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I also know a chap called Time Bomb due to his very short temper.
We had a prisoner at our place called Semtex for the same reason.
My son's mate's called 'Cabbage' cos his heads like a cabbage.
I knew a girl years ago who was known to everyone as 'Julie Hairspray'
'Conan the Librarian'- priceless 🙂
Knew someone called Sharon with a ridiculously large, out of proportion harris. She was known as Shazza the butt.
Good thread. Peaked at the OP I say, still chortling at "Manbat", which as I'm on a train is mildly awkward.
Got a thick mate called 'single cell'
Bloke I know got caught pleasuring himself in the local woods as a lad. Nickname? Tug.
Wes, real name lee but always late hence, where's lee.
I used play rugby in Hampshire but being an aggressive borders 9 I was called spikey which changed to mcspikey coz I was a jock.
Two Lucy's at uni both called bob for some reason fortunately differentiated by one being Lucy bob.
Worked with a bloke who was such hard work, to be polite.
His nickname was Daisy because some DAYS HE would help/talk to you. Some DAYS HE wouldn't.
Also worked at a place that never introduced new staff. I would give these unfortunates a name that fitted, Harold is still called Harold 15 years or so later. He's really called Mark 🙄 Can't remember what smelly Len's real name was.
Worked with a contractor called Mike who commuted in from Northampton so he was known as Mike Northampton. So, extrapolated, there was Phil Sunbury and Colin South Harrow. Sadly, I was Dick Staines.....
Had a mate at uni who was always last to buy a round, often trying to sneak off before etc
He became known as Frugal MacDougal to the rest of us.
I knew a guy whose nickname was Steve Isiah - due to the fact that he had one eye higher than the other.
And a bloke affectionally know as Eddie T**t (rhymes with cat)
Bloke on site is called KitKat because of his missing finger.
Got a mate called Nutty, no one can remember why but we suspect it's something to do with not flushing properly at a party many many years ago.
Too many to list all of them. One of my favorites was a guy called Happy Casper.... He was the most miserable bastard you could imagine. The guy who worked in reception was known as Fub, (f'ing useless bastard). It was universally recognized, even the phones had "back to FUB" on the recall button. Then there was Tulip. She was from Dublin, and it stood for "Totally Useless Little Irish Person". Shitjob Stevens had a reputation for making a hash of even the easiest of tasks, and "Juan's" surname was Kerr. "Ankles" puzzled me when I moved teams, but someone explained it was because he was so far up the bosses' arses, that was all you could see.
Couple more from my RAF days. There was an " interesting " young lady whose nickname was Peter Beardsley, cos she looked the spit of him.
Also we had a guy who constantly whistled greensleeves. His nickname was thrush, as he was an irritating c**t.
Had to chuckle listening to Bob Mortimer reminiscing about his youth and a mate called 'Snipers dream' on account of his unfeasably large head!
Thoroughly enjoying this thread 😆
Female engineer boss that used to work in the railway was known as "five balls" as she reckoned she was worth 2 1/2 men! Another non railway this time was "gold finger" always had his hand down his trousers scratching his hole!
I forgot "Dachshund". His girlfriend once let slip that he was "hung like a draught excluder".
Worked with a guy called Digger, not relevant to our work, not even the boss knew his real name as we were paid cash. At the same place there was another lad known as 'Arthur', short for 'Arthur Job'. Another is still known as Phillis, not sure why, but sure it was the result of some piss taking.
Lad at uni' known as Pigeon, lots of working out to build up his chest, but scrawny little legs.
Best mate is Bear, because he's as hairy as one, when he takes off his t-shirt he looks like he's wearing a jumper.
Mate of mine has been called Gladys since the eighties after another mates dad started calling him it due to his long hair. A lot of people don't know he has a proper boys name.
One of our plant cleaners is known "Terry the cat" due to the way he used to ineffectually leap around the goal during works football matches.
Credit where credits due though, even after recovering (partially) from a stroke he still plays football and rides his bike to work (hes's 65).
Went to Uni with two Tonys
Tony from Birmingham was known as Town, Tony from Yorkshire as Torn
My wife is called Patch by everyone as she used to wear her hair over one eye
Went to school with a girl called Toolbox. Apparently something to do with a screwdriver
Worked with a bloke called Seagull, he used to pull unfinished food from our bins, hide it and eat it later
Mate is still called Boogie, we were in a minibus going to see the Ramones, he overheard someone saying they were going to Boogie all night long. Pete misheard and asked if they were coming, we asked "what Boogie?", he tried to make out he knew a guy called Boogie well. We have known him for years and this was clearly bullshit but he would not back down. So he has been called this ever since and every gig we ask him where Boogie is? Strangely Boogie has yet to turn up.
Fat bloke at old work called Jocky (after Jocky Wilson )
At college we had a mate Richard who gained the nickname "Fingers" on account of the fact his fingers/hands would start shaking if you watched him whilst skinning up.
Had one friend introduced as Pea-ed. Thus was due to his unfathomly small head. We were stopped by police once and it was only then I found out his name was Steve.
Work mate here in Germany is known as "Scheiße Magnet" on account of his many **** ups and lack of luck.
I always chuckled at footballer Fitz Hall who was dubbed "One-size" when at Palace.
Ahh the football ones! Gotta love a crowd for finding the weakest link in the chain then naming it.
There was a Guy (years ago) who was chanted "whose the geezer with a pineapple on his head" It was a coloured guy who used to tie his rasta plats up on the top of his head. Was he from Nottngham or Portsmouth? can't remember now. As far as I remember too he got quite upset about it..
there was a belgian footballer who played in the prem (about the same time as one-size) called Gilles De Bilde, so his nickname was 'Bob' which is genuis
Growing up there was one lad who had long eyelashes, he was called moomin
The Toucan (big nose, liked Guinness).
I used to know a lad called Toucan also, so named because that's what it took to get him drunk.
Couple of others. Visiting Kirkcaldy for work years ago with my mate Dave. Walking through town, there's a little Chinese bloke coming the other way wearing a neon pink puffa jacket. Seriously, this thing was [i]bright;[/i] texture of a bin bag and the colour of 80s socks, like an adventure in hi-vis clothing. Just as we're passing him, Dave says to me sotto voice, "bloody hell, it's Jacket Chan."
We've two blokes at work who are always together. Both shortish, bald and rotund, one slightly taller than the other. Most know them as the Mitchell brothers. I was talking about them one day to a lass at work and she blurted out, "oh, you mean M&M?!"
I knew a girl years ago who was known to everyone as 'Julie Hairspray'
I knew a lad ages ago with a similar penchant for tons of hairspray; he was known as Ozone.
Most of my mates call me Beast which is funny because I'm pretty short/thin and quiet. Not sure how or why it started, probably in my bigger days.
Footballer, Jason Lee
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I knew a chap who was referred to as "Eggy bend-up" goodness knows why.
Another friend called Tess was about to get married and I joked to her partner that it was a good job his surname wasn't Tickles (he didn't see the funny side of this and so was referred to as Mr Tickles from there on). Rocket-bottom (her hashing nickname) was telling this to her parents in a posh tea room in Surrey (her dad's a vicar and had his collar on), but her mum just didn't get the joke and said in a very loud cut-glass voice 'I just don't see what is so funny about Tess Tickles'. Rocket-bottom dissolved into tears of laughter, the reverend harrumphed a lot and quite possibly some ladies fainted. 😯
I've just remembered another lad I used to work with said a girl at his school got called Pol(l)y because her name was Esther.
Other than the logon here, I was known as 'Moose' through bits of secondary school. Also briefly known as 'Vicar' during sixth form and a couple of cafe jobs due to the quantity of tea I drank - "More tea Vicar?"
A lad in my year at school was known as 'Heed', because he had a massive heed (works best in a west Cumbrian accent). My Dad was known as 'Puddle' during school, though he claims he can't remember why.
There was a kid at school called Plectrum.
If you drew round a plectrum it was the same shape as his head.
I started a new job and was introduced to a couple of the cleaners as Sylvia and Rita, they always seemed to be together and after a couple of weeks I still hadn't worked out which was which so they became known as Ant & Dec.
on the topic of footballer nicknames, Kiki Musampa was known to his teammates as Chris, as in Chris Musampa
There was a Guy (years ago) who was chanted "whose the geezer with a pineapple on his head" It was a coloured guy who used to tie his rasta plats up on the top of his head. Was he from Nottngham or Portsmouth? can't remember now. As far as I remember too he got quite upset about it..
Jason Lee, at Forest. It was Skinner and Baddiel who did the song "He's got a piiiiiine-apple, on his head, he's got a piiiine-apple, on his head...". He supposedly had some sort of breakdown as a result of the fans chanting it at him every week, but that was possibly just an excuse for being a bit crap.
1st year of senior school. Tall lad with MASSIVE feet. One of the lads shouted 'you some kind of Sasquatch'? It stuck.
Another time, another lad grabs a mate's bottle of drink (not alcohol) locks on and downs a litre of squash in one. Someone shouts 'he's some kind of Camel'. It stuck.
I have a mate with rather large ears ......he's known as Jodrell.
He also thinks he's a big hit with ladies and has proclaimed himself as a "God of love" since then he is also known as Earos
Gold!
WillH - MemberJason Lee, at Forest. It was Skinner and Baddiel who did the song "He's got a piiiiiine-apple, on his head, he's got a piiiine-apple, on his head...".
They balanced it out by saying he was better than Pele. Sort of.
A friend worked with a guy who had some accident that resulted in him having a permanent stoop with his chest sticking forward.
His nickname was Photo Finish
MrNice - Member
on the topic of footballer nicknames, Kiki Musampa was known to his teammates as Chris, as in Chris Musampa
ChistmasHamper- You know thats just hilarious.
Jason Lee! Cripes yeah thats the guy. Didn't know it was Skinner and Badeel who coined the song, all I remember is him being interviewed one day saying something like he was retiring, didn't know it was because of that though.. Shame, probably was a pretty good footballer..
Still giggling at these, what is it with my sense of humour? 😆
One of our drivers was known as Gimlet, and had been named as such by the warehouse manager within hours of him starting work for us. He was a bit on the short side, and not the most interesting of characters.
When he left after several years, he asked why he'd been called that.
"A gimlet is a small boring tool."
"Johnny Pumps" - gained this moniker after only 1 week at Woodlands Infants school after following the teachers instructions on getting ready for P.E. to the letter. She told the class to line up outside the classroom "in your pumps". Bless him - he lined up in his pumps alright and not a stitch more.
Prop in my school rugby team could eat for Scotland...Hungry
Little brother who was tall and thin..................Peckish
Two separate sets of friends who'd never met one another both independently coined the nickname BadNewz.