Referring to road biking as the 'Dark Side'
My current petty annoyance, a woman at work does it and it really irks me, is saying "it cost fifteen pound". No it didn't, it cost fifteen pounds. It could cost one pound, anything more that that has to be pounds surely?
The other one, which I think someone has already mentioned, is films that are "coming Febwery ten". No I think you will find February doesn't have a W in it and it will be the tenth of February thank you.
The sound of other people's saliva. It makes me want to peel the skin from my face. 😯
People who pronounce "t" as "k." My dad used to say "likkle", made me want to bokkle him every time he said it.
(This one has definitely been done before). Women on dating websites who list their interests as "staying in with a bottle of wine and a DVD". Why not be honest, "I am a borderline alcoholic without the imagination to fill the gaping void in my existence". Oh and if they use that Marilyn Monroe quote about deserving them then no, no man deserve their shallow dullness.
Yes, I am single and jaded.
On a bit of a roll today but people who think "yeah" is an acceptable greeting on the telephone. I will answer the phone and say "Hello, Mister P speaking" and I get back "yeah" or even worse "yeeaahhhh". Try hello, or if that is too much hard work go for hi.
Cutlery with excessive weigh bias to the handle. I want to slob in front of the telly and carry a plate in one hand and drink in the other to save journeys back n' forth (the aim of every man's life..).
The cutlery always goes on a death dance and inevitable flip onto the sofa necessitating a RETURN trip for wiping up.
Just eat with your fingers pictonroad, saves on two trips and on washing up. Wipe your fingers on the curtains.
using "of" in place of "have", i.e. I would of written "would have" but I'm too dumb to realize it's wrong 😡
People who complain about trails being too "pedally".
If you don't like pedalling, maybe [i]cycling[/i] isn't for you?
My mrs putting the toilet roll on the holder the wrong way round!wtf.
(the next leaf of paper faces the wall!! der.. i would leave her , but she's the mother of my child...)
thread of the internet by the way.
Probably already mentioned but my top two
People that stand still on escalators
People that press the button at pedestrian crossings without even bothering to check if it's possible to cross without waiting for the green man, then don't bother to wait.
Both should be shot on sight.
My boss's chair squeaks everytime he moves and he's a fidget. Grrrrr I am going to have stab him, it's the only solution. And the thong that is currently cutting me in half is bloody annoying
I will answer the phone and say "Hello, Mister P speaking"
Two things.
1) It's my phone, it's there for my convenience not yours, and I'll answer it however I like.
2) You're ringing me, you should already know my name. If you don't, then there's a high chance that I don't want you to know it.
I will vote for any political party who promises to legalise the punching of slow walking people in the kidneys.
People that stand still on escalators
People who get off escalators and then immediately stop.
Some woman did that in front of me the other day, on the travelator ramp things in Tesco. You know, the ones that lock your trolley wheels so you can't move. Got off the end of the ramp and immediately started rummaging about in her bag, nearly caused a six-pensioner pile-up.
Having to listen to other people pee.
Sorry, you misunderstand Cougar. These are people ringing me, people usually looking for my assistance.
[quote=Cougar uttered]2) You're ringing me, you should already know my name. If you don't, then there's a high chance that I don't want you to know it.
Indeed - is always a useful junk phone call filter if they say "is that Mr <mrs aracer's surname>", as the phone is in her name. If they ask if I'm the householder or homeowner I always ask them to tell me the name of the homeowner - probably does no good, but I find their reaction amusing.
Sorry, you misunderstand Cougar. These are people ringing me, people usually looking for my assistance.
So you answer the phone with "hello, Mister P speaking" and they go "yeah"?
is always a useful junk phone call filter
The vast, vast majority of junk calls I get ask for Mr Jones. Which is handy, as Mr Jones is my grandfather, and he's been dead for a quarter of a century.
I always answer with "no, I'm afraid Mr Jones is deceased" in a sad little voice, make the buggers squirm.
People that press the button at pedestrian crossings without even bothering to check if it's possible to cross without waiting for the green man, then don't bother to wait.
On a fair amount of crossings the button doesn't actually do anything, or only a certain times of day.
For me, my current petty hate is some of my neighbours who park on a double yellow line at a pinch point even when there is loads of space about 20m further up the road.
[quote=Cougar uttered]I always answer with "no, I'm afraid Mr Jones is deceased" in a sad little voice, make the buggers squirm.
Actually I should try that, even though mrs aracer's father isn't dead.
I find it annoying when I have ten thousand spoons when all I need is a knife, although that's more ironic than annoying.
Spreading or cutting? I find a spoon works fine for the former.
'Haitch'.
AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
People crunching food!
Once you catch that noise, it's impossible to ignore.
Gulpers and slurpers
Another one: software that tries to be cute. Especially when it's just crashed. "Oh snap" or "he's dead, Jim".
Just. Sod. Off.
"Yes but…"
Boil's my wee. Especially if I've just spent the last however many minutes talking at them…
I'll also go for unattractive genitalia. As opposed to attractive genitalia.
TBH I was thinking female, but reckoned not to be too sexist about my petty annoyance.
Just eat with your fingers pictonroad, saves on two trips and on washing up. Wipe your fingers on the curtains.
What, and risk getting curry on his bellend after late night sex on the sofa?
FFS
Hee hee, been laughing at all these annoyances.
Use of "get" as in "Can I get a cappuccino" annoys me!
people with seemingly no idea that an umbrella is considerably wider than their pea-brained head and has sharp pointy bits on it at my eye height you **** * of a * *.
****s
That's a good one vickypea. Especially annoying when there is no please attached in there anywhere. It's one of the reasons I couldn't work in a cafe or bar. I would correct people and get sacked very quickly.
South Eastern trains for having the heating on from September through to May every year.
Film posters - when the posters show the characters of the film, why are their names never in the correct order as per the picture?
People who queue in the petrol station to use the pump the same side as the filler cap, how difficult is it to lift the hose around the back of the car?
Business buzzwords and nonsense - mission critical, key stakeholders, I could go on..
I'll also go for unattractive genitalia. As opposed to attractive genitalia.TBH I was thinking female, but reckoned not to be too sexist about my petty annoyance.
Maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I've never seen such a thing. I've been lucky enough to see a number first hand, and I've never yet happened across one that looked, smelled or tasted bad, despite what its owner thought.
Unless diseased or otherwise 'broken' I'd hazard that female bits are almost universally pretty, as opposed to the "last chicken in Sainsbury's" that the blokes got lumbered with.
Can't be arsed reading it all so someone may have said it already.
People sitting at traffic lights with their foot on the brake when it's dark. Use the bloody handbrake you incompetent wazzocks, that's what it for! I don't want to sit here blinded by your brake lights for however long it takes these lights to go green. That and people driving with front fogs on, usually Nissan Jukes, usually white.
People who queue in the petrol station to use the pump the same side as the filler cap, how difficult is it to lift the hose around the back of the car?
People filling from the wrong side is actually one of my pet hates. It always seems to happen in the lanes where it's barely wide enough for 2 cars to sit side by side.
I've had to queue before because the women to my left was blocking my lane with her fat arse.
Those prompts on websites banging on about their cookies policy.
The fact that European and Asian cars have the indicators/wiper levers on different sides. Super ****ing annoying if you rent cars often.
As has been mentioned - people with two cars that buy NEW houses/flats that only have one parking space. Property developers are taking the p*ss, stop buying them!
People with no spacial awareness
Pretentious "new" terms for things for which there is already a perfectly good word:
"Space" (a room)
"Fragrance" (perfume, or "smell")
"pre-loved" (second hand. Somebody actually said that non-ironically in a shop the other day - I had to leave).
Oh.... and the incredibly insincere: "sorry for any inconvenience caused"
Bufty, maybe your annoyance should be directed at fat arses? Mine was yesterday on the train. The woman across the aisle had a massive arse that partly blocked the gangway. So everyone walking through the carriage had to dodge it and ended up bumping into me.
People who are habitually late.
It's rude.
Mr P, I think that you and I are the same person. Or something.
"People with no spacial awareness" - do you mean no awareness of others' personal space (couldn't agree more) or no spatial intelligence (for instance I cannot for the life of me see how to fit together some pieces of wood and what they will look like)? It annoys me and possibly Mrs O but I can't see it annoys anyone else......
Must - not - keep - adding - to - this - thread!!!!!!
Smokers
"People with no spacial awareness" - do you mean no awareness of others' personal space (couldn't agree more) or no spatial intelligence (for instance I cannot for the life of me see how to fit together some pieces of wood and what they will look like)? It annoys me and possibly Mrs O but I can't see it annoys anyone else......
No, I mean people that don't have any awareness of what is going on around them.... the sort of people that will march out of a shop onto a busy pavement without noticing that everyone else is having to swerve and dodge them to avoid bundling them to the floor. It difficult to explain, but most people are aware of their proximity to objects/people..... but THESE ****ers aren't
Must - not - keep - adding - to - this - thread!!!!!!Smokers
Fatties
Do the hoses on petrol pumps really extend all the way round to the other side of the car? Genuinely didn't realise this.
