[Closed] Phantom pooer at work

Got any similar experiences?

Strangely, no.

Which of those three smells of poo?

A turd keeps appearing in the shared showers

On the floor or does she leave it in the soap dish?

depends which bit you sniff

Got any similar experiences?

I had a poo once.
Those were the days.

Feed one of the suspects sweetcorn then wait, continue until culprit found.

Security checked CCTV and it can only be one of three people.
It just so happens that one of those three happens to be the girlfriend of one of the suspects.

So, there are three suspects - Chappy and his GF and A N Other?

I think it was probably Colonel Mustard, in the shower, with the colonic irrigation kit, however.

On the floor or does she leave it in the soap dish?

In the tray

 

A turd keeps appearing in the shared showers.

The same one? Wow - a homing turd.

Is it boomerang-shaped?

weigh them as they go in/come out?

shake each of them firmly by the hand.

After each shake sniff your hand and wrinkle your nose in disgust.

Whichever one blushes is the culprit.

[img] [/img]

The story-
There has been some mysterious going on at work. A turd keeps appearing in the shared showers.
Today it was reported again by a guy.
Security checked CCTV and it can only be one of three people.
It just so happens that one of those three happens to be the girlfriend of one of the suspects.
Coincidental??

So one of the possible depositors is the gf of the bloke who found it?
It's obvious:
Neither of those two.
Must be the turd man.

Sorry.

[i]A turd keeps appearing in the shared showers[/i]
[i]What’s going on?[/i]

Dunno. Is it the same turd every time?

Is one of them French?

*Applauds Rusty!*

thestabiliser - Member

weigh them as they go in/come out?

What, the poo?!!?

You sicken me....

I just had to log in to post [i]*s*****[/i]

In tray eh? Your suspect is the person not tall enough to shit in the soap dish.

[i]In tray eh?[/i]

Out tray might be a better term.

Perhaps install a few of these in and around the shitzone.

If it continues, sack all three. It could be a scat-ring.

[img] [/img]

Security checked CCTV and it can only be one of three people.

So the other 2 are happy to see a turd in there?

It's not the first person who went in is it and unlikely to be the second. Unless they're all into to scat.

Hang on, let's think logically here.

Surely the third person in was the one who reported it?
If so, did the second person have a shower?
If they did, that's yer mystery crimper, right there.

Obviously, if the second one in didn't have a shower, could have been any of them.

Perhaps the aforementioned turd was laid in another place and brought into work?
Frozen, maybe?

Maybe its the ghost of Bobby Sands?

Ahhh, toilet terrorism.

This is an [i]actual thing[/i]. I've come across it in workplaces before: employees vandalising toilets, often creatively employing their various bodily excretions.

In my experience, it tends to occur in workplaces with low morale, where employees feel disempowered.

It's a cry for help, only with poo.

Maybe they're transporting the poo in there rather than creating it on the scene?

Maybe you should start frisking people as they go in for contraband?

wwaswas - Member

Maybe you should start frisking people

TBH if the person doing the frisking knows they're suppose to be finding a concealed poo, they're probably not going to frisk very hard

Can you leave the offending turd and see if the phantom shitter piles them up.
Surely by that time the normal users would have stopped using the shower facility revealing the culprit as the only remaining user.

@wasnotwas

Hmmm, here's one I prepared earlier, quite possible.

I wonder if you could get a Poo Peter badge for that?

🙁 sorry, I'm running on empty, I strained hard but that was the best I could manage.

Sounds like they are owed some time in loo...

Flicker, nothing to follow through with?

years back i worked at Ikea on weekends whilst at school.

at one point the bathroom display area was being re-vamped and was screened off with thick plastic sheeting. when it came to the grand opening an unpleasant smell was emanating from one of the toilets. the loo seat was lifted to find a massive turd (as thick as a man's arm, so i am told) sitting at the bottom of a dry, not-plumbed-in toilet.

nice.

If it continues, sack all three. It could be a scat-ring.

Do any of them look like this guy?

derek_starship - Member
It could be a scat-ring.

Wiping tears from my eyes!

dannyh - Member
A turd keeps appearing in the shared showers.
The same one? Wow - a homing turd.

Is it boomerang-shaped?

I guess that would be a [i]poomerang[/i] then

[i]at one point the bathroom display area was being re-vamped and was screened off with thick plastic sheeting. when it came to the grand opening an unpleasant smell was emanating from one of the toilets. the loo seat was lifted to find a massive turd (as thick as a man's arm, so i am told) sitting at the bottom of a dry, not-plumbed-in toilet.[/i]

One of my friends' children had a number twosie in a display bog in B&Q once 🙂

We had this happening at my workplace.

Turned out it was the person who kept reporting it who was doing it, trying to get another employee sacked.

His positioning of poo's was very creative, mind.

My nephew at the age of 3 left a massive jobbie in the loo of a house we were viewing on an open day.
I ran out, got hubby, told him to leave now and drive off, hubby saying why? It turns out the water had been turned off and I had no way of flushing this horrible, smelly thing away 😳

dandax1990 - Member

We had this happening at my workplace.

Turned out it was the person who kept reporting it who was doing it, trying to get another employee sacked.

[b]His positioning of poo's was very creative, mind[/b].

Do tell.

Bunnyhop - I can't believe youre still blaming it on your nephew 😉

He once wrote the alphabet on the cubicle wall.

Once took a dump on the flusher handle.

And once right on the toilet seat.

Top bloke.

A job for her curl poo roit..

Everyone had their suspicions about him when he took a dump in the trough in a pub before our works christmas do.

Do other peoples work toilets have a scattering of nose-pick around them?

A few years ago I worked at a very large corporate and trap 3 on the 2nd floor had a very big booger collage on the back of the door.
I never worked out who the phantom booger artist was, but I had my suspicions.

I think who ever it is has gone round the U bend.

You need to flush out the culprit

check the cubicles every turd hour

etc etc etc

One more thing....
how can you trust security to have reported the suspects accurately?

[img] [/img]

You know those timelapse cameras from that thread the other day......

Could you dust it for prints?

Which of the three suspects heads into the showers carrying a newspaper?

Frozen, maybe?

There's a chap on here who confessed to using a cheese grater to sprinkle frozen poo into his friends carpets in a revenge attack for nicking his girlfriend ( the level of planning was quite genius really).

Now who was that and where does he work?..

You know what those three suspects are?

A shower of shite 😮

This is a shit troll!

Photos and Bristol stool chart rating required. Also iirc if the crime is serious enough the police could get a dna match from a jobby. Finally OP, do you work in IT or somewhere with numbers perchance? I know (professionally) of a couple of high-functioning autistic spectrum young men who have had similiar (one) and identical (the other. in the shower. a few times. always denied it was him.) reactions to being doused in warm or hot water. As i recall the autistic spectrum specialist we asked (not just about the poop bit) said there was some sort of link. Usually it is constpation but much less often this is reversed by bath/shower time. 😯

was the girlfriends name winnie ?

Maybe the 'wrongpooer' thinks it’s one of them Sochi-style communal toilets?

the loo seat was lifted to find a massive turd (as thick as a man's arm, so i am told) sitting at the bottom of a dry, not-plumbed-in toilet.

They always are, aren't they. Whenever you inadvertently discover someone else's deposits, whether it's shits that pass in the night like to OP's tale, or what the Ghostbusters might call a 'full torso free-floating vapour, and a real nasty one too', they always look like they've been left by that goatse bloke. You never hear "I went to the toilet and there was someone else's richard waiting for me, but it was only a small one."

We had a 'phantom' at school. Our playing fields were off-site, so we had to walk about three quarters of a mile for games on a Friday afternoon. Anyway, there were sporadic 'leavings' by what came to be named 'the phantom dog'. We would get changed, play rugby for an hour and a half then go back in to get changed again. Every few weeks you would hear someone go 'uuuuuuurrrggghhhh' when they discovered a log on or under one of the benches.

The teachers started locking the changing rooms as soon as we were all out on the fields and only opening them just before we went back in to change, but the attacks continued, admittedly less frequent.

All I can think is that someone was pre-doing it in a plastic bag at school, transporting it in their kit bag, then depositing it at the very last minute when we went out onto the field.

Some people have issues, there is just no avoiding it.

The phantom, incidentally, was never caught. They are still at large, maybe in a workplace near you...........

You need the mild mannered crime fighter called Hong-Pong-Pooey on the job (so to speak).
.
My coat? Why thank you.

My mum had a deposit on her front lawn once. It can't have been someone caught short though. They'd left used toilet paper too.

This is one of the funniest things I have read for a long time.

Over 10 years ago I was supplying the cubicles and sanitary ware to a rather nice old building off Bloomsbury Square in London.

The building at the time was owned by a German bank and the son of the top man was running the project. Needless to say he didn't have a clue and the site was an accident waiting to happen.

As part of the procurement process we had to supply a mock up washroom facility.

As you can imagine this comprised the back panels, cubicles and all sanitary ware but was a mock up only and not plumbed in.

So I arrive on site one day to find the WC full up. It had been used by several people!

What kind of weird people do this? First person yes but not the second, third and fourth, it really was full to the brim!

Could you dust it for prints?

Back in the noughties I became aware (professionally aware, again) of a man that lived in a small west Devon village in the catchment area of my (back then) team; this man would deposit a turd on a different neighbour's doorstep in the wee hours (see what I did there?) of each morning. Enough houses in the village that you only got done a couple of times a year though 😆

When I was around the age of 13, and very impressionable, I fell in with some of the more colourful individuals in my year at school. We decided to miss art one day but instead of going to the park, or into town we decided to hide in plain sight and spend the hour under the stage in our school hall. The cavity underneath was around 4ft, just high enough for a group of 13 year olds to sit, in a slightly stooped manner and talk in hushed tones. One of our gang of delinquents announced he was bursting for the loo, and was about to vacate our hiding place and dart to the gents when another, brighter member of our faction pointed out that if he was seen by a teacher, the truancy game would be well and truly up. After considering the repurcussions of this, said delinquent announced there was nothing for it but to relieve himself under the stage, close to where we were huddled. All of our group assumed he needed to urinate and giggled away as we anticipated hearing the trickle of urine on wood. Instead our nostrils were filled with the scent of freshly laid turd. Our comrade had curled one off a mere ft or so from where we were sitting in a very enclosed space. We had no alternative other than to sit next to our friends shit for another 20 minutes until the class had ended.

I was never truant again.

We are having "issues" with the women's toilets at work. Poo's & used sanitary pads/tampons being left on display (every where but in the toilet), pee everywhere, toilets blocked up with toilet paper in an attempt to flood them, sanitary bins being moved in to the gents and the cleaning tick sheet being binned. When the women's toilets have been closed for cleaning they have to use one of the men's loo's, they can't believe how clean the men's toilets are!

Wouldn't be so bad but we're in health care!

I know (professionally) of a couple of high-functioning autistic spectrum young men who have had similiar (one) and identical (the other. in the shower. a few times. always denied it was him.) reactions to being doused in warm or hot water. As i recall the autistic spectrum specialist we asked (not just about the poop bit) said there was some sort of link. Usually it is constpation but much less often this is reversed by bath/shower time.

So this autism specialist said that autistic people either poo or don't poo when you douse them in warm water?

Really 😯 ?

Could it be your boss?

Or perhaps their number 2?

Slight variation on the theme now, but the retailer I work for has a couple of stores in Lincoln. On one of the retail parks, the shops that sell shoes have a warning system for one particular bloke who likes to walk into store, empty his bladder into a women's boot and then vacate the premises.

I presume if he's desperate it has to be a welly or a knee high, but a for a quick slash an ankle boot will do.......

As I said earlier, some people just have 'issues'.

this thread has won the award for being the shittest this week.

Sift through the stool for some ass hairs they may have skin you can do a DNA test on!

A slightly different approach, meet Poogirl:

[img] [/img]

Poogirl spent her 15 minutes of fame trapped inside a long-drop crapper at a music festival. Now, that'll mean more to some folks than others. This isn't some namby-pamby plastic portaloo, no. This is a Festival Republic giant shit-tank.

[img] [/img]

A steel swimming pool capable of holding, at a guess, about 50000 gallons of poo, with 20 individual toilets above all dumping directly into Bog of Eternal Stench.

Poogirl dropped her handbag in, and carpe stercus, decided to try and hang down through the toilet to get it. A toilet which, typically, would have looked like this:

[img] [/img]

That didn't work out terribly well, but luckily the fire brigade were able to rescue her after only about 20 minutes, and were also able to provide a quick hose down. All in a day's work ma'am.

Have to wonder if that poo girl story is real? Seems unlikely anyone could fall in a hole that size, there was also a rumour going around leeds fest one year of a guy in ful scuba gear swimming around the filth under one of the troughs playing 'pop up pirate' on unsuspecting women!

The worst version of the story I heard was that she didn't fall all the way through, but was stuck half-in, half-out, with her head in the heap. Nothing faster than a festival rumour, everyone's mate saw it happen. But frankly, if you choose not to believe in such a thing, modern life is wasted on you.

But yeah, you could totally get through that hole. You may consider that a dare.

Have to wonder if that poo girl story is real? Seems unlikely anyone could fall in a hole that size, there was also a rumour going around leeds fest one year of a guy in ful scuba gear swimming around the filth under one of the troughs playing 'pop up pirate' on unsuspecting women!

Some people will try anything to get a bit of anal.

Surely they can't be that pooer if they have a job with[u] shower facilities

So this autism specialist said that autistic people either poo or don't poo when you douse them in warm water?

Really ?

No.

my words were 'some sort of link'.

And your summary is not what i meant earlier anyway (though looking back i could have worded the post a lot better)

IIRC the detail was that it was far more likely that these two things (esp consitpation) were linked to the two young men's autistic spectrum disorders than to any other undiagnosed health problem. That does not mean it will happen to everyone: the autistic spectrum is huge (as i suspect you know yourself from the rather alarmed tone of your post), and while many symptoms and behaviours are common to most with a diagnosis, there are also many that are linked to the autistic spectrum but by no means universal or even unique to autism.

oh in fact i have thought of a third chap who by the age of 16 was chronically constipated (mega-bowel was the proper clinical term) and this too was attributed to his (moderate to severe in his case) autism: so much so he had to have a rather complicated warm water enema with a couple of tubes and a 3 way valve (I learnt to do it but it was years ago now) to get him going three times a week. Another needed a nice warm bath to get him going before a critical 'window' in which to actually get him on the throne.
Don't just take my word for it though:
[url= http://www.autism-help.org/family-constipation-autism.htm ]http://www.autism-help.org/family-constipation-autism.htm[/url]

Back in the noughties I became aware (professionally aware, again) of a man that lived in a small west Devon village in the catchment area of my (back then) team; this man would deposit a turd on a different neighbour's doorstep in the wee hours (see what I did there?) of each morning. Enough houses in the village that you only got done a couple of times a year though

As they say, never shit on your own doorstep.

Amusing poo stories: http://deadspin.com/a-treasury-of-your-terrifying-poop-stories-for-super-bo-1507304314?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=thursdayPM