you shouldn't be riding soo fast
as he overtook us on a junction in a 20 zone (we were doing 20)
Funny one was “You were in the middle of the road to stop me from overtaking” when I’d been up the arse of a car in front on a road with speedbumps.
Early 90s, cycling along the A20 in a 30 limit. Woman in a Volvo estate pulls out of a side road on the right in front of me. I brake hard but she's far too close so I go into the gutter. She immediately turns hard left to park diagonally in front of the shops. I've got nowhere to go so try to turn with her and end up putting my foot into her passenger door before falling over. When I get up she won't talk to me, even through the closed door.
I go home and call the police. They go round to talk to her. Apparently, she was too scared to talk to me. She's scared? She's in the best built safety cage of the time. I'm on a knackered old racing bike with no helmet or anything.
I hope the repair was expensive, no damage to me or my bike so the police wouldn't take it any further.
Car v car
Simple A road nsl overtake, guy sitting behind a Honda jazz doing roughly 50mph.
I catch up with him, overtake and pull into the substantial gap.
He goes apeshit, catches me at roundabout, undertakes, swerves in front and stops.
Opened windows and screamed " you ever do that again and i'll kill you"
Okay, there are like 30,000,000 cars in this country so the chances of that happening again are slim at best, but hey ho gammon man, crack on.
I was called a fat bastard !! It was my racing days I was around 10 stone I’m 5”11 🤷♂️
A few years ago in South London: A driver pulls out in front of me at a roundabout. I hit his wing, slide across his bonnet on my face and land on the road in a heap.
While I'm checking myself to see if anything is broken, a second driver pulls around the stopped car and, seeing me having a lie-down, shouts, "Get out of the road!"
Sorry, but I'm late for the hairderessers !
After whacking me on the knee with her wing mirror.
That's ok then .....
Got into a dispute with a van driver - he pulled out when it was my right of way at a roundabout. At first he said - "you were going too fast " - I'm pointing out its my right of way. Then he called me a "short arse" the temerity - I am 5ft 11 and in all my 56 years have never been called a "short arse" - still makes me laugh
Similar to WCA's non-driving one, I once cycled (slowly) past a couple of blokes having a chat in a local park.
Bloke 1: You shouldn't be riding that through here
Me: But it's a cycle route (pointing at sign over B1's shoulder)
Bloke 2: Hey, hey, let's all calm down, he didn't say anything to you
Me: Um...
Riding along a shared path and a quick tinkle on the bell (normal where I am in Melbourne...signs everywhere saying "warn on approach" bells mandatory) parked car hatch open big German shepherd not on leash wandering around...owner looking for something in car (the lead?)...turns and holds hand up in stop mode..."you can't ride here"....I point to the handily adjacent shared path sign and then we do cyclist bingo...I'm in no hurry so deal with every point...eventually from the dog owner..."you're just wasting my time" me "hang on you waved me down" dog owner "where's my dog?" Me..."5minutes ago it chased a kangaroo down the road but they turned into the park so should be ok I'll look out for it"
”5 minutes ago it chased a kangaroo down the road but they turned into the park so should be ok I’ll look out for it”
That's something I'll never get to say to anyone 🙂
Fat guy in topnotch range range rover said I was taking up all the road
Marshalling the club hill climb in town this morning - we get the main shopping street closed off to run it, had 95 on the start list this morning.
I have one of the side roads coming on to the main street. Signs behind me advising the road is closed, arrows pointing people round the alternative. Road coned off. Me in hiviz in the middle of the junction.
Mid event, big revving engine roars up, brakes lock as he skids to a stop. 30 year old in a BMW with a young lad in the front seat next to him.
We stare at each other. Neither of us move for a little while. Eventually I walk down to the drivers door and he winds down the window.
Me: Morning, I'm sorry, but the road is closed for an event this morning.
Him: ****ing hell. Where am I supposed to go?
Me: Where are you trying to get to?
Him: The ****ing shops
Me: Well if you just back up a bit, you can turn into the big car park that brings you out in the middle of the shops. Free parking on Sundays
Him: ****ing hell.
Tyres squeal as he slams it in to reverse and goes back 50 yards to the signs diverting people into the car park.
Little old lady who had stopped to watch: Well, it is Ilkeston
To be fair, he was the only one who swore at me today.
"Do you think you're entitled to be on the road" from an idiot in Range Rover who tried to run me off a single track road.
You're overbiked!
The Dick of a gamekeeper on the Moresdale Road up Arkengarthdale called me a 4 eyed See Ya Next Tuesday after he blocked our path. I asked him if that was the best he could do & as a prison officer I was called a lot worse every single day. 😂
'BILLY ELLIOT!!' as I waited at traffic lights in my winter tights. 😃
"I am too stressed to stop and see if you are ok."
Getting knocked to the ground by her car was quite stressful for me too!
'Gotcha' shouted the nice Mr Clarkson whilst taking a picture of me in the middle of the road after we'd had an earlier altercation, that set off an Internet chain of events that I'm still asked to recount sometimes.
I was turning right 🙄
He's a bell nd! 😂
that set off an Internet chain of events that I’m still asked to recount sometimes.
Would you like to recount the internet chain of events?
I'm in the cycle lane going up the inside of a line of traffic quite a bit faster than the cars, temporary lights causing a big tailback
Guy pulls in nearly clips the cyclist in front of me but stops about a metre out from the kerb, halfway into the cycle lane, I was just thinking how lucky it was that he hasn't squashed us both into the kerb and woman in his passenger seat jumps out and car doors me, im lying on the floor with my leg & bike under her door.
And she says, "can you move, you're making me late for work"
I'll admit I didn't reply politely, fortunately the cyclist in front of me came back and helped me up and also gave the driver a piece of his mind
I’d appreciate hearing it but I totally agree that Clarkson is a bellend.
'Nice arse, can I have your number?'
Was about 30 years ago mind. Blushed and blurted out my (parents) number and rode off like the awkward teenaged lad I was.
I too was called a fat bastard, in this case just coming out of lockdown and weighing the least I have in my adult life - including my racing days!
Here you go @jamj1974
Short version; riding along/stand up argument with him. Pic on twitter. Hit most cycling forums, and in The Times and the Daily Nazi (mail). Jeremy vine got involved, and it rumbled on on various Web forums for a couple of weeks. It was even in a newspaper in Asia (may have been Malaysia but my memory is a bit hazy on that).
I have been called a fat bastard as well - by a chap with a BMI 10 points above mine. I nearly fell off my bike laughing
I wear a lot of Fat Lad at the Back kit, and regularly get "Go on Fat Lad" shouted out of vans when struggling up hills
I live in a small village with narrow, hemmed-in roads where only one car can pass at a time. There is a small "square" in the middle where cars can pass each other or you can turn off up to the higher part of the village. One day I'm driving home, up one narrow side to the square, then down the other narrow side to my house.
Some lady is parked all across the square blocking it and nattering to her mate. She waves to acknowledge I'm waiting but is in no particular hurry. Some time later, she gets back in her car and pulls to the corner of the square to let me past. I am now unable to do so because, in the intervening time, another car has come up the narrow street on the other side.
She pulls her car in, looks at me (still stationary) for about half a picosecond, rolls her eyes, shoves it in reverse and shoots back out into the middle of the square. Straight into the side of the car coming up the other way.
She then says to me "That was your fault!"
I was unable to maintain a straight face.
My favourite was cycling on a bridleway through the local golf course and i came up to a foursome of two men and two ladies playing and one of the ladies started having a go at me and said I shouldn't be on the golf course at all, I said it was a bridleway and I could ride my horse on it if I wanted, I then added it was somewhat comical to be told by a lady I wasn't welcome on a golf course, to which the fellas had a chuckle but I figure from the look they got they were in for some bother when I left (ps she had a driver in her bag lol)
Pulled into a driveway to let a car pass on a thin singletrack road with high hedges and very few passing places. Nice lady stops alongside me to thank me ‘although I didn’t mind, I was enjoying the view’ - not was I was expecting and I think she also enjoyed my stammered reply!
