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[Closed] Falling in love - with the "wrong" person

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[#10987379]

OK, STW, lets have your "i fell for an completely inappropriate person and it was a total disaster" stories to make me feel better, as i'm claiming a world record here, having just had a bit of a "head of heals" moment for a woman nearly half my age, who lives 6250 miles away from me......

(it's not a mid liufe crisis i promise......)

#oldenoughtoknowbetter 😉


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:46 pm
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Louise?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:48 pm
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... as i’m claiming a world record here, having just had a bit of a “head of heals” moment for a woman nearly half my age, who lives 6250 miles away from me……

You sure you have not been asked to send some money over yet or asked to redeem some inheritance?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:49 pm
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lol no, she's not called louise!

(or indeed brian.... 😉


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:51 pm
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Buzzcocks did a song about that


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:51 pm
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Orgasm Addict?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:56 pm
 MSP
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Orgasm Addict?

With a webcam, let the blackmail commence!


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:58 pm
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Why is she wrong, wrong place, wrong time maybe but she is right.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 4:59 pm
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Even if she's emigrated, it's still illegal to enter into relations with your own sister.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 5:01 pm
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I find it hard to comprehend falling love with someone 6250 miles away. Sounds like lust to me.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 5:14 pm
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I generally find it hard to comprehend falling in love with someone at all, irrespective of distance, which is what made it something of a suprise to me as well!


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 5:26 pm
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#luvyoushorttimetakethemoneyandruninitforthepassport


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 5:27 pm
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Why is she wrong,

Shes half his age but the Op neglects to say how old he is 🙂


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:12 pm
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Well, hopefully he's older than 31 or we have an issue.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:16 pm
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6250 miles away from me……

That's only six hours on clear roads, provided you make progress properly. 🙂


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:18 pm
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Sounds like a cathexis to me - or put it another way, an object of desire. Or as above, ‘lust’.

Define ‘love’ please OP. And how are you with the thought of starting a family? At your age? 😉

Either way, she’s more than likely got father /paternal issues, hence the possible attraction for an older man.

Fill yer boots but don’t commit yourself, would be my strategy/advice.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:39 pm
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it’s not a mid liufe crisis i promise……

where's that chinny reckon pic when you need it 🙂

no,no, this one is really speshul etc.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:48 pm
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That’s only six hours on clear roads

You would want to be pretty sure she was DTF before you set off.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 6:55 pm
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If that's e.g. Canada, then it's a win win if you visit. My wife lived in Auckland for 2 years before we were married (we got engaged whilst she was still living there though, and I was in the UK). I had 2 great trips there, got to see her obvs but also did tours of N and S islands. Some special memories. As for the age thing, if you click then you click, there are lots of great relationships between older and younger partners, plus some bad ones, but you could say the same thing where the ages are similar.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:29 pm
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The acceptable age difference formula is:
(your age / 2) + 7.

If she is this age or older then it's all fair. Under this age you are a bit tragic.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:41 pm
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Yes, but what about you and Mia Farrow?

Hypocrite!


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:42 pm
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You would want to be pretty sure she was DTF before you set off.

David Taylforth?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:45 pm
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On holiday in Thailand now this thread! You're in lust! No fool like and old fool but that's only another way of saying "oldenoughtoknowbetter ". I hope you're over 30 😉


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:46 pm
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David Taylforth?

Getting a lovelorn STWer to travel six thousand miles would be his finest troll ever.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:47 pm
 hels
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I have two questions about this:

1. Have you met this person and know that they aren't a fat beardy Russian bloke?

2. Franksinatra does that rule apply if you are a female person? Or does the usual double standard apply?

Thanks


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 7:48 pm
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I find it hard to comprehend falling love with someone 6250 miles away. Sounds like lust to me.

Lust? You can't be properly sexually attracted to someone over the internet. You can however fall in love easily with the right person because all you can do is talk, and that's the basis of a sound relationship. If you talk long enough you know someone's right for you.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 8:34 pm
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-


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 8:42 pm
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Not much help for the OP here yet!

I can't help either, but it made me remember the entertainment of this STW relationship thread:

https://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/help-needed-getting-out-of-the-friend-zone/

Might help, might not. 🙂


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 9:03 pm
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Classic DTF 👌


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 9:03 pm
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I ❤️ DTF


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 9:09 pm
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I can see why a fella might fall for DTF, laughing you into bed and all that.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 9:25 pm
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I thought 20% age gap was the accepted norm for stable relationships.
So when you are 30 its +/- 6years , 40 +/- 8 years , 50 +/- 10 years etc
As you grow older your range increases , I suppose you change less as well.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 10:49 pm
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OK, you still beat me but I'm on 4702 miles, a 15 year age gap, and I'm totally in love. I'd have called bullshit if anyone had told me this a couple a years ago, but there it is. As long as you don't go bankrupt buying plane tickets or do anything stupid like getting married and leaving yourself open to having your assets claimed by someone who isn't what you thought they were, what's the problem? Grab happiness where you find it, be grateful for it, if it doesn't work out, be grateful for what you had.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:02 pm
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We know how roughly how old the OP is so his young Thai bridde to be maybe is definitely young enough to be his daughter.

Still, whatever you feel comfortable with OP. It must have been quite a diving holiday. It's a cross cultural morality issue for me so I wouldn't go there in either sense. Young Thai brides are brought up by rural Chinese for a few thousand dollars and are easy picking for rich white men from around the the world. You can look at it from a positive point of view if you think they go to better lives or from a negaitive point of view if you think they are being ripped out of their culture and soiciety in a form of thinly disguised prostitution. All for you to meditate OP. Who am I to judge?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:09 pm
 emsz
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Loves a bitch, you fall in love, and she's ****s off to uni, but y'know eventually you might if you're lucky manage to end up in a cottage together...don't ask me BTW, I've no idea, but that **** for rich parents right?

Chase it, you only live once, and what's the worst that can happen?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:11 pm
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You can’t be properly sexually attracted to someone over the internet.

ive been told by a friend that there’s quite a few websites where this is indeed possible.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:14 pm
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‘Head of heals’? WTF? ‘Head over heels’ perhaps?


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:15 pm
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Where shall I ‘kin start? 😖


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:18 pm
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The acceptable age difference formula is:
(your age / 2) + 7.

That would make me at 47 and a 30yr old be ok. Whilst I can see the obvious short term possible physical positives (for me obvs) here she'd have to be a pretty odd 30 year old for it to work.

My cousins' ex husband got together with one of his daughter's best friends. Moved in and she has just had a baby with him. 47 and 23. And he'd have known her as as pre teen growing up with his daughter. No no no.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:20 pm
 TedC
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Wreckless Eric to the forum please!


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:21 pm
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what’s the worst that can happen?

He gets called out on a diving rescue and makes some disparaging comments about Elon Musk's submarine.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:23 pm
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Not quite falling in love but I just got out of a comedy disaterous relationship about a month before Christmas.

Makes me cringe what a fool I was.

We were kinda seeing each other for about 2 months.

Met in the pub (first red flag there).
She likes a drink and so do I, we get on really well, met her friends, all OK.
Got a bit sexual! All OK so far..
Then the ghosting started.. Arrange to meet up, agreed then stood up.
Que apologies that she's out with work mates etc. When we'd already agreed to meet.

A drunken call saying she loved me.

Another big red flag but gave her the benefit of doubt again.

Had a candid conversation about things but the same pattern repeated.

I then saw she had gotten her nose periced randomly on Facebook, looked OK but her comment on social media was 'mid life crisis part 2'.

I can only assume I was mid life crisis part 1.

We then basically 'broke up' even though we weren't really together in the first place but dumb ass me had emotional investment by this point. She was cute and very charismatic.

A week or so after she turns up at my local drinking hole (looking for attention I guess)
I kinda ignore her but end up talking..

Just polite conversation.

Then she kept turning up randomly as she knew I go to this particular pub for an after work pint.
I got a bit ansy about the way she was and suggested there's plenty of other pubs she can go to without bothering me (this is in a city so there's no reason to keep bothering me).
She told me to grow up and blocked me on social media. OK whatever.

Anyway, she was basically a sociopath.

I should know better as I'm in my 40s, so it wasn't a pleasant experience.

TLDR: I should be old enough to spot this crap but put up with it as my eyes got all starry.

Foot note: she wasn't even called Louise!


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:57 pm
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makes some disparaging comments about Elon Musk’s submarine.

I heard it was only a mini-sub, if you know what I mean.


 
Posted : 02/01/2020 11:59 pm
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2. Franksinatra does that rule apply if you are a female person? Or does the usual double standard apply?

The rule works irrespective of gender.


 
Posted : 03/01/2020 12:47 am
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A former colleague is a good 25 years older than his second wife - two kids from his first marriage in their 30s and two kids just starting secondary school.

A friend of MrsMC was 45 when she married a guy in his early 70s. They'd known each other for years, and they are great for each other. But every time we meet up I have to fight the urge to go all Mrs Merton and ask her what first attracted her to the millionaire philanthropist 😄


 
Posted : 03/01/2020 6:48 am
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