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The Brother in law and his Fiancee have announced they are getting married somewhere in Italy in 2017. Good for them I say and I am genuinely happy for them.
The problem is that we are invited and with 2 kiddies etc, it's going to cost a lot of money (this is something we don't have). I've said this to the Mrs, but now I'm the worst person in the world 😆
I get she's upset as it's her brother and I did say we may be able to stretch to just her going.
Is it reasonable to expect folk to drop a few grand on going to a wedding? Personally, I think it's a bit selfish to automatically expect folk to come (which they do as they have asked by proxy about school holidays).
I know I could take the view of it's a holiday with a wedding. But a) if I was scrimping and saving to drop that sort of cash, I wouldn't be choosing Italy and b) there is no way I would want to be stuck on holiday with my Mrs family for a week 😆
Maybe she needs a richer husband!!
I need a beer!!
Plenty of good riding around Lake Garda.
Just sayin' like.
Plenty of good riding around Lake Garda.
I like your thinking. But there would be more chance of me growing an afro than getting any riding in.
Go on holiday for a week or so, hire a car or drive there and just go to the wedding for the day. Spend the rest of your time with your missus and kids.
Maybe do a road trip there stopping off at a few places there and back. Make it something good for YOUR family.
I feel your pain though it does piss me off when people expect you to pay a fortune to go to their wedding.
I'm in the same boat, brother in law getting hitched in Vegas next year. He was dissapinted whe we said we weren't going, it was going to cost us abou £6k!!!!
Generally people get married abroad so not many people go to the wedding. Don't feel bad for not going, you are helping really!
People get extraordinarily self-centered when it comes to their weddings, seen it happen many times over.
Whereabouts in Italy? It's a really beautiful country you know. I'd put up some token resistance and then compromise based on being allowed to take my bike.
Generally people get married abroad so not many people go to the wedding.
Yes, either narcissistic people or shy people IME.
At the end of the day they are getting married abroad for them, not for you. Most normal people will understand that it's a big ask for you to be there and accept that you might not all be able to make it. Are they having an additional party in the UK?
We got married in Canada. Said to friends that we knew it was expensive so would understand whatever choice they made. Only the sister in law and her husband came. We threw a party back in the UK the following month.
I can't see why anyone has any reason to get upset.
We got married in Canada. Said to friends that we knew it was expensive so would understand whatever choice they made. Only the sister in law and her husband came. We threw a party back in the UK the following month.
Mate of mine did the same. They engineered it so the wedding party walked to the one and only webcam in the small town they got married in to wave at everyone else. Everyone tuned in to watch, a really cool idea! (We watched from a beach bar in Barbados. Which was nice.)
We went to the family to get married rather than expecting them to travel to our home town. The fact we have a non-French marriage certificate causes confusion every time we have to present it as the officials can't decide what type of marriage it corresponds to (there are two in France). I assume your relatives will also be getting married at a registry office in the UK or life could get complicated.
We got married in mauritius and invited absolutely nobody, the reception back in the uk was for family and friends, the wedding + honeymoon was for us. I think its unreasonable to expect people to travel abroad for a wedding especially with kids involved.
"The problem is we are invited"
This is why we will get married abroad,to weene out the people who want to come for the food,beer and owt else free they all come for,no one bothers with us anyway except a few choice friends and some family.
(We watched from a beach bar in Barbados. Which was nice.)
Afforded a trip to Barbados but not to the wedding then?
For the OP, just wack up the credit cards like everyone else in their desperate race to impress the rest of us and worry about it later.
We'd already booked and paid for Barbados when they announced Canada. As with others, their wedding was a very small affair of only their close family, very few people were actually invited. Friends and further family got the online viewing option, which was ace! Oh, and reception back in the UK later on.
A work mate of mine did this, he even wanted me to be best man (in Florida) At the time I didn't have 2 half pennies to rub together never mind find the coin for a Floridian holiday. Dunno who was his best man in the end but I haven't seen much of him since.
I think that if you get married abroad then either pay for their air fare or not feel too put out if they can't make it
just wack up the credit cards like everyone else in their desperate race to impress the rest of us and worry about it later.
This genuinely made me 😆
I am not a flash person and don't live in a world of credit. I drive a 13 year old car and I've had that for 8 years, I don't wear fancy clothes and I own a Boardman 😆 .
TBH my Wife's sister and brother are very materialistic and to be fair to them they can afford it. Where as we aren't and would be in debt if we were. I have always ensured that we live within our means (how dull am I), but this doesn't mean that we go without as a family.
Another example of out of touch, we got asked to go to Spain with them in a villa in May. Apparently it was really cheap (it was well over a grand!). In the August, we went to the Pembrokshire coast in a caravan for our holiday as that's all we could afford and the kids bloody loved it (if they are happy then I am).
We did it. Made it clear that we didn't [i]expect[/i] anyone's attendance. In the end 50-odd came and all stayed for a week (I paid for my best mans flight and digs). It was brilliant for everyone, having so many friends and family over there. Cost a few quid feeding them all but still far cheaper than the usual UK wedding taxes. No Uk registry office thing has been required despite a Croatian wedding certificate although we did go meet a registrar for 10 minutes who signed off on it.
We had a great big party afterwards in the UK for those who couldn't come.
tom200 - MemberGenerally people get married abroad so not many people go to the wedding. Don't feel bad for not going, you are helping really!
This /\.
I got married in Vegas and one of the main reasons was to avoid the traditional big ceremony with family members that I didn't really want to share in my big day.
[b][u]my[/u][/b] big day
I do hope there was at least one other person involved. 🙂
Got married in Cyprus as the wife is of Cypriot heritage. I had a handful of people there and she had hundreds. Funny really. But it wouldn't have bothered me if no one had come. Can't expect people to turn up at large expense. Especially if they have kids.
You certainly can't have a UK registry office wedding if you get married abroad! One pretty basic requirement for getting married in the UK is that you aren't already married...
Brother is doing a vegas wedding next year. Despite him being my best man and godfather to my daughter we can't afford to go. Dissapointed, but dn't know why he thinks we would spend a years nursery fees for a week hol.
😥
Worse than foreign weddings are Friday weddings imo. At least with a wedding abroad it's easy to decline to go on cost grounds without upsetting the bride and groom, whereas for Friday weddings in the UK it's much more difficult. And why do people get married on a Friday? Because it saves them £1k. Pretty selfish not to realise that the 80 people you invite have to take a day off work at much higher total cost than that.
Agree with most of the above, though if you come from an Italian family you will be expected to cough up for the guests travel and accommodation.. There is a reason the fiance and I stillhavent done the deed after 8 years..
We got married in Vegas 19 years ago, did tell anyone never mind invite anyone, the wedding was just us it's all we needed.
You need to break off all contact before the devious botch tells your kids they're gonna be flower girls.
Ime
Not a wedding but my vegetarian sister-in-law is expecting everyone to travel to Portugal to spend next Christmas (2016) with her and her family. I thought I'd be saved by work but not so. I just told my wife it'll be paid for out of the new kitchen fund. Sod being out of pocket to fly to Portugal for a vegetarian Christmas dinner.
You certainly can't have a UK registry office wedding if you get married abroad!
Depends if you got married or "married" abroad. We had our wedding in France, but such are the local rules it was more trouble than it was worth to do it legally there. So our wedding was a non-legal humanist ceremony in France followed by registry office back home just us and witnesses.
tells your kids they're gonna be flower girls.
They'd need a sex change for that 😆 I have 2 boys. But I know what you mean!!
I do hope there was at least one other person involved
Unless the poster is a woman in which case no one else need be considered.
I sympathise with the OP 100%. My sister decided to get married in Italy, just outside Riva del Garda. Good few years ago now, I had just started my own business and I was completely broke.
She's my only sister, not going wasn't an option. I fell out with my mother for about a year because of it.
Yes the riding around Garda is excellent, yes I had a good time and I'm glad I went but my wife and I could have done without the financial pressure.
If you get married abroad you should pay for the people who you want to be there, unless you know with 100% certainty that the cost is inconsequential to them.
Tough isn't it, getting married abroad is their dream, to expect you to buy into it is a bit selfish.
I'm not against anyone getting married abroad, but what does it mean to them? IMO women get too carried away on their 'princess' day and totally disregard the expense and inconvenience it may cause other people.
Bloody hell the most expensive, extravagant wedding we went to the couple were divorced within 5 years, what a waste of money!
My cousin is getting married in champagne country. His future wife is from Riems though so fair play.
Honest view? If it's about where one of the couple is from, fair play. If not, what you playing at you narcissistic gits - don't you know that a wedding is about throwing a big party for the people (friends as well as relations) you care about?
Of course, others may disagree with me.
The responses in this thread makes me feel better 🙂
I do think there is a lot of willy waving with weddings. Sis in law spent over £30k on her wedding (and boy did we know!!!), the marriage was over in less than 2 years. Only thing I was gutted about was that the string quartet didn't know the Empire March from Star Wars 😆
My wife and I thoughts about getting married in the Philippines as it would have saved us money but realised we'd simply be passing on the costs to our family in Ireland and England if they'd fly out. It felt very unfair.
In the end, we had a small church wedding, posh hotel lunch for 18 close family members and then hired the upstairs room of a pub for a party in the evening. Sausage roll / chicken wings / egg sandwich type buffet supplied by her aunties. Was great fun, a wonderful and stress free day and significantly cheaper than the average wedding.
pjt201 - Member
Worse than foreign weddings are Friday weddings imo. At least with a wedding abroad it's easy to decline to go on cost grounds without upsetting the bride and groom, whereas for Friday weddings in the UK it's much more difficult. And why do people get married on a Friday? Because it saves them £1k. Pretty selfish not to realise that the 80 people you invite have to take a day off work at much higher total cost than that.
Yep.
Mate of mine has arranged his wedding on a Sunday as it was £500 cheaper to have the venue on a Sunday. But, they have spanked £2000 to secure sole use of said venue...
And he has asked a load of us to come up on the Saturday, requiring 2 nights accommodation at £100/night and we'll realistically have to take the Monday off work.
Oh, and no children allowed at all...
Weddings should either be about "do it with the minimum number of people with no fuss" or "do it near friends and family and have a right old shindig". If you want to get married in Vegas or somewhere exotic then don't be surprised if people can't afford it (or for that matter choose not to afford it).
We go married 3 miles from where I grew up and had all the family at the venue with lots of booze supplied. That's the recipe for a good wedding IMHO. Heck...it's 20 years next month!
I got married in Hong Kong as it was just easier as most of the guests would be from that area (wife has a bigger family) and it also meant it would limit the amount of family members from my side going (bunch of free loaders after a free meal/drink).
I subsidized my parents tickets and accommodation and just accepted that a lot of good friends could not make it, however, I did have my stag in the UK so that covered them.
In the end the 2010 Icelandic volcano meant that I was the only one from the UK who made it anyway!
What's the problem? You arent going to do time or hard labour. It's a holiday in a foreign country.
Far better than a registry office in Hull.
My bro got married out in Bali and we didn't go. New kid/started a business and had no idea where we would get the money or the time.
Biggest regret I've had in a while. Beg, borrow, steal. Even if she just goes, but don't miss your brothers wedding.
Even if she/you just go for the weekend.
Generally people get married abroad so not many people go to the wedding. Don't feel bad for not going, you are helping really!
THIS
if they really care they can have a do back here as well as that is what my mate did. Hire a hall all get pissed. not expensive
They got married abroad as they met on holiday
Responses here are interesting.
At the end of the day the couples wedding is about THEM, nobody else. So long as they accept that the choice of venue means people cant reasonably make it then whats the problem?
At the end of the day this is just the classic bullshit that couples come across when getting married. There's always someone wanting to interfere and change your plans to suit them whether that be who is in the bridal party, who gets invited when, where the wedding is, when the wedding is or whatever else people seem to think they have a say in. That some people think that its the couple being selfish is actually quite amusing (never mind the false sense of entitlement, the irony). A wedding is about the couple, nobody else. How they choose to celebrate it is quite frankly nobody else's business.
And yes, been there, done that.
no it's not, it's a trip you are forced (or guilted) into going on, at a venue you haven't chosen, at a time you didn't choose. Usually spending money you can ill afford.It's a holiday in a foreign country.
Our wedding was "overseas" (local for the wife) but the venue is close enough for it to be about 100 quid on Ryanair (only 120 with BA) plus we sorted the accommodation and transport for most from the airport to the venue and all the food for the weekend was sorted.
My wife's sister got married somewhere exotic and expensive and it ended up that we and her parents couldn't afford to go. They made promises that they would have a uk reception when they got back but it never happened. Her mum was pretty devastated. Parents both died a few years later (a week before our wedding
Friends and their three kids are off to a family wedding in Mexico later this week. Sounds great but has financially screwed them for the whole year.
So glad we did cheap and cheerful close to family.
if they really care they can have a do back here as well as that is what my mate did. Hire a hall all get pissed. not expensive
Seems like the really upset people in the OP aren't the engaged couple (not even clear that they GAS whether OP and his wife show up) but the OP's wife.
Far better than a registry office in Hull.
WTF is wrong with Hull ....eh ! typical middle class response, bet youve got a beard and work for the BBC and eat pulled pork eh !
😀
[quote=hora ]What's the problem?
Did you not bother reading anything he wrote (no, don't bother answering that)?
[quote=squirrelking ]At the end of the day the couples wedding is about THEM, nobody else. So long as they accept that the choice of venue means people cant reasonably make it then whats the problem?
The problem is when they don't accept that, because they think it's so much about THEM that everybody else should drop everything for THEM.
The problem is when they don't accept that, because they think it's so much about THEM that everybody else should drop everything for THEM.
Without wanting to come across as an argumentative dick, did YOU actually bother reading what I wrote?
But I agree that in the situation you describe that yes, that would be unreasonable. But as I said, if the couple accept that people might not make it, what's the problem?
Wow!! Some heated debate 😆
I get why my Mrs is annoyed as it would probably be just us out of her family who can't go as a complete unit. Hopefully she will tell her brother this weekend, as she has gone oop norf visiting her family with the kiddies.
At the end of the day the BIL and his Mrs are going there as it's cheap for them to do it out there. That's fine and I get that, as getting married can be expensive, but what isn't fine is "if" and I mean "IF" we start to get guilt tripped about it all (I know what some of her family can be like).
The reason we got married in the Uk was that we appreciated the not everyone we wanted to be there would be able to afford it.
There are times I'm glad we live 80 miles away from them 😆
I would probably go, then again, i'm generally up for any trip abroad and a party.
But if I was the one doing the inviting, I wouldn't think twice if someone knocked it back. I didn't to my a mates wedding in dublin one time as I was skint and refused to get into debt for him. It wasn't the end of the world, we're still good mates! 😀
in short, don't worry about, it is unreasonable to expect people to fork out a fortune and they need to be sensitive to people ability to pay it.
I bet the wedding won't be in term-time either - so if your kids are school age factor in the fine/criminal record too! 😀
My sister got married in Kenya (she was living there at the time) cost me 2k when I had nothing, I felt it was OK to say my presence was her present...
They could set up '[b]Live Video[/b]' feed so both groups can watch and party (drink) to the newly weds 8)
Worse than foreign weddings are Friday weddings imo. At least with a wedding abroad it's easy to decline to go on cost grounds without upsetting the bride and groom, whereas for Friday weddings in the UK it's much more difficult. And why do people get married on a Friday? Because it saves them £1k. Pretty selfish not to realise that the 80 people you invite have to take a day off work at much higher total cost than that.
Most people get paid leave from work. And you're getting fed and entertained so quit your whining!
We got married on a Friday, we didn't save a massive amount (wedding was cheap by most standards) but it was the only time we could get key family members and the photographer we wanted. If we saved £1k that would of been over 20%!
We gave about 8 months notice and it was a bank holiday weekend- giving folk extra time to recover!
I have no issues with people marrying abroad, provided
- the couple accept without resentment that they may have no guests attending, as its a consequence of their decision on location.
- no one is emotionally blackmailed into attending the event, esp if they have to use up annual leave or are not rolling in spare money.
- the couple offer to pay all costs of flights/travel/accommodation to anyone they send an invitation to.
I think its about time couples stopped assuming other people view a wedding as an event they should be grateful to be invited to attend.
Attending such events has become a huge financial burden when you add in 'destination weddings' even if out of region but still in the UK, plus gifts, clothing, stag and hen all weekend/all week events and the attendance costs of multi-day weddings (meal Friday night, wedding Saturday, family get togeather Sunday morning/lunch before going home).
If you choose to go abroad, particularly somewhere expensive or difficult to get to, you absolutely have to be flexible and understanding that it may not suit everyone, but its ridiculous to suggest the bride and groom should pay all travel and accommodation.
Unless you're putting on a local wedding for local people only. In most cases not all guests are going to live locally. Certainly the last half dozen I've been to have required travel and overnight accommodation, only one was a "destination" wedding, the rest simply because not all my mates live in the same place as me.
Ours was abroad, only about 25% of our guests lived in Edinburgh like us so for the majority the cost was no different to fly to France than come to Edinburgh, accommodation was also about a quarter the price in rural France compared to central Edinburgh. As it was the whole thing was way cheaper than anything in the UK so we chose to subsidise accommodation at the venue for those staying with us.
Get married where you like. Just don't expect me to watch the video.
Just don't expect me to watch the video.
😆 I work with a guy who expected me to give up my lunchtime to watch his exotic holiday video on Youtube. I politely told him to jog on as a) I didn't want to sit and listen to his willy waving and b) I can only look at a beach and waves for so long on screen. He was genuinely shocked that I didn't want to watch it.