[Closed] heres one for you all - would you stay with a partner if they cheated on you?

Nope.

The range is too wide to give a proper opinion on it.

If I was with a girl a week I wouldn't want or expect monogamy from either her or myself. If I was married to the same girl I would.

Impossible to answer.

If your girlfriend cheated with another woman then perhaps good?! 😀

To this, Obi-wan responds, "Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes."

you sure that was obi?

If your girlfriend cheated with another woman then perhaps good?!

Is it any more acceptable if your partner cheats on you with someone of the same sex?

Only if I'm there at the same time 😀

how could you be sure it would never happen again if you forgive?

If you love someone is forgiveness not possible? Circumstances alter cases.

If it was an organised thing like a proper affair then def not, but if it was a one off woops then maybe i would have to look at the circumstances it maybe that you where the cause of it happening g

The short answer, no. most definitely not. Cheating is cheating, a one night stand is the same as an organised cheatathon. The thinking was already there before the one-off. If it happens once, it can happen again and there will always be a residue of mistrust on an emotional level.

I'd also go after the bloke for destroying the relationship.

I can understand why others would though as everyones thinking/idea of relationship-dynamic's are different.

Is it any more acceptable if your partner cheats on you with someone of the same sex?

Mmmm! Depends how you view it:

1. An opportunity
2. An embarrassment that you're so crap your other half cheats with a same sex partner

Whatever it is it's better than a horse 😯

G makes a good point a full on affair would be much harder to forgive than a one off event.
Would also depend on whether I wanted to save the relationship and also if there were kids.
Probably not though would take me years to calm down.
EDIT:

I'd also go after the bloke

Leave them the instant you find out. Delete all mobile and Email addresses, never contact them again.

No excuses, ever.

I'd also go after the bloke.

Really? With what justification?

Depends on the circumstances.
Would it be the same if you were the reason they cheated?

ourkidsam - Member

I'd also go after the bloke.

Really? With what justification?

He destroyed the relationship. Why should he get off scot-free? I don't think so.

not to be too un-cryptic with my answer but....

I didn't stick around, and wouldn't in the future either.

I understand if people find out or their other half admit to it and attempt to sort things out, but I think at that point the trust in the relationship's all but gone and you'd only end up stressing and tying yourself up in knots over it.

my 2p anyway.

[i]I'd also go after the bloke for destroying the relationship.[/i]

🙄

God I hope so.

I always cheat - mainly at Pictionary.

Hora - what if he didn't know your partner was with you?

Probably, yes.
As before, it depends on the circumstances, but sex is only one part of a relationship and if you love and like your partner and know them well, I think that a drunken one-night-stand is forgiveable.
It's certainly not worth splitting up a family for.

happened to me about a year into a five year relationship, it was never the same even though she fessed up to just on shag, i didn't even think about getting even, just felt really gutted and only about 50% as committed to the relationship for the remaining time.

ourkidsam:
Hora - what if he didn't know your partner was with you?

Hora don't care. He is the STW version of Charles Bronson.

>> I've also talked about this with Russian & French colleagues, who have a very different attitude.
In Russia, it's almost obligatory to have a bit on the side, for both sexes, and the French are tolerant to the point of not caring. Don't ask, don't tell, seems to be the motto

One of the reasons to go after the bloke would be to find out how much he knew. I most certainly wouldnt let him off the hook scot-free. Sorry. another aspect (back to future-trust) is how much of what she is telling you is the truth? I mean 'it was a one-night stand' could just be a cover for more under the surface? (i.e. she/he is saying 'honest its just a drunken one off' rather than they were careless and you happened to catch them this time?)

Going after the guy is opening up a can of worms but if someone has ripped open your world, dont you want to find out if there is another angle/another story other than your (cheating) partners?

He destroyed the relationship.

surely that would have been you if forgiveness were out of the question? If you actually love someone and care about their happiness then it might be that this would be a wakeup call rather than a breakup.

Quite probably, yes. I wouldn't want the entire structure of my life and my financial viability trashed by a partner's decision that she wanted to have sex with people other than me. As long as people's affairs are discrete and do not involve appropriating huge chunks of joint money then I don't see it as the end of the world. Sad, but both predictable and manageable. 😐

I work on the basis that if a relationship is good then it won't happen, and if it isn't well thats down to both parties.

Anyway, it'd be a bit hypocritical to get too high up on my horse......

He destroyed the relationship

I was assuming you meant 'go after the bloke [with a big stick]' but if you mean to have a chat - well, fair enough. I can't really see them wanting to give you many answers though.

yay I'm with hora, you lot are thinking to rationally. Hora on the other hand has put himself in the position and he's MAD go hora go get him, and I'll kick him after you floor him. 8)

[i]if someone has ripped open your world, dont you want to find out if there is another angle/another story other than your (cheating) partners?[/i]

Isn't the "real story" perfectly simple, always? She wants to have sex with somone who, crucially, isn't you. How is it the other bloke's fault that he isn't you? Waste of emotional energy and/or a silly response for people with an over-active pride gland. 🙂

Junkyard - Member

He destroyed the relationship

Do you really beleive it is a completes strangers fault your partner was unfaithful with him?
He owes you more than she does?

Going after him gives you more facts. If the ****er was doing this knowing about you I'd hardly let him off without some heat.

If she slept around, sorry. Relationship is over. I need to trust the other person. Trust broken, its over. I couldnt keep it going with residual resentment. Better a clean break than it to limp on into the sunset.

I come from a broken home if this helps the pseudo-internet Psychologists.

As for the violence aspect, whose to say it would be violent? He'd feel stress/heat etc and only if he turned on me would I turn back?

In addition, Im not in that position nor have been (yet?)- whose to say I wouldnt actually crumble and do something drastic to myself? Hypothesizing is great when its not yet reality.

Funnily, someone on my street was telling me there is a bloke who lives overseas who darent comeback to the UK as he had an affair with a neighbours wife and the threat to his wellbeing is real. I asked why doesnt he just live down south etc- apparently the lad has asked him to leave (and stay) in a certain country?!!! Crackers.

no mark it does not help to know your background but thanks for sharing

Why would you belive him more than her?
Say he loves her and chased her for years and on drunken night she made a mistake. Now he tells you they have been doing it for years becasue he wants her etc.
Fairly pointless talking to the other person IMHO and BD makes a good point the reasons are usually simple.

NO! once a cheat, always a cheet.

Back in 1987, I hated going to pubs, so when my wife occasionally wanted to go boozing she'd go with a male friend, and she few times she stopped over at his place. I wasn't exactly happy about that, but I trusted her not to do anything that would damage our relationship. Some time later she told me that he had tried it on but she hadn't been interested, but I'm not sure it would have made any difference if she hadn't turned him down. I can't say, had the circumstances been reversed, if she would have been so open minded, in fact now I come to think about it she was very jealous that I found her sister attractive, but because I knew that the matter never arose. Trust is trust.

What do you really need to know from this guy Hora? Really? How he managed to seduce your Mrs, how he managed to invade your territory and get what's yours? Cos it's really not like that - as BD (so very much more eloquently than I could ever) puts it, it's got f'all to do with who he is - it's your partner you need to be looking to.
To be honest it sounds a little misogynistic, as though poor little MrsH couldn't possibly have fought off his smooth advances and he's come in, clubbed her over the head and dragged her home. Truth is, she actually wanted to shag him

are ther any Women here? could we have your view please?

[i]are ther any Women here?[/i]

[img] [/img]

😉

very good, i though that would pop up but not that quick, i doth my cap to you Sir.

Hora, what if you saw bingo with another dog?

Hey true but unless you are IN that actual situation, how would you act? I could only say hand on heart that I'd chase down the subject to its conclusion and that includes the other party. Only then could I start to move on.

From a guy-perspective, for a guy to stray it can be 'dunno, it was just sex'. For a girl to stray though its not always 'just sex'. It can be more complex cant it? Girls just dont have a one night stand as they fancy a 'shag'.

I'm not a violent person so you cant assume I'd go 'after' the bloke to give him a kicking. It would be part of the healing process for me to want to rail at him and ask him 'WHY'? In addition I might go after the bloke and he might give me the kicking, I'd still need to go after him though to find out questions and the glimmer of answers.

Hora, what if you saw bingo with another dog?

Or......looking happier being stroked by another person? 😯