[Closed] How to sort this one out?

http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/

if she's been sleeping with a married man, she's really not worth the time dude,

You can't judge a person's entire worth by a single fact.

Shes been willingly part of a deception though. Only playing the victim when she realises she aint getting him for herself.

Satsoma hits the nail on the head though...

+1

molgrips - Member

if she's been sleeping with a married man, she's really not worth the time dude,

You can't judge a person's entire worth by a single fact.

Good indicator of her moral compass though.

molgrips - Member
if she's been sleeping with a married man, she's really not worth the time dude,
You can't judge a person's entire worth by a single fact.

Agreed. You're only getting one side of the story. haven't read the whole thread - is she sleeping with him, or just in love with him? There's not a necessary relationship between the two...

It also takes two to tango, so to speak. Tricky moral balance / scale as to where you apportion moral wrong where you've got a couple, one of whom is cheating on their wife. Whilst you could argue the bulk of that must lie with the husband, I think there's also a natural reaction that also leads people to make a value judgement on her and her actions as the third party. Without knowing the ins-and-outs (pun intended) it's hard to know where to be on the Daily Mail scale of Moral Indignation (TM); at one end she's a brazen tart breaking up a marriage, or she's a poor, hard-done-by victim of a bastard cheating man...

The former - you'll get messages telling you to steer clear / fill-yer-boots as she's obviously of dubious moral characters, the latter - you'll get posts telling you to be there to support her as a friend / fill-yer-boots as she's obviously up for a rebound and sympathy sh*g.

And why has no-one mentioned the kids 🙂

(personally, sounds like a recipe for disaster from start to finish - declarations of love for someone else doesn't generally make for the basis of a good relationship. It's imbalanced from the outset. As the recipe for some short-term fun, different story. Sounds like it might be hard for you to remain sufficiently detached though)

You can't judge a person's entire worth by a single fact

Given half a chance I bet most of the posters on STW would be tempted with a mistress on the side set up.

Shes been willingly part of a deception though.

He's married, she isn't. It's his moral compass that's in question, not hers. He's the one that's taken vows.

Fact is, we don't know enough to pass judgement. Has she stalked him and convinced him to (claim to) leave his wife for her; has he made a play for her and spun her a tale about he's going to divorce Real Soon Now; or has she fallen for him without even knowing at first that he was married? Different situations with very different ramifications from a "does she have any morals" compunction. It's very easy to be judgemental from the other side of a keyboard.

Anyway, look on the bright side, you may have just found a girl that fancies you and has no morals. (-:

if shes not in it for a relationship but is happy to indulge you then go for it

go crazy, hit up some fetish clubs, go to some swingers nights etc etc

just remember to keep an emotional distance and not get too hung up!

He's married, she isn't. It's his moral compass that's in question, not hers. He's the one that's taken vows.

Would you sleep with a married woman? Arrange to meet her behind her husbands back? Take the risk that if he found out he may come storming into your office/workplace to confront you?

or just in love with him?

You don't really choose who you fall in love with

Given half a chance I bet most of the posters on STW would be tempted with a mistress on the side set up.

In France it's sort of socially acceptable to have a mistress. It's also becoming socially acceptable to have a boy-toy for women as well.

Take the risk that if he found out he may come storming into your office/workplace to confront you?

IF that's the reason you wouldn't, it's not a moral objection. It's a "Not wanting to get your head kicked in" objection

Good indicator of her moral compass though

Hmm.. as above, you don't really even have one side of the story, you only have a snippet. A long ish conversation AT LEAST is needed before you can really learn anything.

You can't judge a person's entire worth by a single fact.

you can't tell me what to do 😛

the comment was in relation to seeking a good, solid, long-term relationship, not wether she should be allowed to use public transport, access universal healthcare or use the same water-fountain as us!

i'd never cheat on anyone or be a willing participant in somebody cheating on their partner, i'm purely applying my own standards to the situation 🙂 its an opinion, no an instruction innit

again, you deserve better mboy, cos you're betterer 😀

No molgrips - anyone that shags a married person is of dubious moral values.

Morality aside (and none of us is perfect), you'd hope the older one gets the less stupid mistakes one makes, and her investing in a married man indicates deceit, desparation and stupidity IMO.

"some people would use the situation you are in to get some reasonably no strings sex then walk away"

This

She's not had any for what did you say, 6 months?

Stop thinking about it as some big thing and just have a bit of fun.

Not sure what you've got to lose ??

The person that I know who has been in this situation for 4yrs is in limbo with their life. The married man only sees the girl during the week and they both conveniently (for him) work within walking distance of her flat. I imagine weekends is for his family life/wife.

Bonkers. Utter bonkers. I know the girl isn't a slag, shes just stuck in limbo, really likes him (infact loves him) but I imagine when they first started he manipulated her, their illicit affair skewered her sense of reality so it became a case of 'no one would understand us' and its us versus them.

I've called her incredibly naive and one day she will wake up and rue the lost years where she effectively lived in limbo.

This could be the OP's friends in essence. TBH I'm not sure I'd want to go out with either scenario afterwards.

No molgrips - anyone that shags a married person is of dubious moral values

You and Junkyard should start the 'black and white' club.

You and Junkyard should start the 'black and white' club.

I don't see how thats black and white. Its just normal behaviour. You could spend your whole life thinking 'what if I got off with or what if she kissed me' or you could just try to live a just and as honest as possible life.

A friend of mine has theory on this kind of lady:

"women are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they've got hold of another".

If she is happy to have one relationship based on deceit, who's to say she wouldn't be deceitful with you?

"women are like monkeys - they don't let go of one branch until they've got hold of another".

I'll give you mine

"Once a womans head has been turned, only a shovel will turn it back again"..

She sounds completely immature 'putting you against a married man' I would have walked by now. The reason times with her are so enjoyable is perhaps because she is very well versed at messing people around. Can't see her being naive thinking married mans going to leave his wife, seems more like immature attention seeking. I also don't see her as been upfront and honest, again just laying a messy situation she is in on the table to glean some attention out of it.

Walk away, have a mope at the weekend, ride your bike, go and find someone else that's not watched too much Eastenders. Sorry if that all sounded harsh.

molly, have you ever fallen in love/slept with a married man?

no?

then you can't comment on this. back in your basket.

She might be the best person in the world for you. It's worth finding out at least.

Bin her before you waste 16 years of your life with her, only to find out she has been cheating behind your back but see's you as a "go to" when there is nothing else available.

Have as much bedroom fun as you can until you get bored, then move on.

Unfortunately, she'll be thinking about "the married man" throughout...

Bin her before you waste 16 years of your life with her, only to find out she has been cheating behind your back but see's you as a "go to" when there is nothing else available.

Or that your Son is named after him 😆

and that aftershave she bought you for christmas, is the one he wears.... along with your new clothes she encouraged you to buy cos 'you look so hot in those!)

even with a magestic penis like horas, she'd still be imagining his

Well one could hope it'd turn into some sort of penile magic wand

You and [s]Junkyard [/s]Lord longford should start the [s]'black and white'[/s]everyone is nice club.

I dont think someone who has an affair is definitely morally bankrupt- might be if they are a politician who preaches family values I suppose but probably just a hypocrite. I would struggle to argue that the Ripper was not bad because he never fiddled his tachograph records or broke the speed limit and as Hitler looked after his dogs he was ok really.

Some issues are just black and white , though the individuals may have done some good at some point the bad is just so bad nothing can redeem it.

I agree that this is not such an example.

anyone that shags a married person is of dubious moral values

She might be the best person in the world for you. It's worth finding out at least.

Have as much bedroom fun as you can until you get bored, then move on.

Sloppy 2nds anyone?

Morality aside (and none of us is perfect), you'd hope the older one gets the less stupid mistakes one makes, and her investing in a married man indicates deceit, desparation and stupidity IMO.

I do think she's young and naive a bit yeah. I don't know the whole story, but from what she tells me, it sounds like they met and she fell for him quite quickly, before knowing he was actually married. She finds out he's married, and tries to regain some control over her life by actively stopping the physical side of things with him. Now I don't know for sure it's 100% like that, but I can at least sympathise a small amount with her. You can't help who you fall for, but you can help who you choose to let walk all over you or not. She told me all the classic lines of "they're going through a rough patch, he keeps telling me he's going to leave her soon" at which I tried not to seem deceitful and laugh at in front of her, but they were all bollox... Classic string alongs which she's been falling for, but at least (in my eyes) she had the self respect to put an end to the physical side, although obviously its not forced his hand as much as she'd have liked.

Oh, and yes she is a bit immature, but so can we all be. She's 27, she's definitely still a bit impressionable. I'm almost 32, this other guy who's married is only 29/30 apparently, and he's not even been married very long, just sounds like one of those who likes to have his cake and eat it...

She's not had any for what did you say, 6 months?

Stop thinking about it as some big thing and just have a bit of fun.

Not sure what you've got to lose ??

Think you've probably hit the nail on the head. Just don't emotionally commit anything until she can perhaps. In the meantime, be there when she's up for a bit of fun...

What gets me though, is I'd find all this very easy if she was really cold towards me when we met up. On Wednesday, after an hour or so, she was all over me! Odd eh...

So why not say to her something like,

"Well, obviously now that you've told me that nothing serious can ever happen. You've made it clear that I'll always be the second choice. But it doesn't mean we can't hang out and have fun and if anything happens it happens. I definitely can't see us being in an exclusive type relationship though."

I don't like playing games, but the man does have a point... Think I need to be Mr. Cool as a Cucumber don't I! Not easy, but I shall give it a try...

TandemJeremy - Member
No molgrips - anyone that shags a married person is of dubious moral values.

I'm pretty sure that there are lots of STW posters shagging married people.

I am sure we have all dont things we would not like to be used as exemplars or our moral values.

We all like to think of ourselves as being upstanding citizens, but we've all wavered from time to time. I was being strung along for a couple of months a few years ago by a girl who assured me that she and her boyfriend had ended things for good. Looking back on that one, I know I was the emotional crutch she felt she needed at the time, and after a couple of months of using me for a bit of support when she felt like it, we parted. Bumped into her maybe 6 months later, in town, with my then new GF (now my ex!) and she was walking along hand in hand with the guy she'd supposedly left... Anyway...

Have also found out that a couple of women I met on nights out before, were married too... Only after a couple of days, and a "coming clean" text message on their part... And of course I walked away. But would it be so easy if you only found out after 2/3 months, and you'd really fallen for the other person? For me, not so difficult, but I guess it might be for some.

satsoma - Member
I don't mean to be harsh or anything, but (from a woman's perspective) if you like someone a lot, you're never too busy 'going to the gym' to see them.

The beginning of a relationship, getting to know each other, is really exciting and fantastic. And she has decided that she's too busy to see you for a few weeks.

How to sort this one out?

take up bestiality?

What gets me though, is I'd find all this very easy if she was really cold towards me when we met up. On Wednesday, after an hour or so, she was all over me! Odd eh...

No, not odd at all - she's an attention seeker, this is what they do.

If she is 27 play her this video it may help 😆

druidh - Member

"TandemJeremy - Member
No molgrips - anyone that shags a married person [i][b]that they are not married to[/b][/i] is of dubious moral values."

You might want to reconsider that statement.

I'm pretty sure that there are lots of STW posters shagging married people.

😆 pendant

lots of STW posters shagging married people

Were those posters free in the mag? I bet they were sponsored by Knog

pendant

She told me all the classic lines

You need to remind her that these are classic lines. She is likely in denial...

Well, obviously now that you've told me that nothing serious can ever happen

Don't actually say this, it'll cause problems later.

How about this radical idea:

Two people like each other, two people hang out, have sex, are open and honest, and have a good time.

i hope mrsgrips isnt reading this! it comes across like if you met someone you liked, as long as you were honest with them it'd be fine to cheat on mrsgrips.

me no likey.

bad molly, back in your basket.

Switching relationships isn't bad unless you are married or have other strong commitments. Which I do.

Neither mboy or little perky redhead (LPR for short) are, afaik.

what did i say about staying in your basket?!?!?!?!

and its wrong to objectify wimmin with phrases like 'little perky redhead' i call mysogymathingy on you and report you to TJ.

for the record, i still think mboy deserves beterrer. if a wimmin turned round to me and said they were in love with another man, married or not, then thats a pretty big slap in the underbeard that its time to move on and find someone who isn't already in love with somebody else.