[Closed] Mates stag do - perspective and thoughts please

I'd be having a word with the stag and probably checking the cancellation policy on the house!

Sounds insensitive to say the least. I'd go with a quiet word in the stag ear, unless the weekend is a total surprise to him...

Tricky situation - the best man has been a massive cock imho, talk to the stag, explain the situation.

Went through this last year. Ended up paying equals. Dinner was worse with an agreement to split the bill then the best off person at the table kicking the arse out of it with steaks and extras when some were considering sandwiches.
Some left the night out early, me included. In fact I left the whole shitstorm at 0700 and took myself off riding.
The wedding was interesting with rich boys suggesting the stag do crew all chip in£100 each. It would have taken the whole cost to £600. Which for a stagdo and wedding is pricey.

Pay and go or don’t pay and don’t go.

TBH it doesn’t seem that  unreasonable to me

£200 is probably around what you'd pay in a B&B for 3 nights.

I agree though. Totally wrong to force that financial burden upon people without any consultation. If the organiser wants the extravagance then maybe he should stump up the cash?

The concept is not a surprise to the stag tho the details are. I don't think it can be cancelled without a big penalty.

The amount of faffage has really peed me off as well - for example a chain email of 20+ emails discussing what way we were going to communicate! Ie Whatsapp. facebook group, chain emails etc.

Its only two weeks time. I can see me an the organiser ending up effectivly subbing the rest as we are the best off!

The organiser also wanted to buy two crates of posh wine to be paid for by everyone. I said no to that very forcefully

there was a bunkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

Well, the booker has been thoughtless clearly, but it's your mates stag do, so I'd suck it up.

I'd try and persuade everyone to rally round and not let the bookers action ruin the Stag's weekend.

That said; this is probably a good solution for a stag weekend, the alternative is probably multiple B&B's or the Premier Inn, suspect the booker is focused on an evening of heavy drinking into the early hours rather than fun on the trails?

The amount of faffage has really peed me off as well – for example a chain email of 20+ emails discussing what way we were going to communicate! Ie Whatsapp. facebook group, chain emails etc.

Makes me glad all my mates are married already...

Well, the booker has been thoughtless clearly, but it’s your mates stag do, so I’d suck it up.

I’d try and persuade everyone to rally round and not let the bookers action ruin the Stag’s weekend.

Thats about where I am at. I am going to speak to the skint guys directly.

I've been on both sides of this.
Organising stag do's is hard, you ask what people want to do and, at best you get a vague consensus, at worst you get silence. Then you ask if anyone has anything that might need to be taken into account, dates, cost, duration, etc. again, often you hear very little. Then you book something, often without full sign off from the group as they've been useless so far and want you to sort it, with the best of intentions and it all kicks off as the dates are wrong, it costs to much, the location isn't any good. At that point you're often so annoyed with everything that you just say "sod it, this is what it is, do you want to come or not?", so coming across as dismissive or arrogant. Tie into this that not every best man is a great organiser anyway.

Obviously the other side is that as an attendee, you offer a few ideas but in truth leave it with the stag to sort out. He then books something that you don't think works, he acts like above, and you feel aggrieved about it. When you ask for other options he tells you to sod off.

So, I do think you have a point, but I'd also suggest that best man is not doing anything to deliberately annoy people. Speak to the stag, or possible the best man in person and see what they say. Offer to help with other options. But don't go to hard on him, he's likely doing the best he can.

Tricky one, this sort of thing really annoys me but I've not experienced it to this extent. Last stag I went on had a stripper we all had to shell £20 for, a truly grim experience.

Why doesn't everyone pays what they feel is fair, and organiser pays the rest. He might learn something. It's basically about him being inconsiderate, I see it as fair that he ends up with the costs.

And a veto on organiser booking/ordering anything further with the same penalty.

I agree it should not of been booked without checking with the group, but is £60/£70 a night the end of the world for a stag in a nice house? You could have dinner in rather than eating out to recoup some of this. Yes it would make me look and see if i could afford the 3 nights or maybe only go to 1 or 2 nights. I had to do this an a stag before as due to other financials at the time and i could not do the full stag, others went abroad for theirs and i skipped those due to cost.

What would the stag want? Nice house or bunkhouse? Its his stag so i guess go with what he would do himself.

I'm getting married at the end of the year, having been involved in shit like this before, makes me really tempted to not bother with a stag do.

there was a bunkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

This is an insightful quote. If you want a stag do with a focus on drink and chat but with a side of riding them a big house and lots of good wine works really well. If you want it to be a riding weekend with a few beers in the evening then the bunkhouse works better. The best man clearly thinks the former, though the fact he wants to buy good wine not 250 cans of Fosters suggest that he does want to keep a degree of civility to things. If he was asking for money to get the class-A's in I'd be more worried!

Also bear in mind TJ that you sound like you know the area well and are well versed in booking nights away of that kind. For someone who doesn't, booking a big house in the hills may well feel like the best option.

I'd suck it up, sounds like the best man wants to book somewhere nice for the stag, but just has not considered other peoples' budgets. I agree with the ideas of cooking in to recoup some costs. A big chilli or curry etc.

I know a few friends now who have not had stag dos for this very reason, the cost that you put upon people, for sometimes, quite appalling entertainment and accommodation.

I get married early next year, all I am having is a two nights away with my twin and older brother. Probably at Afan lodge.

unkhouse we could have had the entire thing for for 1/3 of the cost that I suggested

I think I'm at that stage in life where if someone booked three nights in a bunk house full of farting half cut bikers as a fun weekend I'd be as hacked off as you are about the house booking.

I think I’m at that stage in life where if someone booked three nights in a bunk house full of farting half cut bikers as a fun weekend I’d be as hacked off as you are about the house booking.

Me too! 🙂

£200 for 3 nights in a nice place doesn't sound too bad to me.

£200 for 3 nights in a nice place doesn’t sound too bad to me.

If you're skint and this has landed on you, when you're only staying one night, different story.

Considering the number of p*ssed up morons at Manc airport bar at 5am every weekend heading abroad, I'd say the stag wasn't being overly indulgent here. If most of you ride I'd dare say you (they) wouldn't think twice about dropping £200 on new bike parts when they break? If the stag is a proper mate then just go. Nothing stopping you, quite rightly, pushing back on expensive booze for the house though.

I'd also echo Lunge's comments about trying to get a group of blokes to offer suggestions / thoughts! If the weekend of mtbing was proposed, the simplest thing in the world would have been to say "yes, but I need cheap accomodation and will be happy to sort my own nearby if you want to spend a bit more". Obvioulsy aimed at all the group, not just you tj

Yeah we ended up paying. Only the best man and rich boy stayed in the accommodation for all the nights it was booked. Stag said he'd have rather gone fishing in the pentlands and had a few beers.

I’m in the crowd of people that would chalk £200 for 3 nights in a large house as not very expensive, yes a bunk house would be cheaper and have their place, but for 3 nights with a group of 40-50yr olds, nah!

Bottom line is these things do add up and a mates stag do with associated travel,food,accommodations and activities always add up to an expensive weekend.

As an organiser you’ll never please everyone one.
Sounds like there isn’t much time left, and they have had to make a decision and get it sorted, long email chains suggest that it’s not been the easiest group to arrange for..

If there is a few who just can’t afford it, then I’d be having a grown up chat around what options there are to control wider spend. I.e don’t have a beer kitty, eat in 2 out of 3 nights, allow people to opt into other things that will cost money.

It’s a case of suck it up!

1) Don't bother the stag with this. He should suffer zero stress.
2) Suck it up, £200 is far from ludicrous.
3) Best man should have consulted everyone before making the booking.
4) The best man is bothering to organize it all so cut him some slack, if he wasn't doing it the job could land on your lap!

I feel your pain TJ, but maybe the bloke organising is well off and just doesn't comprehend not being able to afford stuff.

My BIL's stag do was organised by his best mate & best mate's brothers who are all millionaires. Being a bunch of young lads they went all #Instagram and booked a #longweekend in #Marbella with day time spent at #Nikki Beach. It was absolutely insane the money being thrown around - €20 for a small bottle of lager, €80 for a bog standard jug of vodka redbull, and - I shit you not - €1500 for a bottle of vodka. I went out the first night and ended up feigning illness the rest of the time, just sat by the hotel pool and mourned the death of my bank account. It was a normal weekend for the rest of them though, and I don't think they even considered that other folk don't generally have that kind of disposable income.

Is there a chance of reigning in the expense while on the stag do? For instance, putting an absolute ban on having a kitty - my pet hate on a night out

Had this with a mate who works in the City. Expensive, multi-day stag do was organised, local mates all made their excuses. Ended up taking him out for a curry & lash up round the local pubs the next weekend. Everyone was happy!

The “he’s a mate so just suck it up” argument doesn’t wash with me. Works both ways. If the stag is genuinely a friend would he really want all his friends stressing over money etc on his behalf?

I went out the first night and ended up feigning illness the rest of the time, just sat by the hotel pool and mourned the death of my bank account. It was a normal weekend for the rest of them though

I organised my own stag do, booked a couple of rooms in a hostel in Wales and spent a magnificent weekend riding, walking, eating, having a giant fire and - for those that wanted to - drinking. I can't remember the exact costs, but I'm pretty sure with shared fuel to get there the accommodation, travel and food came to about 60 quid each, then as much as folk wanted to spend on beer.

Clearly that's not for everyone, but I had a brilliant time and so did everyone else. But I was very conscious of cost, as we're not especially well off and neither are some of the people I wanted to be able to come.

Not much use to @tjagain but @uselesshippy, stag dos can be great done the way you want them.

Its quite cheap imo - if you don;t want to go don't

Where is it ? If say, Aviemore, Coylumbridge area then that’s very much the going rate for a biggish rental for a long weekend. Awkward situation and sounds like it may grow arms and legs...

Well over a thousand pounds for a house for 8 for 3 nights. some of the people going will only be there for 1 night, some 2, some 3. The stag is getting it for free

details of the house please, sounds like good value if it’s in a nice location and has good rooms with en-suite etc.

Ta folks. some good perspective there. I can afford it - its no issue to me.

Its the other chaps I feel sorry for - the skint ones but I feel a wee bit resentful I will end up effectively subbing them - but that I guess I do have to just suck it up.

Its in Galloway. The house looks lovely and also I take the point about a bunkhouse not being suitable either! We will be cooking in - not going out and that has also caused a bit of friction until two of us said " we will do the cooking" The the best man put a ludicrously low food budget in! There is effing spreadsheets and everything going on!

Its maybe a bit control freak from me as well. I like to decide stuff!

Generally for a long weekend away on a stag, 200 quid or so is par for the course for digs and travel. On the cheap side tbh.

Tricky one, as someone who's had to suffer 'Billy Big Bollocks' from time to time who seem to love splashing everyone's else cash, mostly it seems to see them squirm, I know the OPs pain. A lot of it though is expectation management, if he eased in the the idea of £200 for digs it might have be a sweeter pill.

Equally I've been the poor sod trying to herd cats and organise a 'thing' for adult males, few will want to say on a big group Whatsapp "I can't afford much" well, until they know what it costs. The ones who'll say "I can't make it because..." to every date for weeks until they finally admit they were never actually going to come anyway, the ones who offer no opinion whatsoever until the plan is finalised and then poke holes in it and worst still, the one who always seem the most keen, the most excited, the most engaged with the whole process and then when it comes to pay up, completely ghost the group, never to be heard from again.

details of the house please, sounds like good value if it’s in a nice location and has good rooms with en-suite etc

Question being, have they told them it's a stag do?
We tried booking a few places for a mates' do, and once we told them it was a stag do (mostly 40+ and pretty mellow!) they either said no, or added 50% on the price.

I’d go for suck it up and pay if he was a really good mate. If he wasn’t I’d say too expensive for me and bail. No shame in not having as much money as others. For good mates I’d try and make the effort. About 15 years ago I spent the last £400 I had in the world on a good friends stag do weekend and lived on beans on toast for about 3 months after.

seosamh77

thats just for the house - travel is on top

To play devils advocate - what do you think a weekend away in a nice area, in a nice house with loads of drink and food should cost? At least the activity is free and you don't have to pod-out a load extra for go-karting etc.

And for what it's worth I think the modern way of stag and hen do's is complete madness - just go to the local boozer the night before and turn up at the wedding with the mother of all hangovers!! 🙂

what do you think a weekend away in a nice area, in a nice house with loads of drink and food should cost?

You keep missing the point that there are folk who simply can't afford that.

Stop worrying about what you think other middle aged men can or can't afford,they're old enough to make their own decisions.I'm assuming the best man is best man for a reason? Certainly sounds reasonable to me and if you booked me in a bunkhouse for my stag do I'd put you on a table at the wedding do right at the back with all the kids next to the toilets as punishment .I can't believe there's been some bickering when you're involved tj! You can always get the beer/wine in for those you think can't afford to.

Can't imagine getting to galloway will cost that much!

Last stag do I went to was in Dusseldorf, spent 110 quid on flights, 90 quid on digs, 40 quid on dortmund ticket, and about 400 quid on food an bevvy and other odds and ends! 😆 3 nights.

Great trip, 28 of us went! Was carnage tbh! 😆

Btw whatsapp is the only way to organise these things these days, everything up front and open, anything else is mental!

OI

I haven't been involved in the bickering! I realised early on the faffage was off the scale so simply told the best man that all I needed was to be told where and when to turn up and what with!

Its that two or three folk are upset because the costs are way out of their budget and / or they are being asked to pay for 3 days but only going to be there for one

I agree about the modern stag / hen weekend. If it had been up to me it would have been a day out biking and a meal in a pub then everyone goes home. Or even camping - the only person in the group who does not go camping regularly is the best man!

I think all you can do is limit it, if you are staying in a big house and therefore could have a few beers there or eat there instead of being out, don't "sub" people, but turn up with a slab of beer or a couple of bottles of whisky, so perhaps it cuts down on the money spent at pubs etc, at the end of the day if they can't afford it (and i have been that person for multi-day foreign stag-dos), then at least they they have the choice to come and stay at the house, but they could always stay in and miss more expensive elements, if the stag is a true mate, then he'll understand that at least they came and didn't skip it completely and there is beer in fridge and place to stay.

for example this was todays contribution from one of the participants - which is what prompted me to post here

As I've said, firstly off list, then on list, I am unable to come for more than one night. One evening, one night, one morning. I think it's pretty poor that there's pressure on people to contribute more, in money and time, than they can. So, sorry if you are offended but I'll be assertive: I'm not paying for two or three nights. If this is not acceptable then count me out,

Thanks chaps - once again the anti echo chamber here does really help me to clarify things

I can see this ending up with me and the best man paying £3-400+ each so the others end up with an amount they can afford so they can attend - the alternative is the skint guys don't attend and we end up with a half empty house at £3 - 400 each anyway!