[Closed] No-strings relationship advice

I've had a couple of short term, no strings, work based relationships. But here's the catch... they were short term and we both knew they would be.

I'll give you different advice from all the rest. Take her out for dinner on a proper date with lots of nice wine. Then you'll be able to decide one of 3 things :
1) No strings are go - get in!
2) Let's go home alone before it goes pear shaped
3) Actually strings may not be a such a bad idea.

Aargh - enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions.

You have quite clearly never seen some of my decisions. I once moved to the Middle East because I was getting annoyed having to ride up the big hill outside my house.

Don't even get me started on past relationships 😉

don't meet the kids until you are ready (never in a no-strings jobbie?)

This - and never let yourself be referred to as 'uncle woodie'

actually in retrospect that's not so bad

I'm still on the fence. I've had a couple of "things" at work, both ended badly, in both cases because the female was properly mental...the work thing is what would put me off.

On the other hand I've no strings a few times and mostly it's all gone fine, but watch out for the warning signs.

next thread - list of top 10 warning signs?

Weight over the bottom bracket and feather the brakes 😉

It's easy for some to emotionally deal with no-strings and not for others. We don't always know which we are as it varies with the other person involved. It could all go wonderfully well, or you may end up adding another kid to her life and becoming her baby daddy. This again may end up being fine in the end.

Don't meet the kids if it's a proper no-strings. They may bond with you and wonder why this new man keeps spending time with their mum. Keep the control 50:50 in the situation. No videos (unless you got mad skillz).

This will definitely change things at work. It can go either way. I personally find it hard to separate fun and connection. Emotionally things snowball for me, but I know this. 7 years later and the hot girl I was seeing lives with me and we are talking about kids and mortgages. I don't have the emotional capacity for stringless flings.

Unfortunately the STW massive can only speculate and amuse you. The kids really add another dimension to this, even more so than work in my eyes. However, it could result in some awesome GoPro footage and a good old fashioned roll in the hay.

Excellent topic by the way.

Double post fail 🙁

I'm sure these things have been said already, but don't have time to read all the posts:

One thing to consider is that after a while, your attitude to her may change.

You may realise that you would like it to move on to a "proper" relationship, because she isn't like your ex, and your previous ideas of "absolute no no's" are actually acceptable and preferable now.

Because she is a different person entirely to the person who you were with before.

But you won't know if you don't give it a try ??

As long as you are able to communicate with each other openly and honestly throughout, then I really can't see an issue with it. It's lies and deceit that mess things up and cause bad feelings/ bad break ups.

Talk to her about it.

Also, it does seem that because you are thinking about it so much, and asking for advice etc. That you are actually looking at as more than "no strings" yourself. You may just not realise it ?

The last time I was offered the same arrangement, I bunked off work straight away and went out to buy new bedsheets and a couple of bottles of wine. Didn't have to think about it for a second

leffeboy - Member
next thread - list of top 10 warning signs?

Not sure I could narrow it down 😎

nealglover

As long as you are able to communicate with each other openly and honestly throughout*, then I really can't see an issue with it. It's lies and deceit that mess things up and cause bad feelings/ bad break ups.**

The last time I was offered the same arrangement, I bunked off work straight away and went out to buy new bedsheets***

*I think that's the issue
** yes
*** this must be where I am going wrang

ask on mumsnet.

Kev

Aargh - enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions.

As a man of low moral fibre, I'd say regret things you haven't done, or HAVE done more than once...

don't sh*t on your own doorstep.

enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions

Lol, is all I have to say about that!

don't sh*t on your own doorstep.

Not just before she comes round for no strings sex at least.

Don't be daft woody...as Drac says.

Way too close a working environment mate...seen lots of fallout from this sort of carry on.

Lasts for years and certainly makes one or both persons life hell...and its usually the blokes. People who sit in a vehicle for 12 hrs of the day....like to discuss things...you'd end up looking the guilty one - whatever the strings!

Use a toilet and not a doorstep. Much more comfortable and hygenic.

MAN TRAP. RUN

ask on mumsnet.

excellent suggestion

Most amusing thread - apologies to the OP if that's not quite cricket. Although for a thread of this type the OPs handle is enough for the fnar fnar brigade to break out in a fit of tittering.

What is so wrong with having any sort of relationship with someone at work? Who knows what it will turn out like. The worst case, as has been mentioned above, is that work becomes a bit of grim place for a few days and your colleagues may rip you for quite some time when they find out. 🙂

your colleagues may rip you for quite some time when they find out.

But chances are, whilst secretly quite jealous...

Tony Soprano had it right. "Don't sh#t where you eat".

I'd run a mile if I were you. I've seen people sacked when work relationships have gone wrong, and this one sounds primed to go belly up.

[img] [/img]

Don't do the crew.

Stanadards are slipping on here.

All these replies & no mention of back doors...

Or flash grenades...

Or tradesmans..

Or shock and awe...

Although as someone else pointed out, if you can 'get your foot' in her 'door', you may not want to bother...

No strings sounds great, doesn't it?
But it isn't only women it can be difficult for.
I'm in my second relationship which was meant to be no strings, and light relief from where we were.
In the first one we both got emotionally involved but more her, and the end was not nice or kind.
In the second one we have both got emotionally involved... But this time it is probably me going to get my heart handed to me on a plate.

I envy people who can do this. Good luck.

All these people talking about "don't s**t on you own doorstep" etc.

That advice is great, if you are cheating on your wife/husband.

Doesn't apply so well when both people are single and have nothing to hide from anyone.

Lots of relationships start at work. And some end. That's life.

But unless one of the involved people is married, what's the big deal ??

"no strings attached"

No such thing!

There is no such thing as a free meal.

I had a 'no strings' fling with a guy a few years ago, but I had to end it as he was the one getting more attached. He became a bit annoying in the end as he started turning up at my house. I wasn't wanting a relationship, as i had just been in one.
He never met my children or got involved in my family life, which was fine by me.

It can work if you both want the same thing, but therein lies the question/problem.

Update

Had a long chat tonight and for once my brain ruled. Couple of things rung more alarm bells on the txt's today so in the end it was a fairly easy decision to avoid future hassle. Work problems was my 'get-out' which she fully appreciated, so all's well that ends well.

All I have to do now is avoid work related piss ups as her parting words were that on the next one she's going to get me drunk and do something involving brain removal. 😆

Thanks for all the comments and advice, most entertaining!

You think that's the end? Unless you are saved by an ape with less scruples than yourself this is going to nag away at you until you a more cunning lady worms her way into your life (assuming this one doesn't eventually succeed). Keep us posted please, pretty please... . 8)

She might back off if you are a bit more honest !

She probably thinks you are just playing hard to get, and go on admit it, you like the flattery and attention.

"work issues" suggests that it is nothing personal...

Let's hope she doesn't hand in her notice and turn up on your doorstep.

I think you're daft. Life is hard enough - if she's keen on you, and you're keen on her, give it a whirl. If it goes wrong, so be it. There's really no "worst" that can happen unless you're not prepared for things to develop beyond no-strings....cos that's highly likely.

Man The ...

-Think of the kids.

Well done, Woody . . . especially as, reading between the lines, she sounds a rather scheming woman!

(BTW - that's not a tautology 😉 )

own her with bombers.

Woody - unless you find her repulsive, you will sleep with her... maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

You've given her a challenge, you are the hunted.

You've given her a challenge, you are the hunted.

Wow that's me scared,!!! 😯

Full Casablanca quote please TSY!

unless you find her repulsive, you will sleep with her... maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

Update (in case anyone is still interested)

Having let her know that nothing was going to happen, there has been the occasional chat since, where I have purposefully kept the conversation light, with any flirtyness nipped in the bud..........

........until the weekend when she was out clubbing with some mates and I was inundated with txt's and some fairly 'imaginative' pics (deleted before you ask 😉 ), which left me in no doubt that the right decision had been made. Had to be fairly blunt and rude in the end so she got the message!

A lucky escape methinks 😕

Sorry I don't get it...Shirley that all suggests she's just up for fun?

Afraid not Al. The increase in contact and level of keenness coincided with her finding out that her ex has a new girlfriend, which he has introduced to her kids.

All the signs were there that she wanted something 'more'. She even wanted to come and walk the dogs with me and I don't think that was a euphamism!

Not something you would suggest if it was just a bit of fun you were after and there was quite a bit more than that which caused the sirens to go into overtime!

Ah OK I see - lucky escape it seems.

#disappointed#

nipped in the [b]butt[/b]..........

FTFY....

woody next's post:

personally i would have done it, but then i'm of low moral fibre and a horney git.

with her finding out that her ex has a new girlfriend,

Ah a classic..This caused my ex to go completely mental and accuse my Mom of kidnapping my son..

The main problem with no strings sex, is that the penis is just a fleshy, demanding, piece of string.

Read the first post and thought "go for it". On second thoughts, I think the work thing complicates it too much. If she did turn out to be a bunny boiler, then you could be setting yourself up for a world of pain.

It's a tough one, I can't think of anyway round it. As someone else posted, don't shit on your own doorstep.....

Think of it a positive light.

You've done honourable thing and can sleep better at night.
Also you can use "Those" pictures to get her to bring in decent biscuits for you at work 😈

EDIT: I would have, then probably put a thread on here about how she was ruining my life. At least you'd have all been entertained.

This thread is pointless without photos

Quite a coincidence that this thread has arisen at the moment. I had a regular "fun buddy" that I had a great time with for about a year. A complete sexual free spirit, 24 years old, and enjoyed the company of other girls as much a men which made for some rather entertaining encounters.

Had to draw a line under it as she moved back to New Zealand last month, but to be honest, it was just in the nick of time as I got the feeling she was getting a bit clingy. Not sure whether it was a case of cold feet about moving home or what, but I didn't want to be the reason for her staying, no matter how good the nooky was!

More recently embarked on a similar arrangement with a girl that works for a client (not in a position that would ever cause problems) who has been a friend for a few years. She had come out of a LTR recently and constantly complained about how much she missed the regular sex. She instigated a NSA arrangement, and all was fantastic - 22 years old, body of a model and a rather unabashed attitude to sex.

We talked about ground rules, no hassle, walk away if anyone got emotionally attached, our friendship comes first etc, etc...

Anyway, after a great weekend, she's contacted to say her head is a mess and she's not sure she can carry on.

So no, in my experience (the above and a couple of others in the past), few women can maintain a sexual relationship without getting emotionally involved... Bugger. 🙁

shibboleth earlier to day....

[img] [/img]

Alpin obviously has nothing to add to this discussion... 🙄

Nonsense - he's got a fair bit of jealousy for starters...

Shibboleth - it does come across as a bit Austin Powers, don't you think?

nickf - Member

Shibboleth - it does come across as a bit Austin Powers, don't you think?

Yeah baby! 😉

Update.

Turns out that the 'alarms bells' may have been me being over-cautious and assuming the worst, as since then things have been spot on................. bit late now if I'm wrong 😉