in a workplace near you...........

You need the mild mannered crime fighter called Hong-Pong-Pooey on the job (so to speak).
.
My coat? Why thank you.

My mum had a deposit on her front lawn once. It can't have been someone caught short though. They'd left used toilet paper too.

This is one of the funniest things I have read for a long time.

Over 10 years ago I was supplying the cubicles and sanitary ware to a rather nice old building off Bloomsbury Square in London.

The building at the time was owned by a German bank and the son of the top man was running the project. Needless to say he didn't have a clue and the site was an accident waiting to happen.

As part of the procurement process we had to supply a mock up washroom facility.

As you can imagine this comprised the back panels, cubicles and all sanitary ware but was a mock up only and not plumbed in.

So I arrive on site one day to find the WC full up. It had been used by several people!

What kind of weird people do this? First person yes but not the second, third and fourth, it really was full to the brim!

Could you dust it for prints?

Back in the noughties I became aware (professionally aware, again) of a man that lived in a small west Devon village in the catchment area of my (back then) team; this man would deposit a turd on a different neighbour's doorstep in the wee hours (see what I did there?) of each morning. Enough houses in the village that you only got done a couple of times a year though 😆

When I was around the age of 13, and very impressionable, I fell in with some of the more colourful individuals in my year at school. We decided to miss art one day but instead of going to the park, or into town we decided to hide in plain sight and spend the hour under the stage in our school hall. The cavity underneath was around 4ft, just high enough for a group of 13 year olds to sit, in a slightly stooped manner and talk in hushed tones. One of our gang of delinquents announced he was bursting for the loo, and was about to vacate our hiding place and dart to the gents when another, brighter member of our faction pointed out that if he was seen by a teacher, the truancy game would be well and truly up. After considering the repurcussions of this, said delinquent announced there was nothing for it but to relieve himself under the stage, close to where we were huddled. All of our group assumed he needed to urinate and giggled away as we anticipated hearing the trickle of urine on wood. Instead our nostrils were filled with the scent of freshly laid turd. Our comrade had curled one off a mere ft or so from where we were sitting in a very enclosed space. We had no alternative other than to sit next to our friends shit for another 20 minutes until the class had ended.

I was never truant again.

We are having "issues" with the women's toilets at work. Poo's & used sanitary pads/tampons being left on display (every where but in the toilet), pee everywhere, toilets blocked up with toilet paper in an attempt to flood them, sanitary bins being moved in to the gents and the cleaning tick sheet being binned. When the women's toilets have been closed for cleaning they have to use one of the men's loo's, they can't believe how clean the men's toilets are!

Wouldn't be so bad but we're in health care!

I know (professionally) of a couple of high-functioning autistic spectrum young men who have had similiar (one) and identical (the other. in the shower. a few times. always denied it was him.) reactions to being doused in warm or hot water. As i recall the autistic spectrum specialist we asked (not just about the poop bit) said there was some sort of link. Usually it is constpation but much less often this is reversed by bath/shower time.

So this autism specialist said that autistic people either poo or don't poo when you douse them in warm water?

Really 😯 ?

Could it be your boss?

Or perhaps their number 2?

Slight variation on the theme now, but the retailer I work for has a couple of stores in Lincoln. On one of the retail parks, the shops that sell shoes have a warning system for one particular bloke who likes to walk into store, empty his bladder into a women's boot and then vacate the premises.

I presume if he's desperate it has to be a welly or a knee high, but a for a quick slash an ankle boot will do.......

As I said earlier, some people just have 'issues'.

this thread has won the award for being the shittest this week.

Sift through the stool for some ass hairs they may have skin you can do a DNA test on!

A slightly different approach, meet Poogirl:

[img] [/img]

Poogirl spent her 15 minutes of fame trapped inside a long-drop crapper at a music festival. Now, that'll mean more to some folks than others. This isn't some namby-pamby plastic portaloo, no. This is a Festival Republic giant shit-tank.

[img] [/img]

A steel swimming pool capable of holding, at a guess, about 50000 gallons of poo, with 20 individual toilets above all dumping directly into Bog of Eternal Stench.

Poogirl dropped her handbag in, and carpe stercus, decided to try and hang down through the toilet to get it. A toilet which, typically, would have looked like this:

[img] [/img]

That didn't work out terribly well, but luckily the fire brigade were able to rescue her after only about 20 minutes, and were also able to provide a quick hose down. All in a day's work ma'am.

Have to wonder if that poo girl story is real? Seems unlikely anyone could fall in a hole that size, there was also a rumour going around leeds fest one year of a guy in ful scuba gear swimming around the filth under one of the troughs playing 'pop up pirate' on unsuspecting women!

The worst version of the story I heard was that she didn't fall all the way through, but was stuck half-in, half-out, with her head in the heap. Nothing faster than a festival rumour, everyone's mate saw it happen. But frankly, if you choose not to believe in such a thing, modern life is wasted on you.

But yeah, you could totally get through that hole. You may consider that a dare.

Have to wonder if that poo girl story is real? Seems unlikely anyone could fall in a hole that size, there was also a rumour going around leeds fest one year of a guy in ful scuba gear swimming around the filth under one of the troughs playing 'pop up pirate' on unsuspecting women!

Some people will try anything to get a bit of anal.

Surely they can't be that pooer if they have a job with[u] shower facilities

So this autism specialist said that autistic people either poo or don't poo when you douse them in warm water?

Really ?

No.

my words were 'some sort of link'.

And your summary is not what i meant earlier anyway (though looking back i could have worded the post a lot better)

IIRC the detail was that it was far more likely that these two things (esp consitpation) were linked to the two young men's autistic spectrum disorders than to any other undiagnosed health problem. That does not mean it will happen to everyone: the autistic spectrum is huge (as i suspect you know yourself from the rather alarmed tone of your post), and while many symptoms and behaviours are common to most with a diagnosis, there are also many that are linked to the autistic spectrum but by no means universal or even unique to autism.

oh in fact i have thought of a third chap who by the age of 16 was chronically constipated (mega-bowel was the proper clinical term) and this too was attributed to his (moderate to severe in his case) autism: so much so he had to have a rather complicated warm water enema with a couple of tubes and a 3 way valve (I learnt to do it but it was years ago now) to get him going three times a week. Another needed a nice warm bath to get him going before a critical 'window' in which to actually get him on the throne.
Don't just take my word for it though:
[url= http://www.autism-help.org/family-constipation-autism.htm ]http://www.autism-help.org/family-constipation-autism.htm[/url]

Back in the noughties I became aware (professionally aware, again) of a man that lived in a small west Devon village in the catchment area of my (back then) team; this man would deposit a turd on a different neighbour's doorstep in the wee hours (see what I did there?) of each morning. Enough houses in the village that you only got done a couple of times a year though

As they say, never shit on your own doorstep.

Amusing poo stories: http://deadspin.com/a-treasury-of-your-terrifying-poop-stories-for-super-bo-1507304314?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=thursdayPM