It's out of order for the best man not to consult everyone before booking, but having tried to organise these things myself, there will always be someone who isn't happy. I'd say split accomodation equally, but everyone bring their own contribution of booze - buying expensive wine and expecting everyone to split is a bit out of order.
It doesn't sound very expensive to me tbh, but then I can afford it, it's a different kettle of fish to someone who is skint. As for food, best to split the cost between people equally unless someone is blatantly taking the piss, in which case they should add extra. We've always done this at meals and means less stress for everyone. If the more wealthy end of the group kick off about it, then I'd say you need different friends.
Btw, I agree that if only staying one or two nights means you should only pay per night that you stay.
tbh, I think youse are making this more difficult than it should be.
It's absolutely unfair for people only going one night to be expected to pay for 3, assuming it was known that the amount of time people going would be variable. (would be a different story if people are changing their mind after committing to 3 days)
So you simply divvy it up on a per night basis. Find out, how many are going*total number of nights everyone is there/price of digs = Happy days, you've got a per night price.
As for food/bevvy. Tell people to bring their own bevvy/find a local source they can buy their own.
For food, do a similar sum above, to define a per head budget if it'll all in house cooking..
I also think you have made a mistake buy saying the stag goes for free, ime, not usually how these things work, you are already going to be spending a pretty penny going to the wedding.
But it's not really difficult, just do the the sums and it'll all work out fair enough.
For future reference btw, best way to organise these trips (technically we're on to 40ths now, stag do's are past!) is start a whatsapp chat, declare dates, a destination and hotel, tell everyone to pay and get themselves there whenever.
Go mental at said destination! 😆 Happy days!
The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight - as will most folk attending. All we will spend is money for a few beers.
I was looking for folks opinions so I could see what folk thought fair and thus try to guide things down that road
Fair do's, paying for the stag then is reasonable enough.
Biggest thing I think you've got to worry about though from hiring a house, is who is going to do all the domestic stuff. As you'll need to hand it back in a reasonable condition!
This is where hotels and cleaners come into their own for trips like this! 😆
The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending.
My initial impression on reading this post was that 200 quid for three nights was pretty reasonable (speaking as an Englishman ;-)), though buying expensive wine seems a bit CFH. However, it really depends on the people and if the wedding is in a cabin with camping it looks like the organiser is the odd one out. Should've got the communications better sorted, but too late now. Go with the house and everybody pays per day. That will ramp it up for those only staying one or two nights but hey ho. And get cheaper drinks.
You keep missing the point that there are folk who simply can’t afford that.
You'll always get this response, for some its the easy cop out, for others there are genuine reasons. In our group, those with genuine reasons have been lent money, those who have a history of using this excuse for anything do not...
Last one I went on was less than 200 for 3 days bed, activities, food and drink. I thought it was amazing value, some thought it was a lot so a few paid for them so as not to make an issue.
In fact in the end there was a surplus so we put it behind bar at the wedding.
Just enjoy it, sad for the groom if there's any ill feeling.
My thoughts:
Paying for the groom is a laudable gesture but in this case unrealistic - you already have a shortfall on funds. I'd simply abandon this idea. He's paying for a wedding so is probably North of ten grand down, another £200 isn't going to make any difference.
The best man has, presumably with the best intentions and at short notice, arranged all this off his own back. The consequences lie with him. If he can afford to stump up the full price up front I'd assume he can afford to take a hit on some folk being unable to pay - if he can't, he's a fool.
Calculate a price per head per night, that's what everyone pays. If it's a grand, 8 people and three nights that's a base rate of 1000/8/3 = £41 per head if everyone turns up. Then either the best man takes the hit on the shortfall as above, or if he genuinely can't then bump up the price to soften the blow, £60/night say. However you calculate it, that should be the same for everyone. Maybe ask for voluntary donations from those who are more flush?
Expecting everyone to pay for all three nights if they can only stay for one is madness, no-one is going to agree to that.
sad for the groom if there’s any ill feeling.
I agree very much - which is why I want to try to be peacemaker and this thread has helped me to see whats fair and right and what is not
cougar - the actual wedding will be well under a grand!
thanks for the rest of it tho
I’d be having a word with the stag and probably checking the cancellation policy on the house!
Dear God No!
It's a basic test of your group/friendship(s) for the Stag that He doesn't become embroiled in such nonsense, especially before you've even gotten there... FFS you're all grown men!
I expect the BM booked these fancy lodgings because:
A) It suited the needs of the event (you know you've a bunch of bikes and sweaty old men to accomodate).
B) It's better to book something, and worry about the finances later, than allow the bickering to grind the whole thing to a halt.
Lets be honest ~£150-200 for three nights staying pretty much anywhere isn't bad (IMO). For those that can only stump up the £50 for a single night, fair enough, they weren't fully consulted. Perhaps those of you with deeper pockets need to be a bit bigger about it, stump an extra £20-30 and hope that Karma repays you at a later date (or the bar).
The point is sort it out amongst yourselves and keep the Stag clear of BS.
Perhaps those of you with deeper pockets need to be a bit bigger about it, stump an extra £20-30 and hope that Karma repays you at a later date
I think this is the road I shall try to go down. It will be rather more than £20 extra
~some of the guys going I do not know really which does not help. Some of the guys claiming poverty have collections of classic vehicles which is why they are skint!
thanks againfolks
The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending cougar – the actual wedding will be well under a grand!
You just can't beat that famous Scottish hospitality 😉 Do you have to forage for your own supper too ?
Some of the guys claiming poverty have collections of classic vehicles which is why they are skint!
tbh you should just tell them to stump up or piss off.
**** that, I'd bin it. Wedding sounds shite anaw.
Life's too short to tiptoe around bawbags. 😊
If the cost is going to mean fewer of the stag's mates actually turn up, it's poor organisation. On the whole 200 quid for three nights is not exorbitant though. Of course you could stay in a bunkhouse, but not everyone wants to stay in a bunkhouse. Let's face it, you could probably head off to a bothy for next to nowt!
You'd drop a LOT more than that on the kind of European city break weekends which are sadly the fashion at the moment.
If a couple of the guests need to be subsidised a little, you need to discuss it like grown-ups. Perhaps BM does need to be pointedly informed that not everyone is as minted as him.
If a couple of the guests need to be subsidised a little
I don't really get the subsudising talk, figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you've and absolutely fair price, no-one is subsidising anything.
ie say it's a 1500 quid house.
8 people going.
4 going for 3 nights.
2 going for 2 nights.
other 2 going for 1 night.
total nights = 12+4+2=18
1500/16 = £83.33
so
4 pay £250 each
2 pay £167 each
Other 2 pay £84 each
There's no subsidies going on there, just what should have been explained from the first minute! 😆
Like I say, it's not rocket science.
I'd also be factoring in the cost of a local cleaner to come in on the monday morning too tbh! 😆
The only subsidy happening is the stag in this case, so for that you just ask people to chip in on his share there, I'm assuming/hoping he'll be one of the 3 nighters! 😆 If there's grumblings there, that's probably where I'd be happy to chip in a bit more to keep the peace. (based on the sums above, you are looking at asking everyone for and extra 35ish quid to subsidise the stag.)
edit, fixed my sums!
Unfortunately, in the grand scheme of things, that's currently a bit of a bargain for a stag do. Anyone attending should have had an expectation of spending that amount. Not saying I think it's right, just trying to be realistic. Add to that the usual faff of getting a bunch of folk who don't know each other that well to agree... the BM has made a reasonable job of it.
I also know folk who claim poverty but seem to manage to splurge money on their hobbies. For some (not all) I reckon it's a measure of how much regard in which they hold the groom and future missus.
A little perspective - the Premier Inn in Dumfries would cost £204 for three nights this weekend.
(1000/3)/7 = £47.62 so for £6 a night extra you could all sub the Stag, which seems reasonable (IMO).
But I'd not expect those staying for one nights to have to cover two more nights.
How many are doing the full three nights? how many only one?
If it's only a couple then the rest of you could probably cover the shortfall for an extra ~£35ish each? And ultimately the BM did take the risk so any more than that and it's sort of his duty to make sure final bills are settled...
In the grand scheme of Stag do ecconomics this ain't a biggie.
I remember being sat there in an Indian Restaurant with a £250 shortfall on the bill after the "Whipround" and half the attendees already putting on their coats knowing they'd not put in their share, wondering how the rest of the weekend was going to go if we couldn't get past the forst meal...
Travel lodge?
Cheap. En suite. Bikes in room. Find a pub with a good snug and reserve it for a night. Cafe breakfast then ride off farting into the sunshine
figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you’ve and absolutely fair price, no-one ex subsidising anything.
This. (So long as you don't get anyone going "well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?")
This. (So long as you don’t get anyone going “well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?”)
Or only the BM and TJ are there for 3 nights and everyone else for one.
I pitched in with the organisation of a stag do last year - the best man and I arranged it. We had an idea of what the stag would like to do, came up with two options- a cheap option and an expensive option. The first thing we did was pitch the two to the group with approximate costs and say which they could afford. If one person couldn't afford it, we'd do the cheap option- whatever we were doing, if they're proper mates then the stag would rather have everyone there rather than have something flash and have a good pal missing.
Ours involved a weekend in a farmhouse in the Lake District, a walk up a mountain, a pub dinner, boozing, a pub based orienteering event and we hired some sailing boats. The whole thing was about £150 each plus fuel to get there. I don't really see why it has to cost £500 - while in theory I could afford it, I do other things in my life and £500 is half my holiday budget for the year! I don't think I've ever been on a stag do that cost more than £200 and they've all been excellent.
This is why I'm not married. Mate of mine was getting married a few years ago so I got an email from the stag. He wanted us to stay in a hotel for a weekend and do loads of activities which weren't going to be cheap. I'm not sure figures were mentioned but it didn't need a genius to work out it wasn't going to be cheap. I said early on I couldn't make it, a little white lie maybe thrown in but I just wasn't prepared to bankrupt myself and resent my friend and his mate. Same with weddings. We've booked this really nice hotel and we'd like you to come and share our happy weekend, we'd rather you did two or three nights rather than just one. And we don't really need anything as we've lived together for years but could you chip in for this expensive artwork we'd love but can't afford. That'll be £500 quid please. No thanks. Maybe one day if I can afford to pay for everybody to come we'll get married but I'd hate to think people were going to hit in the wallet just to come to my wedding.
Cougar
Subscriber
figure out the total night nights everyone will there there/price, and you’ve and absolutely fair price, no-one ex subsidising anything.This. (So long as you don’t get anyone going “well, I can do one night or two depending on cost, how much is it?”)
I'd imagine it'll not be difficult to tie 7 people down to a number of nights each!
If it is, I'd abandon the trip, with immediate effect, it ain't gonny go well! 😆
The wedding will cost nothing! The couple have hired a cabin on the shore 15 miles from me and there is camping around it. We will cycle out to it and camp there overnight – as will most folk attending. All we will spend is money for a few beers.
Ravensheugh?
If so the cabin rental cost is usually far from free.
no food? No entertainment at all? No bar? No marquee? Or generator?
As with @nobeer it doesn't sound great.
or is it just 8 manky bikepackers and a bride with a 4 pack of stella each and a bluetooth speaker? (no family, normal folk etc. invited)
in which case why even rent the cabin?
As for the stag doo. £70 a night in a big posh house seems thoroughly reasonable so yes. If you can afford to. Pay for your mates if they really can't afford that.
I'd be more worried about their old Carreras surviving the stag ride but our definition of mountainbiking differs hugely.
😉
I'm not sure why you'd even ask here other than you know fine someone will do the arithmetic for you to split the bill fairly 😉
Why doesn’t everyone pays what they feel is fair, and organiser pays the rest.
I think Al has a reasonably sensible suggestion - not because it stings the organiser but because it leads to a sensible discussion. I'm not sure why the stag needs to get it for free. I think anyone going on an overnight stag do* and expecting to come away without spending £100/day is deluded (unless there was a prior agreement that you were going for a budget option). A couple of points to bear in mind though when discussing whats fair: Presumably everyone was invited for the full time, and it was their choice to only come for 1 or 2 nights. Presumably nobody else is occupying those rooms when they are not there. One night is always more expensive that 1/3rd of three nights.
*especially a "grown up" stag do where inevitable some people will have more money than a dozen 20 yr olds.
Steven - I quite agree. Some friends got married in effing Italy ( no faimily there) and were quite put out we did not go. No way was I going to use a chunk of my holiday and a chunk of money to go to a wedding no matter how nice. Same for expensive stag does - but invited to a couple of " lads weekend in a european capital" type does. All turned down
Initial cock up not getting agreement of folk before
If people are genuinely skint let them go all 3 days and charge them for 1.
Doesn’t sound like you will get better accommodation. Who wants to stay in a bunkhouse!? And by the time you add in food and pub costs I bet it’s no different to renting
Or, if funds are tight and/or time is precious, do they just not want to spend 3 days getting pissed with people they barely know? FWIW it sounds like most people are willing to come/pay for 1 day/night which is totally fine in my book, they are still taking part. It is what I'd do personally. Multi-day stags are a load of bollocks anyway, unless it's a real tight-knit crew who do it all the time regardless it's just keeping up with the jones'.For some (not all) I reckon it’s a measure of how much regard in which they hold the groom and future missus.
The only common denominator in it all is that everybody can stay at least one night.
Therefore, as the decision was made to book somewhere for 3 nights without asking everybody concerned, I'd suggest the following.
£1500 / 7 / 3 = £71 ish each per night.
As people were not really consulted before he booked it and to make sure everybody goes, it is now reduced to 1 night at £71 each - surely people can find that money and time.
£71 x 7 = £497, so the idiot that booked it in the first place can cover the shortfall and have himself a nice 2 days alone rattling around ;o) *
* this may cause a slight break in friendships.
The only thing to add is that it's not the op's responsibility to sub the shortfall with the best man if he wasn't involved with the decision to book it. That's on the best man.
Likewise, Even if I could afford it, and thought cost was reasonable, I'd not be subbing a load of folks I barely know. Tj, pay your 200 quid, turn up, and let the best man sort out the fallout (assuming he's not a good mate of yours that is), as this one is on him, not you.
Turn up for all three nights, in a tent in the garden outside the bunkhouse. Job jobbed.
(-:
Effing tempting Cougar. Tent in the garden of the posh house rented tho.
tpbiker - I have made the offer tho in the hope others start to see it in the same light.
tpbiker – I have made the offer tho in the hope others start to see it in the same light.
Generous but foolish in equal measure given what you've said of this crowd! Given they arent close friends of yours, don't be surprised if they are happy for you to pick up the tab, either because they are tight, or because they mistakenly think you are loaded.
Its a nice offer, but dont be surprised when others dont follow your example. Would be different if it was a bunch of my good mates, but sounds like it's a group of folks who you aren't particularly close to who are happy to spend their own money on stuff they prioritise..like classic cars.
Its a mix of good friends and long standing acquaintances. I'd be surprised if anyone take me up on it and I never offer anything I am not prepared for people to accept. Its one route I can see to smooth things over and to shame people into being adults.
If people are willing to sit and let you take a hit. I'd run a mile.
All too common a problem. Chap who booked it is clearly oblivious (or worse, simply doesn't care) that different people have different means and/or different pulls on their money. Cancel the house, drop out of the trip, or cough up and resent it. Pick the least bad response.
I'm not a fan of these going away multi day stag do's. I'll only go on them if it's family or close freinds and then nothing to organized or extravagant. But £200 for accommodation isn't over the top for these things, although that doesn't help if you simply can't afford it. It's time for people to rally round a bit then, but this only works if everyone are good freinds.
I yearn for the days of stag do's being a local pub crawl, perhaps with a sleazy stripogram thrown in for good measure. Brings back happy memories 😁😁
A bit late to the party, but I’ve been in the can’t afford camp quite a bit. I’ve simply visited the stag and outlined the fact I couldn’t afford it. Good friends will understand this. If they don’t, then they aren’t good friends.
£200 is a hell of a lot of money to a lot of people. No way would I let somebody else cover me in part or full either. If it’s too expensive I’d just catch up with the stag at a different time.
£200 is a week's earnings for me, I earn just shy of the "living wage" and I work full time. It sounds like the best man is being quite inconsiderate and has made it awkward for everyone. It sounds fair that people pay for the nights they are staying, and if there's a shortfall then those who can afford it contribute with the guy who booked it covering the rest.
It seems barmy to have such an exclusive stag do in contrast with an inclusive wedding.
When I was in a similar position for a hen do, I didn't go as I wouldn't have been able to afford any of the activities as well.
