I've just worked out why eyes are called the Windows to the Soul.
It's because you have to shut them down every few seconds or they stop working properly.
Wanted
£20,000 reward.
Schroedinger's Cat.
Dead or Alive.
Oh, I likes that. (-:
The minus sign turned down the job: he wouldn't commute. [lame effort, sorry]
Can't find an Adobe Acrobat document? The Government has a handy PDF File register.
Pessimists say that glasses are half empty
Optimists say that glasses are half full
Optometrists say that the second pair are half price
Why are compilers female?
One missing period and all hell breaks loose.
Whats the hardest thing about being a Darksider?
Telling your Parents you are Gay
Re: Glass half full,
An engineer would say the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
There are two groups of people, those who believe people can classed into groups and those who don't.
some great stuff there chaps - keep 'em coming.
Genuine LOL from me
doesn't take much then, TJ?
Q: What's the difference between a mathematician and an experimentalist?
A: A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while an experimentalist wants more data.
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
There is a sign in Munich that says, "Heisenberg might have slept here."
Guy gets on a transatlantic flight and by chance gets to sit next to a really hot chick. They get talking and end up drinking a whole bottle of brandy together. Later on they have a snog and a cuddle etc under their travel blankets.
Next day, bloke tells his mate about the encounter and their high consumption of alcohol.
Mate asks; "You lucky baxxard! Any signs of deep vein thrombosis?"
Bloke says; "No, I didn't give her one"
(p.s. this is a true story - really!)
I was walking through the cemetary and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, "Morning..". He said, "No. Taking a shit."
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
Whistler sues Ruskin for libel - did he insult his Mother?
Ok then:
q: Who led the pedants revolt?
a: Which tyler...
and:
Italians: Slanty little eyes...
oh sorry, that should have read "Italics"
binary eh, it's as easy as 1, 10, 11
011001000111011001
1
😆 😆 😆
Q. How do you know if an engineer (substitute other geeksters here as required) is an extrovert?
A. When he speaks to you he/she will be looking at your shoes.
Why did Karl Marx* drink camomile tea?
Because all property is theft.....
(*Pierre-Joseph Proudhon originally).
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a Nobel Prize?
He was out standing in his field
Ostrich eggs are that big you only get 3 to the dozen
Watched a football match from the stroke victims league today- never seen such a one sided game
What would circles look like if pi was exactly 3?
Heisenberg and Shrodinger are driving down the road when they run over a cat. Shrodinger asks, "Is it dead?" Hesineberg replies, "I can't be certain."
Q what happened to consteipated maths teacher
A he worked it out will a pencil
Ooh, ooh,
If you take a pizza of radius 'z' and depth 'a', its volume can be calculated as pi.z.z.a
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who undersand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.
How about some visual intellectual humour?
Hours to be wasted on xkcd - here's one to start:
http://xkcd.com/747/
Paul
Einstein was awfully bright
And he worked on the theory of light
He went out one day
And in a relative way
Got home the previous night
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who undersand ternary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.
now that is good
🙂 thanks, I like it......
what a brilliant (sic) thread
There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand quaternary, those who don't, those who mistake it for ternary and those who mistake it for binary.
etc., etc.
Did you hear about the masochist who liked cold baths?
He took hot ones.
The masochist said "hit me"; the sadist said "no".
Why did Chuck Norris destroy the periodic table?
The only element he understands, is the element of surprise.
47 45 45 4b 53 !!!
j_me - Member
53 !!!
That's a good one, I've not heard it before...
Sartre walks into a cafe and asks for a coffee without cream.
The waitress replies 'I'm sorry, we haven't any cream. Would you like it without milk instead?'
Late addition.
[url= http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1963338,00.html ]Intellectual Joke[/url]
[i]47 45 45 4b 53 !!! [/i]
OK, that's the only one so far that I don't get and it's doing my head in! Hexadecimal was the only thing I could think of but that doesn't convert to anything I can understand either. Someone please explain...
Great thread. 🙂
