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where is the funniest/strangest place you have had a dump.
i once swam out about half a mile from the beach while on holiday in brittany to dump a load..... 😯
the back of your van 😉
serious note the dessert the bus stopped at the side no vegetation for about a hundered miles a group from the army (20 ish)literally stood about three feet away and watched me poop perhaps they wanted to know if white peoples poo smelled who knows but very ood
oh yeah FRANCE aged 11 never seen those toilets with footprints to poo down the hole
ton.
How do you dump while swimming? 😯
Did the Three Peaks Challenge back in the mid-90's - four years in a row, and for three consecutive years I managed to have a dump at exactly the same spot on the way down...
Did the Three Peaks Challenge back in the mid-90's - four years in a row, and for three consecutive years I managed to tread in at exactly the same spot as some b**tard had obviously dumped in 10 mins before.
No where that particularly stands out, generally outdoors by trees, etc....under a holly bush was the worst place to chose.
ssstu, treading water innit...... 🙄
lol @ silverpigeon!
Dear me. The first thing I did upon landing in both Australia [i]and[/i] Canada was to have a huge dump in the airport toilets.
Been caught short a couple of times walking home pissed, and one time I found a wee spot under a window of an occupied room in a student halls of residence. Had to be quick and quiet, and when I looked down, they were laid out perfect like a farm gate - three cross bars and a diagonal support strut. Pure art.
The second time was beside a main road, but hidden from sight by, and I kid you not, a [i]dumper[/i] truck which was parked beside some walkway improvement works!
One time in Oz, I got off a train during a station stop on a trans-continental trip, and decided to use the station's facilities. Halfway through the unloading, the train decided to leave and I walked perkily back out to an empty platform!
I was not alone in this experience, and a mini-bus took twelve of us out to the desert to get back on the halted train.
Lastly, during a particularly cold winter, the water pipes in our flat froze, leaving no running water at all.
I had to perch my arse over the side of the bath and use my hands to hold open a poly bag and listen to the plop/rustle as I did my biz.
I'm LOLing as I write this....
But, you've no pictures and no witnesses, so you can't prove a thing.
A few years ago I was out on a ride with a mate. About 40 miles in he was having some serious problems with his digestive tract, so decided to stop and shed some weight before the big climbs started. Devoid of any sort of wiping equipment, he used one of the two tops he was wearing to clean up, before pocketing it for later sanitation.
Behind an acacia tree in the middle of the Samburu National Park in Kenya
Aged 11, holiday of a lifetime to celebrate my dad leaving the RAF and go back to where I was born. Got the jippy tummy out on a safari drive, just had to go.
It concentrates the mind when things like snakes, scorpions, lions and leopards may be nearby....
Epic thread.
in my pants walking down the street! 😯
Does pissing out of a train wagon count? It went back in several windows further 😀
I need to catch up with you guys, i've never unloaded outside of a toilet!
Onto a coffee table with some german bird staring up at me...
Standard pracise that DavidB - in some parts of Europe.
The previous evenings copious stella intake caught up with my digestive system while riding up Snowden. Theres not many trees or bushes to hide behind up there 😯
Off the side of a yacht that was doing 15knots in the Whitsundays.
In the woods at 6000ft by the Tsijoure Nouve Glacier, Arolla, Switzerland.
Had to take small entrenching tool to scrape a dip in the thin topsoil.
Hole scraped, squatted over it and got down to business.
About 30 seconds in and I hear "Guten morgen" from my left and a party of 8 German climbers passed me on a path no more that 15ft away.
Nothing to do but finish the task and then cover the hole.
Because the topsoil was so thin we had agreed to put a rock on top so the area around camp did not become an open cesspit.
Now, if you drop a rock onto a neatly piled and moist "george" the rapidly descending weight tends to force most of the volume of the "george" out sideways at quite a velocity.
So, we developed the technique of jumping just as the rock landed.
After a time you could tell where we had been by the surrounding trees and rock having a thin brown topcoat.
(we were working up there for 3 months after month 1 we had to walk miles to find a stone that was not covering a little treat!)
How about 300m underground?
We were exploring caves in the Picos (Northern Spain), we camped underground for 2 days. It was a bit like MikeT-23 in a polybag, but due to the cold we used to warm our hands with it. 🙂
Not wierd but recently...Sat am Peaslake carpark, just off the last bit back to the carpark. Last week on a evening ride- the top of the last descent back into Hebden Bridge. Secondtime I had no hankies so had to rip up my boxers to use as paper 😮
One of my old workmates, sadly dead now, used to be poo/fart obsessed. He once dropped his pants in the kitchen with his wife and said listen to this, and proceeded to dribble diorreah all over the floor 😳
Paragliding in the Irish Republic about 10 years ago - cleared 2'500ft and took a dose of the squits - loosened harness and cocked ass out the side - people on the ground said later that - wait for it - 'the rain tasted funny!'
Landed well away from take-off to ahem! 'cleaned up' and circled back to the car on foot to get offending harness and pilot off the hill and home for a good scrub!
In a mates kayak, which I then put back on the car roof rack, so that who ever took it off the roof the next morning got a little surprise. As it was below freezing that night my pall got a face-full of frozen turd.
This was done in revenge for him depositing a large poo in my dry bag during a multi day river trip in Nepal.
Once after a very heavy day on the lash (all paid for. 🙂 ) I got caught short walking home on my own. I decided to go in the bush. So off I went dropped them and fell backwards into a 6ft ditch full of stinging nettles and brambles. It took me hours to get out.
I stung and scratched everything and I mean everything.! 😯
Try explaining that one to the missus when you roll in at four in the morning ripped to bits and smelling fresh to say the least.!
I had the runs while 6m underwater on a deco stop in Sudan. I had another 20 mins of deco to do and there was no way Id hold on that long. Had to strip off my wetsuit shorty. The fish loved it.
Have had to carry a fair bit of my own crap around during adventure races. Thats not all that much fun.
Worst one was mid race was suffering a bit and decided to crimp one off , hung my arse over a low branch cos my legs were really sore and squatting seemed too painful. Had just relaxed and let go when the ****n branch snapped and i landed right on my turd. That sucked. My team were really understanding and called me sh1tar$e for the next 2 days !
A few years ago I took a year out to travel around India.
During one, epic 72 hour (yes 72 hours) train journey one of my fellow passengers took ill and crapped all over the floor whilst we were in a closed compartment with no toilets (long story)
It was proper, disgusting, runny, yellow, diarrhoea and with the temperature 32C outside and feeling even hotter in, it absolutely stank the place out. And I mean a vomit inducing stench, the sort where you really, really can't breath.
As much to try and get rid of the smell, I lit up a ciggie and
THE BLOKE THAT HAD JUST S4AT ALL OVER THE ****ING FLOOR TAPPED ME ON THE KNEE AND ****ING POINTED TO THE NO SMOKING SIGN IN THE WINDOW
thread of the week.
I read somewhere that Greg Lemond once had some illness-based, err, 'faecal urgency' on a rather crucial part the TDF one year and so he just went in his shorts, drizzling ecstatic fans with a fine brown mist from his back wheel as he rode past. That really is commmitment!
Classic Silverpigeon!
NZCol, I just litterally choked on my drink as that was damn funny.
I was laughing on the inside trust me 😀
I was at a mates house,he was moving and the slumlord was withholding the deposit.
I left a deposit of my own in one of the cupboards 😈
Got caught out in Mayfair cycling back to Stoke Newington at about midnight. It was after Glasto and my guts weren't the full shilling. Cycling along and thought I needed a fart but ended up totally crapping myself! Hadn't been for a while and the smell was unbelievable. Only solution we could find was to take my trousers and pants off, which were by now a total write off and clean myself as best as I could before dumping them in a garden. Then my mate took his trousers off and lent me his boxers and I cycled home in his boxers with this stinky crap all down my legs. Best bit was cycling past the houses or parliment, it was about the time that Tony Blair was stepping down and there were coppers everywhere. I cycled past, on the pavement, in very loose boxer shorts with turd all over my leg and bike etc and the coppers were totally staring. We both said "evenin' all" and kept on cycling! That was a long way home I'll tell you.
In to a plastic bag in the back of my van in liverpool whilst working in a shop with no working toilet .
wrapped some brown parcel tape round it and dropped it into a waste bin
only to see half an hour later a tramp having a root through said bin and picking my giftwrapped jobbie and popping it in his bag and walking off.
Mrs Trout needed a wee just as we were waiting to board a ferry back to blighty so did it into a bag in the back of the van . then lobbed the piss bomb out of the window on the motorway out of dover.
A peaceful shit in the open air is one of life's pleasures, given a reasonable degree of privacy, a good view, and a supply of TP (or a Camelbak for that Asian vibe).
But a shit behind a wall in a Glasgow truck depot while waiting to hitch a ride, with only an old Herald for wipe-up operations, is not.
for those that remember cubs 'bob a job' week, my friend left a deposit in the back garden of the hose we were weeding.
On a railway track somewhere in Scotland whilst on exercise 
Only one stands out (apart from the woods on a Polaris, but that's pretty dull).
At a mate's house - dunno what I was doing there, my mate was out. My car had broken down outside and I was waiting for the RAC man. Badly needed a dump. I knew it was going to be a biggun, but do I wait for the RAC man or go? Now? Getting more desperate... Christ, what a dilemma. Can't remember for sure, but I'm certain he arrived just as I plonked my arse down.
Same experience as Ton. In Greece, swam out about 100m, trunks off, tread water. Two surprises:
1) it bobs to the surface so you're staring at your own pooh at eye level
2) once you've done it follows you back to the beach
Top of Ben Nevis probably... More recently was out on the lash in Edinburgh and then started walking home. Felt the need for a poo but figured I'd make it home. After 5 minutes it was really evident that I wasn't go to keep it in for the half an hour required, especially as the walk was downhill and every step was like being punched from the inside. Slinked off into a side street and unloaded a hefty one right behind someone's Audi (this was on a well-to-do street in Stockbridge). The relief was immense.
Bloke at work says he's done a pooh in his wetsuit (yuk), and my mate had the runs on the floor in a stair well (concrete not carpeted) of an office block in Sydney a few years back, while i stood guard (food poisoning i think, no warning).
In a skip
In a bucket in the back of a van on a customers drive (more than once), apparently builders don't need the use of a toilet. That why the back of your shed smells of wee.