[Closed] Now THIS is a relationship dilemma.....

Beep, beep, beep, reverse away from this conversation,

Beep, beep, beep, reverse away from this conversation!

I find "well maybe it's all the chocolate ice cream you've been eating" works really well.

Or "i still love you even though you're fatter now"

She's a lucky girl is Mrs Weeksy 🙂

Silence is the best policy or there will be no 'pudding' for the next millenia...

Blame mrs mctd.

No, not for her hyperactive pie arm, but for washing the dress on too hot a setting, causing it to shrink, obvs....

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Silence is the best policy or there will be no 'pudding' for the next millenia...

Or what little pudding there is will be low fat, sugar free and disgusting.

Edit: ah... I see you mean sex...

Nothing you can say or do is going to be taken well, here.

Rachel

Run, run away now, run very very fast and don't stop.

Clearly, the dress has shrunk in the wash. 😉

Just tell her's packed it on a bit and you're tired of finding sweet wrappers in the bed.

I'm single, btw.

I just tell my wife that she has put on weight, she just tells me to **** off and she will eat what she wants to.

We then continue to go about our ways.

Don't go there. Your opinion isn't required.
HTH.

It's not humanly possible to address this issue and not get put in the dog house.

Being subtle never works, because they immediately pick up on it anyway. And then you are perceived as being snide.

Being open and honest doesn't work because then you are accused of being brutal and mysoginistic.

Whatever way you play this will see your 'pudding' rights withdrawn.

Assuming you are both adult and have an honest and supportive relationship where truths can be told.

Nothing say nothing, pretend it didn't happen, time for a bit of double think.

Have an affair, that'll learn her.

Run away, preferably in a zig zag pattern, and don't look back.

Unfortunately saying anything will be bad, and saying nothing will be bad. You have lost.

You can tip-toe or run, but banning sex until the weighing scales have a smile on their face is the only way forward.

You might even make a little smiley sticker and affix to scales, thereby showing the 'happy weight' 😀

Caution: This [s]could[/s] will likely end in her having an affair with fetishist and actually gaining more weight.

*Edit, on second thoughts, simply take more 'family photos' over the next few weeks. Nothing sends me to salad more quickly than a recent snapshot. Extra tip: when taking pics try and get her on the edge of the frame for wide-angle emphasis. So if, for instance, you ask a passer-by to take a snap of the pair of you, try and get her on the outside of the scene. ie if you stand next to an objet (ie sculpture/MIL/'Barometer Museum' sign etc etc) make sure that she stands next to you on the outside edge, not between you and the objet. Social media is your friend here.

Does her bum look big in the dress? 😀

showing the 'happy weight'

Also showing your unhappy wait.

At least the OP can run away. My missus asked me if she had a smaller behind than her sister the other day. That's my definition of a no-win scenario. 🙂

Run away, preferably in a zig zag pattern, and don't look back.

The only way you're getting any pudding is going to involve shopping.

buy her a spinning bike as a subtle hint

a mate of mine did this and survived the fallout

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[url= https://imgbb.com/ ]ebay picture hosting[/url]

Now I think about it, the OP probably has enough information online where he could be identified. So might be easier to send the missus a link to this thread?

Does this make me look fat? No love, your fat makes you look fat.

That'll learn her.

Time to change her ringtone

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Whichever option you choose, it was nice knowing you

I got the blame last week for my GF's latest dress acquisition not zipping up (there was like a 150 degree angle between the zip sides), she's still in denial and hasn't sent it back yet...

If you have kids, then you require their bluntness in something like "Mummy, you looked nice in that dress before you got fat". Of course this will all be said whilst you're out of the room, taking cover like a coward.

simple solution is that dress is broken, if you want your nose to remain unbroken I would take her out shopping for a new one, and book a nice restaurant.

to be fair, running may not be necessary; a stroll should see you building a decent lead

Can you use a Vax on a keyboard, mine's got that much coffee in it?

"sweetheart, it seems neither of us is strong enough to pull up this accursed zip. Perhaps we should both go down to the gym several times a week for a few weeks and see if between us we can't find the strength to beat this thing."

Age - weight - hair

Three things you must never discuss.

Put a padlock on the fridge.

Age - weight - hair

Three things you must never discuss.

Oh! I understand now - the zip was getting caught in her back hair?

Do the kind thing and buy her a dress 2 sizes bigger.
But a different dress.
Then tell her you fixed the 'zip situation'

HTH.

DrP

If you have kids,

What you need is an elderly female relative who's half deaf and a large family gathering.

My pals gran once conspiratorially shouted in my ear "DON'T GET FAT LIKE YOUR DAD!" in my ear for the whole gathering to hear, including my dad who was stood right next to me.

(Later she could be heard 'muttering' to herself 'if I'd known about oral sex before I got married I'd have never gotten married')

You could just start cooking and portioning better thus avoiding the need to talk.

Its going to cost the OP, either financially or psychologically.

The best thing to do would never mention it again.

After you've sorted out the Zip saga - pacify her by saying something nice . . .

"For your size, you don't sweat as much as I thought you would" is a nice touch.

OP - no matter how much you are lured, pressured or asked, stay silent on the subject.

My missus asked me if she had a smaller behind than her sister the other day. That's my definition of a no-win scenario.

Which patio are you residing under? If you let us know before the phone runs out of charge, we may be able to send help.

The answer here is simple as...

At which point I was sent out to work as the problem was clearly the tool operating the zip

Simply get a new tool to operate the zip, namely a close girlfriend, who will hopefully tell her in way that no man would ever get away with. Bosh, job done!

There isn't a chance in hell I'd ever even acknowledge that incident ever even happened, they could use thumb screws the best they'd get out of me would be "what zip?"

She knows, you know - doesn't need to be said.

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Social media is your friend

SImply go on to the dress manufacturers/retailers Facebook or Twitter and Complain about their sizing!

You tell them about how your wife who is *definitley* a size twelve in other manufacturers dresses, recently bought one of their dresses, and the zip wouldn't even do halfway up.

THEN

You get to show her what you have done in order to support her by riding in as her knight in shining armour to complain about the dodgy sizing on her behalf. Someone else takes the blame, you get to pretend to believe it's the dress, and she gets to pretend she hasn't bulked up a bit.

Pudding guaranteed!

You should hire a mini-digger.

It'll be a big hole.

Well it's at least 2 hrs since the OP started this thread and no reply from him <gulp>

Well it's at least 2 hrs since the OP started this thread and no reply

Brace for impact.

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He lived a good life. We shouldn't mourn his passing.

DezB

Oh! I understand now - the zip was getting caught in her back hair?

If there had been a buffet car on this train the seat opposite would now have been soaked in coffee. 😆

maybe try the approach an ex of mine took to not so delicately inform me that I should lay off the pies. trying on some new clothes in front of the mirror and asked "does my arse look big in this", with out skipping a beat she replied "yes love, but to be fair it is a small bathroom". brutal but amusing

Thanks for your support and input people. At least I've brightened your days before my untimely demise!

Clearly the answer is to go riding. For a couple of years.

Buy her the same dress in the next size up and swap the labels. For as long as you can afford to stick with this approach all will be fine.

I would take her out shopping for a new one, and book a nice restaurant.

We need more threads like this, it's a gem

I overheard my wife saying that i 'have an overactive pieroid'
Cheeky cow
Patio looks good though

Simply get a new tool to operate the zip, namely a close girlfriend, who will hopefully tell her in way that no man would ever get away with. Bosh, job done!

Still. Dead. Man. Walking.

Buy her the same dress in the next size up and swap the labels. For as long as you can afford to stick with this approach all will be fine

It's some catch, that size 22....

Rusty Spanner - Member
It's some catch, that size 22....

It needs to be to hold everything in place.

Clearly the answer is to go riding. For a couple of years.

The solution to this is simple. Print off the below image and affix it to all mirrors and reflective surfaces in the house.

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By yourself a nice pie for tea.
When she asks where's hers, tell her she's obviously had too many already. That'll work.

Or post how much you love her and don't want to hurt her feelings etc etc blah blah blah, bullshit bullshit, then leave this thread open on the computer so she accidently sees it.*

*you may need mod intervention to clean the thread somewhat first 😆

Say "you know, when we got married, I thought I had shagged my last fat lass"

Then slap her on the arse and walk off, very far.

nwmlarge - Member

simple solution is that dress is broken, if you want your nose to remain unbroken I would take her out shopping for a new one, and book a nice restaurant.

And order her the salad...

If she asks if her and her bum look big i suggest you be honest and say " let me take a few steps back to get you all in", instant pudding for you.

Continuing the literary theme, buy her a good book to cheer her up.

Has she read The Catcher In The Ryvita?

Has she read The Catcher In The Ryvita?

No, but OP is halfway through 'Catcher in the Fridge'