[Closed] Families, eh? FFS.

50% of people are just *ing stupid.

We have had a recent UK poll that establishs this. It was also supported by other evidence. (See Covid 19)

Ignore the * wit.

The best thing about this lockdown is we don't have the usual family commitments to juggle.

My sister - the voice of authority on every effing subject - will always go on about her wonderful gay friends are knowing full well this will rile my 84 yr old dad, start an argument and wreck the atmosphere for the rest of the day. (Homophobic I know, but he's 84 and he's not going to change his ways).

She knows full well what she's doing but can't reign it in for one day.

Yeah went round to see my sister's new pup. Outside at a distance (Scottish tier 2) leaning on her kitchen window sill I notice half a dozen wine glasses and a good few bottles on the table, "yeah we just had a few friends round"

Parents are 80 both been in hospital this month for age related issues and she's meant to be meeting them outside Christmas day (but it'll be tooooooo cold for her) grrrrr, Indeed.

Families are not always great and I don't know why everyone puts up with crap.

Sod the ones you don't like or don't get on with.
You wouldn't put up with crap mates, so don't put up with crap family.

The ones that like you will like you, the ones you don't like and ignore will not like you and ignore you.

Life is too short, so be brutal once, live in peace for the rest of your life.

I've got a few family members I don't keep in much (any) contact with, as we just don't get on or don't share any views or interests. I don't invite them round, they don't invite me. Neither of us is bothered. I can actually be as simple as you make it.

We've been distancing ourselves from the mad uncle and his family for nearly 2 years now. The breaking point was when one of the kids repeated his racism to one of her mixed race friends at school (she had no idea what she was doing btw).
I'd had enough of him for years before that but the rest of the family refused to cut the rope. Now they've had enough too, so xmas day tends to be a lot better on the whole.
The happiest I've ever seen his wife was when he was diagnosed with cancer; unfortunately for her, he's made a complete recovery.

My mother only follows the rules when they’re convenient. Consequently we’re currently fielding off the repeated question of when we’ll be round on Boxing Day. She doesn’t seem to think that not being allowed to visit is a good enough excuse.

Families make me laugh. You expect so much more from them but basically they can be ****s as much as anyone else can. It's tough to ignore some of them but as said above it's probably better to move on and relieve yourself of stress which no one needs nowadays.

We're doing Bingo over video call with my two sisters and folks on Christmas day.

Brother won't be joining as he's got dinner at the inlaws with his mussus' three sisters and family. WFT Five households. They aren't bothered at all. Two NHS, one prison worker, and two school staff all high risk jobs.

Won't be going near them...

Messenger is easier for all than Zoom. I'm with you OP

Families are not always great and I don’t know why everyone puts up with crap.

Sod the ones you don’t like or don’t get on with.
You wouldn’t put up with crap mates, so don’t put up with crap family.

I wrote almost exactly this in reply and then deleted it. But, yeah, bollocks to them basically.

But, yeah, bollocks to them basically.

I get the point, and it's tempting, but it's not that simple when multiple parties are involved. For example my mum and dad; siblings not talking to each other upsets them (it's happened before for periods, unsurprisingly Sister 3 is often the common denominator), and I don't like to see them upset. Plus binning of my sister would mean binning off my niece, and I don't want to do that.

It just tends to come to a head at Christmas, for the rest of the year it's manageable

Lots of families contain people who love this sort of thing because it is their big chance to get some attention. Good or bad, attention is attention to some people.

I find the best remedy for this is not to rise to it or give the attention-seekers anything to get a finger hold on. This is actually quite difficult because even ignoring them let's them kick off - WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME!

Best to ignore and hope someone else gives them the excuse to kick off.

if its any consolation my mum gave me covid, which ive now passed onto my wife, which has now scuppered the plans to visit my mum for christmas dinner,
managed to persuade a friend to get us some shopping so we can actually have a christmas at ours,
most unforgetable christmas present to date

Parents are 80 both been in hospital this month for age related issues and she’s meant to be meeting them outside Christmas day (but it’ll be tooooooo cold for her) grrrrr, Indeed.

I would just give her both barrels (verbally!), letting them know they could be killing their parents very soon. I did exactly this to my father in law - who is actually very nice but wasn’t taking the first lockdown very seriously - and he responded ok.
Sometimes it makes it worse not to say anything.

Sister No.2 and BiL both have COVID-19. Self-isolation ends on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day they are intending to pick my 82 year old mother up and drive 75 miles to have lunch with sister No.1 and her son!
They asked if we would pop over. I told them to f off. Sister No.1 is now sulking!

Sister No.2 and BiL both have COVID-19. Self-isolation ends on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day they are intending to pick my 82 year old mother up and drive 75 miles to have lunch with sister No.1 and her son!
They asked if we would pop over. I told them to f off. Sister No.1 is now sulking!

You have my utmost sympathy. FFS what is wrong with people?

my dad used to manage to upset my sister every year. or did my sister get upset every year and it was sometimes caused by my dad? not sure.

one year she was running out the front door in tears as i arrived. she did see the funny side of this, and it was down to our mum being very ill. however, the best was when my dad asked my sister, in the middle of lunch, why she wasn’t married. such idiocy from the same man who managed to keep us fed, clothed and warm and never asked for anything in return.

never mix alcohol and family with christmas.

Google Duo is very handy if your family have recent Android phones - it's installed on many from new and you can have twelvty million (maybe 48) participants

Christmas Day?

What kind of weirdo has the neighbours round on Christmas Day?

Grass them up.

I agree with the being brutal comment. For years I dreaded Xmas, being a postie meant long hours right up to the big day. First off it was our son, he discovered alcohol which turned him aggressive which led to us helping him move out after a couple of run ins with the law. These happened around Xmas I had to pick him up from the police station one year.
He finally settled down then BIL took over drug taking turned him from real placid into mega violent usually Xmas time to the point of threatening to kill his mum and dad and eventually being sectioned a few times. He's OKish at the moment as long as he takes his medication but understandably I am real nervous around him. He usually goes to his parents for Xmas day but they have gone into care so he will spend the day on his own but I don't see why I should feel guilty. As the old saying goes "As ye sow so shall you reap"
When a few years back I finally said that's enough and it was just me and the wife on Xmas day was when I finally started actually enjoying the day again.

Grass them up.

I am quite tempted, just for the giggles

My sister decided it's ok to drive 100 miles from a tier 4 to tier 3, pick my mum up and take her back from the tier 3 to tier 4 for Christmas Eve to boxing day, then returning her home.

Apparently the rules are trumped by not wanting my mum by herself on Christmas.

I've made my feelings about it known and have been accused of trying to ruin Christmas for my mum.

:-/

JnrV was left with MIL and FIL for a few days in the summer, MrsV had asked MIL (lover of all conspiracy theories) in advance not to refer to us or my parents as brain washed around her. On the journey home JnrV said "Nanny says you and my other grandparents are brainwashed".

MrsV told MIL she was unhappy about this. MIL has said to never speak to her again unless MrsV apologises... What MrsV needs to apologise for isn't clear, so they've not spoken for 4 months...

If only this could have happened 20 years ago! 😀

We’re doing Bingo over video call with my two sisters and folks on Christmas day.

Brother won’t be joining as he’s got dinner at the inlaws with his mussus’ three sisters and family. WFT Five households. They aren’t bothered at all. Two NHS, one prison worker, and two school staff all high risk jobs.

Sorry Fossy but it's utterly selfish ****s like this that are prolonging this bloody mess, but you know that anyway.

It just tends to come to a head at Christmas, for the rest of the year it’s manageable

That's my take. I let the borderline racism and persistent sibling rivalry/bullying wash over me at Christmas simply so I don't upset either set of parents. The rest of the year I'll call them out on it.

Luckily both sets of parents have decided they would rather not see us this year, so we can hopefully enjoy a few more Christmases to come in the future. We weren't totally sure FiL would see this Christmas (stage 4 cancer) but he's doing pretty well. There is a real risk we may be missing his last Christmas, but we don't want to be the ones ensuring it is his last

Thankfully it's all been very sensible for us, my folks, and FIL. All staying home, other than a doorstep present swap. My SIL on the other hand has been consistenly flouting the rules all the way through, but would no doubt be the first to moan if she or her nearest and dearest caught the thing. We're both flat out with work right up till late tomorrow so no time to meet anyone anyway. The stupidity or just blatantly sticking two fingers up to the rules staggers me.

I'm currently the bad guy in my family after having a go at my Sister. As recently as Sunday, she had a play date for my Niece and friends in the house. My BiL think it's all a hoax and hasn't been taking many precautions and my Sister is an Orthodontist so will have had her hands in folks mouths up until Xmas Eve, however my Mum is going round for Xmas day (my mum is about to turn 70, had a brain hemorrhage last year and I suspect COPD).

I'm also a di*k, because I won't drive a 80 mile round trip (across council boundaries) with my kids on Boxing Day to exchange presents with them.

I was also a di*k because I wouldn't drive the kids from a lower tier to a higher tier, so the kids could get a Christmas portrait photo done together.

TBH, I quite like being on my own at Xmas (no offence intended to those who don't).

Best Christmas ever from my point of view....

We’re seeing my folk for an hour under their gazebo on Xmas day, a quick bacon sarny, exchange of presents and off we go.

They’re then going to meet my brother, his wife and daughter for a proper lunch. I’m not 100% sure I’m comfortable with this, but have left the decision in their hands, they know my view...

In truth, we’re really looking forward to a Christmas lunch and evening with just the 2 of us. We have good wine, loads of food and will have a great time.

Some of you seem to put yourselves through some shit to meet up with people you clearly don’t even like. I’m with Cougar and Trimix on this one.

I’m with Cougar and Trimix on this one.

Is that three households?

Grassing.

Life isn't really that long. Have a good think about it right now and imagine what you would say to yourself in a years time, or in a few years time.

Basically get it sorted now so you dont look back in years to come and wonder why you wasted it.

Well we are into prime divorce season.
I expect the divorce lawyers to really clean up this year when you also throw in lockdown.
I'm single but I've used the time to review certain quasi-friendships, particularly some people I know down the local pub. God, people are untrustworthy in those places.
Luckily I'm also a loner.

Meanwhile, I was wondering the other night when that time will come when I say goodbye to my sisters and brother (who live abroad) for the final time ☹️

It does seem to be a good time to cut out some of the people you really don't want to have anything to do with but haven't really got a good enough reason (or the balls) to just do it.....

My list of plausible "oven-ready" excuses (all with an element of truth in them) now includes (but is not limited to) there's a thunderstorm here in the mountains and it's about to knock out the internet, I've had to go / am about to go in to work and help out because the Boss has just come out of hospital, the car battery went flat and is on charge, but this type of battery can only take a "slow-charge".....

I'll keep "Migraine" on the back burner too.......

Happy Christmas everyone!

For the Op, the advantage of Zoom is you only have 45 minutes unless someone has a full on paid account. Could be a benefit!

Rang my sister up who had originally (back last Jan planning) been going to come down from Aberdeenshire to Cheshire for an extended xmas stay when they announced the Xmas 5 days and said "ok so they've changed the rules" and she was like yeah, nah we are staying at home.

Both happy with that! will probably do a zoom/whatsapp video with them instead.

My brother is planning to move to Canada asap, and nothing about the current crisis has changed his mind. Parents. are getting on in years, which he's never even mentioned - none of the rest of us will be able to afford the air fare to go see him, if it's even possible. Feels like a big F U TBH.

Is that three households?

Grassing.

What if we invite you and there are mince pies and alcohol?

Some of you seem to put yourselves through some shit to meet up with people you clearly don’t even like. I’m with Cougar and Trimix on this one.

As said earlier though it's not that simple.
As it happens won't be seeing the family but if we did my brother would do the conspiracy/argument thing... (not specifically Covid..any conspiracy) but I don't dislike him ... he's just a pain to be around as you're biting your tongue the whole time but then obviously my mum would want him round so as said above "not that simple".

I bloomin love all my family and hers they're very different but its all just goodfun.

I am totally okay with a new type of christmas though. Its going to be chilled. The amount of food in the fridge doesn't seem to have reduced though.

That's life init.

Not that simple.

It’s as simple as you choose to make it in my opinion. Everyone is different though and if you’re happy biting your tongue fair play to you. I just find the whole ‘because it’s family’ argument to be a weak excuse for dealing with people you don’t like or have bugger all in common with.

Then again I had an interesting upbringing that may have created some bias in my view. Not spent Christmas with any of my family (siblings and parents) for fifteen years or more and choose to deal with them on my terms which is not very often. I point blank refuse to get involved in their soap opera bullshit existence. Just glad my wife has a brilliant family for my kids to be around.

Glad Xmas is cancelled for our family this year. It always ends in a drunken argument over different political views as half the family are Northern lefties (my half) and the other half Southern Mogg lovers.

My wife’s family are all great and easy to get along with, except one of her sisters. She’s a total bullshitter and has to be centre of attention, but she’s a loon as well. A wannabe hippy who lives in a static caravan in Portugal. Loves to tell people how she runs a holistic therapy business (she plays at it, my FIL keeps it afloat), that she works hard to send her kids to private school (a - my FIL pays the school fees, b - they only go there because she threw a strop when the state school told her it would be helpful if she could bring the kids to school on time, not halfway through the morning). She’s been sponging off her parents for 20 years now.

My wife and her haven’t spoken since the summer. Our daughter was in ICU with a ruptured liver after an MTB crash. SIL asked my wife to get her a copy of our daughter’s notes so she could look over them and give her “professional opinion” on her treatment. My understandably very stressed wife (an ANP) said no, she asked why, and got told bluntly that it was because she is not a medical professional.

She refuses to speak to my wife until she apologises , which suits us so won’t happen. Although my wife wouldn’t let me send her some magic beans for Christmas, apparently that would be “inflammatory”.

Me .- Home Alone T4
Bro .- Home Alone different T4
Mum , in 'support bullshit bubble' with Sis , except Sis works in a school of 400 plague carrying teens. So Mum and sis are all 'doing xmas' with the powerkite twins , who are just back from Uni ( which is fine as no-one in higher education can possibly carry Covid )

could do with not being laughed at by my colleague , she says stuff without thinking so far I have had to listen to.-
Incel Looser
Nonce ( I said I would have liked a daughter called Tily )
and today .- Xmas dinner for 1 watching Home Alone where you're the star

screw them , Im making a huge plate of pigs in blankets and roast potatoes

singletrackmind
Full Member
Screw them , I'm making a huge plate of pigs in blankets and roast potatoes

Is the correct answer 🙂

My brother is planning to move to Canada asap, and nothing about the current crisis has changed his mind. Parents. are getting on in years, which he’s never even mentioned – none of the rest of us will be able to afford the air fare to go see him, if it’s even possible. Feels like a big F U TBH.

Posting from Melbourne. A definite **** you to one side of our family.
Shame the other side has to suffer but our life is a million times better without the shit.

My brother is planning to move to Canada asap

My brother moved to Auckland about 15 years ago.
It's the best move he and his wife ever made, made mainly for positive job and lifestyle reasons. Some avoidance of family on both sides.
Was it selfish? Yes. Is it wrong? No, you've got to live the life you have and want. I'm jealous if I'm honest.
I'm not sure us moving to other end of UK from family is much less selfish.

My brother is planning to move to Canada asap, and nothing about the current crisis has changed his mind. Parents. are getting on in years, which he’s never even mentioned – none of the rest of us will be able to afford the air fare to go see him, if it’s even possible. Feels like a big F U TBH.

You sound a bit bitter / selfish yourself.

My brother is planning to move to Canada asap, and nothing about the current crisis has changed his mind. Parents. are getting on in years, which he’s never even mentioned – none of the rest of us will be able to afford the air fare to go see him, if it’s even possible. Feels like a big F U TBH.

Why should he live a life based on when his parents may die?

By your logic no-one would move a significant distance from home until their parents are dead and their siblings can afford to travel to their new location.

I’d be pleased for my brother/son/whatever if they moved to Canada.

As I always say to my other half (with her dysfunctional brother), you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.

Weddings, funerals and Christmas Day, the three occasions you can guarantee some form of uproar.

I'm not saying he's doing anything wrong per se, but it still feels shitty.

Thanks for the judgement and criticism though. I thought we were sharing things about our families we find difficult but clearly I shouldn't have bothered.

I’d be pleased for my brother/son/whatever if they moved to Canada.

I'm also pleased for him and I've told him so. It's more about the communication over it TBH.

By your logic no-one would move a significant distance from home until their parents are dead and their siblings can afford to travel to their new location.

Not what I said at all, but you'd think there would be some vague consideration of the fact that it might be an issue. Jeez this place is hard work sometimes.

Compared to some I get in fine with all my folks. Wouldn’t want them all in one room all at the same time mind you, but (to misquote douglas adams) they’re mostly harmless.

Here's a slightly different perspective: Around a dozen years ago, our parents moved from the Highlands to the far south of Ireland. Mostly for the warmer and drier climate (Co Waterford, south of the Knockmealdowns, so fair enough) but also perhaps to escape family... My two sisters & I. We're far from perfect. Only trouble is, big sis then decided to move to Co Waterford, along with her family and some baggage. Oh dear.... Anyway, they're older folks, so are isolating on their large and very rural plot. They seem very happy there!

Meantime, we've cancelled our annual trip to Glasgow to stay at the Mrs' brother with his young family. My other half has agonised over what for me was quite an easy decision. Bro lives in West End Glasgow, cafe brunch, expensive private gym & art lifestyle. The kids are 10 & 13, active in their own communities, so a breeding ground for bugs. We've mailed a box with the kids' presents. Now SiL is upset that we're not going and is apparently arranging for some of their city pals to come and stay anyway. I'd say that this very idea confirms all of my concerns about their not taking the risks and rules seriously enough. Ho hum..

It’s as simple as you choose to make it in my opinion. Everyone is different though and if you’re happy biting your tongue fair play to you. I just find the whole ‘because it’s family’ argument to be a weak excuse for dealing with people you don’t like or have bugger all in common with.

The point is you are doing it because it's family and isn't the whole point of it about others.
Given a non-covid XMAS I'm not going to start laying down the law to my mum about excluding my brother and putting her in an impossible situation.

I'm no longer in touch with my mum and brother over how they behaved toward me after my Dad passed away.

My 2 sons no longer contact or reply to any of my letters.

You can't choose family...

My aunt, however, is like a surrogate mum to me in recent years. She was shut out of my life for years due to my mum's poisonous behaviour.

Some people are horrible and sometimes they're related to you!!

My wife’s sister and BIL ruined Xmas for her the last few years, plus no longer has to deal with her step-mum as we’re now 600 miles north in Scotland! If any of her family think they’ll be spending Xmas with us next year at our new house in Tobermory they can get in the sea! I’ve had little to do with my family for 31 years so little change there.

I get the point, and it’s tempting, but it’s not that simple when multiple parties are involved.

... which is why I deleted my post.

Point kinda stands though, it's not your problem if one of your siblings is a dick. Let them be a dick somewhere else. I blame the parents. (-:

They asked if we would pop over. I told them to f off. Sister No.1 is now sulking!

My BiL think it’s all a hoax

This is where we're at with the GF's sister. She's been told she can't come over for Christmas as previously arranged as my other half is having to self-isolate after a positive virus test from one of the snotty infection vectors at work (a school), the sister is one of these covidiots who thinks it's all a big conspiracy so has taken it personally that we won't break the law. GF was nearly in tears earlier today because the sister is now giving her the silent treatment. "Is she ****ing 12?" is what I didn't say in response, nor "good" for that matter. I think I've grown as a person.

The point is you are doing it because it’s family

For me that’s not even a reason. They’re just people like any others. If you get on with them that’s fine. If you don’t why would you stress and agonise over seeing them. Just makes absolutely no sense to me. Like I said though each to their own.

For me that’s not even a reason. They’re just people like any others. If you get on with them that’s fine. If you don’t why would you stress and agonise over seeing them. Just makes absolutely no sense to me. Like I said though each to their own.

Because then someone else I care for will be upset...

Point kinda stands though, it’s not your problem if one of your siblings is a dick. Let them be a dick somewhere else. I blame the parents. (-:

Except it is, because then someone you love and care for is upset.

the sister is one of these covidiots who thinks it’s all a big conspiracy so has taken it personally that we won’t break the law. GF was nearly in tears earlier today

Point kinda stands though, it’s not your problem if one of your siblings is a dick. Let them be a dick somewhere else. I blame the parents. (-:

Could well be why 75% of my siblings moved abroad...

I fear for my kids, they already have 2 half sisters, two step sisters & are due to gain 3 step brothers next year.

Half (if not more) of our COVID problems are down to people doing the best thing for them and sod the rest of us. The ability demonstrate empathy and acting for the good of the whole would do us all good.

This is why we suffer the relatives at Christmas we need to be the change we want to see in life. Running away and hiding is not very adult.

Having said all that a Christmas at home with just Mrs Sandwich has been a long term aim. Job done and we'll get back to a family intense experience when we're able and I will bite my tongue and let it wash over me.

Except it is, because then someone you love and care for is upset.

Agreed, it's not always so easy as we'd like it to be. My wife and mum properly hate each other, but they are civil when they have to be because they both care about me.

This is why we suffer the relatives at Christmas we need to be the change we want to see in life. Running away and hiding is not very adult.

You choose to suffer? The change I sought was less of my family, mission accomplished. In my opinion the adult thing to do would be to realise that some relationships aren’t worth the energy and time taken when nothing is gained from doing so. Would you stay in a broken marriage, a job you hated?