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I assume so Mrs Toast
since PTR Junior not so much, which in fairness I can understand, but doesn't make it any easier.. I'm now stuck in a sexless relationship (admittedly hopefully not forever)
How long for? I'd recommend at least discussing the issue at an early stage rather than hoping things will change as I did. The feelings of rejection have resulted in me finding it almost impossible to do anything to resolve it now...
Though I agree with your point about the OP - we did at least have a far better sex life before children than he has. If it's not going to improve, time to get out.
To dismiss that article as satire or rubbish simply proves you didn't read it to the end or take the trouble to understand her point. As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed, especially in the final paragraph.
globalti - Member
As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed
So, it's true [u]for you[/u], and not necessarily all those in unsatisfactory marriages...something none of us wants to be in?
That Times article is satire, right?
In what sense? Do you believe that a man will hang around indefinitely with no sex?
So, it's true for you, and not necessarily all those in unsatisfactory marriages...something none of us wants to be in?
Or maybe it's true for most in unsatisfactory marriages, and those who haven't experienced that wouldn't know.
To dismiss that article as satire or rubbish simply proves you didn't read it to the end or take the trouble to understand her point. As someone trapped in an unsatisfactory marriage I can tell you that it's very true indeed, especially in the final paragraph.
Her point? From what I gather, it seemed to me as if she was saying a woman has to sacrifice her own ambitions, career and control over her body in order to to have a happy marriage, whereas men are entitled to regular sex, food on the table and 'freedom'. That's not marriage. That's slavery. "Granny was right; never say no, and never nag" [i]Seriously?![/i]
How can a thread like this still be going after 4 hours? Surely if this forum was any cop it wuold have been closed by the mods by now!
If its just lack of sex, a quick one off the wrist will help things quite a bit. You cant force someone to want to have sex. If everything else is good (and it sounds like it is) then I'd learn to deal with it.
In what sense? Do you believe that a man will hang around indefinitely with no sex?
Is it 1950 again already?
straights = messed up.
She's talking about realism, mrs toast - women are fully entitled to do what they want, but they can't expect to sacrifice marital sex whilst maintaining a happy marriage and keeping their man.
especially in the final paragraph
Husbands are mostly quite simple. Generally, what they want is unlimited, enthusiastic sex, constant reassurance, good food and plenty of freedom, of at least three of these four. Some can be trained to be very helpful domestically and some even enjoy it; but most are not bred for it. But they have many excellent and endearing qualities; the rewards of living with a well-motivated husband, if not quite above rubies, are very considerable, high though the price may be.
really? id say that was a patronising to women and insulting to men
crikey - MemberIs it 1950 again already?
apparantly
Interesting point there emsz, of course this is a massive generalisation, but I wonder if the stress or whatever of coming out makes gay people a bit more introspective/accepting/sorted-out etc in these areas?
[i]keeping their man[/i]
Brace y'self Sheila, it's for your own good..
bigyinn and crikey - I presume you've experienced such a situation in order to be able to dismiss the problem so lightly?
anothergit - Member
since PTR Junior not so much, which in fairness I can understand, but doesn't make it any easier.. I'm now stuck in a sexless relationship (admittedly hopefully not forever)
How long for? I'd recommend at least discussing the issue at an early stage rather than hoping things will change as I did. The feelings of rejection have resulted in me finding it almost impossible to do anything to resolve it now...Though I agree with your point about the OP - we did at least have a far better sex life before children than he has. If it's not going to improve, time to get out.
nice to hear its not just me to be honest! 🙂
It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months
We have discussed it, it goes no where, she feels fat although she's not and even if she was I'd still would and do find her seriously attractive. I love her to bits the attraction goes way beyond how she looks. I on the other hand feel like she no longer fancies me etc... not a nice position to be in (I can think of hundreds of positions that would be far more pleasing)
The last thing I want to do is stress her out about it, that'll lead no where good.
It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months
Whoah - that's a glut from where I'm sitting.
Yes, I've experienced that kind of post war misogynism and the concept of 'conjugal rights' before.
emsz - Member
straights = messed up.
this made me chuckle... all my Gay mates are seriously sorted mentally.... Hmmmm... problem is I really don't fancy blokes though! 🙁 and also 😉
twohunnner!
Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship, its a natural part of being close feeling loved and desired, having a sexless relationship can be miserable and lonley and should not be dismissed or nor should you be for having the lack of sex being an issue, this us just going to manifest and it sounds like its driving a wedge between you and cannot be ignored. I'd really do some soul searching and ask myself if she means more to me without regular sex or I need more out of the relationship than she's able to give. I think once you know the answer to that then you will know what to do.
anothergit - Member
It's been 3 times in the 8 months since he was born and probably twice during the pregnancy so 5 times in 17 odd months
Whoah - that's a glut from where I'm sitting.
sorry mate brummie here... whats a glut? not a good thing from the context.
The downside though is that the bedroom action has not been what I'd call regular, [b]even from the start[/b].
Here is your problem!
Ok. Before you do anything, the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack? (can you make her orgasm the majority of time and does she scream the house down?) If the answer is no, then maybe that is something you need to look at.
On the other hand if the sex was rubbish to start with and she just isn't into it, then move on. 13 weeks? Jesus! I would have left after week two!
Yes, I've experienced that kind of post war misogynism and the concept of 'conjugal rights' before.
Feeling so rejected and lonely that the only options you can see are to get out (one way or another) is misogynistic? You have no idea what you're talking about - though thanks for the attempt to cheer me up.
Having an active sex life is an important part of any relationship
Is it? Why? Because you require sex to make your relationship feel whole, it doesn't mean that every other person on the planet feels the same way.
The wonderful thing about people is that we all like, want and need different things in life.
I'm talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn't expect to have any say in the whole thing...
This appears to be less about relationships and rather more about [i]what men want[/i]; the two are not the same...
Give her the 15min orgasm treatment as described in the 4 hour body book... It works (I know...)
...and the whole 'sex is so important' thing... hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?
I'm talking about the attitudes expressed in the article which you seem to admire; the whole business about women shouldn't expect to have any say in the whole thing...
Try rereading it - it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking realism here.
hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?
Which is a completely different situation to you partner rejecting you. It seems you're the one looking at sex from the more basic perspective...
Have any experience in these matters, or just being a keyboard warrior?
[i]...and the whole 'sex is so important' thing... hope your other halves never ever become unable to have sex, or you'll be packing their bags, right?[/i]
Diametric opposite of the OP.
OP isn't dealing with what might be.
They are dealing with what is.
anothergit - that article is saying women should compromise everything to keep their men and absolves men of all need to compromise or modify their behaviour in any way.
I believe in a partnership of equals.
Meanwhile in a parallel thread on Mumsnet....
"Help. I [s]want[/s] need a baby but my partner doesn't. I've tried talking about it but every time I do he just clams up. Is it time to move on or should I give up my [s]wants[/s] needs for the sake of our relationship?"
[i]Have any experience in these matters[/i]
Do I need to show my love CV to comment?
[i]it suggests women have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking realism here.[/i]
Try this instead;
it should suggest people have lots of say in the matter, but the choices they make affect the outcome they get. We're talking about equality, not some odd old fashioned patriarchal idealism here.
If she's holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her? Seems like a simple enough method to see if she ever wants any.... Might encourage her a bit, or calm you down.
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amazed
If she's holding out on you, why dont you try holding out on her?
Tried that for a while but the result was even less sex than before (in other words - zero, nothing). Basically it seems that unless I make the first move then it's never going to happen. Even if I do make the first move these days then there's only a very slim chance of success. So I tend not to bother as much anymore.
the question you need to ask yourself is, am I good in the sack?
Yes always very good . . . errrrrr . . . or well I used to think I was until we got together. Trouble is the feedback from her is pretty minimal. Very quick to tell you what she does not like but not willing to say what she does like in return. Pretty difficult to remain good in the sack in this situation. Feel like Stevie Wonder trying his best to replicate the Mona Lisa.
Anyway thanks for the great advice all. Decision is made and unless something very drastic happens between now and the time I get to talk to her then it's time to move on I think. Already spent far too much time and effort trying to make this work but without any success.
At the end of the day if she's not willing to work at it too then it's pointless. If she continues to see it as 'my problem' rather than as 'our problem' then it's dead in the water really.
OP don't take this the wrong way but are you a good lover?
We've all had girls that can orgasm massively very quickly. Others take a lot of oral stimulation as penetrative sex does nothing for them- I.e no real feeling.
We all like to think we are sexual Tyrannosaurus's but its listening, adapting and patience that works for some ladies.
Try giving her a lot of oral pleasure- say it doesn't have to lead to sex. I bet she'd want to do it more.
Dude if you do not use it, it will get smaller and may cease to function all together.
Find a woman that enjoys your loving or buy a fleshlight an mp3 and some beer 😉
Sex tips from hora. I've not even had me tea yet, and now I have to eat it with the thought of his sweaty face betwixt someone's thighs.
Thank you STW, thanks a lot.
Sex tips from hora.
I was going to suggest he could have his own thread entitled that, and it should be made a sticky....
Xvideos FTW!!!!!!! 😯
Sticky sex tips from hora?
it should be made a sticky....
😆
troubleandstrife - tell her that for men a sexual need is an emotional need not just physical. Many women (and men) don't realise this - it can make a huge difference if she learns this.
All the best - oh btw, if things don't change please don't marry her or have children.
[i]if she learns this.[/i]
Jesus wept... Yes, make sure you teach her real good...
IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYBODY, BOY OR GIRL, YOU MUPPETS!