The problem with an open door policy is it’s not actually trusting your child, and I think it sends a message that you don’t trust them if you’re not watching.
Also, if, for whatever reason they’re determined to have sex, an open door policy won’t stop them and would make them more likely to go and do it in a less safe location. Plus as others have said, his parents may be very much more permissive.
I’d let them close the door, but noisily check up on them (cup of tea?, we’re ordering pizza etc) fairly frequently.
How much of “typical use” is actually improper use, I wonder? I’ve been fortunate enough to have a degree of sex over the 35+ years since I went camping and I have never, ever had a condom fail.
That’s exactly the point, most condom failure isn’t obvious, it’s through improper use.
Most people do not know how to use condoms properly because they’re not really user friendly. What’s worse, is that most of them aren’t even aware that they’re doing it incorrectly.
Getting reliable statistics about sexual activity is one of the banes of evidence based medicine.
If it's any use, I'd categorise mine as infrequent.....
The problem with an open door policy is it’s not actually trusting your child,
Very much this.
Another thing you might want to consider is whether or not your daughter ever hears you and your partner having sex. If you're not sure, then have a couple of noisy sessions when she's at home. Once she realises what can be heard - even through a closed door - that might be disincentive enough 😂
It's quite telling that all the posters in here seem to consider sex to be the riskiest activity that might be going on.
The problem with an open door policy is it’s not actually trusting your child,
I was speaking to someone once who's wife worked at the local health centre or family planning clinic or something. He said that every time the fair came to town the teenage pregnancy rate went up!
Uncle Buck approach?
on a more serious note my Daughter is 7 so all this is something to look forward to! Will be coming to you @theotherjonv for advice!
If it’s any use, I’d categorise mine as infrequent…..
When you have to scroll down to "None of the above" option
If you’re not sure, then have a couple of noisy sessions when she’s at home. Once she realises what can be heard – even through a closed door – that might be disincentive enough 😂
"Male condoms, typical use, 82% effective." My own link gave 85%, others 87%. That includes people who "forget" to use the condom and "don't follow the instructions". Check for failure when you take it off was part of my science lesson.
Frankly arguing against the use of condoms on this thread is not in the interest of the OP's daughter. Effective contraception and protection from disease.
One STW poster long gone, Teasel, promoted the natural cycles method, again very effective when used properly but not appropriate for a young teenager.
It's a discussion to have with the child, now, if it hasn't already been done. There are choices to be made and choosing contraception goes beyond what is taught in school. Being "put on the pill" to quote Billy Bragg is something that needs discussion.
One of my school mates was a father at 15, that did cause a fuss but they're still together at 62.
have them over.
Its probably about the same time i would have removed all the doors in the house for painting.
If it’s any use, I’d categorise mine as infrequent…..
C'mon STW, you're letting me down here......
Check for failure when you take it off was part of my science lesson.
As mentioned by myself before, most condom failure is not obvious, and so checking the condom is intact won't prevent it.
“Male condoms, typical use, 82% effective.” My own link gave 85%, others 87%.
The 82% effectiveness I quote, came from your second link.
Incidentally,
I read somewhere a couple of years back that a popular form of contraception amongst teens is "up the botty." That might be something to take into consideration for those taking the "anything you do to my daughter..." approach.
Its probably about the same time i would have removed all the doors in the house for painting.
"Sorry love, I've got the decorators in"?
"The 82% effectiveness I quote, came from your second link."
So it does, and yet the first NHS link specifically about condoms only quotes 98%. As you've probably found there are as many typical use figures as sites you visit and 82% is the lowest.
"most condom failure is not obvious" link please because I've not found that and I'm interested in the source.
“The 82% effectiveness I quote, came from your second link.”
So it does, and yet the first NHS link specifically about condoms only quotes 98%. As you’ve probably found there are as many typical use figures as sites you visit and 82% is the lowest.
98% is if used perfectly. 82% is in "typical use", which as I said previously, is what matters, because using condoms effectively as contraception is complicated. Using them to prevent STDs is far more effective.
82% is probably an average, I've heard lower in the past. No matter, they've just not very good as a form of contraception, and other forms of contraception are far more effective.
“most condom failure is not obvious” link please because I’ve not found that and I’m interested in the source.
The source is the last family planning course that I did. Admittedly a few years ago, but I don't think that condom technology has changed much in the intervening years, especially as the rest of the information on the NHS website pretty much holds true to what I tell my patients on a regular basis.
Condom failure as a contraceptive occurs because of user error. They are actually complicated to put on correctly.
- They need to be put on before any penetration occurs, which (if you'll pardon the obvious pun) is hard.
- They need to be put on correctly, and if they're put on incorrectly, they need to be removed, thrown away, and a new one used. This includes mistakenly putting it on, and finding that it won't roll down because it's the wrong way up.
- They need to be removed and any residual ejaculate needs to be cleaned from the penis if there is going to be any further intimate contact.
Lots of people struggle with all three of these points. They're especially troublesome for younger people who tend to have higher fertility, and not have access to a plentiful supply of condoms when they have sex. Their refractory time is also much lower and so they're more likely to have multiple episodes of penetrative intercourse in one encounter. Also, by definition they're more likely to be in a new relationship, be inexperienced in sex and lacking in confidence to take control of these things.
Young people also disproportionately struggle to access healthcare for things like emergency contraception, for similar reasons.
Thank **** our child is covered in fur and has four legs. The only thing that showed him any interest was Milly the Labrador and he barked and chased her away.
sounds like you've got a gay dog 😉
Not that there's anything wrong with that. 😉
I seem to recall Gogglebox picked on an excellent piece on "Stephs Packed Lunch" or whatever its called about choosing the correct sized condom.
Must have been interesting lunchtime viewing for those who saw it live, and guaranteed to calm any rampaging teenage hormones!
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😉
Of course not. As long as he's not promiscuous and can put on a johnny with his paws.
(frankly, I don't know why dogs are as obsessed with humping as they are. If I could lick my own bits I'd never leave the house again. I think we're going off topic a bit)
If I could lick my own bits I’d never leave the house again
Sounds like you've tried to know that you can't!
(frankly, I don’t know why dogs are as obsessed with humping as they are. If I could lick my own bits I’d never leave the house again. I think we’re going off topic a bit)
My dog* was licking his bollocks. A mate** said "man, I wish I could do that." I replied "give him a biscuit and he'll probably let you."
(* - I don't have a dog.)
(** - and increasingly few friends.)
Sounds like you’ve tried to know that you can’t!
Who hasn't.
(frankly, I don’t know why dogs are as obsessed with humping as they are.
Because they have no time perception and thus don't understand that humping everything in sight may lead to a trip to the vets in a few weeks time and loss of their testicles.
refractory time
I have never heard this saying. So what is the average refractory time per age (asking for a friend). Is 168hrs average for a 49 year old friend? 😉
Are you including time for pleading?
Our dog is a girl but she humps her bed all time. WTF is that all about?
You might be overreacting (for now) - they're young, you're having the right sort of conversations with her and you said he seems a decent lad. That's a good start, no?
A bit older, but just had to have 'that' chat with my 16yo son this year. He's going out with his first serious girlfriend, and it's 5 months now. I had a good and open chat with him, I trust him and think he's a good hearted lad, and his girlfriend is lovely. They're going to start if they haven't already, and I hope they enjoy it (safely with regards to contraception) - it's only natural.
My pals have been teasing my son with this Micky Flanagan clip! 🤣
I just want to clarify something from the OP:
She just wants to sit in her bedroom upstairs with him and watch movies.
Were these the exact words used, or at any point was the phrase
Netflix and chill
dropped into the conversation?
You have a sexy bed. HTH.
@ zeesaffa, one thing I’ve not seen mention if that your daughter knows the lad from a swimming club. As a lad who basically grew up in swimming clubs, who married a swimmer and who’s best mates are also swimmers, there’s an important thing that has been missed.
The wider teenage populous, particularly the male part, can be somewhat obsessed the bodies of the opposite sex (or same sex, if thet’s their preference). Swimmers rarely have that issue as they grown up seeing their mates, male and female wearing basically underwear. So whilst I’m not saying he won’t be a hormone ravaged lad (they all are at that age), there might not be the novelty that other kids would have.
They also often train in mixed groups so any funny businesses on either side will be turned into ridicule by others in the group so there is almost some peer protection there.
Finally, and I accept this is purely anecdotal, my experience is that swimmers are much more body confident than non-swimmers, again, due to the time they spend around others wearing swimming costumes/trunks.
Basically, it may not be as bad as you fear…
Thanks for getting back, Kramer, it's about human failures rather than condom failures. Wires slightly crossed, similar views.
The OP should get his daughter to read the thread. What do you think of that idea, zeesaffa ? 🙂
My dog* was licking his bollocks. A mate** said “man, I wish I could do that.” I replied “give him a biscuit and he’ll probably let you.”
Jasper Carrott, c1982
Thanks for getting back, Kramer, it’s about human failures rather than condom failures. Wires slightly crossed, similar views.
Indeed it is. Which is why we try and guide young women to have the implant fitted if possible.
and not have access to a plentiful supply of condoms when they have sex
On this point, teach your kids if you really need condoms go into the nearest Queer venue, they will have them in the bogs or otherwise sort you out!
Find the nearest nunnery and get her married to Jesus ASAP!
In my experience it was the girls at the local convent who needed less woo'ing and were much more forthright with their advances than I was with mine.... One of them was even called Louise and she lived up to her namesake.
Their refractory time is also much lower and so they’re more likely to have multiple episodes of penetrative intercourse in one encounter.
The little ********** ****s!
I have never heard this saying. So what is the average refractory time per age (asking for a friend). Is 168hrs average for a 49 year old friend? 😉
I must be right at the end of that bell curve then...
In my experience it was the girls at the local convent who needed less woo’ing and were much more forthright with their advances than I was with mine….
I dated 3 (?) convent girls during my teens and twenties, forthright with advances is a massive understatement, one i picked up at her flat for a first date and was invited up while she finished getting ready, we got to watch a later showing of the film than planned.
Another one, our second date lasted 72 hours and her flat mate ended up staying at a local hotel.
And now you know why….
Brings a whole new angle to Pavlovs dogs doesn't it. At least there's a sort of bell involved.
(frankly, I don’t know why dogs are as obsessed with humping as they are. If I could lick my own bits I’d never leave the house again. I think we’re going off topic a bit)
My dog* was licking his bollocks. A mate** said “man, I wish I could do that.” I replied “give him a biscuit and he’ll probably let you.”
That joke was my first thought having read the post above. I still think it’s funny.
I dated 3 (?) convent girls during my teens and twenties,
Me and two mates I’d been at school with, (I was a year older), started going out with three girls who were in the same class at the convent school in Bath - not exactly backwards in coming forwards, shall we say…
One of those couples are married and still together and now retired, bless ‘em! They, and the other bloke in our little group will be at my birthday dinner in just over a week, so those very early relationships can last lifetimes, if they start as actual friends - my first girlfriend lives just over the road, she started going out with one of my best friends after we broke up, and I see them fairly often, we’re all good friends, and I’m still good friends with another of my early girlfriends - I went to her first wedding!
Those early relationships can become very important parts of youngsters future lives, and I think should be encouraged. I can’t imagine not staying friends with someone who was such an important part of my life, and who I loved very deeply.
If they are both in the same swimming club do you know the lads parents? Possibility of a joined up / consistent approach on this, if they are of the same mindset as you. Getting a young lady preggers at a young age probably isn’t their idea of a great start for their kid either.
Obviously this conversation would have added cringe if you could have it in front of both of them🤣
We used to teach make good, considered choices to both our children. Our daughter had a fraught teenage time, made some poor choices and also some good ones. No one died or got pregnant which we count as a win.
My son never wants to speak of the pre-Magaluf talk ever again! 😀
Just make it clear, no satanic tattoos.
https://twitter.com/NoContextHumans/status/1681076798031818755
Just make it clear, no satanic tattoos.
Not being on twitter I can only imagine the responses to that tweet, but I'm guessing that's a troll at work 🤔
