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Always worth another listen though jaffejoffer 😆
Bastard Internet
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My favourite - and it works 😉
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Worked great when a french girl asked me - "do you mand slipping weeve me?"
but no matter how hard I've tried "veux tu se couchez avec moi" just never seems to cut the mustard 😕
"Can I shit on your chest?" Not one of mine but apparently it had a higher success rate than you'd think!
Empty pub on quiz night - "Can we sit here, there's nowhere else to sit?" Quiz night is a massive obvious bonus!
"What's your mates name? She's fit as ****!" Women are jealous...
"Are you as good in bed as Leanne?" Friend of a "friend".
Written on a piece of paper (back of a till receipt if you're in Sainsbury's!) and handed to the lucky lady:
Date?
Yes = smile
No = backflip
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Now get in the van
"I'd love to give your Sigourney Weaver some attention"
Said by some Essex get to a six foot, perfect 10, redheaded lass in Edinburgh.
She was loving the accent.. WTF!!... So I believe the essex boy was laying the Mockney on a little think.
I had a friend who worked for parcel force a good looking lad who would sleep with several woman every week.
He said he had no secret, he said when I see a woman I like I say hello and ask them if they fancied a shag.
I said that worked, he said percentage wise, no, but he would ask 100s of women a week.
And he said there is no shame in a knock back and if you don't make any calls you won't make any sales.
And you would be surprised at the woman that took him up on his offer as no one else would know, and said you had a better chance with a woman if they thought that they could have no strings sex without it damaging their reputation.
I've seen this one go down a treat in a, err, documentary once:
<KNOCK KNOCK>
Her <opens front door>: Hello?
Him: I've come to fix your cable TV.
The documentaries you speak of used to have a story line, a beginning a middle and an end, an end which normally ended with audible noises that both parties had arrived.
Then they decided to do away with the plot completely and just replace them with a compilation of the action scenes.
But felt that to be able to cut from one action scene to another they had to underline the previous scene was finished. Thus the external money shot was born.
You learn something new everyday.
I have an absolute 100% success rate with "I was just wondering how bad an idea would it be to hit on you?" or variations thereof. To the point that I'm now afraid to use it ever again in case it doesn't work and ruins the run. Only really works with someone you know a bit, rather than total strangers though
scruff9252 - MemberThe classic from HEBS.
Seemed to work for him, he ended up in Band of Brothers
I thought the best way was to catch their eye, look away and then back again, smile, walk over and just start speaking. Saw it on TV once so it must work !
I honestly don't think I have ever used a chat-up line. I had zero interest from women when younger, so never dared.
Or if you find yourself catching the eye of someone at a club, smile and move somewhere else when they look away.
And watch to see if they look towards where you were standing and then scan the room when they see you are no longer there.
Also seen on the tele. 😀
I had a reputation with barmaids completely accidental.
I would go to a pub in the afternoon when it was very quiet armed with a newspaper and sit at the bar reading it.
I would then spend the afternoon discussing current affairs with the otherwise unoccupied barmaid.
And would end up tipsey in her bed.
now I am no longer young and handsome I doubt it would work.
TBH I wasn't feeling the vibe
They write themselves sometimes, don't they.
On a train to Manchester once, a Perfect 10 sat opposite me. I was reading the Times so it was a simple job to gaze at her over the top of the pages. We caught eye contact a couple of times... She blushed... She was beautiful.
I was getting off at Oxford Road, I guessed she was carrying on to the airport as she had a suitcase.
I got to the crossword page and started filling it in... I spent a bit of time making it look good - all the words crossing and joining in the correct fashion:
"I'M GATSBY, YOU'RE PERFECT. CALL ME. 07123 456790."
When I got off the train, I smiled and pushed the newspaper across the table, knowing that nobody can see an unfinished crossword without completing it.
I hadn't got as far as the Corner House when I got the text...
"I knew you were an arrogant bastard the moment I sat down. In Italy for next 4 weeks, call me when I get back".
I never did call her, didn't want to ruin a perfect relationship. 😉
G
I think Matt Berry has all bases covered in these clips.
Matt Berry =Funny 😆
Admittedly these are supposed to be good ones, but I don't know any.
Used on me a couple of years ago..
"You're only mildly attractive, but I find you fascinating. Fancy a blowjob?"
'A bit of a backhanded compliment, but an offer's an offer' you may think.
Unfortunately, I appear to be catnip to middle-aged homosexuals. In this case a portly, accordion playing busker I'd got chatting to in the local 'spoons. He seemed genuinely upset when I politely declined, bless him.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
I once caught a girls eye across the club then stuck my tongue out at her. It actually worked!
Yeah, but not every one has an eight inch tongue.
One of my exs came up to me in a club and just said 'I saw you from across the room, I think you are gorgeaus' It worked, but she was a b**ch and it didnt last long.
You could use a negliment or a negative compliment. Like 'your hair would look better up' but this is for the overly confident for one nighters.
I never did call her, didn't want to ruin a perfect relationship.
You didn't have her number 😀
When I was 19 on a trip to Barcelona some girl from my art foundation course came up to me on a night out and said..."take me back and shag me". It was the 90's so people still said shag back then.
I did and we ended up going out. She was a super loon. The kind that would bang her head against a wall repeatedly if I said I was going to meet friends that weekend.
I escaped to uni but only just.
You didn't have her number
You know when someone texts you? That's their phone number that is...
Sounds like you might struggle with the Times crossword as much as me Euro! 😆
G
a mate used to just go up to groups of girls in bars, clap his hands together and say "Who's up for some casual sex then?"
he got quite a lot of casual sex. he also got told to **** off a lot....
You know when someone texts you? That's their phone number that is...
It's pretty obvious now some smart arse has pointed it out 😳
Sounds like you might struggle with the Times crossword as much as me Euro!
I'm more of a dot to dot kinda guy.
Haha, sorry Euro, couldn't resist! 😆
G
Surely just stroking your beard and saying "Yes that's my steel,rigid , single speed outside" should work, shouldn't it?
A friend's chat up line.
Him: Would shag me for £1?
Her: No!
Him: Would you shag me for £1,000,000?
Her: Yes!!
Him: Now we've established what you are, let's haggle.
It didn't go as planned.
There's a chap on here that I'm good friends with who has a breathtaking way with the ladies. Never for himself, mind. Every single time I've been out with him there has been at least one stunning lady approached by him and brought back to our table to talk to me. All because I once mentioned that I had a thing for redheads. Doesn't matter to him that I'm married, or that I've been with my wife for three years longer than the eight I've known him.
He's literally unbelievably good, and like a true master he won't give up his secret either. If only I'd known him in my early Uni days...
I once told an Aussie girl she danced like a chicken, derogatory but funny worked very well 😀
[quote=badllama said]I once told an Aussie girl she danced like a chicken, derogatory but funny worked very well
I guess you had to be there 🙂
You should have offered her an Aussie kiss... Like a French kiss but down under...
Or you could have invited her to see your penal colony...
So many wasted opportunities.
G
I opened, in a club, with "Your hair's a mess, I like it." It worked and we were seeing each other for a couple of months.
A guy I knew was so good looking & cool (without being a dick) he didn't even need chat up lines, he just did 'that look' & a quick 'come with me' twitch of his head & that was it.
****.
Friend of a friend of a friend story but I had it on good authority as true.
An ex rugby player of independent means would apply for house/flat shares in the fulham/Chelsea area that were advertised by bubbly girls called Jocasta or Tiggy and go for a viewing/interview if he liked what he saw he would say he wanted the room but then call the next day and say he had taken another room with a friend from work but I feel after meeting you and chatting that we have a real connection and haven't stopped thinking about you since i walked out of your flat. His hit rate was about 60%
Egf - I knew a bloke like that. We nicknamed him the pied piper...he just had to smile at them and they'd follow, giggling like daft kids. He had a different woman everynight, but had to move when they started bumping into one another outside his house!!!
A friend's chat up line.
Him: Would shag me for £1?
Her: No!
Him: Would you shag me for £1,000,000?
Her: Yes!!
Him: Now we've established what you are, let's haggle.It didn't go as planned.
Variation on that, a friemd at uni had last night takings from a clubnight we were involved in running in a sportsbag, sat down next to the best looking girl in his law lecture and asked her, would she sleep with him for £30k? Followed by opening the bag filled with bundled notes. Apparently she got quite up for it and wouldnt let it drop even when he'd said he was joking!
Words are SO unnecessary!!
For the Womanizer, Success breeds Success: the more women he has had, the more attractive he is to the fairer sex in general.