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But the comments are fun...
PC Nesbit-Bell, aged 42, of [b]Chipping Sodbury[/b]
😯
My fave so far:
"I reckon the reason George is always banging on about bikes is that he is a big, fat, swivel-eyed, rabid knacker, who votes BNP, and who if he ever DID sit on a bike, would make it look like a credit card disapearing up his substantial backside! He has to squeeze his bulk into an X-reg Mini Metro to get himself to his job as a pie taster for Fray Bentos!
Go and mend the puncture in your 'girlfriend' George, and give us ALL a break from your whimsical, sad and lonely ranting"
The jury obviously thought that a case where someone claimed to have been assaulted, but neither saw or felt themselves being touched by the accused was an open and shut case - they didn't even stay in the jury room long enough to warm the seats up.