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I know, I know but a 'friend' of mine was talking to me on the weekend. He wants to leave his wife (don't blame him). She wants to leave him. They have two 10 year olds together. They both want the kids. The kids would live with him if they had the choice. I told him that if they were to divorce, then through default the kids would go to the mother.
Has anyone else been through this? At what age can a child make up their own mind and legally decide which parent they want to live with?
Would be good to hear some of your experiences.
The kids would live with him if they had the choice
Im sure the Mum would say the opposite and kids probably something different again. (ie want to live with both)
I would suggest contacting a family mediation service. Don't know where you are living but I know the [url= http://www.essexmediation.co.uk/ ]Essex Family Mediation service[/url] gets good results, avoiding court where possible.
[i]At what age can a child make up their own mind and legally decide which parent they want to live with?[/i]
It's either 16 or 18. It's not 10. That's legally. Morally the parents should listen to the children and then taking the childrens wishes into account (at ten I would imagine the child will just want the parents to stay together) do what is best for the children.
My parents split up when I was 14. My mum wanted to move away and I'd have done a runner if she have tried to force me to go with her but luckily, even then, I was so depressing to be with she was happy to leave me with my dad.
does it have to be so black and white?
my kids stay with me 3 nights a week - and with my ex the other 4.
I love my kids - but TBH I'm grateful not to have them every night, I need a "grown-up" life too.
This is obviously not so easy if they want to live a significant distance away from each other
Going through the same thing at the moment. Its horrible.
Doesn`t have to be a case of the kids choosing.
I split up with my wife last June and the one thing we did agree on is that we would put our kids interests first.
I have my kids 3 nights a week,by having them alternate weekends (Fri,Sat,Sun and Wed nights),they stay with their mum the rest of the time.
It works very well,kids seem happy and both myslef and the wife balance a decent amount of free time and quality time with the kids.
Best advice is for him to keep talking and find a solution that works for both.
These days courts are happy to split custody and as long as that's financially viable it's the best solution easily worked out without solicitors and lowest cost. However if either parent wants full custody it's going to get messy and expensive.
They have two 10 year olds together. They both want the kids.
How about 1 each? problem solved.
I went though this when I was aged about 10/11, I wanted to live with my dad as in my simple way of looking at things at that age my mum was the one leaving.
The divorce battle went on for over 2 years as both my parents wanted custody. At one point I was going to have to go to court (probably aged about 12/13) to say what I wanted to do, apparently in a separate room from the main court.
In the end my mum backed down as she didn't want to put me through it and my dad gained custody. Although I actually ended up living with my grandparents, as my dad dumped me there for I quote "just for a couple of weeks, whilst I sort somewhere to live out" I was there 9 years until I got my own place.
Only saw him randomly from then on and my mum the legal requirement of one day every other weekend.
EDIT:
So to conclude if the parents fall out, which I guess is fairly likely, it can get a messy and pretty dragged out if they both want custody. In the end I ended with no real relationship with either parent. I'm 33 now and don't talk to my dad at all (slowly drifted through my 20's until I told him to do one) at the same time I've slowly built up a relationship with my mum but feel I missed out whilst growing up.
